hey there guys! i recently became obsessed with YJ and after reading a million stories and toying with this idea in my head, i decided to give it a try. tell me what you think :)
i do not own Young Justice
I swear I had no idea.
I don't know what's wrong with me…
I never even noticed that there was a problem honestly. Does that make me a bad son? I hope not, but I think I might doesn't help that I keep hearing my dad in my mind confirming my suspicions.
"This is all your fault, you and your uncle. Ever since you got those powers and joined that damn team…"
I didn't mean for this to happen and come on, I mean it's not even that bad is it? Stuff like this happens to people all the time right? They take some meds and eventually they get over it…don't they?
"The most they can do is give her something like Xanax to deal with the panic attacks and depression anxiety and maybe admit her for a few days, but that's the best they can do. What she really needs is to see somebody, like a therapist."
Therapy is overrated. I know her, she's strong. She'll be fine. She's always fine. She wouldn't do this to me.
"Well why don't you send her to a therapist then?"
"Because of you, she can't go see anybody…and blow your cover as Kid Flash?"
I'm just so lost at the moment and I feel so guilty as I lay in my bed replaying bits and pieces of last night's conversation with my dad over and over again in my mind. I got the feeling something was up lately, but I wasn't sure. It's been a few months since I actually spent an entire weekend at home and it was kind of weird. My mom just seemed so off. She wasn't her normal cheerful self, she seemed almost half there. She wasn't cooking or cleaning or even going shopping with her other mom friends. She was just walking around looking like she was on the verge of a breakdown or she would stare at me and start crying. It was like she waiting, like she knew something I didn't…like she was waiting for something bad to happen to me.
I asked my dad about it that morning, and he just sort of brushed me off, said she's been a little down the last few months but it was nothing to worry about so I didn't. Then I went out with Uncle Barry around the city, just to do a check and make sure everything around Central was safe, when I came back that night my parents weren't even home. I called my dad several times and finally he picked up and told me they were at the hospital. My mom had had a very severe panic attack and after several minutes, she still didn't feel like she could breathe. When I got there, my dad could barely even look at me. I wasn't sure why.
"She's been having them for about six weeks now, pretty frequently, usually after you'd leave to go fight with Barry or your friends."
"W-why didn't anybody tell me?"
"You're barely home Wallace, and when you are…you aren't. Besides, they were usually done after two or three minutes. It wasn't a big deal at first but they've been getting worse and she's slipped into this morbid depression."
He thinks it's all my fault, I know it. I wasn't sold at first, but now I'm thinking that it is too. Mom wasn't like this before I got my powers or even when I was just tagging along with Uncle Barry around Central City. This happened after I joined up with Young Justice and we started going out without our mentors, as our own team. I know we're all young, but we honestly handle ourselves pretty well I think. Apparently my mom has less faith in me because it seems every time I leave nowadays, she's been telling my dad she doesn't think I'm coming back. My mom's going crazy because for some reason she thinks I'm going to die or something.
"I wish you would quit this nonsense Wallace, this superhero thing. You know what your mother told me last week? She looks at me and she goes, 'what if he doesn't come back this time Rudolph? I wouldn't be able to live with myself; I don't think I would make it. The guilt would be too much for me, I'd have to put myself out of my own misery.'"
My mom told my dad she would was pretty much going to kill herself over me. I don't what she thinks is going to happen to me, I've been mostly fine up to this point. I mean there was the incident where I got my powers, and I broke my arm once but that's about it. I haven't really gotten seriously hurt, and I know it's always a possibility but I haven't given her any reason to worry. I guess she has been anyway and the other night, she just really scared my dad because he took her to the hospital. While we were there I even overheard him talking to my Aunt Iris about it.
"Rudolph, what happened?"
"She freaked out. She looked terrified and kept talking about how this could be the night, that she wouldn't make it if Wally didn't come home. She said she knew one of these nights she was never going to see him again and she wished she had a normal son like every other mother because she couldn't live like this anymore. She couldn't live in fear wondering when her son was going to pop up dead. I thought she was going to do it, I was ready to call 911 then, but suddenly she couldn't breathe and I knew she was having a panic attack and it was terrible. It wouldn't stop, so I brought her here. I told them everything, everything I could at least. They're probably going to keep her for a few nights, maybe in the psych ward."
"Have you told Wally…You need to tell him."
"For what? It's not going to change anything. Tomorrow night he'll be out again parading around with your husband as Kid Flash. It's pointless. I lost Wally years ago, now I'm about to lose both of them."
