AN: Don't even ask. I was in an extremely weird mood today and quoting "Lord of the Rings in 60 seconds" with my best friend and somehow this idea popped out; so naturally I decided to inflict others with my boredom. You have been warned.
Oh, I don't own One Piece
Monkey D. Luffy wants to be the Pirate King, so he leaves home to find a crew but falls asleep in a barrel instead. Pirates find him and he knocks them out, Coby is afraid of everything but thinks Luffy is spiffy so he tells Alvida she's fat. Luffy thinks he's fun so he lets him come with him to meet Zoro.
Zoro is awesome, but hungry, and an idiot named Helmeppo took his swords. Luffy tells Zoro to join him, and Zoro tells him no way! But Luffy gets his swords and holds them hostage so Zoro says okay. They beat up the crappy Marine captain and make everyone happy.
But then a bird tries to eat Luffy and Zoro has to chase him. Nami thinks Luffy is cool until she finds out he's a pirate, then she thinks he sucks so she ties him up and takes him to Buggy. Buggy is annoying and stabs Zoro, (that jerk!) so Zoro takes a nap in a house that accidentally blows up, he's still okay though.
Nami and Luffy make Buggy a little pirate and punt him off the island; they all leave together and get threatened by Usopp's pirates. Usopp realizes they're awesome but Kurahadol is a bad guy and makes evil plans with Micheal Jackson…I mean Jango.
Usopp wants to stop the pirates but he forgets where they're going so Luffy does it instead, since they're friends they all sail away together on the Going Merry, which was made by a sheep. Luffy accidentally hits Zeff's house, so now he has to do dishes, but he breaks a lot of them. Sanji gives food away, (making Baratie lose profit, except he doesn't care.) but that comes back to bite him in the ass later.
Don Kreig is an idiot and seems to want a broken ship because he breaks a lot of Baratie, Zoro gets chopped up by Mihawk, and Zeff could totally kick everyone's ass but he lets Luffy do it instead, and then insults Sanji so he'll leave. Sanji says goodbye and goes with Luffy to Nami's island where a bunch of fishmen pirates are kicking around, being bastards.
Everyone thinks Usopp is dead but he's too awesome (and indestructible) to die, a marine comes to take Nami's money and Gen-san shows what a badass he is. Nami needs a hug and Luffy breaks the fishmen's house so they can leave together.
They stop in Lougetown so Buggy can get hit by lightning, and there is no way Smoker (as awesome as he is) can take Dragon in a fight, so he has to sulk while the Strawhats leave for the Grand Line. They almost break the Going Merry on Laboon but find Vivi instead. Then Baroque Works blow up Igarrim. Robin is sexy awesome but Luffy wants to see dinosaurs so they go to Little Garden.
Mr. 3 sucks a lot and tries to make everyone into candles on a birthday cake. Zoro is the only one with a cool pose. Sanji changes his name to Prince and the giants continue to duel, even when they leave.
Nami got a bug bite so they go see Chopper who doesn't know how to hide properly, (and is not a tanuki.) At first Luffy wants to eat him, but then he changes his mind and decides to take him along instead, Dr. Kureha is hella scary, but awesome and she chases everyone away by throwing axes. Then she shoots dirt into the air and makes cherry blossoms of awesomeness.
Mr. 2 is the coolest okama ever! Luffy's brother Ace is made of fire, and hangs out with them while they fight Kung-fu dugongs, but then he leaves to be cool elsewhere. Dang it. :(
Crocodile wants everyone to drown but they tell him no and go to Alubarna to stop a war and set off a bomb. Luffy drinks a ton of water so he can fight Crocodile and Robin gets sad because she can't learn history. Luffy takes her along to Jaya where singing monkeys are the norm. They find out there's a way to go to the sky but then they get beaten up by an idiot named Wiper, who is a major douche.
Sky fish look tasty but a crab steals the Going Merry, Zoro pretends to be Tarzan and God saves Chopper from burning up. Sanji, Usopp, and Luffy get knocked around, then have a party with wolves, and plan to go to the city of Gold, but Luffy gets eaten by a snake instead.
Enel is an asshole but when the others try to vote him off the island he gets mad and electrocutes everyone except Nami. He takes her to a flying ship of Gold and gets knocked around by Luffy until he remembers that he can fly and Luffy can't, especially when he's got a big-assed ball of gold on his hand, so he kicks him off his flying ship. Because he's such a jerk he destroys Angel Island, making everyone sad, so Luffy beats him up for real and rings a bell.
An octopus flies them back to the sea but they have crappy aim and go see Jonathan instead, who likes to fish, and then they fly away again so they can play a freaking stupid game. Luffy wins because he has an afro, and Robin gets turned into ice. They chase a frog into train tracks and think Water 7 is neat-o.
There's a square Usopp who says Going Merry can't be fixed, which makes Usopp leave and Robin try to kill the mayor. Everyone gets majorly pissed and chases the Strawhats around, but still can't manage to catch a single bad guy and even let their building get lit on fire! Nami and Chopper look for Luffy and Zoro while Sanji gets on a train to see Robin.
He meets Franky and Sogeking who help him find Robin, but then they get kicked around while she's having a panic attack. Franky jumps a bull and gets caught and taken to Enis Lobby.
The others get on another train, Aqua Laguna tries to drown them but they're like "Stfu." And get past it anyway. Luffy goes ahead of everyone while Sogeking makes friends with giants then shoots down a flag. Robin thinks they're awesome and the bad guys think they suck so they try to leave.
