Hey guys! Thanks to everyone who is still reading and THANK YOU SO MUCH to everyone who commented! Every time I get a comment I seriously just smile like an idiot for a while. I love reading whatever you guys have to say. I also love it when you guys critique me! This was actually a very difficult chapter to write... I hope you like it... but at the same time, I hope you don't like it too much... You'll understand in a moment. Anyway, love you guys!

~Alex aka BunnnyBoy

Misaki's First

Chapter 20


I don't know what to do… I just don't know what to do.

I can't have sex with Haruhiko. How could that make any of my problems better? If anything, that can only make them worse.

Why does he even want to have sex with me? The only reason I know of is because he wants to get under Akihiko's skin. He wants to keep me away from Akihiko. But if one time sex is all he's after, why does it have to be me!?

I sit inside a café, a café that not many other people currently inhabit. I'm sitting at the bar that overlooks the outside world. Across the street is a flower shop. I look at all the beautiful flowers and imagine each of their scents. Some are more bitter, some are more sweet. Bitter like black coffee that fills most of the mugs in this place, sweet like the crystals of sugar that have been accidentally scattered across the countertop and other surfaces.

My situation is bitter in the worst possible way. There is no sweetness that clings on to some distant thought or future.

No matter what I do, there shall be no sweetness.

I cup my hands over my face, my elbows leaning on the table as I begin to tremble with silent tears.

No one notices and no one cares. Why should they? I'm just a presence that shall soon be completely wiped away from their memory.

The things that I must do will never be forgotten in my memory. Whether I sleep with Haruhiko or not, my conscience will be forever stained.

If I don't sleep with Haruhiko… He'll take away what my Akihiko loves most. He'll ruin his career as a writer. Knowing that I can save Akihiko's most loved hobby, most loved pastime, the passion of his life, it would only be selfishness to stop me.

It's just one time sex… there's no love in it. It won't mean anything…

But sex is supposed to be something special, it's supposed to be shared by two people who are in love, who would do anything for each other. And how could I ever have sex with someone while I still love Akihiko?

"One coffee and a hot chocolate, please?" I hear a voice directly beside me call to one of the many waitresses.

I part my fingers to see who has occupied the seat beside me. It's only one man. So why did he get two drinks?

I recover my eyes with my fingers as soon as the waitress comes with the man's drinks.

"Here," The man says, but it takes a few moments for me to realize he's actually talking to me.

I look towards him, putting my hands reluctantly down, knowing that my eyes are probably red now. He's placed the hot chocolate in front of me.

He doesn't watch to see if I take it, he just stares absently out the window, towards the flower shop as he takes a sip of his coffee. His eyes are cool and distant, a gray-blue, like clouds that want desperately to rain.

He looks maybe a little older than Akihiko, his hair is black and his hands are massive.

"Is… is this for me?" I ask sheepishly, my voice taking on new lengths of quiet.

The man nods, looking towards me, a small smile coming to his face.

"You look sad. Something sweet always makes even the most bitter of situations more tolerable," He says, his gaze soon retreating to the flower shop once again.

He keeps looking at some giant-guy who also has black hair. He watches him with sorrowful eyes. He watches him as if the giant-man stole something very precious to him and he knows there's no hope in getting it back, or even trying.

"Thank you very much. My name is Takahashi Misaki… what's yours?" I ask, feeling inclined to talk to him now. It will also help take my mind off of… things.

He glances towards me, a smile on his face yet again. I can't tell if it's genuine or not.

"Miyagi Yoh. So tell me, why are you even sad to begin with?" He asks easily before taking another drink of his coffee.

I wrap both hands around my cup, trying to soak up all the warmth seeping through the paper-like material. Usually the feel of something so warm helps calm me. Akihiko's hands are always cool, Haruhiko's hands are hot… I peel my hands away from the heat.

"I'm not sure what to do… it seems like all the options I have will just end up hurting something," I reply vaguely, because there's no way in hell that I'd actually talk to somebody about what I have to choose between. Having sex with my lover's brother or not.

Miyagi nods once, seeming to be turning over what I've said in his mind repeatedly, stirring everything together to produce something that will be perfect. He doesn't even really know what I'm talking about, but he's going to try and help me anyway.

I take a quick drink of the hot chocolate. It scorches my tongue.

"Choose the option that has a better outcome in the long run. Even if both hurt someone for a moment, one has to offer something good in the long run right?" Miyagi replies, his eyes only looking back at me as he asks his own question.

