Disclaimer: S-still not mine…*goes into hysterics* I will *never* write that again. Just let it go there!

A/N Thanx:


San Antonio Rose


I reeeeeally appreciate the reviews. I didn't know PPC had been taken down! Does any one know why?



"So he was all like 'You're hot' and I'm like 'I know' and he's like 'Are you free anytime in Halimath?' and I'm like 'No, we don't fly helicopters in Math'" Sue was telling her excited best friend. Mary was painting her nails *almost* ferociously, but still carefully and perfectly, like everything about her.

"Oh, you go girl! He is like so totally into you! And like, what then!?" asked the pink-nailed teen.

"Well, like then we went home, and I'm all like, 'Bye' and he's all like, 'Bye'!" finished Sue with a flourish.

"Well, Arag… whatever, was all like-…" Mary was cut off in mid sentence by a flashing pink light, and a tune began to play. It was the speaker.

"Morning Angels!" said the annoying little phone.

"You have the wrong number, it's like, 11pm. But yah, we're angels!" said Sue, but the other person had hung up. The speaker-phone rang again immediately.

"Mary, Sue, my little darlings, there has been another one. This is terrible. They've done everything right, it's set in the Grey Havens!" said a worried male voice. Mary and Sue jumped up.

"This is like, serious! And the cheek of it all, during my slumber party!" said Sue in disbelief.

"Well, it gets worse. Legolas is married! *NOT* to her! You are going to have to totally sort this one out. GIMLI HAS CHARACTER!" the voice at the other end of the line sounded almost hysterical. Mary and Sue jumped up, make-up, teddy bears, and faux-fur and glitter flying everywhere.

"I'm thinking like, warrior queen elf type thingies," said Sue. Mary nodded in agreement.

"Like, totally!"

"Any old English, Brett?" asked Sue, dragging a walkie-talkie with her as she ran to the Control Room. Mary was already there, pressing buttons. Obviously, due to her degrees, she knew exactly which ones to press, in what order, and could memorise every one exactly. Who can't?

"In places. Elders, like Gandalf, Elrond, Galadriel and such do all the time. For formal occasions everybody does, and there is no slang at all. Ever," said Brett.

"Like, rule number one!" said Sue as she stepped through the portal.

"No old English, the character is in the English, therefore the character is normal, therefore the fic is wrong," said Brett as he turned off his end.

Meanwhile Mary and Sue had got into M-E with little difficulty, and were now slaying orcs by the dozen.

"Like, die for your crimes against Fashion!" screamed Sue as she effortlessly killed three with one sweep of her sword.

"Like, if I wasn't killing you, I'd like, faint!" Mary told another two as she cut their heads off with one sweep of the blade. Finally the battle was over. With not one scratch, cut, or messed up hairdo.

"Like, we just ROCK!!" said Mary.

"You're telling me?" Sue asked, and they began to do a high five, but stopped just in time.

"Oh, sorry girl but, I might like, break a nail!" Mary apologised.

"Like, ditto!" Sue assured her, and they continued on their way. Finally they reached the sea separating them from Valinor.

"Like, kick-ass god things would be useful now!" said Sue slightly annoyed, but still sweet, perfect and gentle as always.

"Like, don't forget, Mary and Sue conquers all. Magic Powers! Duh!" explained Mary, in slight exasperation. The only time they exceeded slight emotions was when they were happy, sorrowful, sweet, or gentle.

"Sorry girl! Like, did I tell you that kick-ass warrior queen suits you?" asked Sue apologetically.

"Like no! But I think you look like, amazing, as always!" replied Mary.

"Awwww, c'mere girl!" said Sue, and they hugged. Then, amazingly enough, zapped themselves to Valinor.

"Hi guys!" said Mary upon arrival.

"Like, Elrond! Like, who does your hair!?" asked Sue, "You've really let yourself go a little, now there's no evil and all," she added. He frowned.

"How did you and your companion arrive here? By means of magic, I surmise, or thy would not be in the middle of our Council," he said.

"No shit Sherlock," said Sue. Because of her degree in Language, she knew exactly what he was saying. She would have any way, being an authoress, and a darn good one at that, even if she and she alone said so herself.

"Anyway, like, who here has dark brown hair, green eyes, speaks Sindarin only, being damn imperfect, used to live in Mirkwood, and had no involvement in the Quest what so ever?" asked Mary, sounding disgusted. A tallish elf that fitted the description stood up.

"I understand you are an OC but not an MS?" said Sue. The female elf nodded a little fearfully.

"Well. You have committed these crimes. *Ahem*. Not lusting over a member of the Fellowship, taking into a account, and not adjusting the canon, placing yourself in Valinor, thus regarding what has happened in the past, and having faults. Most importantly, you *USED OLD ENGLISH*!!!! How many times must we make people tell you: No old English, the character is in the English, therefore the character is normal, therefore the fic is wrong!" Mery recited. Sue narrowed her eyes at the girl.

"Why can't you see MS's are for the good of elfkind? Take her down Mary," she said, and looked away, completely at loss for words. The disgust overwhelmed her, and she would have been sick apart from the fact it may mar her perfectness. Mary nodded.

"Gladly," she said, and whipped out an arrow, stuck it through the girls throat, pulled it out and shot it between her eyes. Because she could.

"Excellent. Now Legolas, is Saturday good for you?" asked Sue, but unfortunately the canon was still in his mind.

"I-I'm married…" he said, in indignation.

"Oh, that. Mary will see to that in 5…4…3…2…1…" screams echoed from the distance.

"Aurea! A-aurea…Aurea who? Hey girl, maybe we could like, get a tree later on…?" he said breaking away from everything he had before in about ten seconds. Just then Mary ran in.

"Sue! We have to go like, NOW!" she said, her eyes wide with fear, however only adding to her appeal.

"Like, why, I'm having fun!?" asked Sue, puzzled. She needed a party.

"Because like, I have blood on my hand!"


"Like emergency!!! We need soap! STAT!"


Still plotting my death? Good for you!