This story was moved from my profile as a stand alone piece, to here where not only for the people who haven't checked my profile and read it, but also so I can keep better track of it, placing it with all my other Faberry shorts.
TITLE: Nobody's Perfect
WORD COUNT: 4,893
WORLD: Glee AU
CHARACTERS IN THIS CHAPTER: Rachel, Quinn, New Directions, and Judy.
A/N: Excuse any spelling errors, this is unbeta-ed.
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Glee.
TRIGGER WARNING: Suicide attempt.
Tonight was the night. Quinn had been thinking about this every day for the last month, wondering if she would actually have the courage to do it. In the end, she did...though she had something to attend to first. Sitting at her desk in the corner of her room, she wrote four separate letters. The first, and the longest, for her mother. The second, for her best friends. The third, for the girl she had fallen for. And fourth, for the entire Glee Club. They needed to know why she would do something like this.
Wiping a tear that escaped from her eye as she finished the last letter, she knew it was time. After putting the letters into their own envelopes and writing the names of those who needed to read them, she set them down in the middle of her bed where they would be seen easily, and walked into her bathroom. The blade was ready, just waiting there for her on the sink counter for her to pick it up and slice away. It was really the end...and Quinn almost couldn't believe it. Soon, the pain would be gone.
Quinn didn't exactly know what was to come. She believed in a heaven, but was she good enough to get in? That's what scared her the most. All she wanted was to stop being a burden on her parents. Stop being the daughter that always screws up and disappoints them. She picked up the razor and slid to the cold tile floor, looking at her reflection on the small silver blade. Her sad, green eyes looked back at her as if asking if she was ready. She was.
Gripping the razor tightly in her right hand, she raised it to her left wrist, hesitating because she wondered how hard she needed to press down. Shaking her head, she just followed her instinct, and sliced the area right below her palm. She moaned out in anguish to the empty house, and started to cry. With her vision blurry, she fought through the pain, switching hands that the blade was in, and cutting another deep line on the opposite wrist. She cried louder, just wanting it to end soon.
Laying back against the wall, she laid each arm at her side, and waited. It didn't take long before she started feeling light-headed, and her vision started to go. Darker and darker, until she could see and feel no more.
"Quinnie, I'm home!" Judy shouted from downstairs as she came in the front door with an armful of groceries.
Quinn would have heard her Mother's call, but she was already unconscious from the blood loss.
"Quinn, come and give me a hand, honey!" She called again, and still no answer.
Shaking her head, she set the sacks down on the kitchen table, and headed upstairs, figuring Quinn had her headphones in or something. She saw her door open at the end of the hall and made her way toward it, but when she entered, found an empty room. Frowning when she saw that her daughter's bathroom door was slightly open, she knocked lightly on the door, causing it to open a little.
"Quinn? Are you alright?"
With no answer, Judy opened the door all the way, and was frozen with what she saw. Her daughter laying on the floor, wrists bleeding out into a pool on the tile. Her knees buckled and hit the floor with a resounding thud, the only sound in the house next to Judy's now heavy, quick breaths. Her hand was to her mouth, trying to calm herself down enough to where she could help.
She scrambled on the floor next to Quinn's motionless body, searching for her phone with shaking hands. Once she got a hold of the cell, she dialed 911 as fast as she could. When there was a voice on the other end, she could barely even get the words out too explain what was wrong. Thankfully the operator got the gist of what was going on, and sent an ambulance to the address, in the meantime, trying to calm Judy down and talk her through this tragic happening.
The older blonde grabbed the nearest towel and pressed it against Quinn's wounds, hoping to stop the blood that was flowing out. Then it was like time slowed. The ambulance should be there already. They should be here, helping her baby. She couldn't lose Quinn, she just couldn't. When the sirens got close, she rushed downstairs and let the men in, directing them to her daughter's bedroom.
As the paramedics took her Quinn out on a stretcher, Judy noticed the envelopes on Quinn's bed. The furrowed her brow before she picked them up, realizing what they were when she saw her name on top. Choking out a sob, she grabbed the four and stuffed them in her purse before following the men outside, where she jumped in the ambulance and sat by her daughter's side.