He waits expectantly.

I think about my two choices… He's right.

I run my hands over my face, blinking rapidly as I try desperately not to cry again.

"Yeah… there is," I reply, my voice sounding almost scared.

I know what I have to do now… I'm not sure how I'll survive.


I'm going insane. It's been only one day and I'm already freaking out. I don't know where Misaki is. I have no idea what he's doing. I have no idea what he's going to do and it scares me to no end.

I can't take this anymore.

I go to my phone and dial his number. He doesn't pick up.

I try Hiroki next.

"Hello?" I hear the annoyed voice of my friend.

"Hiroki, is Misaki with you?" I ask.

"No… Why would Misaki be with me?" He sounds nervous, but at the same time honesty clings to his words.

I don't waste anymore time. I hang up and call Takahiro.

"Akihiko?" I hear the voice of my beloved friend. The man that I had loved for so long. But never did my love for him reach the passion I feel for Misaki.

"Is Misaki with you?" I ask, knowing that it will probably worry Takahiro if Misaki is in fact not with him.

"No… Is he missing?" Just as I expected, I hear the sudden rush of terror in my friend's voice.

"No, he said he was going to visit someone, but I didn't bother asking who," I say, not lying completely.

Takahiro and I exchange a few more words before I hang up.

I run my hands through my hair in frustration.

I don't know of any friends that Misaki has at the University and even if I did I wouldn't have their numbers.

Where could he have gone? And when is he going to return?


It's been a few hours since I was last at Haruhiko's.

The sun is making its descent into the horizon, painting the sky in red. Red is always the color of the bad guy. There's always blue and red and red is always the color of the villain. As the sky bleeds a villainous color, I can't help but find it expertly fitting to be the background of the place in front of me.

I knock on the front door. The butler answers. I come in. I'm led to the living room. I sit down. I wait. A folded piece of paper sits in my lap. It's difficult to not rip the delicate material, to hear the satisfying tear and pretend like that would solve all my problems. It won't. Nothing can solve my problems except me. And in the end, I'm diving head first into the pit of vipers. Once I jump… There's no turning back.

"Misaki, you've returned."

I hadn't even noticed someone had entered until they've already spoken my name.

My eyes shoot up in a spastic motion and fall wide as I look upon my enemy.

I can't help but notice his red tie.

"Yes…" Is all I'm able to reply, my mouth feeling suddenly dry, my voice scratchy.

I couldn't make my nervousness anymore apparent.

"Have you decided to comply to my wishes?" Haruhiko asks calmly, his tone soundly all too sure as he sits down in his throne-like chair across from me.

My eyes flash down to the paper in my hands as I become too frightened to look at him. It seems like even his eyes could devour me whole.

I unfold the paper in my hands slowly, then place it on the coffee table between us. I slide it across the table without looking up at him.

He glances down at it, but makes no move to retrieve it for himself.

"What's that?" He asks.

A take a moment. I clear my throat then slowly look up to him. It's taking all my willpower to not begin bawling my eyes out.


"It's a paper of agreement… You have to sign it, so I know you'll keep your word."

I still won't look up at him.

He leans forward slightly, in his chair.

I wipe my hands on my thighs.


"Are you going to have sex with me?" Haruhiko asks, his voice an inquiring whisper.

I close my eyes tight as my body begins to softly tremble, before I make my next move.

I slowly nod, my fingers curling, my nails digging into my legs.

Forgive me.

"… if you sign…" My head snaps up then, my eyes blurrily look into his. I don't think I'd be able to look at him if my vision wasn't blurry. "If you promise to leave Akihiko and me alone after… I'll…" I swallow hard, my eyes looking away.

Haruhiko stands and leans towards me, places a curled finger under my chin in an almost… gentle way.

"Look at me… and say it," His voice doesn't sound forceful, it sounds pleading.

I force my eyes to look into his once again. I hadn't noticed that he'd taken off his glasses until just now actually.

I'm sorry… Usagi-san.

"If you'll leave us alone… just once… I'll," an unintentional sob breaks past my lips. "I'll sleep with you!" I shout painfully, my eyes breaking away from his as soon as I've said the words.

Haruhiko stands straight, walking over to a desk sort of thing pushed against one of the walls. I continue to shake, small sobs breaking through me every once in a while as I watch him walk across the room. He opens a drawer and retrieves something; although, I can't make out what it is through my blurred vision. As he comes closer once again, I can make out the thin, tubular form to be a pen. He signs the paper then hands it to me.

