Ranma-chan, the Cat

~Noy Telinú~

Warning: walls hurt. Don't try to run through them. You're not Superman, you know…

Caution: impending cuteness!

Notice: that I, the Text, am not responding to reviews. I iz sad. But, that's because no one said I should in the reviews… oh well… whatever. No one guessed anything right though, so there's that.

You have been warned….

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IIII III: A wild Shampoo appears

"Uh… oh…" Ranma gulped at the sight.

The music at the shop just so happened play the Pokémon battle theme. Because it's funny that way.

{So…} Shampoo spoke in her native tongue as she stepped forward slowly, grinning the whole time, {I have finally found you, Wild Horse Rice-Planting Girl.}

The pigtailed girl picked up the table she was at and threw it at Shampoo.



The table was deflected and crashed against another wall.

Ice cream shop patrons froze in fear as the staff hid.

{Now I'll… Great.} Shampoo frowned as Ranma disappeared.

Akane squirmed in her seat as Shampoo approached her.

"Where Ranma go?" Shampoo asked, leveling her mace at Akane.

The blue-haired girl pointed out the hole through which Shampoo entered.

{Sneaky little… I'll get you…} Shampoo swore as she ran back out through the hole.

Akane sighed in relief and looked down into her cleavage. "What… was that?"

Ranma, in her cat form, muttered a few things, rubbing her body against Akane's breasts.

"… Right… cat… Of course…" Akane rolled her eyes. "You better not be enjoying yourself in there…"

Ranma responded by purring, rubbing herself against Akane even more.

Akane's eye twitched at that.

"Hey!" The manager looked around. "Who's going to pay for all this? Huh?!"

Akane sweated. "Uh… the Kuno family?"

The manager thought that over. "Sure… why not…?"

The blue-haired girl giggled nervously and backed out of the shop. 'That was a close one.'

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"Alright, now talk. What…was that?" Akane grilled Ranma as they walked back to the dojo.

Ranma sighed. "Her name is Shampoo. It's… complicated right now…"

"Ooh…" Akane nodded. "She's… not a guy, is she?"

"WHAT!?" Ranma shook her head. "You saw her… boobs… Shampoo is a she. Believe me, I know…"

Akane narrowed her eyes. "So she's a former girlfriend then, huh?"

Ranma facepalmed. "Why, you… I, ARGG!"

"Look, while I'm not against it or anything, you being a lesbian causes problems." Akane smirked. "Like crazy ex-girlfriends."

"Are you saying what I think you're saying?" Ranma asked, eye twitching.

Akane rolled her eyes. "No, I'm not saying all gays are promiscuous. Honestly…"

Ranma sighed in relief as she realized that they were at the Tendo home. "Well, thank you for accepting this. Now I can go to my room and relax…"

They opened the door… only to see Shampoo, drinking tea… with Nodoka and Kasumi.

{Hello there.} Shampoo smirked evilly.

"Crap." Ranma slumped.

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Tatewaki Kuno strode down the street, dignified and carrying a bokken. Usually those two things wouldn't be in the same sentence, but… it was Kuno.

Thus, he pushed open the door to a little ice cream shop with his eyes closed. Which would explain why he didn't notice that a wall was missing from the place and that a table was imbedded into another wall…

"Hey!" the manager shouted as he approached Kuno.

… Until now!

"Hm?" Kuno opened his eyes and was aghast at what he saw. "What horrific horrendousness transpired here!?"

The manager frowned. "Crazy martial artist, that's what! Now pay up. I know who you are."

"The Blue Thunder never pays!" Kuno sneered. "Paying would be the utmost dishonorable-"

"Akane Tendo said you would," the manager deadpanned.

"…" Kuno slowly reached into his pocket. "…How much?"

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Akane glanced back and forth between Ranma and Shampoo."Um…"

Suddenly, Ranma blurred as she headed upstairs.

Shampoo blurred after her, giant colorful maces in her hands.

Akane's heart raced as she feared the worst. "Kasumi?"

Kasumi smiled. "She's such a good friend. Tea?"

Nodoka repressed a giggle. "Do not fret, Akane. I am sure Ranma can handle this."

"I… I don't know…"Akane gulped, sweating nervously.

Ranma reached her bedroom, heading for the window.


Shampoo burst through the door, face determined. {I have you now.}

"Nyeh!" Ranma stuck out her tongue and leapt out the window.

Shampoo followed, throwing one of her maces.

"Yipe!" Ranma ducked under the throw and landed in the Tendo yard.

Shampoo landed across from her, a smirk on her face.

The two stared each other down as the clouds darkened above them.

Akane, Kasumi, and Nodoka stuck their heads out of the Tendo home one by one.

Ranma suddenly blurred, heading for an exit. Shampoo followed closely.

Three pairs of eyes watched as Ranma ran throughout the yard, being chased by Shampoo.

Kasumi excused herself to her room.

"I wonder why Ranma isn't fighting back…" Akane wondered aloud.

Nodoka frowned. "I do not know…"

"Hey, watch the tree!" Ranma exclaimed as she ducked and weaved throughout the yard.

Kasumi came back with a boombox and pressed play.

*Cue "Yakety Sax" music*

Akane and Nodoka glanced at Kasumi.

"It felt appropriate." Kasumi tilted her head and smiled.

With classic chase music now on, the duo really picked up speed.

Kasumi, Nodoka and Akane sat down and watched, drinking tea.

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Nabiki frowned as she watched the manager walk away. "You better have some left for me, Kuno-baby."

Kuno puffed himself up. "The Blue Thunder never runs out!"

"Blue Thunder still?" Nabiki raised an eyebrow. "Keeping it, huh? Interesting…"

"Yes, for the heavens obey when I say my name!" Kuno struck a pose.

Nabiki rolled her eyes. "Right… Anyway, I have the usual for you today, plus… something… extra."

"Hmm? What, pray tell, is that?" Kuno sat down.

Nabiki wagged her finger. "Nuh uh. Sundae first."

Kuno kept his face neutral and reached into his pocket.

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Ranma eventually started yelling and screaming as she ran around the Tendo yard being chased by Shampoo.

Akane got bored as the sun neared the horizon and watched with eyes half closed, chin on fist.

"More tea, Akane?" Kasumi asked.

The youngest Tendo shook her head.

"Four minutes," Nodoka mused. "At least she has stamina, even if too… tomboy-like."

"But it is so exciting!" Kasumi smiled.

"Dammit!" Ranma spewed as she tripped over a root and tumbled to the ground.


A dust cloud spread over the area, causing Akane to cough.

"Ranma!" Akane yelled out.

As the dust settled, Shampoo stood over Ranma, mace pointed centimeters from her nose.

Nodoka, and Akane stood in shock. Kasumi had a hand to her mouth.

Shampoo was sweaty, but smirking as she brought her colorful mace forward.


{You are it.} Shampoo smirked.

Akane facefaulted as Ranma swore.

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Nabiki finished her sundae and licked her lips suggestively. "Hmm… Good, good. Now where were we? Ah, yes. Photos."

Kuno's eyes widened as he saw the array of photographs that Nabiki presented before him.

"We have a high kick in a gi. Classic." Nabiki smirked. "And here's one lifting weights. This is Akane moving our refrigerator, one of her breaking cinderblocks, and, lastly, a tired, sweaty pose."

Kuno bit his lip, trying to keep his cool. "HOW… *cough* How much?"

Nabiki shook her head in amusement. "Depends. Will you buy me another sundae?"

"Why you…!" Kuno made a fist.

Nabiki cut him off. "Well, I guess I'll just go home then…"

"Wait!" Kuno panicked. "I'll get you another, Nabiki Tendo."

Nabiki smirked. "That sounds like a reason to stay…"

Kuno withheld a groan as he reached into pocket yet again.

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Shampoo helped Ranma up and they dusted themselves off.

"How long was that?" Ranma asked.

{Twenty-seven days,} Shampoo answered.

Ranma counted her fingers as she tried to remember her numerals for Mandarin. "Um… uh… Whatever. It's still longer than you said it was going to be."

"WHAT?! WHAT IS GOING ON HERE!?" Akane shouted.

Ranma sighed. "I told you it was complicated. We were playing tag…"

Akane's eye twitched. "What?"

Nodoka took a deep breath. "Yes. Please explain yourself."

