Title: World of Pretend
Word Count: 1,566
Warnings: This was written for hp_emofest on livejournal and as such is very 'emo' with a warning is for suicidal feelings.
Disclaimer: The characters depicted herein belong JK Rowling and associated publishers. I make no profit from this endeavour.
Author's Notes (A/N): Thank you to singlemomsummer for the beta.
Summary: There's a reason why Harry can't tell Draco the truth.
Harry hated the Ministry Christmas Ball. Every year he was wheeled out like some kind of trophy for everyone to stare at and he'd rather be anywhere but there.
Especially when he saw that Draco Malfoy was present. He knew he was staring, that people might notice, but how could he not? It had been six months since he'd last seen Draco in the flesh, four years since he'd defended him at the trials, and four and a half years since he'd last had a pleasant conversation with the man; so many milestones all worth absolutely nothing.
"Still unable to take your eyes off me, Potter?" Draco hissed into his ear, taking advantage of Harry's momentary distraction when he'd ducked behind a statue to avoid being introduced to yet another eligible witch by one of his well-meaning friends. They all wondered why he never dated, why he never seemed interested and tried to fix that by throwing women in his path on an almost daily basis. He didn't wantanyone; if he couldn't have the person he loved then he'd rather be alone.
"I don't know what you mean, Malfoy," Harry replied calmly, belying his inner turmoil, resisting the urge to reach out and grab Draco by the folds of his cloak and yank him in close; to press his lips against his, back Draco against the wall and- He shook his head to shake the thoughts free. He could smell Draco's scent and it was like being thrust back in time to those blissful few weeks when he'd thought that they'd be together forever.
"Still pretending like you don't want me then, Potter? How terribly tedious."
Harry glanced around him, checking that no one was watching, which they weren't as he had been trying to hide after all – he grabbed Draco's arm and dragged him through the nearest door, which led to a small office, and waving a hand, locked the door.
"What do you want, Malfoy?"
"What do you think I want, Potter? You, over that desk, with my cock in your arse, the sooner the better."
Harry swallowed, wishing that right now his prick wasn't swelling with need. He licked his lips, trying to formulate his rejection. Draco didn't wait that long, crowding into Harry, pushing him back against the wall with his lips on his, his tongue seeking entrance and finding it. Harry never had been able to resist Draco. He moaned at the contact, shivering at his sudden lack of clothing when Draco muttered a spell. Was this what he had been hoping for when he'd dragged Malfoy in here?
Yes, it of course it was.
"I haven't got time for pleasantries," Draco said, turning Harry round and pushing him towards the desk. "My wife will be wondering where I've got to soon."
Harry faced the desk, palms flat, his head bent. Draco's wife; he'd heard about the marriage of course – had spent that day getting spectacularly drunk - but he hadn't met her; he never wanted to either.
As much as he hated the faceless woman, Draco mentioning her did nothing to quell his desire. He was already so turned on it physically hurt.
Draco's finger slid into his arse, and with another muttered spell, cold and tingly inside him, he felt the head of Draco's cock begin to breach him. He pushed back, hard, wanting Draco inside him where he belonged, wanting to be filled. "Come on then, Malfoy, what are you waiting for?"
It was hard, fast and painful and Harry couldn't get enough. He needed this. Draco was still fully clothed behind him and Harry liked the feel of the fabric against his bare skin. Draco gripped his hips tightly and thrust deep, over and over and Harry but his lip, refusing to cry out his pain, his pleasure, his love. When he felt his orgasm rise he was still untouched, but then Draco had always managed to fuck him to orgasm without once touching his prick.
He collapsed forward on to the desk, Draco still grinding into him, "Harry, Harry – Merlin – my heart."
Harry froze. "What did you just call me?" He twisted his head to look over his shoulder
He didn't get an answer though; Draco's orgasm took him then, eyes closed, his face contorting with bliss as Harry felt his warmth fill him.
"What did you just call me?" Harry repeated feeling suddenly cold. He wriggled free and reached for his clothes.
Draco didn't look at him as he zipped himself up. Guilt was stamped on every feature.
"You remember," Harry whispered.
Grey eyes met his briefly, full of pain, before looking away.
"Obliviate doesn't work on me, Potter. Crazy Aunt Bella showed me how to block it before I turned sixteen."
Oh Merlin. "So why did you pretend-?"
"Why wouldn't I? You wanted me to forget what we were to one another! You wanted to wipe away my proposal like it never happened! What the hell would you have me do? You regretted us; you wanted our relationship wiped out."
"It wasn't like that." His time with Draco had been the best few weeks of Harry's life, floating in the post war bubble that was full of both grief and elation, meeting Draco to give him back his wand and falling hard for the man he had become. He should have known it could never last.
"No? So tell me what was it like?"
Harry did up the top button on his trousers and scanned the floor for his shirt, stalling for time. That that was a question he could answer. Instead he said, "All this time – when we're at these things-" He waved his hand in the air – functions, parties, conferences; hell, even in the coffee shop one time – "-this happens. Why?"
"I might hate you with my last breath, Potter, but you're still the best fuck I ever had. If you're willing then I'm going to take what's on offer; I'm only human." Draco handed Harry his shirt, and as Harry took it their eyes met. Draco's burned with something Harry had never seen before, but it turned his stomach. "As you're clearly not going to answer my question, I'll be taking my leave – I don't like to leave Astoria for long, not when she's pregnant."
Harry's gasp was lost in the swish of Draco's robes as he left the room. Draco's wife was pregnant? How could that hurt as much as it did? He'd long ago given up any claim on Draco's heart, Pansy Parkinson had seen to that.
He collapsed onto the floor as Draco left. Wife. Pregnant. Obliviate doesn't work… Fuck. All this time and Draco had known. Every time they had bumped into one another, each time they'd fucked, Harry desperate to take what he could get of Draco – Draco had known.
Harry regretted it now more than ever. He should never have let Draco go; but he'd been stupidly drunk, tricked into it by Pansy's scheming. Pansy who had, with hindsight, so clearly had designs on becoming Mrs Draco Malfoy. Potter, his family will disown him if he marries you, he'll lose everything… Don't you want Draco to be happy? He'll never be happy without his family… Do you really think he won't resent you if he gives it all up for you?
The bitch had got to him; he'd found out later that she's cast a Credulus on him making him gullible, but it was too late; that, combined with the alcohol had been his doom and he'd made an Unbreakable Vow. He would end it with Draco by the end of the following day and never tell him why.
When he was sober, he'd tried to find Pansy to get out of it; she was conveniently missing and as time moved on, the pain in his head got worse. He'd had no other choice. He'd Obliviated Draco, wiped out the last few weeks other than the handing back of the wand.
At least he'd thought he had. The Vow had been happy with his actions; and it wasn't acting up now that the truth was out, probably because the end result remained and Draco was still in the dark as to whyHarry had done it.
Harry's only consolation in any of this was that Draco had not married Pansy.
That, and that he still got to have a small piece of Draco every now and then.
Draco was about to become a father and Harry couldn't let this continue.
He gathered himself together, cast a grooming charm to straighten himself up, and sidled out of the room. The first person he saw was Draco, his arm around a pretty blonde who had to be his wife, her small baby bump starting to show. His eyes met Draco's and for a moment neither man looked away.
Harry forced a smile, his heart breaking at what he had lost; he couldn't even tell Draco why he had done it. He had to get out of there, he couldn't bear it. Draco could never be his again, he'd fucked everything up; and Draco's awareness of what he'd done changed everything. What was the point in carrying on? What was the point in anything anymore?
He inclined his head at Draco, silently telling him 'goodbye'. He knew now what he had to do.