After Judy talked to the doctor at the hospital, who reassured her that even thought Quinn had lost a lot of blood, once she got a blood transfusion, she would be alright, she let out a breath and sunk into her waiting room chair. Remembering the envelope, she pulled out the one that had "Mom" written on the front, and opened it, finding a long paragraph, written in her daughters neat handwriting.
Mom – From the time when I noticed I was different than others around me, I tried extra hard to make you and Dad proud. When I finally couldn't take it anymore, I gave in, and went from Lucy to Quinn in a matter of months, shoveing the Lucy part of me aside. I became closed off, and put on a mask so no one could see how flawed and insecure I really was. I turned into this cold person that only cared about being at the top of the social ladder no matter what it took. I never imagined that I could become such a bad person. I tormented people that were like Lucy, because it was better to make fun of someone then be made fun of yourself. When I got pregnant, my world came crashing down, shattering my mask along with it. I was at the bottom of the totem pole in every aspect of my life, and I never felt more shame in myself when Dad kicked me out. I cried myself to sleep every night, scared, not knowing what to do or how I was going to pay for all the doctor visits. Then, the Glee Club found out, and they were there for me to lean on. Even though I didn't deserve it, they all supported me and offered help. Although, I kept pushing away one particular person. A person who, even though I treated like the dirt on my shoes, was always there offering help. It made me think. Why? Why would she want to help me when all I've done is be horrible to her since day one? Then I started thinking, why was I picking on her the most, out of anyone in the school? I always focused my frustration on her. It took me my months to sort out everything in my head until I finally figured it out. I liked her...in a romantic way. You're probably wondering why I'm telling you this right now, because when I'm gone it won't matter. But, you deserve to know why I did what I did. I am gay. A few months ago, you probably noticed that I started going to church again. I didn't want these feelings, because our religion teaches us that it is a sin. Even though I am supportive of my gay friends, I just can't be that way myself, when my faith is telling me that it is wrong. I couldn't disappoint you and Dad yet again. I've thought a lot about the decision I've made, and this is the only thing I can just make it all go away. I can never be the daughter that you had hoped for...and I'm so sorry for that. When I'm gone, I only ask that you check in on Beth every once in a while for me, to see that she is doing alright and is happy with Shelby. I'm sorry, for everything. I love you. -Lucy
Judy sat there, staring at the letter for several minutes after she finished. She was ashamed, but not in the way Quinn thought she would be. No, Judy was ashamed of herself, that her daughter would fear her rejection so much, that she decided she'd rather take her own life. And then she cried. Cried because she hated how Russell had instilled his religion in Quinn so harshly. Cried because she didn't stop Russell when he kicked Quinn out when she was pregnant. Cried because she had almost lost her baby girl, all because she was afraid of her own parents.
The older blonde sat there in the waiting room, for what seemed like a lifetime, and just cried. It wasn't until she felt a hand on her shoulder, that she took her head out of her hands and opened her eyes. It was Will Scheuster, Quinn's Glee Club and Spanish teacher, sitting next to her with a compassionate expression on his face. When she couldn't get a hold of Russell, she called the next male figure in her daughter's life. In turn, he called all the Glee Club's parents to inform them that Quinn was in the hospital.
No more than five minutes after Will arrived, Santana Lopez, followed closely by Brittany, rushed her way into the hospital and found Quinn's mother and Mr. Scheuster sitting in a corner by themselves.
"Is Q...okay?" Santana managed to get out without stuttering or choking on a sob.
Judy nodded. "Once she gets her blood transfusion, the doctor said she will be alright."
A few moments of silence went by before the two girls sat down, and waited with the two adults. It wasn't long before the rest of the Glee Club followed suit. Mercedes and Kurt, then Finn, Puck, and Sam, then Tina, Mike, Artie and lastly, Rachel with her Dads. Once they were all situated, they waited for someone to give them an explanation. Will had only told them that she was at the hospital, he didn't go into any details, wanting Judy to reveal them when she wanted.
"What happened?" Brittany asked softly.
Judy look up for the first time since Brittany and Santana arrived. Wringing her hands together, she took a deep breath and addressed the kids.
They all went wide-eyed, and Rachel covered her mouth with her hand. None of them knew why the girl would do such a thing. In fact, they thought she had been better since the birth of Beth. She hadn't been the bitch that she used to be, but when they thought about it more, they realized that was because she barely even spoke anymore these days.