I couldn't even focus my mind in school Monday I was so distracted. I'd trying to put the pieces together in my mind and figure out how I remained oblivious to the problems going on at home for so long. My mom had been on a downward spiral for months and I'd been too caught up with my friends to even notice. I've been fighting crime for years with Uncle Barry, but now that I'm on my own more I guess she's overly worried about me.
I run to the cave after my last class, which doesn't take me long at all. Uncle Barry and The Bat's told me I could take a few days off if I needed, no questions asked, but I don't want to. I don't want to go home and be forced to think about everything that happened this weekend. Besides I don't want the rest of the team to know what's going on. I told Bat's and Barry not to say anything because I don't want them treating me any differently because my mom…because my mom is mentally unstable. That was Batman's way of saying my mom was crazy but in a nice way. I wish my dad would use mentally unstable, he's just been saying crazy. He's also been saying I'm the reason she's this way. I drove my mom crazy. Maybe if I quit the team she'd be o-
I stop before I depress myself further. I've been trying not to think like that, but it's so hard. Maybe if I somehow stopped being Kid Flash everything would go back to being okay…But I don't want to stop being Kid Flash.
I'm apparently the last to arrive at the cave, which I hate. I can't stand being the last person to show anywhere, I have superhuman speed! That should never happen, but it does today. I guess I was just running a little slower than usual.
"Way to finally show up for training," Robin jokes with a smirk on his face. I know he's kidding but I can't help but feel bad because of everything that's been going on. It's got me feeling really depressed and kind of out of it lately. If I don't want anyone to know what's wrong, I really need to suck it up until I leave.
"Yeah, sorry about that," I say rubbing the back of my neck sheepishly, "I didn't mean to hold you guys up or anything."
Even behind his dark sunglasses, I can tell Robin is raising a brow at me curiously, "Um…don't worry about it KF. Come on let's go."
We're doing our usual one-on-one combat training today since we haven't been assigned any type of mission. As Kaldur goes up against M'Gann, I'm trying to think of anything to keep my mind from trailing over to my mom and her irrational fear of my premature death or the way my dad has been looking at me like I'm a disappointment since we left the hospital or the fact that I think I might deserve that look.
Superboy and Robin go up next, followed by me and Artemis. I hate being partnered with her and today since my mind is elsewhere, she kicks my ass. I mean it's like embarrassing. After sparring we all hang out in the main room for a little while M'Gann attempts to cook spaghetti, it's not the worst she's ever done. I eat it because I'm starving and I don't want to have to eat when I get home. I just plan on going straight to my room and staying there.
Around eight-thirty I figure it's time to leave. I exit the cave and about to break out into a sprint when I hear Artemis right behind me. "What the hell was up with you in training today Baywatch? You sucked worse than usual."
I don't care what kind of mood I'm in, Artemis pushes my buttons always. She's just so damn frustrating sometimes. "Just wait 'til next time. I was a little off today."
"A little?" she laughs mockingly. If she wasn't a girl I swear…
"Okay so maybe I was really off, whatever...and would you stop calling me Baywatch? I would like to think that we've grown past that already," I say stuffing my hands onto my pockets as we walk. I'm itching to break out into a run, but if I do obviously Artemis wouldn't be able to dream of keeping up with me.
She purses her lips and rolls her eyes. You know, she might actually be kind of cute if she wasn't always scowling, "Oh, and what would you prefer I call you?"
"Um, I don't know, Wally."
Being the asshole she truly is, she pretends to consider it before shooting me down. "Uhh, no. I still like Baywatch, Baywatch. I think I'm going to stick to that."
I want to counter back with something really mean, but I don't this time only because Artemis is about to branch off in a different direction than me. She stops to wait for cars so that she can cross the street and go right. I'm about to go left, but I stand there and wait to see if she makes it okay. Just because she's a pain doesn't mean I want anything to happen to her. God forbid she gets hit by a car or something while I'm standing right here. Green Arrow would be sooo pissed at me.
While she's waiting she turns towards me with a scowl, "Why are you still standing here?" She says it like she owns the sidewalk or something.
"I'm making sure you don't die on your way home. Where do you live anyway?"
Artemis opens her mouth to answer but then closes it and glares at me, "None of your business. Don't you have your own home to go to? Why don't you go there, I can watch out for myself thanks."
With that, she runs across the street and down a back alley leaving me standing at the corner. Yes, I do have a home to go to…I just don't think I really want to go there. Regardless of whether I want to go there or not, it doesn't take me long to get home. I'm praying that I can just sneak up to my room without seeing my dad but of course that isn't the case.