{I was… busy when the Wild Horse left my village with her panda of a father. We were in the middle of a game of tag. Mostly to test our skills,} Shampoo explained.

Nodoka blinked.

Akane stared blankly.

Kasumi smiled and tilted her head.

Ranma sweadropped. "Um, yeah, I don't speak it either… much… Look, it's a long story and I'm tired. To cut it short, we were playing tag when Pops kidnapped me and left. So… we just continued when Shampoo found me."

Akane facefaulted again.

Nodoka coughed politely. "Ranma, could I have a word with you? Privately?"

Ranma guped. "Yes, Mom…"

As Ranma and Nodoka went off to the kitchen, Shampoo picked up and put away her weapons.

"So… your name is Shampoo…" Akane was trying to make sense of the day.

{Yes.} Shampoo nodded as she came into the house and sat down at the table next to Kasumi.

"Tea?" Kasumi smiled.

Shampoo nodded. {Yes, please.}

Akane rubbed her temples. "Honestly… Kasumi, I… I'm going to my room now. I need a break from this."

Kasumi nodded as she watched Akane walk up the stairs. "How do you like Japan, Miss Shampoo?"

{This country is very… Well, there are many buildings.} Shampoo shrugged. {Easily smashed.}

Kasumi nodded and drank some tea.

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Nodoka stood with her arms crossed facing her child. "Explain your actions, daughter."

"I told you, it's a long story-" Ranma was cut off.

"I have time." Nodoka frowned. "Now, tell me… everything."

Ranma took a deep breath. "Well, once I was cursed, I sorta went… crazy. Mostly from the shock and all."

Nodoka raised an eyebrow. "Define crazy."

"I… Well, I can't remember much about it, but I was told that I attacked Pops for one…" Ranma laughed nervously.

"Understandable," Nodoka admitted.

"Anyway, after that, I ran off to this Amazon village nearby-" Ranma was cut off yet again.

"Amazon?" Nodoka's eyes widened. "THAT kind of Amazon?"

Ranma scratched her head. "No, not really. They have both of their breasts."

"I see…" Nodoka closed her eyes. 'That's not what I meant, but… I'll find that out later.'

"So I entered the village, going crazy and being wild, when I crashed into Shampoo right as she'd finished fighting in this battle tournament on a giant log. Well, more specifically, I cut the log into pieces…" Ranma looked away.

"What?" Nodoka didn't believe her ears. "What did you say?"

"Well, as a cat, I… used my claws to slash the log into pieces," Ranma clarified. "At least that's what they told me. Shampoo fell, undignified. Yeah, it was awkward. But I was chasing Pops, so…"

Nodoka took a deep breath."I see…"

"And since he was a panda at the time, it was confusing, you know?" Ranma shook her head. "So, I'm tearing up this village, trying to kill Pops and we were captured… but only after wrecking half the village."

Nodoka sighed. "Go on."

"Well, fortunately, Shampoo's great-grandmother knew I wasn't alright mentally as a cat, as they live next to Jusenkyo and all…" Ranma trailed off. 'Not to mention that she knew of the Nekoken. Not that I want to explain that to Mom.'

"She seems to have… cured the problem," Nodoka noted.

"In a way…" Ranma shrugged. "I can control myself better as a cat, and she helped me. For our time there, Shampoo took care of me, being my guide and making sure I helped fix the village."

"Good." Nodoka felt relived.

"Since she's a martial artist too, I wanted to test her skills and all, but they have very, very strange laws," Ranma groaned. "It nearly got me killed a few times."

"WHAT!?" Nodoka's heart sped up considerably.

"Yeeeaaah…" Ranma played with her pigtail. "If you defeat an Amazon and you're a girl… you… get hunted down to the ends of the earth and she kills you. So, to get around those laws, we had to play games instead of sparring. It was fun though."

Nodoka glomped her daughter and was shaking. "Are… are you safe now?"

Ranma pushed herself away. "Yeah. I was playing tag with her when we had to break for her to urinate; that's when Pops broke out and kidnapped me."

"Typical." Nodoka resisted the urge to curse his name.

"So, then she followed me to finish our game," Ranma admitted. "Surprised it took so long to find me."

"I understand… I hope," Nodoka sighed in relief. "I am afraid, though, that you and she… are not caring for your surroundings. Not to mention the… violence."

"Hey, it's in her culture." Ranma shrugged. "She's pretty nice when not competing."

"I hope so." Nodoka hugged her daughter. "I hope so…"

Ranma smiled.

"However, you still have no excuse, so you're going to clean up the yard." Nodoka patted Ranma on the back.

The pigtailed girl groaned.

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Shampoo licked her lips as Ranma cleaned up the yard. {Manly… Yes, very manly. I can see why your stupid father wanted you to sire children.}

Nodoka sat down at the table. "Shampoo… I realize that you are not from here, but, it would be… beneficial for all of us if you tried to blend in more."

Shampoo tilted her head in confusion. {Blending what now?}

"I assume that was a question." Nodoka raised an eyebrow. "You can understand me, right?"

Shampoo nodded. {I'm a great listener.}

"Right. Well, we can't understand you… so…" Nodoka coughed in her hand. "Excuse me…"

Shampoo frowned. "Shampoo no speak JapOhkneez too, too… good."

Kasumi suppressed a giggle. "So cute…"

{Oh, haha… Very funny, making fun of my speech.} Shampoo rolled her eyes. "Shampoo here… something… Ranma."

"Yes, we know." Nodoka took a deep breath. "Playing tag…"

"No, No, no… Shampoo… thing… cat…" Shampoo struggled to get her message across. "Cat… girl… girl cat… thing."

Nodoka's eyes widened. "What about my daughter's condition?"

"Shampoo… Shampoo cat… thing… girl… Ranma… ARGGGG!" Shampoo rubbed her temples. {I am in the process of getting a cure for her!}

Nodoka and Kasumi glanced at each other in confusion.

"I have no idea what you just said," Nodoka stated.

Shampoo sighed. "Shampoo stay, please?"

Kasumi smiled. "Of course you can! It'll be exciting!"

"Thanks…" Shampoo closed her eyes and rubbed her forehead.

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Nabiki licked her fingers as she finished her ice cream. "Lovely…"

Kuno struggled not to lash out. "Finally finished, Nabiki Tendo?"

"Hmmm…" Nabiki looked down at her empty bowl. "Perhaps. But perhaps not…"

Kuno was literally shaking in his seat, barely controlling his rage. "HOW MUCH, NABIKI TENDO?!"

"How much what?" Nabiki feigned innocence.

"GIVE ME THE PHOTOS!" Kuno demanded.

Nabiki blinked. "Oh. That. Why didn't you say so?"

Kuno gritted his teeth in annoyance.

"How much do you think they're worth, Kuno-baby?" Nabiki smirked.

"GIVE! ME! A! PRICE!" Kuno punctuated for emphasis.

"Alright, alright…" Nabiki shook her head. "Jeez… 5000 yen."

"SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY!" Kuno shoved his payment at Nabiki.

Nabiki smiled.

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Ukyo Kuonji looked left and right, keeping an eye out for anyone she knew.

She didn't see anyone… at all. It helped that it was nearly midnight.

The moonlight was the brightest light on the outskirts as Ukyo walked into the bathhouse, her hood pulled tight.

The person at the desk was bleary eyed as Ukyo paid and entered the women's side of the bath.


Ukyo shivered as the cold water washed over her body. "That's cold!"

The chef put down the bucket and shook her head to get the water out.

She took a look around the room with a sigh. "The emptiness still creeps me out…"

The bathhouse light went out above her head.

"Of course…" Ukyo groaned. "I was done anyway…"

Ukyo stepped into the furo carefully.

It was only slightly warm, but Ukyo sank herself all the way in. 'I hate having to do this…'

Since she started living by herself and gave up her femininity, Ukyo had to improvise in order to keep herself clean and sanitized. Bumping into people from school was… problematic at best. Rivers and lakes had to do at times, especially when money was tight.

'Why do I still do this?' Ukyo thought sadly. 'Ranma and I have made up; I have no reason to give it up anymore… and it's been… irritating to still have to do this… WHY do I still do this?'

Ukyo thought back to her childhood, years ago, when the other girls made fun of her.

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"Heard the latest? Ukyo got dumped by her fiancé," a girl with a flower in her hair whispered loudly to two other girls.