"She...wrote this." Judy said as she pulled one of the envelopes out of her purse and handed to to Will. "I didn't read it, because it was for you all."
Will nodded, and opened it, sliding the small piece of paper out and reading it silently.
"What does it say?" Kurt asked.
Will cleared this throat and recited Quinn's words.
Glee Club – Even though I treated most of you like crap, you were there for me when I needed you most, and I will be forever thankful. Mr. Scheu, you were the best teacher I could have asked for. I think I can speak for all of us when I say you taught us a great deal about ourselves and life, so I thank you for everything you did. Not only for me, but for every one of us. Take care of each other through thick and thin. Even though I didn't show it, I truly love you all. -Quinn
Will cleared his throat as he placed the letter back in the white envelope, and blinked away the tears that formed in his eyes. Everyone was emotional from hearing Quinn's thank you/goodbye letter.
"She wrote two more." Judy said, standing up.
Walking over to the Latina and blonde, she held out the envelope she had been wanting to read, but restrained herself, because it wasn't meant for her. Santana stared at it for a few seconds before taking it from Judy. Her fingers grazed over her and Brittany's name on the front, part not wanting to open it, but desperate to know what Quinn's last words to them would have been. Looking to the blonde, who nodded, she tore open the envelope and unfolded the letter.
Santana and Brittany – You two were the first friends I ever had. When we met at cheerleading camp, we clicked instantly, and we promised that we'd be friends forever. I'm sorry that high school screwed me up and made us drift apart. I just wanted to not be the popular one for once, but all that power made us go at each others' throats over such stupid things. Santana, I sincerely regret telling Coach about your summer surgery. I was upset that I had to find out from Jacob Ben Israel's blog, instead of you just telling me. I always hoped that we could get back to how things used to be between the three of us. Brittany, you are the sweetest girl I've ever met, and I'm sorry that I couldn't fix us. This is goodbye for now. We both believe in life after death, so who knows, maybe I'll see you again one day. I love you both. And San, take care of B. -Q.
Santana was one for being overly dramatic, especially when she cried. But this was a crying none of them had witnessed. Her bottom lip quivered as she cried silent tears along with Brittany, who wiped at her own eyes, then wrapped her arms around Santana's free one, and laid her head on her girlfriend's shoulder. Whatever that letter contained, had turned normal bitch Santana into a emotional mess. With everyone wondering what the letter said, Santana realized the Club's attention was on them, and excused herself and Brittany.
Judy then made her way over to Rachel, and held out the envelope for her. Confused, Rachel's eyebrows knitted together. Why on Earth would Quinn write her a letter before she tried to kill herself. The blonde hated her after all. Maybe it was just one last joke. One that would top all the name-calling, and torture that she had dished out over the past few years. One thing she did know, was that she didn't want to read it in front of everyone, seeing as how Santana and Brittany reacted to theirs.
Excusing herself, and reassuring her Dads that she was okay, she walked down the halls and out the hospital entrance, where she found a bench against the large building. Sitting, she started at her name for a few minutes before her curiosity couldn't take it anymore, and carefully but quickly opened the letter and unfolded the notebook paper that was inside. She was surprised to see so much written, when she really just expected one sentence saying 'gotcha!'.
Rachel – When I first laid eyes on you, you reminded me of myself. Unpopular, dressed differently than anyone else, and lonely. I used to be made fun of by everyone at my old school, and I had no friends. They even gave me my own nickname...Lucy Caboosy, because I was overweight. When I couldn't take the teasing anymore, I transformed into the Quinn Fabray you knew. All I cared about was getting on top. To prove to myself and others that I was better than them, that I wasn't going to be Lucy Caboosy anymore and take everything laying down. It was better to torture than be tortured, right? I thought so at the time. I'm so sorry I hurt you over and over again. All you ever did was try for a friendship with me, and each time I pushed you away. It wasn't until recently that I realized why I fixated on you. And it wasn't just because you reminded me of when I was the outcast...it was because I felt something for you. Somehow, over the course of three years, you managed to steal my heart. The one thing I thought I protected more than anything...you just took so easily, and without me even knowing. I just wish that I could be okay with that. But I can't. I can't shame my parents anymore than I already have. I thought being pregnant was the worst it could get, but being gay is much worse. I'm sorry you had to find out this way, but you have to know. I'm in love with you, Rachel Berry. Don't ever give up on your dreams, and don't ever listen to people like me who put you down. You are the most amazing person I've ever met, so don't you think anything different. Keep wearing those animal sweaters, plaid skirts, and knee high socks. Why? Because they are a part of who you are, and no matter what I've said in the past, I always thought they were adorable. Along with how you always put a gold star sticker next to you name. I don't know if you will even care about me being gone after everything I have done, but I'm sorry nonetheless. I love you. -Quinn
Rachel was in tears by the end of the letter, swallowing hard at the words she had read. Quinn Fabray, the most beautiful, popular girl in school, loved her. Her. Plain old Rachel Berry. And she tried to kill herself because of it. Not because she was in fact Rachel Berry, but because she was ashamed of being gay. The brunette had thought that Glee Club would have taught her that, even if it's against her religion, that it's more than okay to be yourself, not matter what that is.