Zoro fights a square giraffe, and Sanji grills a wolf while telling Sogeking to go be useful somewhere, Luffy fights a guy in a top hat, but becomes a miniaturized version of himself and gets his ass kicked. Everyone else meets up with Robin and have to fight with a bunch of marines; Usopp proves again how freaking epic he is, which motivates Luffy to beat up Lucchi, then they all zoom away on Merry.
Merry breaks and has to say goodbye, (which makes everyone in the world cry,) but Franky builds them a new ship called the Thousand Sunny that looks like a dandelion, or maybe just a regular lion…
They see a big ship with Brooke floating by and Luffy thinks he's awesome. Then Nami, Usopp, and Chopper get lost on an island full of zombies so the others go looking for them, but they get attacked by spider mice and lose their shadows. Robin and Franky fight a huge zombie spider, but Brooke defeats it with sheer awesomeness…and singing…and salt.
Absalom wants to get married, (but not to a rhino, the racist bastard,) so he has a wedding which is crashed by Sanji. Sanji wanted to be a pervert but Absalom beat him to it, so he's pissed and kicks his ass.
Oars eats all the islands food, then goes to play pirate by himself, which annoys the other zombies so they attack him, (the freaking idiots.) Perona makes the others wish they were sea cucumbers, but Usopp's negative power is stronger then hers so they have a fight. She uses cheaty faced tactics until Usopp finds her real body, then he plays a horribly awesome joke on her and wins the fight.
Robin and Chopper have to fight Sanji and Zoro's shadows, but because Hogback is an idiot they win so they won't get hit with dishes anymore. Zoro takes Brooke's shadow back and Luffy chases Moriah all over the island. Everyone except Luffy and Nami face Oars in embarrassing ways that annoy Robin, while Perona is ransacking their ship, then Kuma comes and sends her away.
Moriah comes out of hiding in Oars stomach, (that's just…ew.) and a blue Luffy with a sword comes to fight him, when he passes out the others break Oars' back so he can't move. Then Moriah swallows a ton of shadows and looks like a really fat frog, (some say gecko, I say he looks like a frog.) While Robin, Zoro, Sanji and Lola are getting burned up Luffy makes Moriah spit up his shadows again.
Just when our heroes think they're safe Kuma makes his version of the big bang and knocks them out. He wants to take Luffy but Zoro won't let him so instead they go somewhere else so Kuma can explode him, he survives but falls asleep. When everyone wakes up they party then go to Sabaody Archipelago where slavers suck, Luffy hits a tenrybuuto, (woot!) Rayleigh shows off his awesomness, and Kuma sends everyone flying.
Luffy gets chased by a bunch of amazons but when he sees Hancock in the bath she gets pissed and has her snake-sisters beat him up, he proves he's awesome by helping them, which makes her fall in love with him, then finds out Ace is in trouble. Hancock hides him in her dress, (wtf?) and takes him to prison where she makes everyone fall in love with her as a distraction. Luffy meets up with Buggy, Mr. 3, and Mr. 2 (one of whom's awesomeness can not be summed up!) then runs around in hell for a while.
A guy made of poison hits him in the face but Iva's posse bring him to their hideout where he yells and screams for a while then eats all their food. Because Dragon is cool-beans Iva helps Luffy get Jinbei and Crocodile so they can chase after Ace.
Poison guy comes back and generally makes a nuisance of himself while Jinbei chats up some fish to come help; they sail away, (special mention must be made of Mr. 2 and his Awesomely Epicness! I'm going to go cry now…) and get to Marineford in time to fight in a war. Too bad most of the guys there kicked Luffy's ass. :(
But Whitebeard recognized Luffy for the awesome that he is, which made his crew think he was spiffy so they help him run around. Then Magma-man (who I freaking hate so much!) puts his gooey fist through Ace and makes Luffy sad. While Jinbei runs away with him Teach shows up to kill Whitebeard like the coward that he is; he further adds insult to injury by taking his devil fruit power and being a dick. Luckily Shanks shows up and the sheer awesomness of his presence is enough to stop the war.
Rayleigh swims across the calm belt to be Luffy's teacher, then they run around Marineford to get the world's attention so Luffy can send a sneaky message to everyone else. They're all like "cool, we'll see you then." And train their butts off so they can all meet up again and continue to kick ass across the world.
The Thousand Sunny gets tricked out so it can swim and some idiots chase them around before getting smooshed by the Kraken; Luffy thinks he's spiffy-cool and wants to make him a pet but then they fall down a dark hole and get lost for a while. When they get back together they go to fishman island and get separated again, ( I'm sensing a theme here Oda.) Sanji gets a nosebleed from hell and when the others go to a starfish's house Neptune comes to visit them.
Luffy chases the smell of food and bounces around on Shirahoshi, who is a crybaby, so he takes her for a walk, (swim?) by making her pet shark eat her. Not sure about the logic there but it's Luffy so, whatever.
Shirahoshi's stalker chases her but Luffy boots him away, they go see Jinbei who tells them how awesome he is, then get into an argument because Luffy doesn't want to share his meat.
Hordy Jones and his lackeys act like preppies during a collage initiation by being douche bags around the island, which makes the little kids cry for Luffy to destroy their island, (again wtf sense make?) The strawhats get together to kick around 100,000 guys, plus an umiboshi, while the giant arc Noah starts to float around. Shirahoshi wants it to chase her but Luffy uses it as an arena to kick Hordy Jones ass instead, and when he's going to break it a bunch of sea kings show up to hork it away.
Everyone has a party where Luffy eats sugar and Nami wants money, then Big Mom's stooges show up for candy and Luffy tells her that she can't have fishmen island anymore…because he's seriously just that awesome!
And that's pretty much it, up to date. To sum everything up: One Piece is FREAKING AWESOME!
AN: I told you, just don't ask. But I would like to hear opinions. :P