My dad is sitting right in the living room when I walk in, "You're home, finally."
"Your mother is here. She's upstairs in the room asleep," he states standing up from his seat and coming around to face me. He looks tired and kind of sad, and I can smell faint traces of alcohol on him. I really don't want to look at my dad like this, plus he's giving me the 'this is all you fault' look as again though he won't say it out loud.
"They let her out already?" She was only admitted Saturday night.
"Yeah, she talked to a few people, lied mostly because she obviously couldn't tell them the truth. They deemed that she wasn't a threat to anybody and said she should be fine on the Xanax."
Not a threat to anybody, what about herself? She lied, that's the only reason they let her go. "Is she fine?"
He half shrugs like that's some kind of definitive answer and turns his face back towards the TV. He can't be watching anything because it's on commercial; I know he's just trying to avoid looking at me. "If she talks to you, just try not to mention anything about superheroes and villains or missions okay?"
"What if she asks me?"
"Just don't mention it, okay Wallace? It's already bad enough that you're a part of it, you don't have to go around talking about it too." His voice is firm and angry. I just nod. I swear my dad can be scarier than actual villains sometimes. I'd rather go out and fight bad guys any day of the week.
The rest of my night goes pretty smooth. I shower, eat…twice, and go to bed pretty early. I wake up for school in the morning, get dressed and immediately head to the bathroom to wash my face and brush my teeth. Walking back into my room I hear someone in there shuffling around. I have no idea who that could be so I get on my guard and turn the corner slowly. When I look in, I see my mom frantically searching through my closet. She's pulling things off hangers and just throwing them down. I think she's looking for something.
"Mom? What the hell are you doing?"
"Wally, where is it?" she asks.
"Where's what?" I say walking up to her and gently moving her away from my closet before she can cause any further damage to my clothes. She starts pacing around the room and eyeballing some drawers I have. She's so not getting into those neatly folded clothes. I'm not refolding them.
"The costume Wally, where is your costume!"
"My Kid Flash costume, why?"
Her hands are shaking while she talks to me and she has these black bags under her eyes like she hasn't slept in nights. It's almost scary to see her like this, "Y-you can't go out there Wally. I don't want you to go out there. Stay home, please, stay home with me. Please?" she begs grabbing my shoulders and shaking me. I don't know what to do. I'm honestly kind of scared.
"M-mom I…I can't. Nothing is going to happen to me."
My mom takes a break from shaking me and looks directly into my eyes, "You don't know that."
I'm officially creeped out right now, by my own mother. For the first time in years I'm frozen in my place. I can't move and even if I could I wouldn't go anywhere.
"Wally, quit the team. Stop being Kid Flash and stay here with me, where you're safe. I don't like it when you're out there. I can't protect you!"
"I can protect myself mom, r-really," I stutter as her grip seems to tighten on the sleeves of my shirt.
"Wally, no you can't."
One by one, I loosen her grip on me and slowly inch back. I carefully pick up my backpack and try to move around the edge of my room towards my door so I can leave, "Mom, I-I need to go to school now okay? I'll be fine, I promise."
"No you won't Wally!" she yells lunging at me and hysterically crying. My mom pulls me into a tight hug and her tears begin to leave spots on my shirt. I can feel myself uncomfortably panicking. I don't know what to do, should I pry her off?
Suddenly my dad rushes in and grabs my mom for me, "Wallace! What's going on?"
"Rudolph thank God! Tell him not to leave! Make Wally stay home. He can't go out there, I don't want him fighting with the league anymore! Make him stay!"
My dad's eyebrows lower into a less than pleased expression as he pulls my frantic mom in close to him. He is so pissed with me I can practically feel it radiating off of him. "What did I tell you last night Wallace?"
"But I di-"
I still try and defend myself as I walk towards the door, "But Dad I-"
"Just go to school Wallace! Get out of here, please!" he yells angrily. I get out of there as fast as I can. When I reach the street I take a moment to catch my breath, figuratively of course. I run all day, I'm in great shape. I just need to take a few minutes to think about what just went on.
My mom is crazy. She has this crazy idea that something is going to happen to me and I wish I knew where she was getting it from. I don't understand what could have happened to her in the past few months. I mean sure I've been going on more missions, and they are a bit more dangerous but I handle myself. I guess it's all just become too much for her and it looks like she's becoming too much for my dad. Sooner or later I think this is all going to be too much for me.
