Harry Potter and the Wrath of Jashin
Summary: Yes, that's right, I'm alive! I'm real! Hi! More info on that at the end; for now, this the long-awaited, non-WoJ-canon omake requested by my 1,000th reviewer for this fic, Beyogi! :D Also, this omake alone has outright NagatoKonan for a total of one paragraph. So yeah. That's a thing.
SHE'S ALIIIIIIVE! ! ! Special, Part 1:
"No doubt exists that all women are crazy;
It's only a question of degree."
-W. C. Fields
The pain was so incredibly agonizing. He had never felt anything like it! It was burning, ruthless, horrifying—was someone stabbing him?! Was he feeling some sort of centralized torture curse?! What was happening to his body!?
"What the hell, seriously, Jashin-sama," groaned Hidan as he slumped and glared at his God, "it can't be that bad, seriously!"
An inhuman snarl leapt from Harry's throat and a bright purple curse sailed directly where Hidan's head had been a moment before. Hidan, for his part, was hardly cowering at all in the face of Harry's wrath. (By "hardly cowering" I mean "totally cowering", of course.)
"DON'T YOU DARE TELL ME IT'S NOT THAT BAD!" the young wizard shouted before his face scrunched with pain and he fell back on the bed. A whimper escaped Harry and he curled in on himself, clutching desperately at his lower stomach. "Oh, God…what did I do to deserve this…? I've tried to be good, I've helped a bunch of people…I mean, I've been helping a group of murderers, but we all make mistakes, right…? Right?!"
Hidan yelped and flailed when Harry suddenly burst into tears. "I'm sorry!" wailed he, curling up even farther as he jolted violently at the sudden flash of pain. "Whatever I did, I'm sorry! REALLY! ! !"
Flailing even more, Hidan dodged in place, debating whether to comfort his Jashin or run screaming from the room. Harry apparently made the decision for him when he shouted, suddenly angry again:
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU STILL DOING HERE?! GO! LEAVE! I DEMANDED CHOCOLATE TWENTY MINUTES AGO! ! WHY AREN'T YOU GONE ALREADY!? ! !"
The Jashinist was out the door before the last word escaped Harry, slamming it shut behind him and leaning against it with wide, horrified eyes. Having been standing outside the door, Deidara was clearly torn between overwhelming amusement and equal horror.
"What the hell is wrong with him, un?" whispered Deidara. Hidan sucked in a breath, glanced once around the hallway, then leaned in close to whisper to Deidara the word no man ever wanted to hear:
"Jashin-sama is on her period."
Within his—er, her room, the newly-gender-swapped Jashin-sama moaned in pain. He—She!—swore then and there to never again doubt the overwhelming power of a woman. No man would ever be able to stand this horror!
Meanwhile, down the hall, a very awkward conversation was going on between Nagato and the now-male Konan. A very awkward conversation. Because Nagato was 90% sure he was straight, yet Konan was a guy, but Nagato still loved, er, him…
(Far away, a single Entity was laughing uproariously at the newest situation It had stuck Its favorite Avatar into. Witches and wizards be warned: Magic really had a sick sense of humor.)
-Part 1: END-
-Wrath of Jashin-
Summary: Jashin-sama is fragile, compared to them. So He must be protected! (The differences between "protecting" and "stalking" is often unnoticed/ignored by S-Class ninja.)
SHE'S ALIIIIIIVE! ! ! Special, Part 2:
"God wants spiritual fruit,
not religious nuts…"
Harry didn't notice anything wrong, at first. He just went about his days wandering through Amegakure, exploring the new area, meeting the people and just being normal. Or as normal as he could be, considering he was Harry Potter the Master of Death/Man-Who-Triumphed/Jashin.
The point being that Harry was just going about his days when he suddenly noticed something…unsettling. Namely that there was a muffled magical signature that kept popping up everywhere he did.
Now, despite the many attempts on his life by many different people in both the worlds he had resided in, Harry didn't consider himself particularly paranoid. The first day he noticed this signature he simply put it down as coincidence.
