"Alice and the Jersey Cow"

A Penal Code Outtake submitted for the Fandom 4LLS, written by BellaFlan & FictionFreak95

What was happening on the other side of the door when Edward and Bella visited Alice's apartment?

Part 1 - ALICE's POV

I was so excited.

I mean, like, really excited to finally be getting my crazy on with Jasper Whitlock, sexy ass waiter extraordinaire.

Sa-wooon.

I even went out and purchased a brand new Sexpander Multifunctional Personal Pleasurizer G-Spot Finder Vibrator last night and practiced with it to make sure I could explain how he could get me off while I was on top of him, getting my pony play on for the night.

You know what they say: save a horse… ride a cowboy! And I was gonna do just that. Jasper was one fine specimen, and I wasn't about to let this opportunity pass me by.

He was due at my apartment any minute, so I did a quick inventory check of... well, things, before he got there.

Handcuffs... Check.

Feather tickler… Check.

Nipple clamps… wax… Oh!

Urgent knocking from the front of the apartment startled me, and I forced myself to slow down so as not to appear too overly anxious about our evening together.

When I opened the door, though, my eyes grew wide at the sight of him in his tight blue jeans, black buckle boots and a vintage tee that said everything, as in "Iron Maiden".

And the hat. He'd worn the cowboy hat.

Oh my...

His pecs were screaming "Bite me," and the bulge in his pants reminded me that size really does matter. I couldn't wait to prove that theory correct.

"Can I … come in?" he asked with that same charming Southern smirk I'd fallen for the first time I laid eyes on him, and for a moment, I forgot how to speak.

There was also a distinct possibility that I drooled. A little.

"Alice?" He dipped his head but kept his eyes trained on mine, and I blushed like a fourteen-year-old with no experience. I moved out of his way as I wiped the saliva from the corner of my mouth. Discreetly, of course.

"Of course, Jasper, how silly of me. Come right in."

While he blathered on about something he'd picked up for us on the way over and before he could make it to the couch, I was on him like white on rice. Racing toward him like a psychopath, my momentum knocked the two of us down and into the cushions of my mother's old sectional sofa, and my lips were on his with a determination that even Scarlett O'Hara would find intimidating.

I wanted to fiddle his dee... His dee of course being his dick.

"Mmm," I mumbled, and then lifted my hips just slightly, giggling with excitement. His hard-on was poking at my belly but there was something just a little off about it. "Somebody's ready," I cooed, wondering what he had hiding inside those tight jeans of his.

Then I realized... that was no hard-on poking my stomach.

"What in the...?"

Jasper smiled up at me. "I thought we could try somethin'... a little different tonight... if ya don't mind."

"Oh, I don't mind different, Jasper. I've got cuffs and whips and chains."

"Oh my."

"That's right, baby," I told him, dipping my head into the crook of his neck to take a nibble. He groaned in response as I dry humped him on my couch.

But then I felt it again, and I had to ask, "What exactly is that anyway?"

That's when he suggested we move things to the bedroom and asked me to bring my toys with me.

... Jersey Cow...

Once Jasper explained he wanted to be tied up submissive-style, and I squealed with joy over getting to play the part of the Domme for the evening. I turned the lights down, lit some candles (for wax play later on) and cuffed him to my bed post with the pink fuzzy cuffs I'd purchased at "Spankthemonkey dot com". Not before removing that silly shirt of his though. I needed to see, touch and bite every part of that man's anatomy before the night was over.

"Take my pants off," he rasped out after I blindfolded him, and I could already feel the excitement that had been building up move to between my legs.

I twisted his nipple, and he yelped.

"I'm the Domme; don't tell me what to do," I demanded (playfully of course), and then began my decent along his torso until I met with… the button fly.

All attempts I made to keep things slow and sexy failed as I made my way through the buttons of those jeans. When I finally got them all undone, I began pulling at the denim roughly, anxiously anticipating my time on the pony express, but...

"Um... Jasper?"

He wriggled under me and smiled.

I scooched backward a little to get a better look.

"What the hell is that?"

It was some sort of contraption, obviously, and as I tilted my head to try to get a better look, I realized at least what its purpose was.

Oh my...

"It's my makeshift tranny device."

"Uh..."

"It makes it easier to tuck my dick up."

I was glad he was wearing that blindfold, dammit. I would have hated for him to see my jaw on the floor like that.

When there was no response from me, he clarified.

"See, I like to be fucked."

I choked a little... Was he saying he wanted me... to...

"In the ass."

"I get it!" I blurted. Half of me was repulsed, but the other half was highly curious as to what the motherfuck I was supposed to do with that information.

Then he blindly reached over to the end table and pulled something out of my bag of tricks.

He held it up in my general direction. "You'll need to bind my feet up above me."

I took the vibrator from his hands and stared at it blankly for a moment.

"And... you want me to do what... with the what?"

I knew Jasper was a little out there… crazy even… but this was a little out of the ordinary… even for me.

He wriggled some more. "I want ya to fuck me good."

A choking sound escaped me as I laughed nervously.

"Jasper, I don't..."

"Come on, Alice, it's easy," he nodded his head, gesturing toward the bedroom door. "There's a strap on in my bag."

Looking over at the black duffel bag that sat next to my dresser, I was suddenly a little disappointed that he wasn't up for me riding him like a rodeo competitor on a wild mustang but... it did sound kind of interesting. I mean, seeing how I was the Domme and all... the control I'd have... and seeing what it was like to be Edward... I mean a man...! from a man's point of view, sex could be...