She was so sad for the girl. Hurt that she felt so strongly about it, that she tried to end her life. Upset that, even if she hadn't of come to Rachel, that she felt that she couldn't go to anyone. Not even Kurt, who would surely understand the struggle that comes with discovering something like this about yourself. Rachel was indeed surprised that Quinn had made this confession to her. The brunette had had a crush on the blonde for some time now, even if she treated her badly, she knew that mean Quinn wasn't the real Quinn.
She knew that the girl was hurting because of Beth, and that accounted for a lot of her pain, which mad her lash out. But she had no idea about Quinn's past, or her struggle with her sexuality. She didn't blame the girl for picking on her, because she didn't know what else to do. If Rachel had known, she would have done something, anything, to try and help Quinn. She'd even take a slushie every single day for the rest of high school if it meant that Quinn wouldn't have tried something as extreme as this.
Rachel thanked God that Quinn was going to be okay. She had been given another chance at life to deal with her issues and make things right with herself. And Rachel had been given a chance to talk to Quinn about what she had found out in her letter...that is, if the blonde would even want to see her. She's been unconscious ever since Judy found her, so it's not like she really had a say yet. Each Glee Clubber got their time with her, whether it be just to hold her hand for a few minutes, or to tell her what they were feeling, even if she could hear them.
A few hours had gone by, but Rachel never left Quinn's side once she had joined her Her Dads and Judy talked, she and Judy talked, and every once in a while she'd say something to Quinn when the others weren't listening. The others hadn't stayed long. It was crowded with all of them there, and some left due to prior engagements to attend to. Santana and Brittany were the last to leave her, leaving a note for Quinn to call when she was awake and was ready to talk.
Rachel even refused to leave the blonde's side when the others needed a dinner break. Though Judy was happy that Rachel was looking after Quinn, and could see why her daughter had liked her so much. She was sweet, maybe a little talkative sometimes, but it was kind of charming. The adults had only been gone about fifteen minutes when Quinn started to stir. Rachel couldn't help but push Quinn's hair away from her face, and wait for her to come around.
When Quinn's eyes met Rachel's, she body relaxed, and stared dreamily into the familiar dark eye. "Is this heaven?" The drowsy girl said after a minute.
Rachel smiled softly. "While I'm flattered that you'd ask that after seeing my face, no this isn't heaven, Quinn."
She groaned. "W-where am I?"
"You're in the hospital."
"No...no, no, no."
"Shhh. Quinn, it's okay." Rachel said as she started petting Quinn's hair again.
The blonde shook her head. "No, you don't understand. My mom, she's going to hate me."
"She doesn't hate you."
"Yes, she is-"
"No, she is not. I wish you could see how much she loves you. There is not a bone in her body that could ever hate you. Do you hear me?"
Quinn took this in for a moment while enjoying Rachel's hand running through her hair.
"How come you're here?" The blonde asked as she cast her eyes down.
"Because I care about you."
"You shouldn't. You should hate me."
"I could never hate you."
"You're much too forgiving."
Rachel nodded. "So I've been told."
"Then maybe you should listen."
The brunette took a deep breath and moved her hand from Quinn's hair and gently laid it on her pale hands that were resting on her stomach.
"Want to know why I don't hate you? Because underneath the Quinn Fabray, head cheerleader persona, I've always just seen a sad girl. And I know a few things about being sad. How lonely it is. You don't have to be lonely anymore."
