AN: I swear I don't do this on purpose. I just get distracted easily, and I even tried prompting this over in kink meme land, but I got impatient.

Anyway, warnings: Kurt being very sheltered, Blaine being sold as a slave, and what could be classified as non-con, since Blaine's kind of owned by the Hummels, but it's really more dub-con. Kinks, so far, as I haven't planned the whole thing yet, include dirty talk, rough sex, occasional cross-dressing in both sexy and casual circumstances, and some humiliation kink, because yum, right? Oh, and top!Blaine, in case you were wondering. I get that the slave thing might make you assume bottom!Blaine, but no...

Also, as a side note, I borrowed my favorite characters from Modern Family. This isn't a cross-over, because I just stuck them in as minor-ish characters that pop up from time to time to ammuse me, but yeah, just so you know, I don't own them either.

Um, I think that's it. Just know that I've got Burt POV, with him loving Kurt unconditionally but still being uncomfortable about his son's sexuality, and the part in the middle is a flashback.

Burt isn't a very emotional guy, and hell, why should he be? He's a damn mechanic who lives in Ohio, a man's man, who grew up playing football and riding dirtbikes like a good Ohio boy should. He spent high school with the poular crowd, getting girls and average grades, like any acceptable guy. He wasn't a huge bully or anything, sure, he pushed some of the smaller guys around a bit, and yeah, threw out some jabs and offensive slurs on a pretty normal basis, but he'd respected women and never actually hurt someone. Because that's what popular, acceptable guys did in high school.

That's why he'd never let Kurt go. Kurt was sensitive, always had been, and tiny, he'd have had a hard time playing sports even if he'd wanted to, which he'd made clear from his first day of football camp when he was seven, he did not. His boy wanted to dance, and sing, and play dress up. His only son liked pretty things, and decorating, and baking and all sorts of girly things that guys in Ohio just. didn't. do.

And he, Burt fricken Hummel, star linebacker and the best damn mechanic in Ohio, didn't care.

Well, he did, and yeah, it bothered him a bit, but that was still his son, his kid, the only one he had. It'd take an idiot to mess up the relationship he had with his boy, and Burt Hummel was dumb, but he sure as hell wan't stupid!

That made sense, no matter what Kurt said.

The point was, he loved his kid, more then anyone. Kurt was pretty much his world. Kurt, sports, and the occasional bacon burger, that's all he needed, and he'd do anything to keep those three parts of his life intact. So, yeah, he kept his boy homeschooled. What was he supposed to do, let him go be saughtered at McKinley High? No way, that place had only gone down in tolerance since he'd attended. There were classes online nowadays, and he highly doubted they'd be too far behind McKinley in quality. Now, that had just been what he'd seen as his options when Kurt had turned fourteen and graduated eighth grade. Those were his options before he'd gotten roped into the whole political deal by some guys at work.

Once he'd become a senator, right after Kurt's fifteenth birthday, he'd had the option of private tutors with degrees from fancy schools, like Harvard and Brown, places he didn't rally care about but that made Kurt's eyes shine.

Kurt's eyes. That was how you could tell if the kid was happy, by the color of his eyes. Kurt has been safe kept out of school, and Burt knows his kid has a good life, especially since they jumped in economic stature. His eyes light up whenever Burt slips him a few hundreds and tells him he can go to that big mall with all the fancy, expensive stores he likes, or he gets to plan some event or other Burt's had to host. He put alot into making Kurt happy, cause that's what fathers do, they feel bad about the fact that they're based in Ohio and their kid has to miss prom and Friday night football games, so they buy their kid expensive sweaters and a nice car and weird imported shower stuff and occasionally slip a ten to one of the guys in the shop so they'll go sit next to the kid and attempt conversation during lunch hour.

He'd thought that had been enough, but then yesterday...

"Burt," came a hesitant voice from the doorway of his office. He'd looked up to see Kurt's tutor fidgiting, a nervous smile on his face.

