Kitty Torture
Disclaimer: I don't own HP or any of these characters. That belongs to JKR, Scholastic Books, Warner Brothers, etc. This is just something to pass the time while waiting for the next book.

They were at it again.

It never failed. Every day, they would get back from their lessons at the same time. Every day, they would plop down their books on the same table. And every day, after a few minutes of studying their lessons, they would start studying each other.

Well, studying was one way to put it. Crookshanks could have told them that there were different ways of studying each other besides from just staring all the time. He could not see why they were still in the first stages of courting when it was obvious that they were enamored of each other. One of them should have pounced by now.

It was actually grating on his nerves.

That was unusual. Usually not much bothered him. Yes, he was not happy when Meow-nie was sad or when there was no fish to be had, but it didn't actually get on his nerves, to use a people term. That was life. Life was fluid, like water. It was always changing and never stood still. He tried to make it better, by purring in Meow-nie's face till she smiled or subtly reminding Meow-nie that fish would be nice. Usually, life would take a turn for the better and he'd get his fish.

This had been going on for several weeks. And it was only getting worse—a couple of days ago Meow-nie had almost forgotten to feed him. He had quickly put an end to that—scratching her books immediately got her attention. Still it should have never happened.

What was just as bad was that he was losing sleep. Meow-nie had the bad habit (all persons had at least one) of talking in her sleep when she was worried. Normally, Crookshanks did not mind all that much. He lost sleep but there was nothing Meow-nie could do about it. The nights of the past few weeks were different though. Meow-nie would constantly flop around in her bed, muttering about bright green eyes and about kisses that tasted so sweet. Sometimes she giggled in the most foolish way. All of this made Crookshanks lose sleep.

What was different was that Meow-nie could do something. If Nice Guy tasted so good in her dreams, then why didn't she pounce him and taste him for real? He was losing sleep for nothing. Crookshanks also suspected that he was losing weight and that would never do.

He was getting quite annoyed with his person for acting like a fool.

Besides, it was a good match. You could smell how they cared about each other. When Nice Guy was in danger, Meow-nie turned the air blue with her fretting. When Meow-nie spent too much time on her lessons, Nice Guy would be there to remind her of more important things. They did so much together. At times, he could hear them breathe in unison together. They got on so well together.

But most importantly, Crookshanks could live with Nice Guy's Owl. Or, to be more accurate, Nice Guy's Owl could live with him. If he had to share close quarters with Loud Guy's piece of fluff for too much time, he would wind up eating the little fluff ball like the tasty kneazle snack it was.

Just then Crookshanks heard Meow-nie sighed. He whimpered. They were going to start that again.

Like clockwork, Nice Guy's sigh came following hers. Then Meow-nie sighed again. Then Nice Guy. Then Meow-nie yet again. Once they started this pattern, they never did end.

Crookshanks's whimpers had now turned into full-fledged whines. This was kitty torture. They wouldn't stop with the sighs. He was slowly being driven insane. He was going to wind up in the Dog House.

He wasn't the only one. He could see Loud Guy beginning to clench his fists in annoyance. Crookshanks did not agree with Loud Guy all that much but right now he was almost willing to beg Loud Guy to do something.

And that was wrong. Cats should never beg.

Fortunately, he didn't have to. Loud Guy couldn't take it either. He stood up, and in typical Loud Guy fashion, challenged Meow-nie to a game of chess.

Crookshanks never got that game. All you had were a bunch of stone pieces running around hacking at each other. It was more fun to play with string. Meow-nie didn't get it either because she always lost. That was no big deal in Crookshanks's mind but somehow it was in hers. She was determined to beat Loud Guy at his own stupid game.

That was just silly. She should have just ignored him and played with a bit of yarn. Still at least Loud Guy's game did have some use—they had stopped with the sighs.

This would never do. He was losing weight. He had been whining like a dog. He had been ready to beg. At this rate, he'd soon be foaming at the mouth.

Crookshanks would just have to take matters into his own paws. As neither Meow-nie nor Nice Guy were bright enough to do something about their attraction, it was up to him to push them together. A cat had to take care of his person, after all.

More importantly, however, was that if this lasted much longer, he wouldn't be much of a cat at all.

Author's note--I know I've posted this elsewhere but I thought I'd add this one here as everyone who reviewed really seemed to like the Crookshanks chapter. I'll probably post part two tomorrow. As always, I would appreciate it if you left a review. Thanks!