I appear to have taken a liking to Kaguya recently. I wonder why?

Maybe because I think she looks like Kiri Komori from Sayonara Zetsubou-Sensei? Or is it because she's Gensokyo's resident NEET? Or maybe I'm just random like that...a combination of all three!

Anyway, lemme explain a bit more details...

Each chapter will be dedicated to a different event in this Kaguya vs Mokou competition. Each event will have a different guest judge (Eirin and Keine are judges in all of them) and the first event is...

A surprise!

Kaguya walked into Eientei, looking like she'd just risen from the dead. That description would be highly accurate. There were third-degree burns all over her body, her clothes barely hung onto her body anymore, and altogether she looked like she'd been to hell and back. "Eirin," she wearily called. "I'm home…Eirin?" That was odd. Usually, Eirin was there almost instantly when Kaguya announced her return. "Eirin?" Was she going out for a house call? To Kaguya's memory, Eirin didn't do those…but to Kaguya's memory, Mokou was the one that started the constant fights between the princess and the phoenix, so it was actually very possible that Eirin did house calls.

Saturday. Mokou's favorite day of the week. Back when she was a child, it was because the weekend off from school began, and now that she was immortal and her best friend was a teacher…it was still the exact same reason that Mokou loved Saturdays so much. Friday was okay too, but there was still school so Mokou would be wracked with impatience since the weekend was so damn close. But, oddly, Keine was nowhere to be seen. So, Mokou just sat on a rock in the Bamboo Forest of the Lost where she and Keine usually met, taking one long drag on a cigarette. Maybe if she were lucky, she'd run into Kaguya instead. That would make it four days in a row where she got to kill her eternal rival. Mokou exhaled the smoke, creating a sizeable cloud of a variety of stuff that was bad for people. Since Mokou was immortal, it wasn't like it mattered much. Still, where the hell was Keine?

"You don't know the half of it," Keine said to Eirin. The two had met somewhere far from their usual locations, so that Kaguya and/or Mokou would not find them. They were meeting to try and find a way to either stop or at least slightly cool down the eternal and infernal (pun very much intended) rivalry between Mokou and Kaguya. "Do you know how many times Mokou's bragged about how she thought of some new creative way to kill your princess? It sets a very bad example for my students."

"I know what you mean," Eirin replied. "Kaguya spends all her time either playing video games from the outside world or begging myself and the rest of Eientei to build things from those games. Do you have any idea what a Wabbajack is?"

"Can't say I do…"

"Me neither." Eirin placed one of her hands firmly against her forehead, using the arm as a support to stop herself from slamming her head onto the table. "We need to get them to stop. For their good, our mental well-being, the views your students have on casual murder, and for the sake of the rabbits at Eientei who don't know what the hell a Wabbajack is, we have to make them stop." But how? How would they get those two; a lunatic princess and a girl who let herself get possessed by a phoenix just to have more power with which to kill said princess; to stop this endless fighting and killing of each other? Then a light bulb went off in Eirin's head. "Oh, I know what to do…"

"Really? Please tell."

"It may sound stupid, but I propose a lengthy series of events in which the two will be forced to compete in!"

"Really?" Keine's head was about to sink into her arms that rested on the table between the two, but then it rose back up. "I think you're on to something here, Eirin. Alright, tonight, bring Kaguya to my school in the human village! I have to go make preparations…oh, I hope I didn't choose the wrong location." Even if Mokou and Kaguya wound up destroying the school, Keine could just alter history to make it as though it never happened. Still, what if they destroyed the whole village?

Nah, it was sort of Mokou's unofficial job to guard that village along with Keine, and sometimes that half-youkai who ran the shop not far from the village. What was its name? Kourindou? Yeah, definitely Kourindou. Ah, that reminds me. Later today, I'll have to visit Rinnosuke; I'm sure the outside world has "given" us some more textbooks.