"What is it, Mitchell? The kid getting distracted with the cloaks or whatever the historical figures wear again?"

"Ah, no. No, nothing like that. Kurt's doing great, actually, he's super-smart, reminds me of when I was his age!" The guy cringed a little once he'd said it. "That made me sound like an egomaniac. Um, we actually have the same favorite musical, The Sound of Music, and we both just adore Lady Gaga, and-"

"It's okay Mitchell, I know how you get when you're nervous."

The red haired man took a deep breath, shaking himself a bit.

"Okay, awesome-"

"Which makes me wonder what you're so worried about. Kurt okay?"

"Oh, no, Kurt's fine. Perfect, even, he's a great kid, really. It's just that, well, I think he might be a little...discontent."


"He's depressed out of his mind!" came a yell from outside the room. Mitchell bit his lip, wincing a bit.

"That's um, my partner, he's also a bit concerned about Kurt."

"My little angel is losing his wings!"

Burt is eternally grateful he doesn't keep mirrors in his office, because he's sure his expression would look idiotic, and he's got this thing about Kurt proving him wrong...

"Okay ignore him!" Mitchell says with a nervous giggle, shutting the door quickly. "He, well, we have grown incredibly fond of Kurt since I've become his tutor, and we're starting to worry about him."

"How does Kurt even know you're, um, partner?"

"Who do you think he goes to the mall with?" Mitchell asks after a pause. Burt feels a small, incredibly unwelcome sense of realization tingle at the back of his mind.

"You two are his mall mauraders?" Burt hears himself ask quietly.

"And his dinner theatre dolls and his movie miscreats."

Well shit. He'd never really thought about who Kurt was hanging out with, just that it was a group, and Kurt always came back happy and showing no signs of non-platonic touching. What kind of a father doesn't make sure that the kid they're responsible for is hanging out with actual teenagers, and not his red-headed tutor and his red-headed tutor's boyfriend partner guy? Bad fathers, that's who. Damn, he needed to fix this.

"..and it's not that we don't just love Kurt, he's practically Cam's mini-me when we're at the mall, but as much as we love hanging out with him, it's a little worrying that he doesn't have any friends his own age."

"You know," Burt says slowly but surely, hopefully convincing Mitchell to quit rambling. "I think you're on to something. Kurt's been a little down in the dumps lately, maybe he does need some opprotunities to meet kids his own age."

"Great, I'm glad we had this talk," Mitchell says with a smile, before quickly opening the door to slip out.

"Wait, Mitch?" Burt stops him. "How do I get him friends? And what kinda friends does he need? Like, boys or girls or what?"

Mitch looks uncomfortable for a minute, but then he's pushed aside as a larger man enters his office, wearing one of those cape-things Kurt had been so happy to get last week.

"Oh, Burt, you just have to talk to him about it. Kurt'll know."

Burt raises his eyebrows at Mitchell, who's discreetly trying to nudge the other man out of the door, muttering something about cans under his breath.

"Oh, also, Mitchell's wrong, Kurt doesn't need new friends."

Burt turns to him, because damn it, now he's curious. This guy kinda dresses like Kurt, so maybe he's more like him, knows more about how his kid thinks maybe.

"Go on."

"Thank you, Burt," he says with a bit of a flair that is pretty Kurt-like, Burt will admit, and steps easily around Mitchell, who's nudging has quickly become less discreet. He walks over to Burt's desk and places his hands down. "Kurt, well, he's very mature for his age, and to be honest, I don't think he really cares about having more firends. He has me and Mitchell, plus plenty of aquaintences from the mall and art class."

"Kurt's taking an art class?"

"He is indeed, Andre says he's got real potential, but that's not the big issue," the man waves off quickly, and Burt catches a glance of Mitch in the background, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "Kurt's totally happy when we're out and about, isn't that right, Mitchell?"

