For the wonderful Skibalovesya. The idea is hers. The stupid execution is all mine.

Welcome to Crack Alley A.K.A Hot Girls, Man

"So what did Angie say after that?" Zack bit the nail on his pinkie finger. He was on the edge of his seat. He wanted to know how the story ended and Sephiroth needed to hurry up. He was worried about Jenny! That last comment had been low.

"Hmm?" Sephiroth looked up from his paperwork, having seemingly forgotten that he was in the middle of an epic tale. "Oh. That Jenny needed a new apple pie now."

"What the hell!" Zack shouted, leaping up. "How could Angie do that? You don't eat someone's pie! Ever! That's like number 417 in the friendship manual. No. Eating. The. Gods. Damned. Pie!"

Zack flopped back down in his chair, shaking his head. Sephiroth didn't seem to care. Actually, he hadn't even moved and was looking at Zack with an expression of light annoyance, mixed with more than a little fondness. "So," Zack said, leaning forward. "What do these lovely friends of your look like?"

That got him to set down his pen. Sephiroth pondered the question for a moment. "Well, Angie is rather fit, very health conscious, with shoulder length black hair and a rather unusual shade of gray eyes. Jenny is much more feminine, softer, with red hair and blue eyes, which is a somewhat strange combination. I was led to believe that most redheads had green eyes…"

Sephiroth trailed off and Zack whistled lowly. "Bet they're smokin'."

"Jenny smokes."

Zack rolled his eyes. "I meant hot, man, gorgeous, beautiful, all that other stuff."

Sephiroth smiled and nodded slowly. "They are very pleasing to the eye."

Gods, Zack wanted to meet them. If Sephiroth thought they were hot they were probably drop dead fuckin' gorgeous. His imagination was going into over drive, picturing smooth, long legs and soft hands, running over wet lips, teasing him, just waiting to—

Fingers snapped in front of his face and he jumped. Sephiroth was staring down at him. "Let's go to lunch," he said, motioning to Zack to get his ass up.

Zack's face flushed and he jumped up, tugging on his pants before throwing Sephiroth a brilliant smile and following him out.

They were waiting for the elevator when Sephiroth glanced over his shoulder and smiled. "Ah, here they come now."

"Who?" Zack asked. Shit, he was hungry, hopefully the mess would have something edible; maybe some biscuits or even some chicken with those little red-

"Angie and Jenny."

Zack's head snapped up and he jerked around. "What. The fuck!"

"Zack," Angeal snapped, shooting a glare at his apprentice. "Language."

"Angie, your puppy is getting rather out of control."

"He is, but you don't need to comment on it, Genny."

"Seph!" Zack yelped, latching onto the man's coat. "What is going on?"

Sephiroth eyed the young man, arching one silver eyebrow. "We are going to lunch, Zackary."

"Zack," he corrected automatically. "Sephiroth. Where are all the hot women!"

"Women? Where?" Genesis set his hand on Zack's shoulder, interest clear in his voice and Zack slapped him away.

"We were just talking about-about- Oh, gods." Zack groaned, sinking to the floor. "Oh, gods, why?"

The three Firsts knelt around the, clearly distressed, younger man. "Zack? Is everything alright?" Angeal asked.

Zack shook his head. "No," he whined. "No, it's-it's…eurgh!"

"What's wrong?" Sephiroth gave his head an awkward pat, not at all sure why his young friend was making those sounds and acting like someone had kicked him.

When Zack looked up his face was red and he lips were twisted into a grimace. "I just imagined you naked."

End. Happy New Year! Ah-hah, kicked puppy. I'm fuckin' hilarious.