"Not only that, he stole the family business too." The second girl was even less quiet.

The last girl shifted her eyes to Ukyo, face in disgust. "Now she'll NEVER find a husband."

Ukyo stood, not far away, spatula in her hand, downcast.

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'Devoted my life to revenge and Okonomiyaki… and giving up my femininity in the process.' Ukyo looked down at herself in the bath. 'But now what? Ranma was a girl the whole time, and I'm working so hard just to get by. And I can't get a husband now either… Who would want me? Either I was ditched by my fiancé, or I have to reveal that I was engaged to a girl! Every guy would laugh at me… again.'

Ukyo sniffled as she had another flashback.

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Ukyo coughed as the dust filled her lungs, a consequence of being shoved facedown to the ground.

"Get up, GIRL!" one of the three boys towering over her demanded while holding a stick.

The four kids, only seven years old, were on a dirt path next to a river where Ukyo was living.

"Meanie!" Ukyo spat as she got to her knees. "Go away, you jackasses!"

One of the other two boys, this one with a hat, snarled at Ukyo. "We are not jackasses! You are! Liar! Liar! Lie-lie-lie-liar!"

The venom in his voice made Ukyo shiver. "No, you ARE THE LIAR!"

"Me!?" the hat boy spat. "No, you! You are a girl that said you were a boy! Liar!"

The other two boys nodded in agreement.

"I'm not a girl, jackass!" Ukyo growled at them. 'Not anymore…'

"Oh yeah?" The stick boy pointed his stick at Ukyo. "Then why are you wearing girls' underwear, girl?!"

'Oh no, they saw me with my pants down!' Ukyo bit her lip in fear. "Nuh uh!"

"Yeah huh!" the stick boy countered. "We saw you in the bathroom stall! Squatting! With girls' underwear on!"

Ukyo's face turned red in anger, fear, and embarrassment. "You jackasses! You're not supposed to look in stalls!"

"But you're a girl!" The hat boy yelled. "You're not supposed to be in the BOYS' bathroom!"

Ukyo gathered her strength and stood up. "Yes. I. Am! I'm no longer a girl!"

"LIAR!" The hat boy screamed in rage. "We saw you! You have a hole! A weird, STUPID, hole! YOU! ARE! A! GIRL!"

Ukyo crossed her arms to try and not shake in fear. "But… but I don't ACT like a girl! I act like a guy!"

"Shut up!" the stick boy sneered.


"Ow!" Ukyo seethed in pain as the stick cut her cheek, causing it to bleed. "Jackass! I'll get you for that!"

The third boy, who was very overweight and eating riceballs, finally stopped long enough to speak. "Shut up and make me dinner!"

Ukyo gritted her teeth. "No!"

The stick boy attacked again, but Ukyo dodged it.

"You are a girl, so you have to make boys food," the fat boy huffed out. "My daddy said so."

The other boys smiled.

"Yeah, give us food!" the stick boy laughed. "It's all you're good for, girl!"

Ukyo clenched her fists. "NO! I won't!"

The hat boy rushed forward, hand back. "You female dog!"

Before he could try and slap her, Ukyo punched the guy in the nose.


And he hit the ground hard.

"You are a bad girl! Bad, BAD girl!" the stick boy accused as he waved his stick around. "You'll never EVER be married, female dog!"

The hat boy was crying on the ground, but still tried to look tough by insulting Ukyo again and again. "Female dog, female dog, FEMALE DOG!"

Ukyo had tears in her eyes. "Stop it, you jackasses!"

"Haa haaahaa!" the fat boy laughed as he ate. "We don't have to listen to you. You're a girl!"

"Yeah!" the stick boy laughed as he stepped forward. "And MY daddy says that when girls tell boys what to do, they need to get a beating!"

Ukyo's eyes widened as the stick boy swung at her again.

The littlest chef backed up, dodging each strike.

"Whooo! Boys rule! Omnomnom!" the fat boy cheered as he ate.

Ukyo spotted her spatulas next to her tent, still covered in salt water from the sea.

"Stay still and get what's coming to you!" the stick boy complained.

Ukyo rushed over to her tent and grabbed her giant spatula.

"Like you can use that! Girl!" the stick boy taunted.

Ukyo smirked and swung her giant spatula.


Right into the stick boy's face, causing him to drop his stick.

"AHHHHH!" the former stick boy screamed in pain. "MY EYES!"


Ukyo hit him again, causing him to fall to the ground, unconscious.


The fat boy dropped his food and ran, slowly, away. "MOMMY! MOOOOOMMMYY!"

Ukyo sweatdropped.

"Female dog!" the hat boy yelled out as he ran away as well. "You are the worst girl EVER!"

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Ukyo hit the water in front of her. "Those jackasses! Forcing me to change schools and move closer to the sea… and showing why I make a terrible girl."

The water calmed down again, as did Ukyo, who was staring at her breasts under the surface.

"Even… even if I can be a good girl… feminine… I don't know if I can deal with… BOYS!" Ukyo shivered with disgust. "Oh, sure, when I look like a boy they're fun to be around, but when I went out as a girl to bath or to buy tampons, boys're just so… so… jackassy."

The water was starting to make her skin wrinkly, but the chef didn't care.

Ukyo rested her head on the edge of the bath and sighed. "What should I do?"

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"What should I do?" Ranma sighed as she rested her head on the furo's edge.

It was nearly midnight, and after cleaning up the yard, Shampoo dropped a bomb… although it took a while to understand it. Shampoo had decided that since she was in a foreign land, she would look to find a guy strong enough to beat her… and thus marry him. Nodoka found out about Shampoo looking for a boyfriend due to Ranma freaking out and encouraged Shampoo to help Ranma find one too.

Needless to say, Ranma elected to take a bath to "think it over."

"What should I do?" Ranma stared at the ceiling, hoping that it would give her answers. 'I don't want to alienate Mom. We… we just became a family again and to tell her I'm a lesbian… She would tell me to grow up or disown me! I can tell it in her excitedness. She wants grandkids!'

Ranma's skin was starting to wrinkle, but she didn't care.

*Knock knock*

Ranma blinked and brought her head up. "Who's there?"

"Me… may I come in?" Nodoka asked.

"Ss-ure, Mom…" Ranma stuttered slightly.

Nodoka came in and kneeled down next to her daughter. "Daughter, are you alright?"

"Whatever do you mean?" Ranma's heart raced. 'Did Akane tell!?'

"You have been in here for an hour already…" Nodoka's face showed her worry.

"Oh, that… um… Well, I was tired and all…" Ranma drifted off, looking away.

"I realize that… But I'm afraid there is something else… something… more." Nodoka rubbed her chin in thought.

"It's… well…" Ranma flinched. "I… don't think I'm ready to… have a boyfriend. I'm not ready…"

Nodoka couldn't help but giggle. "Oh, daughter dear… what a hilarious joke. You are more than ready; I can see it."

Ranma paled. "N-nO! Not that. I'm not… mentally ready yet."

"Oh, I see…" Nodoka tapped her lips. "I forgot that you have had very few experiences as a girl. Still, I'm not saying you have to get married soon. While I would be glad, there is no rush."

Ranma sighed in relief.

"But I do want you to gain experience in the dating world and look around for Mr. Right." Nodoka smiled. "Shampoo can help you. Watch her carefully and emulate her."

"Err…" Ranma's eye twitched. "I still don't think I'm ready…"

"I know this is a nervous time, daughter. That is why I need to push you. Why, if you don't show the young men that you are available soon, then you could end up old and alone." Nodoka frowned. "A terrible fate indeed…"

Ranma gulped. "Mom…"

"Now, find a date by the end of the week, or I will find one for you." Nodoka tilted her head. "Do not fret. It will be a group date… and I'll be close by just in case you need me. I'm thinking of a movie, one that's romantic…"

*Glub glub*

Ranma fainted, head slipping under the water.

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Ukyo crawled into bed and pulled the covers over herself.

The room was a mess, clothes all over the place, bills scattered on the floor near the dresser, and spatulas, spatulas everywhere.

'I really need to clean this place... but I'm too exhausted,' Ukyo thought as she closed her eyes. 'Just another thing to do on top of school, running my own restaurant, and figuring out if I should try to regain my femininity.'

That last one got a sigh out of her.