"I deserve to be."
"No, Quinn, you deserve to be happy."
Quinn's eyes welled up with tears listening to Rachel. The girl just wouldn't give up, and it would be so much easier if she hated her.
"I've hurt so many people..."
"People make mistakes, Quinn. Some more than others, but you've been given a second chance to make things right. Which brings me to our next topic...the letter you wrote me."
Quinn flushed under Rachel's gaze, keeping her eyes anywhere but those brown orbs.
"You don't have to be embarrassed, or ashamed of yourself."
"Yes I do...it's...wrong."
"I don't think you really believe that. Do you think it's wrong that Kurt's in love with Blaine, or that Santana's in love with Brittany?"
"Then why are you so hard on yourself?" Rachel asked desperately.
Quinn let out a sob that she'd been keeping in, and the tears that had been perched in her eyes, fell.
"My parents. My faith. I can't be looked at like I'm disgusting again. When I got pregnant, my father looked at me like I was never even his. And I can't do this to my mother..."
"Listen to me, Quinn. There is nothing wrong with you. You're father was completely wrong to abandon you in your time of need; that's not what a real father does. And as for your mother, I think she may surprise you."
Quinn stayed quiet, letting silent tears fall, but tossing what Rachel said around in her mind.
"Did you really mean what you said? You love me?"
The blonde clamped her eyes shut and nodded after a moment. Quinn felt the girls weight shift on the bed, thinking she was getting up to leave, but then she felt her wipe the tear trails off of her cheek. Rachel leaned down and pressed a firm but gentle kiss on Quinn's right cheek, lingering for a moment, then pulling back, wondering what the girl's reaction would be. When Quinn opened her eyes again, she was met with a smile from Rachel.
Does that mean...you feel the same way?" She asked shyly.
"It means I could, if you give me a chance. But I think you need to speak with your Mom before we continue this particular conversation." Rachel said, seeing Judy outside the window.
The brunette gave Quinn's hands one last squeeze before she got up.
"You'll come back...won't you?" The blonde asked quickly.
And with that, Rachel slipped out the door, motioning for Judy to go in. The older blonde put her hand on Rachel's shoulder and gave her a warm smile, then opened Quinn's room door and slipped in. With one last look at Quinn, Rachel headed to the waiting room to find her Dads, giving the mother and daughter some much needed privacy.
"Quinnie?" Judy said softly as she entered the dim room.
Quinn opened her eyes and turned to her mother, not knowing what to expect from her. She was afraid, like she had told Rachel...she couldn't be rejected again, she just couldn't.
"Hi, honey." She continued when their eyes met, and drew closer, coming to sit on the bed where Rachel had been just a few moments ago.
"I'm sorry, Mom." Quinn choked out, releasing new tears from her eyes.
"It's okay sweetie."
"No, it's not."
"Yes it is, you're going to be just fine."
"It will never be fine...I'm...sinning. That's not okay." She finished in a whisper.
Judy narrowed her eyes at her daughter. "Do you really believe that, or is that Russell talking?" When Quinn shifted her gaze away from her mother, she knew her answer. "That's what I thought. Quinnie, your father distilled some beliefs in you that I never really agreed with, but I was too afraid to state my opinion to him in fear of what he may do or say. I know I've screwed up in the past, letting him kick you out when you needed us most...but it's not going to be like that anymore. If you are gay, that is okay, and I accept you for who you are. I just want you to be happy. And if Rachel makes you happy, then that's all that matters."
Quinn was speechless. Of all the things she'd imagined her Mom saying to her in this moment, this was never one that even crossed her mind.
"Please know that you can talk to me, about anything. I never want you to hurt yourself ever again, because of something that you don't think you can come to me about. I will always be here for you, for whatever curve-ball you throw at me. I'm never making the foolish mistake of letting you go again. You hear me?"
All Quinn could do was nod before her mother continued.
"Nobody's perfect, and you don't have to try to be for my sake. You are the daughter I always wanted, don't you ever think differently." Judy finished, wiping tears away from her own eyes.
She couldn't tell you how many times or how many told her that 'nobody's perfect' over the years. She'd usually scoff and try her best to prove them wrong. But for once in Quinn's life, she looked into her Mother's eyes, and actually believed it this time.