Sadly I don't own The Big Bang Theory
Sheldon stared out the passenger window, how had Penny managed to convince him to go with her? Granted he was tired of hearing Leonard engaging in self-abuse with Priya over Skype since they got back together last week. Raj was undoubtedly scarfing down another pie while crying over Bridget Jones' Diary and moping about being lonely again. Howard and Bernadette went off on their honeymoon and probably baking in the hot Bermuda sun. He secretly hopes they packed extra strength sun screen to avoid melanoma. Amy left a week ago to visit her mother since the termination of their relationship. However they are on good terms and agreed to continue their friendship.
So here he was on a Friday night in her car, shaking his head in disappointment because she was wearing her 'sexy heels' while operating her motorized vehicle. More like 'heels of inevitable peril'.
He stared at his clothes once more and scoffed. She had forced him to wear 'proper' clothes which didn't have any connection to any form of geek media. Penny had waltzed into his room even after telling her that nobody is allowed in his room while she ransacked his closet.
She had chosen a button down black sleeved shirt which was hidden in the far right of his closet. Missy had purchased it for him a few years ago as a birthday present. He was also wearing boot cut jeans, another article of clothing long forgotten since the last time he visited his mother for Christmas, exactly seven years ago.
Penny sang along to a Katy Perry song which Sheldon recognized immediately since Amy had sung it before while drunk. Her lips moved perfectly in sync with the lyrics as he tore his eyes from them. Sheldon reached over to the radio and changed the station.
"Hey I was listening to that! I like 'I kissed a girl'; it's a great song." Penny pouted as he gave her a look.
"I was not aware of your sexual orientation."
"You think I'm a- oh no sweetie. I'm straight."
Sheldon eyed her."Then why do you enjoy that song as much as Amy? At least she has a reason to; she's bi-sexual."
"Okay did not need to know that. Fine, then you pick a song."
He nodded and scanned through the channels quickly, his frown more pronounced as he reached the end. "There's nothing I find enjoyable. Might as well sit in complete silence."
Penny rolled her eyes. "Why am I not surprised?"
She pulled into an empty parking space and unbuckled her seat belt as Sheldon let out a sigh of exasperation.
"Come on Sheldon. You promised you would give it a try and this was your idea."
He glared at her. "I know what I said and I wish I didn't."
"It'll be fun." Penny assured him as he followed her to the door.
They proceeded through the doors and the bouncer checked their IDs before stepping aside to let them through.
"Oh dear God." Sheldon muttered as he looked at the crowd in front of him, dancing, if that could be called dancing to the heavy dance music blasting through the speakers.
He was jerked forward by Penny as she pulled him toward the bar. "Let's start with a drink." She yelled over the music.
They stood in front of the bar at the far end of the night club and the music wasn't as loud to allow for conversations.
"What do you want Sheldon?" Penny asked after ordering a Pina Colada.
"A virgin Cuba Libre."
She narrowed her eyes. "You said you would order something else."
"Alright. Why don't you choose something for me then since my choice of drink is moot." He replied irked.
Penny turned to the bartender. "He'll have a sex on the beach."
Sheldon's eyes widened. "That doesn't sound hygienic at all. What if I become infected with a sexual pathogen?"
"Trust me you'll be fine."
Sheldon stared at the drink in front of him and frowned. "I doubt it."
"Do you want to dance now Sheldon?" Penny asked finishing her fourth drink.
Sheldon turned to look at the dance floor. "How can that be considered dancing. Actual dancing-"
She waved her hand. "I know your cotillion training. So how about it?"
He finished sipping his second drink. "No I'm not in the mood."
Penny stood up and walked past a few people on the dance floor. Sheldon pushed the glass away from him and looked around. He started calculating the number of people and if it met the building code in the event of a fire.
As he scanned the club his eyes settled on Penny. She was moving in perfect synchronicity to the music. It reminded him of mating rituals that he had seen on the discovery channel. He tried to look away but it was erotic and pleasant watching Penny move to the beat.
Sheldon shook his head and stared at his empty glass. Maybe he was infected by a parasite from the vile drink. However it was tasty, he would admit that and looked at the bartender.
"I need to sterilize my mouth. Could I have some tequila?"
Sheldon downed his third shot to make sure his mouth was completely clean and blinked as a woman sat down beside him. She was a red head and had the figure of a model.
She leaned in and whispered in his ear. "Hey sexy, wanna have some fun tonight?"
He stared at her a little tipsy from the alcohol. "I'm afraid nobody with a decent IQ would have 'fun' in a place like this."