'I wonder if Ranma could help. She had to go through living as a guy too. Perhaps I'll ask her in the morning.' Ukyo smiled to herself. 'Yeah…that's a great idea…'

With that the chef fell asleep.

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"No, no, you're doing it wrong!" Akane fretted, panicked.

Kasumi agreed. "Shampoo, please move away. I need to apply first aid."

Nodoka paced the room fearfully.

Shampoo once again breathed into Ranma's mouth, straddling her in a way that their breasts rubbed against each other.


Shampoo passionately kissed Ranma on the lips.

Akane's jaw dropped… and so did Nodoka's.

Kasumi gasped. "Oh, my…"

Just then Ranma breathed, coughing up water. "GAK… Ow… I had the weirdest dream… Oh, my head…"

"You're alive!" Akane fell to her knees, relieved.

Nodoka immediately rushed to her daughter's side. "Ranma!"

{I told you I know how to do it.} Shampoo smirked as she stood away. {And Ranma enjoyed it, too, too much…}

Kasumi knelt down and inspected Shampoo's handiwork. "How do you feel, Ranma?"

"Nude," the pigtailed girl answered bluntly.

Shampoo laughed.

Akane sighed. "That was close. Don't scare me like that!"

Ranma shrugged. "I don't even know why I fainted. Last I remember, I was talking to Mom in the bath…"

"Daughter, I just informed you that you should be looking for a boy to join us at the theater for a movie. That is all." Nodoka brushed her hand through Ranma's hair.


Ranma vomited, fortunately not getting it on anyone else.

"Ew…" Akane covered her mouth with her hands.

"There, there, daughter… It is not your fault. Nearly drowning throws off bodily functions sometimes," Nodoka tried to soothe Ranma. "Do you have any male friends, daughter? Those are the best ones to practice date. They are so nice…"

Ranma's eyes widened.

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{Your blue-haired friend is a bit… violent,} Shampoo muttered as she tucked herself into bed. {Threatening to kill me? Is that overprotectiveness? Or Love? Oooh… that would be nice. You have a great friend, little cat.}

"Nyaaa…" Ranma purred between Shampoo's breasts.

Shampoo smiled. {Now we both can't understand each other.}

"Nya," Ranma sighed blissfully.

{Oh well. I admit, you are extremely cute like this.}Shampoo smiled. {It will be a shame that this form will go away once I acquire your cure.}

Ranma fell asleep, rubbing herself against Shampoo's breasts.

{I wonder what it is like to be a cat…} Shampoo closed her eyes. {I'm sure it would be fun…}

With that, Shampoo fell asleep, dreaming of being a cat.

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Nabiki moaned and turned over in her bed. "Shut up down there."

Screams and death threats echoed in Nabiki's room.

"Dammit, can't a girl get some sleep around here?" Nabiki complained.

The sound of Ranma vomiting sent a shiver up Nabiki's spine.

"Ew… ewewewewew!" Nabiki covered her ears. "Great… now I'll never get to sleep…"

The middlest Tendo got up and entered her closet.

After fiddling around a bit, she revealed a giant walk-in safe in the wall.

"Doo doo doo do do…" Nabiki hummed as she unlocked the safe.

Akane announced going to bed and stomped up the stairs.

"Always so angry…" Nabiki rolled her eyes.

The safe opened, revealing an insane amount of money.

'Time to count…' Nabiki smiled.

The safe had the inscription: 'First Bank of Nabiki Tendo.' It was in gold lettering.

"One yen of Kuno's money, two yen of Kuno's money…" Nabiki started counting, a smile on her face.

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"Saotome…" Soun moaned in a corner of the boat, clothes disheveled, giant beard on his face. "I… I dunno how much longer I can go on…"

Genma didn't respond, body bloodied and his fur messy.

"Saotome…" Soun croaked. "This…is the end, then… *cough* Was it worth it?"

The wind rustled Genma's fur.

"I'll finally see you again, my beloved-" Soun closed his eyes and was cut off before being able to utter his dead wife's name.


"Hey! Moustache guy and his panda! Get off my boat!" the captain yelled. "We are in China. You are their problem now!"

"Huh?" Soun asked weakly.


Soun and Genma were thrown off the boat and landed in the ocean.

Genma floated to the surface and shook water off his head. [Just as planned.]

Soun coughed up water as he surfaced. "SAOTOME!"

[Onward!] Genma pointed with his sign and waded to shore.

Soun facepalmed, taking notice of his beard. "I need a shave…"

[Schools united here we come!] Genma waved with glee.

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Birds started singing, neighbors played morning music, and a pet rooster cockadoodle-dooed.

Happiness was all around… except in a guest room in the Tendo home.

There, a cat sniffled sadly.

{There, there, Ranma. I am sure you'll figure out a way out of this mess,} Shampoo tried to reassure her friend as she petted the kitty.

"Nyaynayanyana…" Ranma cried. "Nyanyanaaa."

{At least you seem to be more aware now then when Great-grandmother started treating you,} Shampoo noted. {But it sucks that I can't understand you. And I speak Japanese too, too badly to try… although I might have to.}

"Nyanyaa?" Ranma looked up at Shampoo.

{Perhaps we need you to return to your normal self before continuing, and then we might be able to get an idea across.} Shampoo concentrated. "Bath time, kitty?"

Ranma blinked and pointed at Shampoo. "Nyanyuu?"

{What about me? Arrg, this is too, too frustrating. Come on now.} Shampoo picked Ranma up and exited the room.

Ranma climbed up Shampoo's arm and settled into her cleavage, riding like a joey in a kangaroo's pouch.

Nodoka was making breakfast with Kasumi as Shampoo wandered into the kitchen.

"Good morning, Shampoo. Oh, and I see that my daughter is with you too." Nodoka smiled.

"So cute!" Kasumi gushed. "Kitty Ranma want hot water?"

{That IS my goal right now…} Shampoo looked down at Ranma. "Want out?"

Ranma rubbed against Shampoo's breasts more, purring and looking right at Nodoka.

"So cute…"Kasumi cooed.

{Guess I have to do it the hard way,} Shampoo sighed. "Where pee place?"

Nodoka was too dignified to snicker, but she couldn't hold back a smile. "I'll show you. Be right back, Kasumi."

"Cute kitty…" Kasumi repeated to herself. "Ranma-kitty…"

Nodoka didn't pay attention to Kasumi as she showed Shampoo to the bathroom. She didn't notice that the sign was out….

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"One… billion… y-y-y*yawan* yen of Kuno's… money…" Nabiki droned as she counted, eyes nearly closed. "One… billion… and… and… … … and… and one… of… Ku-u-uu-uno…"


Nabiki fell over, asleep.

*Knock knock*

Nodoka stood outside Nabiki's door. "Nabiki? Time to wake up. Your sister and I are making breakfast. Also, coffee."


Nodoka smiled and shook her head. "Nabiki, wake up. I have coffee. I know you need it."


Nodoka sighed. "Come on. You don't want to be late, right?"


"Nabiki, this is why locking your door isn't a good idea…" Nodoka sighed. "I'll just leave this here."


With that, Nodoka went back downstairs, leaving a cup of coffee next to Nabiki's door.

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Akane Tendo hummed to herself as she sat in the furo. Here, she could take her mind off the stressful things in her life and unwind. No worrying about Kuno, or crossdressing girls pretending to be boys in school, or being engaged to one of those girls, or that girl turning into a cat, or a purple-haired Amazon who wrecks buildings playing tag, or the fact that her dad and his friend want to turn Ranma into a boy, or the fact that Dr. Tofu STILL wouldn't pay attention to her…

'Deep breath…' Akane thought as she did so. 'Remember what she said. Deep breath… Relax…'

With a smile, Akane sunk herself deeper into the water, actually relaxed.


Shampoo slid the door open and waltzed in naked, Ranma on her head.


Akane spit out water in a stream, face looking ridiculous. "SHAMPOO!"

{Hello there, Madder Laws of Heaven and Nature,} Shampoo greeted as she walked in, hair barely covering her nipples. {May we join you?}

Akane's eye twitched. "I told you before, I CAN'T UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU'RE SAYING!"

Shampoo rolled her eyes.

"Nyaaaa…" Ranma nyaed.

Akane took a deep breath."Sorry… I just… Arggg… You two can come in, but wash yourself first. That is the rule here in Japan, Shampoo."