The second day, he was a bit unsettled, but ignored it.
The fourth day, he found himself jumping whenever someone spoke to him without warning.
The seventh day, he had developed what felt like a permanent twitch in his left eye.
The eighth day, Harry finally snapped and whirled on his heel to glare in the general direction of the signature.
"STOP FOLLOWING ME!" he screamed, voice cracking a bit.
Around him, the many people of Amegakure paused to turn and stare at the Jashin that had, until that point, been a perfectly normal bloke. But now their supposedly normal non-ninja "god" (some were starting to question the label) was…shouting at an alley cat to stop following him?
Even Harry sweatdropped at that, standing in the middle of the street, staring into the golden eyes of the cat that stared back at him. Eventually the cat pranced off and the streets of Amegakure began moving again.
"Maybe I should lay off the caffeinated tea," muttered Harry to himself, slumping before he slowly made his way back to the Tower. A nap sounded really good right about then…
Standing in the shadow of the alleyway the cat had fled into, a figure let out an almost inaudible sigh of relief as the God moved on. Deidara muttered to himself about disguising his signature better as he followed his Jashin, eyes sharp and on the lookout for any threats even on supposedly friendly streets. There was no way he would let anything happen to Him, not if he could help it! Even if Jashin-sama ended up losing His mind from paranoia, it would be worth it to make sure He was safe!
(Back at the Tower, Hidan felt a disturbance and wondered who had taken up his title as "craziest overprotective zealot" for the moment before shrugging and going back to his bloody prayer to Jashin-sama. So what if Jashin-sama was with him? That was no reason to fall behind~)
-Part 2: END-
MKL's Post-Production Notes (9-24-13): Oh, wow. Oh wow. I just…wow. You guys. You've made me cry tears of joy so many times since the last time I typed at you! All the well-wishes, the advice, the reassurances and cheer…you guys are seriously the best reviewers/followers a writer could ever ask for!
So, what you really care about (other than the fun pieces above, of course, haha~), an update on the story's status. And I guess my own, too, since…y'know…they're kinda related.
Basically, life has begun to look up once again. Dad is stable on his meds, I've got a steady job, I'm preparing for schooling once more in the spring. I moved across the country a few months back and have finally settled in with that. My little brother's starting to cause a bit of a hiccup, but he's doing okay enough that it's not interfereing. Really, at this point, two things are holding me back:
One, I am currently in mourning. My wonderful, beautiful grandmother just died a few weeks ago, right when life was starting to look normal again, and my world was rocked once more. I'm slowly recovering but the keyword here is "slowly". It's at the point now, though, where I just have to push through it and move on as best I can. So yeah.
Two (and much more mundane)…lack of motivation/laziness. Once I get out of the swing of things, I lose interest rapidly—but that's what these omakes were for! Not only to reassure you all I'm alive but also to get those creative juices flowing! I'm putting a time restraint on myself, too: By the end of the first week of October (ie. Saturday the 5th), I will have the next chapter posted. It shall be done! This is a vow to you guys and myself! 'Course, don't be surprise if it shows up at exactly 11:59 that day or something…but anyway. We should all be able to enjoy a new chapter—theoretically before then.
Anyway, thanks once again, everyone, for everything you've done. In the meantime, if you need some MKL-style bites, some of you may have noticed I've begun a series titled "MKL's Dusty Bookshelf". There's a HP one ("The Restricted Section"), a Naruto one ("Konoha Files"), and new tonight we have a KH/FF one ("The NEW Secret Reports")! Dat naming scheme, eh? ;) Anyway, they're mostly old stuff, but feel free to check it out anyway. Worse that could happen is that you hate it, right? Haha~ Also, while you're at it, check out the latest poll on my profile. It's an updated version of the last one wherein the top 11 choices in my old poll make a return! What do YOU GUYS want me to work on when the rapidly-approaching end of WoJ arrives!? Remember, if you don't vote, you can't complain about what ends up winning! xD
Meanwhile, I'm heading to bed. Goodnight~!