"Here. You have my word… Follow me," He says softly.

He begins to walk away and it only makes me shake more. Why can't he just throw me over his shoulder, take me to his room and rape me? That would make it easier; that would make me feel more like I wasn't really betraying the one I love.

Why is he making it out to be that I'm completely willing?

Maybe he'll chain me to his bed when we arrive in his room.

I rise from the couch, my steps dragging as I move to follow him to my doom.

My voice has sobbed, but no tears have actually managed to fall yet. Maybe I'm too shocked to actually cry.

I take in a deep breath and force my tears away. I force my breathing to go back to normal. My vision clears slightly.

I'll let him fuck me like I don't care. Like I don't feel anything. I'll neither feel pain nor pleasure… I won't give into his true wishes, whatever they may be.

I don't know if he wants me to scream or cry or laugh or moan… So I just won't give him anything… who am I kidding? There's no way I'll be able to be completely emotionless… towards someone that is… oh my god.

We've made it to his bed room and as soon as I enter, he shuts the door gently with a click, and locks it.

"I know what you're thinking… I'm not just going to fuck you and get it over with," Haruhiko seems to explain as he removes his red neck tie. I half expect him to tie my wrists with it again. He doesn't. He places it on a night stand next to his bed. Is he going to tie me with chains or something? "I don't want us to just have sex…" He pauses, looking towards me. I stand with my arms crossed over my stomach in an almost self-conscious sort of way. He takes a few steps towards me. "I want you to…" He closes his eyes and turns his head away for a moment… is he having a hard time right now? He looks at me again, dead in the eye. "You have to pretend like you… like you love me."

I blink once. I blink twice. I blink five times and I still don't think I know what I just heard.

I can see his jaw flexing, relaxing, flexing, relaxing… It's almost as if he's nervous about how I'll respond. Like he actually cares or something.

"W-what?" I'm finally able to stutter.

He can't be serious. He can't ask me to do that. Betraying Akihiko with my body is one thing… betraying Akihiko with emotions... How could I ever love anyone else? How could I even pretend to love anyone else? I can't.

"You're asking… I can't do that," I take a step back. "You can fuck me… You can bruise me, you can fuck me till I bleed if that's what it takes, but I'll never betray my feelings for Akihiko!" That's the first sentence all evening I've been able to get out clearly.

He watches me a moment, his eyebrows closing in on each other, but not in anger.

"I don't want to fuck you until you bleed, I don't want to bruise you… I want to make love to you."

I take several more steps back, my head slowly shaking from side to side.

"No… no, no, no that was not our deal. I won't pretend to love anyone, especially not you," I whimper, even though I wanted to growl.

My back hits against the door of the room.

Haruhiko doesn't move to fill in any space between us.

"I won't tell anyone. I won't tell Akihiko that we ever even met this day. After this you'll leave and I'll never interfere in Akihiko's work again," He tries to bargain, his eyes seeming so sure.

My teeth tear at my lip nervously.

"And if I don't pretend to love you?" I ask, my voice a dying whisper.

I've already sunk so low, my heart has already been drowning in poison, but this…

"Then I won't be so generous."

I close my eyes, I clench my teeth.

"You said if I had sex with you…"

"I'm not having sex with you unless you comply to my wishes… and if I don't have sex with you, our deal means nothing, and I'll do whatever I want," His voice is clear and even. It doesn't even sound like what he's saying is a threat; his tone says that he's having a casual conversation. His tone is full of lies.

"I… I don't know how to pretend love," I reply honestly. "I don't even know how to act when I know I love someone!" I cry out, slamming my hands over my eyes.

I don't know how to love you Akihiko… I don't know how to keep you safe… How could you ever love someone like me? How could I ever deserve you?

I feel a hand on my shoulder. I part my fingers to allow my eyes to see.

"Then act like that… Be uncertain."

Before I can reply and just as my hands leave my face, his lips press against mine, his hand on my shoulder keeping me in place.

I squirm under his touch and I whimper into his mouth. His hot tongue breaks past my lips. He moans as soon as his tongue meets mine.

I can't kiss him back… he was supposed to ravish me, he was supposed to be mean, he wasn't supposed to be gentle and longing and he wasn't supposed to expect anything back.

He kisses my chin suddenly, then my jaw, then my neck as my mouth hangs softly open, my eyes wide with fear as his hand slithers under my shirt and up my abdomen.