Shampoo shrugged. "Yes, please. Thank you."

Akane sweatdropped.

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Ukyo rose out of bed at the crack of dawn, cleaned up her room a bit, and wobbled into her bathroom, yawning.

The nude chef looked, bleary eyed, at her reflection in the mirror in her bathroom. "Even nude I don't look like much of a girl. Whatever…"

With a sigh, Ukyo washed her face, causing her to shiver due to the coldness of the water.

The world being much clearer now due to fully waking up and the sunlight pouring through the window, Ukyo saw herself much more clearly in the mirror.

'Wow!' Ukyo blinked in surprise. "Do I really look like that?"

Ukyo couldn't believe her own reflection. The girl touched the mirror just so that she could confirm it.

"How could I ever be mistaken for a guy?" Ukyo pondered aloud. "Why haven't I noticed this before? No… no time to stare at myself. Got a restaurant to open, remember? I own my own restaurant."

With a shake of her head, Ukyo peeled herself away from the mirror to stand in front of the Western-style toilet and lifted the lid and the seat.

The chef paused, a hand between her legs, unsure of what to do. 'Girls… sit while peeing. But I haven't done that in… I can't remember! Well, outside of pooping… but I don't think about it that much.'

Ukyo stared at the toilet, wondering what she should do.

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Akane sweatdropped as Shampoo and Ranma sat beside her in the furo. "Honestly…"

"What?" Shampoo tilted her head.

Ranma shrugged "Well, I don't see what the problem is. We all fit."

"No, it's not…." Akane sighed. "Nevermind."

{You are very strange, Akane. It seems like you can only be angry or calm,} Shampoo mumbled.

"What was that?" Akane asked, glaring at Shampoo.

"Bad Japanese, Shampoo is," Shampoo groaned. "Too, too bad."

Ranma laughed. "Anyway, I hope you won't get too lonely here, Shampoo. Akane and I have to go to school. But at least my mom and Kasumi will be here."

"Gak. I wish I didn't have to." Akane made a face. "I don't want to deal with the boys today."

Shampoo's eyes lit up. "Boys? Male? Penis?"

Ranma and Akane's eyes twitched in unison, both thinking the same thing. 'She's REALLY bad at Japanese!'

Ranma coughed in her hand. "Yes, there are these boys that bug Akane. Kuno is the worst though. Doubt he'll stop being a pain; won't stay down."

'Boys interfering with her? Won't go away?' Shampoo got an idea. "Shampoo go too."

"WHAT?!" Akane screeched in surprise.

"Yes, Shampoo look too, too mate. Yes." Shampoo smiled, head tilted.

"Whoo!" Ranma smiled.


Akane facepalmed as Ranma squeezed Shampoo.

"So cute, so cute, so cute…" Ranma giggled.

{Ranma, what are you doing?} Shampoo asked, confused.

"Look, Ranma, while I accept this part of you, doing this to Shampoo is just cruel." Akane narrowed her eyes.

Ranma smiled. "She knows. And doesn't care!"

Akane's eye twitched.

{I don't know if I am following correctly,} Shampoo murmured. {But I do know that Ranma only enjoys the company of girls. It is obvious, really. Amazons don't frown on it at all… as long as you reproduce, that is. Even I occasionally like resting in the bosom of another girl.}

Akane took a deep breath. "Japanese, please…"

Shampoo groaned. "Shampoo… now… Ranma… Girl on girl is hot."

Ranma smiled. "Shampoo, do you know I am a lesbian?"

Shampoo nodded.

"See?" Ranma smiled. "All good…"

"All I see is two pervert girls…" Akane deadpanned.

{I am a pervert girl? Ha! You are a pervert girl!} Shampoo stuck out her tongue, pressing closer towards Ranma.

Akane gave up. "Fine, I'm leaving. Enjoy your bath… perverts."

Ranma rolled her eyes. "Shampoo, ignore that… Akane is just a prude."

"Hey!" Akane complained as she got dressed.

"Anyway, we need to get you a school uniform…" Ranma smiled wickedly.

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Ukyo grumbled as she exited the bathroom. 'Fine, I can go later. Stupid indecision…'

With a shake of her head, Ukyo got ready for work.

Hair was neatly brushed and put in a manly ponytail.

Breasts were bound with bandages, as usual.

Male boxers were pulled up.

Uniform was put on.

Spatulas were holstered.

Ukyo looked in the mirror one more time to make sure everything was in order and sighed. 'Yep. You make a fine-looking young man, Ukyo… You sure do…'

Shaking her head, Ukyo went down the stairs and fired up the grill.

The sign was put out and Okonomiyaki Ucchan's was open for business.

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The table was getting a bit crowded with five teenaged girls and a mother.

{Thank you for having me here. Your hospitality is remarkable,} Shampoo thanked between bites.

"That was positive, right?" Ranma asked, raising an eyebrow.

Shampoo nodded. "Yes, yes."

Nabiki yawned. "You owe me. Seriously."

"Huh?" Akane looked back and forth, chopsticks in her mouth. "What?"

{While I have no money on me, I could pay you by… other means. If you swing that way, that is.} Shampoo winked.

Nabiki nearly snorted her coffee. "No thanks. I do have other ideas in mind, though."

Everyone else around the table stared in shock.

"What?" Nabiki mumbled, taking another chug.

Kasumi tilted her head. "Nabiki, you understand what Shampoo is saying?"

Nabiki smirked. "Yeah, why wouldn't I? If you don't understand Chinese, then making money becomes a bit harder in Asia."

{Although there IS no Chinese language. There is Mandarin, Cantonese, and Wu, plus several other dialects. Our village uses Mandarin due to the widespread use of it compared to the others. Makes communication easier when we travel,} Shampoo explained.

"Makes sense." Nabiki shrugged. "Not that most people know or care about that."

Akane's eye twitched. "If you know the language, why didn't you help last night!?"

"Akane's right, Nabiki. That was quite mean," Nodoka agreed.

Nabiki closed her eyes. "Because I was tired. Besides, I'm surprised you didn't know, Ranma."

Ranma sighed. "I was only there a few days. Anyway… Nabiki… can we ask you a favor?"

Nabiki opened her eyes. "What?"

{I wish to attend this school with my good friend Ranma, and you and your younger sister,} Shampoo requested. {The reason is to find a strong male, but my excuse is to learn about the culture here. Can you help with this? I have been told that you are the smartest here. Knowing my native tongue convinces me of this. I am fluent in over six million forms of sexual acts. Want me to show you?}

Nabiki's eyes opened fully. "It will be a bit of a pain with no records… but they are very stupid. I'll do it, though I need two things in return."

Ranma sighed in relief. "What are they?"

Akane looked down at her food. "I have a bad feeling about this…"

"Nabiki…" Kasumi warned.

"First… I need Akane to carry me to school. I am way too tired to walk," Nabiki mumbled.

'Dammit!' Akane closed her eyes in frustration.

"Second… Shampoo, I think I can help with your search." Nabiki smirked evilly.

"Shampoo agree!" Shampoo answered quickly.

Ranma ate her food, glancing at both of them. 'I have a very good feeling about this.'

Nodoka glanced at the clock. "You'd better hurry."

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Looking like a male, albeit a short one, Ranma walked down the street with a super-smiling Shampoo and a grumbling Akane, carrying her sister Nabiki. All were in uniform and to an outsider would have looked like a normal, if a bit awkward, set of teenagers on their way to school.

Except they weren't.

"What do you mean short!?" Ranma scowled at Shampoo.

{While you are the ideal height of an eligible female, for a male you are very short,} Shampoo bluntly told it how it was.

Nabiki, nearly asleep, agreed. "Ranma, you are short for a guy."

"Fine, FINE, I get that! But could you STOP SAYING IT!?" Ranma seethed. "It is really, REALLY ANNOYING!"

{Why? It is but the truth. You are trying to pass as a male, but your disguise needs work. Vertically.}Shampoo waved her arm over Ranma's head. {Sure, some males are short, but they aren't that attractive… unless you have a hidden treasure that you aren't telling me about.}

"Short guys are unattractive unless they're rich," Nabiki laughed. "Truth crosses borders…"

Akane frowned. "Both of you stop it, alright?"

{Fine, I will stop. For it does seem to hurt you. Your pride in your false masculine image is confusing, though.} Shampoo scratched her head.