"Um.. okay."

I pulled my little kink-a-holic's jeans the rest of the way off, but left his socks on since it was a little chilly in the apartment and then hopped off the bed to undress myself and go put his contraption on. After slipping the vibrating dildo into place, I stopped at the full length mirror next to the dresser and took a good look at myself before going back to the bed. And Jasper.

Interesting.

I swayed my hips from side to side, causing the dildo to slap my legs on either side and I stifled a giggle. Then I pulled my bottom lip between my teeth as I looked over at Jasper, wondering if I could actually do this or not.

I can do this. I can totally do this.

If Edward could fuck a hooker... or, someone he thought was a hooker, anyway, and still live happily... then I could pretend to be a man for an evening. Right?

I cleared my throat a little. "So um... how do I...? I mean where do I...?"

Jasper's smirk was doing me in, that's for sure. I'd do anything if he would just smile like that for me until eternity was over.

"You'll need some lube... It's in the side pocket of my jeans," he said. While I searched for the substance that would hopefully make this a little less awkward for both of us, he told me, "I sure wish I could see what ya look like right now, Alice."

I looked up at him and saw his groin throb a little and I wondered if it hurt to get a hard-on while he was all tucked away like that.

"Found it," I said, getting on my knees as he lifted his legs above his head. I tied each ankle with more of the soft binding material I'd found online and then was face to face with... Jasper's ass.

It was hairier than I would have imagined, but other than that, I suppose it looked like most asses.

I squeezed some lube out of the tube onto my fingers and hesitantly at first, rubbed it against him.

Jasper moaned. "Yeah, baby, just like that."

Hearing his desperation was when I decided maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all.

Part 2 - JASPER's POV

My momma always told me to be a gentleman, first and foremost. Mind your manners, she would say, and I reckon you could apply that philosophy to almost any situation.

"Thank you, kindly," I managed with a groan as Alice pushed a fingernail into my man-hole. "Get in there good, now."

"Okie-dokie." She giggled, and my cock bucked in protest against its restraints like a wild horse. "Jasper?"

"Yeah, doll?" Please don't stop, pretty baby. It's been so long since I've gotten my freak on, good and proper.

"I don't... I mean, I've never done this before. Not sex... just this particular kind of sex." She thrust her finger in deep suddenly, like a scared gopher retreating into the ground having been spooked by its shadow.

"Look, little girl," I said all solemn-like. "If you're up for a party, we can rock and roll here. But if you're not hunky dory with ass play, we can try somethin' else."

"Like what?"

"Well, I'm purt' near up for anything you can think of."

She rolled me onto my stomach, her hands trailed up my back, fingers biting into the knotted muscles there. Rubbing, just rubbing all the stress and pain away. "Goddamn," I drawled, arching off the bed. "You sure have strong hands for such a little thing."

"Well, I work out. A lot. In fact, I'm pretty sure you're gonna want to see when I take my clothes off, Jazzy-poo. Do you mind if I take your blindfold off?"

"Course not. I wouldn't wanna be missin' no show."

The blinders fell off my eyes, and there stood the most beautiful sight I ever did gander: Alice in nothing but a pair of 'em tiny shorts that aren't quite panties but definitely ain't pants. Her tits were firm and round - no more than a handful, and my hands flexed, desperate to be freed from them fuzzy cuffs to measure. Stifling a groan, I buried my head into the pillow.

"There's something I'd like to try," she said, waving a buttplug in the air like it was her freak flag.

"Your druthers is my ruthers," I assured her.

She bit her lip and freed my trussed limbs. I might have pouted some when she slung her titties into a leather bra, because she gave my ass a firm smack, clicking her tongue.

"I will not tolerate disobedience from you, sub. Do you understand?"

"Yes'm."

My little filly meant business.

"Hey, cowboy," she taunted, "think you can handle being more cow than boy?"

I grinned, catching her drift. "I reckon I can, with the proper equipment... like a tail."

Alice's eyes grew darker. "Get on all fours, and no more talking. The only vocalization I'll allow is mooing. Do you have any questions, sub, er, I mean, cow?"

"Mooooo," I said, shaking my head.

Alice proceeded to milk my cock with her fist, and I screamed out every bovine sound I could think of.

Truth be told, I wasn't much of a cowboy, but I sure made one heck of a boycow.

"Where are you from, exactly?" Alice asked, removing my nipple clamps.

"Honestly?"

She nodded.

"Jersey."

... Jersey Cow...

As recorded through the security camera outside of apartment 4G:

A short, brunette female (not dressed like a hooker) and a tall, red-headed male cop (dressed suspiciously like an undercover John) are huddled outside the door.

Voices picked up from the other side:

"Is that a Wii ya got there, little missy?"

"Sure is."

"And is that—nah, it can't be…"

"Oh my God, do you play Tip the Cow?"

"Sure do! I've just never seen it on a Wii before."

"I'm the reigning champion of my, er, special gaming community online. My friend Emmett jail-broke my Wii so I could play it. I've never met anyone in real life who played!"

"Well, now ya have."

"No one's ever beat me at it, cowboy."

"That's 'cause you ain't played me yet."

"Oh really..."

Male and female visitors proceed to pound on the door.

"Mooooo!"

Door flies open, revealing a sexually ambiguous hucow with a braided tail hanging out of his ass and a Wii-mote clenched between his teeth. A small female dressed as a milkmaid sits on his back.

"Howdy!"

A/N – Thanks for reading! Love you, Jo xoxo