Title: Just Another Love Confession
Characters: Rock Lee, Hyuuga Neji, Tenten
Special Appearances: Inuzuka Kiba, Sai, Nara Shikamaru
Summary: In which Rock Lee attempts to ask Tenten out on a date, and Neji jyuukens him for his efforts. Tenten, for her part, was terribly confused.
A/N: I spent half a day trying to come up with a witty title, and the outcome still sucked. Total crack. Don't ask.
Exactly one year, five months and twenty-two days after the Fourth Great Shinobi World War ended, Rock Lee finally got over his infatuation for the lovely Sakura-san! and started noticing the youthful flower in his team instead.
It helped that said lovely Sakura-san! finally got together with the once-rogue nin Sasuke-kun, who returned to Konoha exactly one year, five months, and twenty-two days ago, although it was actually more of Naruto dragging him by the hem of his white long-sleeved shirt.
Four months, two weeks and nine days after he realized that Tenten had blossomed into a beautiful flower worthy of affection and everlasting love, Lee finally decided to tell her of his feelings, and ask her out on a proper date.
He found her in their usual training grounds, sparring with Neji, as always. Although the two always train together, it was the first time Lee felt bad about it, as if Neji had unintentionally laid a claim on his youthful flower, when he was supposed to remain an asexual prick for the rest of his life. (Lee wasn't sure what the word asexual or prick meant, but he heard Naruto-kun scream the words at Sasuke-kun, when the sole Uchiha survivor initially refused any medical treatment from the lovely Sakura-san! when they got back from the battlefield. He thought the term fit Neji, since both Uchiha and Hyuuga were stoic, emotionless prodigies who didn't appear to have a single romantic bone in their bodies.)
Pushing away any doubt he has, Lee immediately boomed, "Tenten! I have something important to tell you, oh youthful flower!"
He was answered by a clashing of steel against steel, as Tenten tried her best to skewer her sparring mate with an array of kunais, shurikens, and metal tonfas. Neji, for his part, blocked every weapon with the renowned Eight Trigrams Palms Revolving Heaven, repeling all of the weapons' mistress attacks.
"TENTEN!" Lee boomed even louder. "I HAVE SOMETHING IMPORTANT TO TELL YOU, OH YOUTHFUL FLOWER!"
In between huffs, Tenten finally replied. "Okay, Lee," she said, flinging a battle axe at the Hyuuga. "Just let me finish this for a second, okay?"
Lee saw his eternal rival smirk while deflecting the weapon to his right. "This cannot wait, youthful flower! I must speak with you now!"
Tenten produced another scroll and opened it, showering a dozen senbons at the still-spinning Hyuuga. "One more minute, Lee," she yelled. "We're almost done here."
"But Tenten!" Lee yelled back, his flames of youth ignited by Neji's apparent hold on the object of his affection. "I need to tell you this NOW!"
In the next five seconds, three things happened simultaneously. Tenten threw a barrage of hand scythes at Neji. Neji surged forward, his Gentle Fist on the ready. And Lee jumped in the middle of the clearing, faced Tenten, and screamed, "I like you, oh youthful flower! Please go out with me!"
Tenten immediately pulled back her weapons using her chakra strings, shouting "Get out of the way, you idiot!"
Neji, after hearing Lee's untimely confession, was less charitable. "Eight Trigrams Sixty-Four Palms!"
When Lee came to, he found Tenten kneeling in front of him, a worried expression on her pretty face. Behind her, Neji stood, his stoic expression made less stoic by the death glare he gave.
"What the hell were you thinking?" Tenten hissed, smacking him on the forehead. "I could have skewered you to bits had I not used chakra strings on that last move!"
"You're so youthful even when you're angry, Tenten!" Lee suddenly beamed, as if he had not been jyukkened just a minute past.
"What. Is. Wrong. With. You." Tenten growled, smacking Lee one more time. Standing up, she shook her head and put her hands on her hips. "Seriously, of all the lame jokes you could think of!"
Lee pulled himself up and flashed Tenten a thumbs up. "I am not joking, Tenten! Go out with me!"
Silence ensued, and for one painful minute, nobody said a word.
Then, "Don't be ridiculous."
Lee would have accepted it with grace had Tenten been the one to reject his offer. It was his youthful flower's right, after all, to turn down suitors, because she deserved nothing but the best. He was not going to be deterred, though, since it was his eternal rival who answered in behalf of their kunoichi friend.
"Hah!" Lee boomed, pointing an accusing finger at his friend. "This has nothing to do with you, Neji! This is between a man and his confession to the love of his life!"
Tenten blinked. "Love of his life?" she asked, slowly. "Shouldn't you be talking to Sakura, then?"
Lee shook his head vigorously. "Sakura-san will always be my first love, but I have moved on. I have now decided," he said, teeth sparkling in a blinding grin, "that I want to marry you instead!"
"Eh?" Tenten choked, frowning. "Marry me?"
"Yes!" Lee knelt down, suddenly producing a bouquet of flowers from who knows where. "Will you do me the honor of being my bride, oh beautiful and precious flower of my life?"
Tenten blinked back in response, and before she could even utter a single word, Neji beat her to it. "Stop this nonsense, Lee."
Turning to his eternal rival, Lee frowned in return. "Why are you so against our union, Neji? Are you afraid that you will lose your sparring partner once Tenten marries?" A light bulb. "Or, are you, perhaps, afraid that you will lose her?"
Neji growled, and Lee pointed back the accusatory finger at him. "A-ha!" the Konoha Green Beast boomed. "You are my eternal rival, after all!"
"Shut up, Lee." Neji was dangerously on the verge of jyuukening the taijutsu expert once again, while Tenten just looked from one shinobi to the other, looking terribly confused.
Then, "Neji! I challenge you! Whoever Tenten agrees to go out on a date with is the winner!"
The Hyuuga prodigy raised an eyebrow, but showed no attempt to refuse the challenge. Lee yoshed! and turned to the kunoichi, who had remained silent the entire time. "Well, Tenten?" he asked, noticing that Neji had turned to face her as well. "Who do like better? Neji or me?"
The kunoichi was quiet for a long while, and appeared to be thinking things over. Finally, she answered, shrugging as she did, "I'd much rather date Sai or Kiba, truth be told."
One hour later, the Inuzuka found himself with all his chakra points closed, and running for dear life, as an enraged Hyuuga gave chase. Sai, for his part, was utterly confused as a certain taijutsu expert jumped in the middle of his training with Naruto, demanding that he accepts his challenge of running five hundred laps around Konoha.
At the other side of the village, a certain bun-haired kunoichi lay on the grass, a pineapple-haired shinobi beside her.
"Did you really have to go that far?" the shadow manipulator muttered, watching as the clouds drift past them.
Tenten chuckled. "I didn't know you have a death wish. Do you want me to look for them and tell them the truth instead?"
Shikamaru tched and closed his eyes, smirking slightly. "Troublesome woman."
What? I told you guys it's crack!