Ranma clenched her fists to help control her emotions and glanced at Nabiki, awaiting an answer.

"…" Nabiki blinked slowly. "Nah."

"SHAMPOO!" Akane growled.

"Shampoo too, too… stoAppp." Shampoo facepalmed after saying that. "StoAAp. StaoP. StOOp… DAMMIT!"

Ranma took a deep breath. "Nabiki…"

"Look, a place that is open. Let us go inside for no reason." Nabiki pointed to the restaurant in front of them.

Ranma turned and saw the restaurant, eyes wide. 'Ranma, you can do this… just stay a little longer, tell them to go on ahead, and ask Ucchan to do something so crazy it'll never work! ARRRG!'

The pigtailed girl who looked like a boy didn't have the chance as Ukyo walked out of her restaurant and locked it up, a giant spatula on her back.

Shampoo's eyes widened. 'Wow… Now THAT is a man…'

Ukyo turned around, only to see the five girls there. "Hi, Ran-chan…"

Shampoo's eyes widened. 'They know each other! And a nickname! But why would Ranma have such a close male friend? It's dangerous. They wear the same uniform, so he is coming with us? But something is off here. It doesn't add up… unless… he's gay?!'

"Hi there, Ukyo…" Akane greeted.

Ukyo raised an eyebrow. "Why… are you carrying someone?"

Before Akane could respond, Nabiki answered.

"Akane is my slave." Nabiki petted her head. "Onward!"

Ranma laughed at that.

Akane grumbled."She's my older sister Nabiki… whom I'm considering dropping right now."

"Oh…" Ukyo blinked. "Same thing…"

Nabiki fell asleep again, snoring.

'Weird,' Ukyo thought.

"Shampoo, Shampoo… is Shampoo… China." Shampoo winced. 'Dammit! Stupid Japanese language!'

"Ukyo Kuonji." Ukyo bowed. "Now I think it is a good idea to get going…"

"Uh, yes… Yes, it is…" Ranma nodded enthusiastically. 'How am I supposed to ask her?!'

Thus, the five girls walked to school without any further delay….

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Tatewaki Kuno stood confidently in the school courtyard, a smirk on his face.

This despite the fact that he was beaten up a few days ago multiple times. It could be because he didn't remember it, though.

Boys surrounded him, many wielding sports equipment.

They were all waiting. Waiting for a certain blue-haired girl…

"Hope it doesn't rain again," a boy muttered, looking skyward.

"Me too," another boy sighed. "Still can't believe Kuno stood out here in it."

The two boys glanced at their crazy leader, silently admiring his strength.

Up in the windows, Sayuri and Yuka watched on, a half-bored look on their faces.

"Why do they even bother?" Yuka wondered aloud. "They never had a chance, and with Kuno being thrashed by Ranma, why even show up?"

Sayuri raised an eyebrow. "Well, technically, the fights with Kuno had nothing to do with Akane. It was about giant displays of machismo. In fact… Ranma hasn't seen the horde before, right?"

"That's right… Wonder what Ranma would do. Or Ukyo the Great for that matter…" Yuka noted dreamily. "He would beat them all. Giant spatula… OOoOoo…"

Sayuri frowned as her friend started drooling. "Like he would bother with a girl like you. Especially when surrounded by Ranma and Akane."

Yuka sniffled, mood darkening. "Meanie… I got to find a way to get to him! I have to make senpai notice me!"

Sayuri paused, struggling not to hit her friend. "How can he be your senpai… if you're in the SAME GRADE?!"

Yuka rolled her eyes. "I'm taking cooking classes, duh."

Sayuri facepalmed. "One, he doesn't know, does he? Two, he's a professional chef. Why, he doesn't have the time nor the interest to teach you. And he would be better than you at whatever you were to make him."

"So?" Yuka crossed her arms defiantly. "Guys like him are rare! I'll do whatever it takes! I hate being constantly overlooked, forgotten… ignored…"

Sayuri's face softened as tears pooled in Yuka's eyes.

"I just want to be happy. That's all…" Yuka whimpered.

Sayuri hugged, comforting her friend. "Look, I think it's hopeless, but… I'll help you the best I can, alright?"

"T-thank you…" Yuka cried. "You're always here for me…"

Sayuri repressed a sigh and looked over her friend's shoulder to the courtyard. 'And I always will be…even if it makes me unhappy.'

Yuka opened her eyes to see Daisuke and Hiroshi staring at them, noses bleeding. "What are YOU looking at? Perverts…"

Daisuke grinned happily, nearly bouncing with excitement. "Now, kiss!"

Hiroshi licked his lips. "Touch… touch her boob…"

Sayuri blushed. "Guys, cut it out!"

"Freaking perverts," Yuka growled. "Shoo!"

"What?" Daisuke threw his arms in the air. "All I wanted is for you two to kiss! It'll be HOT! But innocent!"

The other girls in the class glared at the duo.

"Sucks being the only boys in the class that aren't out there, trying to beat Akane up," Daisuke mumbled. "But NooOo… WE are the perverts."

"Boobs…" Hiroshi sweated, biting his lip. "Touch… touch her boobs."

Yuka groaned. "If it wasn't for Ukyo, I'd lose faith in the male sex by now. Wouldn't want anything to do with them…"

Sayuri's eyes widened.

"But BOOBS!' Hiroshi complained. "They… You have them all the time, yet aren't even acknowledging their existence! You cruel monsters!"

It was at that time that the rest of the girls had enough and beat the two senseless.

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The five girls nearly reached the school, when they saw a horde of boys. No, not a horde, a super horde! Nearly every male in the school was there, wielding clubs, bats, and sticks.

Akane, and thus everyone stopped in their tracks. "Oh, come on!"

Ranma stared at the scene in front of her with disgust, and annoyance. 'Right… Akane mentioned something 'bout this…'

Ukyo couldn't believe her eyes. "What the…?"

Akane groaned. "I don't want to deal with this today!"

Shampoo was unfazed, if a bit intrigued. {It appears that, by the reaction of Akane, this is a mating battle. You allow multiple tries in this country? Or are these just new people?}

Nabiki barely had her eyes open. "Akane is popular… They all want to date her. But, if you want to help her AND your cause, why not you beat them to a pulp instead? There is a strong male here…"

'Oh, great…' Ranma rolled her eyes. 'Encouraging her to fight Kuno. Like I needed to be around him more.'

Ukyo looked Shampoo over. "You fight?"

Shampoo smirked. "Kill."

Akane's eyes widened. "No, No, NO! Don't kill them!"

Shampoo frowned. "Half kill?"

The other girls glanced at each other.

"Yeah, sure, why not?" they all said in unison.

Shampoo grinned evilly. {I will enjoy this.}

The purple-haired girl stepped forward. Giant, colorful maces appeared in her hands.

Coming into view of the boys, they all stared… mostly leering.

"Who beat Shampoo be husband!" Shampoo thrust her chest forward. 'I think I got that right.'

"Humana-Humana-Humana…" a boy near the front muttered, blood pouring out of his nose like a faucet.

Shampoo flipped her hair. "Come and get it!"

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Yuka sighed. "I feel better now. Thank you…"

Sayuri didn't hear her, for she was staring at the scene down below. "ERR…"

"Huh?" Yuka wiped her nose. "Sayuri?"

"Whoa…" Sayuri managed to get out.

Sayuri saw a purple-haired girl beat, no, ANNIHILATE the boys down in the courtyard. It was far more brutal than what Akane had ever done.

But that wasn't the best of it. No. The best of it for Sayuri was that she was very, very athletic… while not wearing panties.

Sayuri understandably fainted, blood gushing from her nose.

"Why do I feel wet?" Yuka wondered as she felt Sayuri collapse on her. "OOF! You can't… lean on me too much! Gah!"


Yuka and Sayuri fell, Yuka on top.

"EEEEEE!" a girl in the class screamed. "Yuka! Your back… You're covered in blood!"

As the teacher wasn't there yet, there was much freaking out.

'Oh no! Sayuri must be hurt!' Yuka looked down at her friend, only to see her out cold, blood dripping from her smiling face.