Kaguya couldn't avert her eyes from the computer screen. She was a NEET; this was her specialty. The Lunarian princess had started a new file on Skyrim to amuse herself, and had been toying around with console commands. Her plan? Rename everybody in the game to Fujiwara no Mokou and kill them all! So far, she'd covered about 80% of the game's characters in part one of her creative (and extremely time-wasting; she'd been at this for almost ten hours) plot. Using even more commands, Kaguya (that dirty little cheater) had given herself top-notch armor and weapons, as well as every spell and Dragon Shout. However, one thing didn't change between her usual files and this one. She was playing a Dark Elf named Teruyo, who specialized in melee combat and healing magic. For Dragon Shouts, Kaguya always had Unrelenting Force equipped, but now she was getting impatient with naming everybody Fujiwara no Mokou.

Then, almost as if her impatience had been detected, Eirin walked through the door to Kaguya's room. "Are you playing your new game again?"

"Yes," Kaguya replied happily. "Nearly two months since the release and I still haven't gotten tired of Skyrim. Oh, that reminds me, how's the progress on making a real-life Wabbajack going?"


Five weeks ago…

Reisen; poor Reisen; was the test subject for what should have been Kaguya's new weapon. So far, she'd grown extra ears, lost ears, turned just about every color under the sun, and had some transformations that, for the reader's sake, will not be listed here. Now she was finally catching a short break, and was back to her normal self thanks to a special medicine made by Eirin herself. The rabbit that was testing the Wabbajack?

Tewi, of course. "Alright, ready for another round?"

"W-What? N-N-No, don't fire that!" ZAP!

"…Relatively well."

"Awesome! How long do you think it'll take to finish?"

"I'm guessing…"

Three weeks ago…

"Undo it!"

"I can't!"

"Figure something out!" Reisen's limbs had been turned into masses of rampaging tentacles in Tewi's most recent test shot, and the new body parts were flailing all over the room, destroying just about everything in the process. Reisen herself was closing in on hysterics; what kind of punishment would be in order when this destruction was seen by Eirin? And when it was learned that Reisen was the one who had done this?

"…I'd rather not give you a specific timeframe."

"Fine, be that way. Also, I was walking by the infirmary a couple weeks ago and saw Reisen was out like a light bulb and hooked up to all kinds of machines. Did she get slammed by a bulldozer or something?"

"Let's go with that." Why was Eirin letting herself get distracted like this? There wasn't time for that; there was a rivalry to settle! Kaguya's toy would have to wait! "But I came here for something important. We're going to the human village."



"Can I at least finish re-naming all these-"



"Your game will be there when you get back, Princess Kaguya."

"Yeah, but it's bad for the machine to leave it running."

"Can't you save?"

"Fine. I'll just quicksave…done. Okay, let's go."

Mokou had gone through seven or eight packs of cigarettes just waiting on that same damn rock for Keine to show up. She'd wait here for her entire life if she had to; she literally had all the time in the world. Frankly, at this point, she was staying on that rock because she was so outraged with herself; that she decided to just sit on a rock instead of actually go out and find either Keine and hang out, or Kaguya and fry some Lunarians.

"Enjoying the moon?" Keine nudged Mokou's arm a bit with her elbow, and said "Sorry I'm late; I had business to attend to."

"Must've been some pretty important business. I've been sitting here all day long!"

"That's quite a lot of patience you have there. Come on, I've got some wrapping up to do at the school; care to help out a bit?"

"Sure, why not?"

"Glad to hear it."

Mokou looked around at the boxes of seemingly random items in neatly-piled stacks around the school. "What the hell? Keine, are you moving?" There was a sign out front that said the schoolhouse would be closed for a while, and that Keine wouldn't be teaching. At least the sign also said that classes were going to be in the center of the human village and would be taught be Hidea no Akyu. All in all, it actually did look a bit like Keine was moving.

"No, Mokou, I'm not moving. But I am glad you showed up."

"You dragged me here by my hair. What's so important that-"

"Eirin, what's Mokou doing here?"

Mokou's head, as though it were automatic, turned toward the source of the unexpected (and, if Mokou were calling the shots, uninvited) third voice; a voice that got Mokou angry by just hearing it. "Keine, what's Kaguya doing here?"

Guess there's no event in this chapter. Oh well, at least I was able to get a whole chapter spent on getting ready for this chain of events. I'm very tired as I'm writing this note; it's past midnight here and I need to sleep. These were written the night before this chapter got uploaded, and I hope you enjoyed this first chapter. Leave me reviews with ideas for what events Kaguya and Mokou can compete in, be it something serious or something stupid, as long as nobody has an obvious upper hand