I sit in class all day replaying this morning in my mind before finally pretending to be sick during last period and running to the cave. I spend the next forty-five minutes trying to think of what I should do. I can't cure my mom; I don't think you can cure what she has…whatever that may be. My dad has clearly been trying to keep her from getting to this point but it hasn't worked. He's fed up by now, I can tell. I'd never personally seen one of her flip outs until this morning and just one time is enough for me.
I can't talk to anyone here about it, except Uncle Barry and maybe Batman but I don't really want to discuss it with either of them. They might force me to take those few days off they offered before and I definitely don't want to do that. Is it bad to not want to spend time with your parents, even if one is psychotic and the other secretly blames you for it?
I have got to stop doing that! I don't want to refer to my mom as psychotic or crazy. She's not a nutcase, she's just sick…right? She's just sick.
I raise my head from resting inside the palms of my hand and look up to see Robin eyeing me, "Hmm?"
"Are you okay dude? You've been looking really whelmed these past two days." Robin and his made up words, only he could get away with that.
"I'm fine," I say. Total lie, in my mind I'm going fucking crazy. I don't want to tell Robin that. Robin or I guess Dick I should say, is my best friend. I'm the only kid here who knows his secret identity. I also know that Dick doesn't have any parents, his are dead. I don't want to bother him with my problems and complain about my two living parents. I feel like that would just be rubbing it in, besides I don't want anyone to know what's going on at my house anyway. It's embarrassing and I don't want anyone to think I'm suddenly incapable of doing my job because I've got some "family issues."
Being the highly advance detective he is, I can tell he's totally unconvinced. "You sure?"
"Alright, whatever you say KF."
Next thing I know, everybody is in here sitting on the couches around me. I do my best to put on the usual Wally "façade" so that nobody else seems to suspect anything from me. I make a few passes at M'Gann because, let's face it she's hot and she totally wants me. I throw a few snippy comments back at Artemis after she says something under her breath and calls me "Kid desperate." I'm not desperate, she's clearly just jealous. I don't know why? If she would stop being such a superbitch, I would tell her there's enough Wally West to go around for everybody.
We spend the next few hours training with Black Canary before we're all allowed to go home, which would usually be a relief if I wasn't going home to a bad reality TV show. Just like the night before, Artemis comes up behind me. I don't know what she's going to say seeing as we didn't get out rematch today.
"So are you going to walk me to the corner again tonight?" she asks, hands on her hips.
I wasn't really planning on it. "Why should I?"
"I thought you wanted 'to make sure I don't die on my way home'," she says in a mocking tone to make fun of me.
"I never said that."
"Yes you did."
"Well I don't sound like that."
"Yes you do."
"…Ugh! Well fine, I'll walk you again but only because it's on the way." Truth is, I'd do anything to stall from going home.
"Mmhmm," she says grabbing her bags and walking beside me down the street. "So…not to pry or anything, but is everything okay with you? You haven't been your usual cocky irritating self during training the last two days." Damn and I thought I was putting on a good front. Is it that obvious?
"Robin asked me the same thing. I'm fine, I swear."
I think I said that a little too defensively because she throws her hands up in front of her, palms facing me. "Okay okay, I was just asking."
I apologize as we approach the corner. Instead of veering off, I cross the street with her. I don't even notice until she looks at me, blonde eyebrow raised, "Where are you going?"
"Huh?...Oh, wow I-I didn't even…" I say rubbing the back of my neck, face turning bright red. "I didn't even notice."
"If I didn't know any better, I'd swear you were trying to follow me."
"Follow you? Ew no way."
"Well you did ask me where I lived yesterday."
"I was just curious. Are you going to tell me today?"
"No," she says bluntly, almost too fast.
"Why not?" It's not like I don't know who she is. I could honestly probably ask Robin to figure it out for me. "We've been working together for months and no one really knows anything about you."
"I just…I don't think…If I told you about me, it wouldn't be what you were expecting," she's looking down at her feet when she says this. Then she looks up at me with a almost friendly smile, not one I'm used to getting. "Guess we all have secrets, don't we?"
"Huh?" She can't know I was lying to her earlier can she?
"Anyway, thanks for walking me again."
"Like I said, I'm just trying to make sure you don't die is all."
"Yeah sure," she says as she breaks off into a run in front of me. So maybe that's not the case. I just really don't want to go home again, not after this morning. As odd as it may sound, I almost wish Artemis would tell me where she lived, or let me walk her home so I wouldn't have to turn and go to my own house right now.
well i hope u enjoyed :) plz leave a comment, ill take any type of feedback