She looked at him in disbelief. "Not here but at my place."
Sheldon blinked. "I don't understand, what is the difference between here and- oh."
He whipped his head around, scanning the area for Penny. His eyes darted back to the red head and he slowly stood up.
"I need to relieve myself." Sheldon replied and darted onto the dance floor.
"Penny!" He called out over the blaring music; she was nowhere in sight. Maneuvering past the people bumping and grinding he let out a sound of disgust. The thought of the bacteria from the perspiration began flooding his brain as he walked past the bathroom.
Sheldon paused and walked into the men's bathroom calling out Penny's name, earning a few stares from the men. He walked back out and stood in front of the woman's bathroom. Opening the door he smiled and saw Penny re-doing her make-up.
"Am I glad to see you. Let's go home before another woman prepositions me." Sheldon said standing beside her.
She turned to look at him. "Why? The night's still young. And this is a woman's bathroom you can't be in here."
He gave her a stern expression. "Don't you think I know that? I looked for you in that sweaty cesspool only to find you weren't there. This was the only option left."
Penny applied a coat of red lipstick and smacked her lips. Sheldon stared at them and felt his body temperature increase.
"I may have already contracted some illness. I want to leave."
Penny rolled her eyes. "Sheldon, if you want to leave then leave. I'm staying and enjoying myself."
She heard the door open and grabbed him by the collar, dragging him into the nearest stall.
"What are you doing?" He asked as she clasped her hand over his mouth.
"A while ago a couple was thrown out by a bouncer for getting busy here in the washroom. I am not getting thrown out because of you."
Sheldon nodded and his eyes grew wide. "God Lord, don't tell me it was in this stall?"
"How should I know which one? When I walked inside the bathroom he was already escorting them out."
Sheldon began to panic and grasped her shoulders. "Think woman, which stall?"
"Quiet or we're going to get caught." She hissed as Sheldon shifted closer to her to be as far away from the toilet as he could get.
"Penny, one can look toward the floor and examine that there are two sets of feet in this stall." Sheldon replied with a condescending tone.
She blinked. "Alright, I didn't think of that."
"Obviously the alcohol has damaged your cognitive abilities."
"Hey you drank too!"
"Yes, but I'm still in control of my faculties."
Penny stared at their close proximity. His expression had softened and she looked at him. He was always handsome to her but seeing him in normal clothes only increased it. Sheldon noticed her emerald pools had darkened and felt a shiver down his spine.
She put her arms around his neck and their lips collided. Sheldon went stiff as her lips moved against his own but then relaxed. His hands moved from her shoulders down to her waist and gripped them. Penny deepened the kiss and glided her tongue over his lips. Sheldon parted them and allowed her access to explore his mouth. He felt her pull him down more as a moan escaped her lips and he opened his eyes slightly. Penny hadn't pulled him down, her knees had buckled.
They parted for air and stared at each other panting slightly. Penny hadn't had a make-out session like that since she moved to California and who would have thought it would be with Dr. Germaphob?
"The cat's never been this alive." she breathed as the expression on Sheldon's face suggested his brain had melted.
"Sheldon?" Penny asked worried she might have broken him.
He paused for a few seconds. "Fascinating. I believe I agree with you."
Sheldon then realized where he was. "Penny, I believe this bacteria-filled stall is inappropriate to continue our activities in. I would be much obliged if we head back to the apartment."
"Are you prepositioning me?" Penny asked seductively as he held her gaze.
"As a 'big old five' you should know the answer to that question."
They walked up to 4A and Sheldon fumbled with his keys as Penny brought him back down for a kiss. He glanced at the door and his Vulcan hearing picked up on activity in the apartment.
"Hold on, Leonard is home. I don't think he would appreciate witnessing his roommate and ex-girlfriend strolling into said roommate's room for coitus."
Penny paused. "Yeah, you're right. My place then."
She took his hand and dragged Sheldon to her door as Leonard opened the door looking at them.
"What's going on?" He asked confused.
"Penny's offered to make me cup of coffee and I've accepted."Sheldon replied turning around so that his ticks wouldn't be noticed.
"Oh okay. See you later then." Leonard said and looked at her."Goodnight Penny."
He turned around and walked back inside as Penny shut the door behind them.
Leonard plopped down on the couch and picked up the remote before freezing. Sheldon had lipstick on his neck and he doesn't drink coffee. He looked toward the door once more as he heard Penny moan loudly. Leonard took off his glasses, wiping them before putting them on upside down and babbling incoherently.
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