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Kuno looked on at the carnage in front of him, impressed. 'This… girl… this… WARRIOR! The intensity with which she fights... She must come from the ones of legends, the feared… Amazons! Ah, to have one such as she be placed before me, the Blue Thunder! But wait… these Amazons… They are attracted only to men with strength! To impress this creature, I, the Blue Thunder, must give my all! And once the Fierce Tigress, Akane Tendo, sees this Amazon acknowledge my worth, then… she will realize the error of her ways!'

As Kuno processed his insane logic, Shampoo breezed through the horde, a bit… disappointed.

"Weak," Shampoo spat with disgust, only taking joy insquishing the boys in most painful ways.


The boys were nearly all unconscious and bleeding. But alive.

"MY LEG!" one of the only waking boys yelled in pain, leg broken.

Shampoo calmly walked over to him, and stared him in the eye. "Lucky no die."

The boy whimpered, soiling his pants.


The boy slumped over, giant bump on his head.

Ranma, Ukyo, Akane, and Nabiki watched from outside the wall.

"Wow… she's being overly nice," Ranma noted, surprised.

"NICE?!" Ukyo and Akane screeched in unison.

Ranma blinked. "Well, yeah. The boys… err, boy… that bugs her gets way, WAY worse than this. Although it might look worse here due to these guys being made of cardboard."

Akane's jaw dropped. "Honestly?"

"Yep." Ranma nodded. "Made of cardboard."

Ukyo whistled. "Damn!"

Nabiki, who was still on Akane, pointed her finger skyward. "Cardboard, they made of. Yes. Hrmmm!"

Akane facepalmed. "Nabiki…"

Ranma pulled out popcorn from her bag. "Looks like she's going against Kuno now."

Ukyo raised an eyebrow. "I gotta see this."

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Ranma, Ukyo, Akane and Nabiki shimmied along the inner part of the wall of the courtyard until they reached the door.

"I'm getting tired," Nabiki yawned, still on Akane. "Carry me to my room."

"Oh, fine. Jeez," Akane grunted as she did so.

Shampoo turned towards Kuno, the last person standing. And standing he was. At 182 centimeters, he dwarfed Shampoo, who was only 157 centimeters tall. A ten-inch height advantage, however, was nothing for Shampoo to overcome.

"Big guy. Shampoo kill bigger," Shampoo bragged as offhandedly as she could, speaking Japanese and all.

"Yes, impressive you have been, Amazon… If I, the Blue Thunder, defeat you, you shall go on a date with me." Kuno pointed his bokken at Shampoo. "But if you win, I shall go on a date with YOU."

'Confident, tall, wooden katana… Yes, this might be the one.' Shampoo raised an eyebrow. 'But he seems a bit… off.'

Kuno smirked. "It is gentlemanly to allow the lady to go first, but thou art no lady. Still, I have nothing to fear. COME AT ME!"

Shampoo shrugged. "Fight 'til sleepy time."

Before Kuno could question that, Shampoo charged.


Kuno dodged out of the way as Shampoo brought a mace down to the ground. The miniature crater was impressive to say the least.

As Shampoo bounced up, swinging the other large mace, Kuno deflected it with his bokken.

The two broke off from each other and started circling.

Kuno smirked. "Amazon, prepare to STRIKESTRIKESTRIKESTRIKE!"

Shampoo's eyes widened as Kuno came forward, bokken striking in and out at ultra-fast speeds.

The purple-haired girl blocked with her maces, but the air pressure pushed her back.

Shampoo felt her foot touch the outer wall of the courtyard and used it to jump up, rebounding off of it into the air.

The wall crumbled, throwing dust into the air.

Kuno laughed. "'Twas too easy."


The kendoist saw stars as one of Shampoo's maces hit him on the head, thrown from above.

"That… didn't hurt..." Kuno lied.

Shampoo landed behind Kuno. "Tough."

Kuno grabbed the weapon off of his head and threw it across the courtyard, where it disappeared from view. "Your move."

Shampoo frowned and attacked again.

Kuno was able to deflect the one mace… mostly. His head trauma affected him more than he would admit.


Shampoo got in one hit to his stomach.

Kuno fell to his knees, cradling the mace.


Shampoo swore as Kuno was able to pry the srcond mace away and throw it off into the distance.

"Crude, but efficient…" Kuno complimented as he stood. "But not enough to defeat me, the BLUE THUNDER!"

Shampoo got some distance away and frowned.

"Now then, Amazon, I have won… STRIKESTRIKESTRIKESTRIKE!" Kuno quickly began his attack again.

Shampoo dodged and dodged and dodged, biding her time.

Kuno backed her to the wall again, a part that wasn't broken… yet.

When Shampoo was against the wall, she smirked. {Game over.}


Using the wall as a launching pad, Shampoo bounced off, drew her sword…


And cut Kuno many times with it.


The kendoist fell to the ground…

Those looking on from the windows gasped.

Ukyo gasped.

Akane heard the gasps and then she gasped.

Ranma laughed. "Good match, Shampoo. Good one."

Shampoo shrugged and put the sword away.

Ukyo looked at Ranma in disbelief. "You know something, don't you?"

Ranma smirked. "Perhaps…"

Ukyo glared at Ranma.

Ranma chuckled nervously. "Shampoo's sword does something that makes the blood clot. It's weird. He'll be perfectly fine."

Shampoo walked over Kuno's head. "Not man enough for Shampoo."

With that, Kuno fell unconscious.

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"I can't believe we all made it on time." Akane looked in disbelief at the clock in the room.

"I know, right?" Ranma scratched her head.

The teacher took a deep breath. "Alright, class, settle down. We have a new foreign exchange student."

The class, mostly female, paid attention.

"She's from China, so let's all give a 'ni hao' welcome to Shampoo," the teacher introduced.

Shampoo waved. "Shampoo is Shampoo. Meet you please happy!"

The class waved back.

"Now… we all saw what happened outside today, so please, people…don't mess up this classroom. It was a pain to fix the wall the last time someone had a disagreement." The teacher glared at Ranma.

The pigtailed girl who looked like a boy whistled innocently.

"And apparently you know each other, since you came to school together. So Shampoo, please take the seat behind Akane Tendo," the teacher requested.

Shampoo did so with a smile.

"Now, with nearly all our male students in the infirmary for the foreseeable future, our lesson for today will need to be changed a bit." The teacher rubbed his forehead, trying to relive his stress.

Ranma looked around. 'Wow, those two guys in the back are the only ones here. Of course, to the teacher, there are also Ukyo and me.'

Ukyo smiled, able to resist laughing.

"Now please turn to page 404…" the teacher instructed.

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Daisuke and Hiroshi sat in the courtyard, which had been clean up for lunchtime. Both were staring at Shampoo.

"Can't believe she did that to Kuno." Daisuke rubbed his eyes. "I mean, a full-body cast? You saw all those cuts on his body; I thought he would bleed to death."

"Yes," Hiroshi answered bluntly.

"Huh?" Daisuke raised an eyebrow.

"Yes, I can believe that," Hiroshi reaffirmed. "Know why?"

"Why?" Daisuke asked.

"'Cause she's hot," Hiroshi answered, taking a bite of his food.

Daisuke shook his head. "What? How does that make sense!? It must be because of her training. She's very well trained with weapons."

"And hot!" Hiroshi added.

"Really agile." Daisuke counted on his fingers.

"And HOT!"



"Uses her environment to her benefit."

"AND HOT!" Hiroshi insisted.

Daisuke frowned. "Yes; yes, she is. But what does THAT have to do with putting Kuno in a full-body cast!?"

"I've been telling you, it's 'cause she's hot!" Hiroshi put his food down.

"I'm still not getting it." Daisuke sweatdropped.

Hiroshi groaned. "Haven't you learned, man? If you're a hot chick in this school, you can do ANYTHING. It's freaking weird!"

Daisuke looked over his friend's food. "Are you sure that okonomiyaki is clean?"

"Yes," Hiroshi answered. "Look at it this way: Akane gets to beat people up every day, right?"

"Yeah, and?" Daisuke rolled his eyes.

"And she's hot! So Kuno allows her to cream him," Hiroshi explained. "So, what happens when another, HOTTER girl comes? Kuno gets so badly beaten it's insane!"

"Look, there are things other than the fact that she has boobs of steel that explain this." Daisuke rubbed his forehead.

"No, you see, because they are hot, they get super powers! It's impossible for a girl that size to do the things she did." Hiroshi banged his fist. "She only is able to destroy the laws of physics because she's hot!"