Kurt's tutor instantly has his hand away from his face and smiles at his boyfriend.

"Totally happy."

"Right," the man continues, but he must see Mitchell return his face to his hand, because he whips back around. "Honey, do you have a headache?"

"Just a little one, Cam," the red haired man said, sounding slightly exasperated. Burt couldn't even begin to consider holding it against him.

"Oh, poor baby, we'll stop by Wallgreens on the way back," he, well, Burt supposes his name is Cam, says in a pitying voice, and he feels himself smirk as Mitch blushes a bit. Kurt would think that was cute.

"Anyway, though, Kurt doesn't need friends, Burt, he needs a boyfriend."

Wait, what?

"Please don't freak out, please don't freak out..."

Burt ignores Mitchell in favor of smiling like he isn't about to have a heart attack just form considering the idea.

"He's sixteen, " he reminds the room confidently. "And he's little. It's too easy for some guy to take advantage of him. Maybe in a year or two."

"Excellent insight!" Mitch pipes up from his spot in the background, and Cam turns to glare at him for a split second before turning back to Burt.

"Look, Burt, I know Kurt's your little boy. I can't even imagine what a mess me and Mitch will be when Lily has her first date-"

Burt resists the imediate urge to ask how they had a baby, before adoption and the like pops into his mind and he feels like an idiot.

"-but you can't be oblivious to the look Kurt gets in his eye whenever he watches Titanic-"

Titanic is a sad movie.

"-or sees a couple holding hands-"

Kurt just gets a little emotional when he sees romance.

"-or when he writes a creative writing assignment starring Kyle Humphry and the Disney-esque prince who saves him from his life of mediocrity and takes him to New York where they star in a glorious all-male production of Wicked and have romantic trysts in their dressing room amoungst hundreds of roses from adoring fans."

Well, that was just Kurt's over-active immagination. And the similarities between Kurt and Kyle were probably coincidence.

Even he knows he's being ridiculous. Of course Kurt is lonely, and love-starved. It's those damn musicals he likes, Burt's sure of it.

Still, he's taken away all of those high school experiances, and maybe, if he could make sure this guy would take good care of his boy...

"Ok, say I listened to you guys, cause my boy likes you and you're gay, so you gotta know how he feels, right?"

They look a bit uncomfortable at that, but nod anyway.

"How do I make sure I get a good kid?"

Cam and Mitch had insisted he talk to Kurt, and he'd been plannig too, but he really, really didn't want to talk about boys. He's the father, it's his job to threaten guys, not to have in-depth conversations about who's cute, right?

So, he may have slipped Mitchell a little extra to take notes on what Kurt wanted, and he may have made a few calls he'd never thought he'd make. But Kurt was turning seventeen in a few days, and he'd always been real hard to buy for.

This time though, he'd be the father that knew what to do, with the perfect present. He nodded to himself as he looked over the list Mitch had slipped him earlier. Dark hair, bright eyes, handsome smile, strong...the small amount of chest hair and nice abs had been a bit unsetteling to read, but nothing compares to the neat notes on what size manhood his little boy had decided he needed. (How the hell does Kurt think he's going to fit eight to ten inches up there? Is that even possible? It sure as hell shouldn't be.)

But, he could do this. There were enough redeeming requirements (has manners, loves to cuddle, is musically inclined, ect.) that he felt somewhat comfortable giving the information to the American Board of Servants, and waiting for his search results.

Kurt would love whoever he got, and that was what was important.

That, and soundproofing his son's room.

AN: I may have underestimated how much fun I have with Cameron and Mitchell. Just a little.

Since we're on the topic, favorite Modern Family character? Least Favorite? I have a supersoft spot for Mitch, but I can never completely decide between him, Cam and Gloria. I don't like Claire though...

But yes, do say what ya'll think. (And I'm sorry if there are some letters missing. My keyboard...It's not as bad as it was, but I might have missed something.)