Daisuke sighed. "Fine, let's say you're right. Then explain Kuno, Ranma, and Ukyo."

"Well, they are hot… to GIRLS. AND they LOOK a bit like GIRLS! Haven't you noticed how much of pretty boys they are?" Hiroshi got into Daisuke's face. "Ranma is so short, Ukyo is a master chef, and Kuno is uber rich… which is another reason why he is still alive."

"And how is this not just skill?" Daisuke deadpanned.

"Easy," Hiroshi argued. "Because the athletes from our other sports don't break the laws of physics… and they are average looking at best."

Daisuke rubbed his forehead. "Look, not everything-"

"But IT IS a conspiracy!" Hiroshi put his foot down. "It's a conspiracy to keep guys like us from ever getting a girl!"

Daisuke opened his mouth to protest, but soon closed it again.

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Ranma, Ukyo, Akane, Shampoo, Yuka and Sayuri sat around Ukyo's portable grill, getting to know each other.

Shampoo took a bite out of her okonomiyaki. {It is actually pretty good, I admit.}

"By the way you're eating… you like it?" Ukyo scratched her head.

"Yes, hrmmm." Shampoo nodded. 'This Ukyo chef is my biggest lead now that the one named Kuno has showed himself to be unworthy. But there is still the fact that he seems to be gay. He may not be, but, I'm confident in my guess. Pathetically, no other worthy males seem to be around.'

"Twold mya!" Ranma grinned, mouth full.

Akane giggled as she sat down a bit further away from everyone else, using the time for breathing exercises.

'Too bad Ranma isn't actually male,' Shampoo inwardly sighed. 'But I must find a mate… Perhaps I could show her some fun if her mother becomes too, too depressing.'

Yuka bit her lip, nervous. "So… Shampoo?"

"Yes?" Shampoo turned towards Yuka.

"Um…" Yuka twiddled her fingers. "What brings you to Japan?"

"Shampoo look strong man." Shampoo nearly gritted her teeth, trying not to curse her Japanese skills.

Yuka sighed. "Me too. So… got any tips?"

Shampoo raised an eyebrow. "Best man might woman."

"Huh?" Yuka scratched her head.

Shampoo took a deep breath. "Best man is woman maybe sometimes."

"Ooh…" Yuka nodded. 'So… Ranma is the best man? Oh, my head!'

Sayuri smiled. 'Maybe things will go alright after all.'

Ukyo sweated. "Um… Ran-chan, watch over the grill for me? I have to go to the bathroom."

Ranma nodded, food in her mouth.

"Now don't… eat anything from it, alright? I have to keep track of this stuff." Ukyo instructed before leaving.

After Ukyo left, Yuka whispered to Shampoo. "How about Ukyo?"

"Gay," Shampoo replied. "Shampoo pretty sure."

Yuka slumped, depressed.

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Ukyo locked the stall door behind her and unzipped her pants.

Not even caring or thinking about it, the chef started urinating, standing.

That is when two boys came in.

"I'm telling you it's a great idea!" Hiroshi grunted. "Why won't you accept it?!"

"Because they are surrounded by girls!?" Daisuke rolled his eyes. "What can we offer them? That new girl Shampoo is like a girl with a guy attitude… Probably like that sexually too."

"No, I'm serious. They need us as much as we need them," Hiroshi sighed. "Guys' night out? Allows you to be yourself instead of an uptight person… and staying away from crazy chicks."

Ukyo raised an eyebrow at this.

"Then YOU ask them. I'm sure they're free. It's not like they have a restaurant or are super martial artists or something!" Daisuke said sarcastically as he left, frustrated.

Hiroshi grumbled to himself. "Fine, I will…"

Ukyo stayed in the stall until he left, taking care of business.

After that she quietly left the bathroom, washing her hands first, of course.

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Yuka and Sayuri were at the ice cream shop after school, the former really needing it.

"It's just not fair," Yuka sniffled. "It's just not fair."

Sayuri comforted her friend as she dug into her ice cream.

"All the good guys are taken or gay!"Yuka whined.

"Let it out," Sayuri advised. "Just let it out."

Yuka whimpered. "It's probably why Ranma goes to school as a guy. Akane said it's complicated. What's more complicated than dressing as a guy so that your gay friend might like you?!"

'That's actually a good theory on what is happening,' Sayuri thought. 'It makes some sense…'

"I just wanna curl up and DIE!" Yuka cried, laying her head on the table.


Sayuri held Yuka tight. "No… you don't want that. Please listen to me, Yuka. You must live!"

"'Til when?" Yuka asked pathetically.

"Until Friday…" Sayuri came up with a plan. "That new movie is coming out that you want to see, right?"

"Yeah…' Yuka admitted.

"Then let's watch it… together. Who needs guys anyway?" Sayuri suggested.

"Yeah! Who needs 'em!" Yuka lifted up her sundae.

Sayuri smiled. 'I'll make you want to live. I promise….'

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Shampoo and Nabiki were sitting in Nabiki's room.

{So, what do you want me to do?} Shampoo asked.

Nabiki pointed to her camera. "Just pose for photos."

{Oh, I see. You run one of those electronic markets…} Shampoo nodded in understanding.

"That's not a bad idea," Nabiki muttered. "But this is to help you, Shampoo. With your photo out there, men from all over the world would want their hands on you."

Shampoo's eyes widened. {You have the technology to do that?}

"Yep." Nabiki smirked. "So, what do ya say?"

Shampoo grinned sexually. {What position do you need first?}

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Akane sat in the dojo, meditating, eyes closed. Ever since Ranma tried to get her to relax, Akane had been trying to find opportunities to do it. It helped make her less… angry. And less angry was more feminine in Akane's book.

Which is just what she wanted to be.

'Deep breath…' Akane thought. 'Deep breath…'

Akane's breathing slowed, taking in bigger and bigger breaths.

'Relax… relax…' Akane repeated in her mind. 'Become one with the dojo… I am the dojo…'

The blue-haired girl smiled. She had finally found peace.

"Ohho ho hoho ho!" came a noblewoman's laugh. "So, you're the one who put my brother in a full-body cast… That is MY job!"

Akane's eyes opened. 'Oh no….'

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"Seriously?" Ukyo asked in disbelief at her restaurant.

Ranma nodded sheepishly, looking away. "Please, Ucchan! If I don't do it, then my mom will find some guy for me!"

Ukyo shivered at that. "Dating a stranger your MOM picked out? That is scary…"

"Please, Ucchan, you're my only hope!" Ranma begged.

"Look, even if I can pull it off, I have troubles of my own, Ran-chan," Ukyo sighed. "I have a restaurant to run, bills to pay… and… and I need YOUR help."

"Me?" Ranma asked, surprised.

"I… I'm having a crisis right now," Ukyo admitted. "What am I?"

"…" Ranma paused. "Human?"

"No, no, am I a guy or a girl?!" Ukyo asked.

"A girl, of course," Ranma answered.

"Then why do I look like this!?" Ukyo demanded. "Why do I dress as a guy every day? Why do wear boxers, bind my breasts… pee standing up!?"

"You gotta admit, the last one is pretty awesome," Ranma pointed out.

"Ran-chan!" Ukyo screamed. "I'm serious! I don't know who I am anymore! How do you deal with this?"

Ranma shrugged. "By trying some new things. Sure, a lot is forced, but I stick around because I'm curious."

"It's different for me. I made this choice myself." Ukyo lowered her head. "All out of petty revenge."

"Hey, that kind of theft happening to you isn't petty." Ranma place a hand on her shoulder. "Ucchan… do you want to be feminine?"

"I don't know… I am bad at it," Ukyo sniffled. "I'm a bad girl…"

Ranma shook Ukyo. "Snap out of it! You are not bad, you hear me?!"

"Then what should I do?" Ukyo asked, heart low.

Ranma smiled. "We help each other. You be my date for this thing, and I'll take you somewhere special. I can be very masculine too, you know."

Ukyo thought that over. "But… won't people recognize me?"


Ranma smirked, holing a few magical combs. "Pick a hair color. Any hair color."

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Author's notes: wow that's long! Hope you enjoy it! Noy worked hard this time! So please, work on fanfic wiki page? Please? It'll get them to stop harassing me… Oh, and if you want me, the Text to respond to reviews, please leave a review saying that. Please? Until next time, I'm the Text!