"Ah… No… Usami-san, please… don't be nice," I whimper, my chest heaving as he sucks on my neck and runs his scorching hands over the line of my abdomen, the slight ridges of my ribs and finally the bumps of my nipples.

"Misaki… call me Haru-san," He whispers before sucking on my earlobe.

I gasp.

I want to push him away… but I can't. What if with the first sign of resistance he stops everything and ends the deal completely? But I can't bring myself to respond to his actions either.

"Say my name, Misaki," He whispers, rubbing my nipple with his finger. "Say it," He demands softly, pinching my sensitive skin… but it doesn't hurt… Damn you body!

"Haru… Haru-san," I didn't mean to moan his name like I did…

I feel the stinging of tears beginning to build in my eyes again as his hand begins to retreat downward.

"Ah~" his hand gropes at my covered shaft.

"Wow… you're pretending really well," He states as he gets a feel of my cock… my slightly hard cock.

He tightens his grip through my pants.

"Aaah~!" I slam my hands over my mouth.

He looks into my eyes and I have no choice but to look back. His hand massages. My eyebrows furrow in pleasure. He smiles… He fucking smiles at me and then, he kisses my forehead.

It's when he starts unbuttoning my pants that I take action. Both of my hands zoom down to his wrists where I try to pry his grip away.

"No, no, please don't! Just… just… just rape me! Don't touch me like this, please!" I don't want to feel pleasure from him, I don't want him to touch me in a loving way.

He pauses, looking into my eyes for a moment. Then his lips meet mine again. This kiss is rougher; more impassioned as he forces my tongue to respond.

My hands on his wrists can do nothing to stop him from unbuttoning my pants and pushing his hand past my boxers.

He grabs my length with his hand of fire. I mewl right into his mouth. He answers with a heated moan.

I feel my cheeks burning as he begins to slide his hand downward, his other hand groping my butt.

As he parts from my mouth, a line of saliva follows him.

"Ha, ah, ah!" I pant as he begins to pump me, my eyes closed tight.

His strokes are quick and tight and I can already feel pre-cum oozing from my tip.

"Pleaaase stop!~" I groan, the back of my head hitting the wall in surrender.

And to my surprise, his hand does in fact stop pumping me. Now both of his hands are squeezing my ass.

He pulls me forward until our covered groins are grinding against each other.

"Mmh, Misa-chan," He growls into my ear as his fingers slip into the back of my pants until I can feel his burning flesh against my bare butt cheeks.

"Aah, Haru-san," I moan… What… the hell… did I just do?

My eyes fly open, in alarm at what I've just done. I sounded so… willing.

Haruhiko smirks at me.

My lips part several times as if I'll speak, like I'll try to defend myself, but before I can, his hands are out of my pants and around my wrist, pulling me upward.

In fear that I'll fall, I instinctively wrap my legs around his middle…. Oh my god…. My hands falling to his shoulders to try and steady myself.

He kisses me again, his hands returning to my ass, but this time to keep me up.

He walks backwards before slowly turning around. I'm about fall out of skin as I feel him falling forward. I'm caught by a soft bed.

I gasp in surprise, and get on my elbows to see what he's doing.

He's already stripping off his formal jacket and he's unbuttoning his vest.

I swallow, crawling backwards as he bores holes into my eyes with his intense, lustful stare.

Maybe he'll hurt me now… maybe he'll just take what he wants and spare me the humiliation of anymore unwanted pleasure.

He rips off his dress shirt, leaving him in only black dress pants and a belt. He removes the belt and throws it to the floor before crawling on the bed after me.

I'm under him in seconds, his lips attaching to my neck and his hands pulling my shirt up.

He moves his lips away just long enough to remove my shirt completely, then he attacks my torso.

I cover my mouth with my hands as he kisses me some places, sucks on my other places, and bites me elsewhere. None of which are painful… no, they feel good and it makes tears well in my eyes.

I just let him do what he wants as I tell myself that it will all be over soon. The beast inside him will break free eventually and then I won't feel pleasure from his hands… his lips… his tongue….

He's licking below my bellybutton, until his tongue decides to delve deeper. He pokes his tongue into my navel and out… in and out.

"Haru-san!" I cry in anguish, in a plea to spare me.

He responds with a kiss on my hipbone, so gentle, so soft, so… loving.

He grabs at the hem of my pants and boxers before sliding them down. Put an emphasis on sliding. Maybe gliding. As slowly as he's able, like he's teasing himself with what he's about to see.

I whimper, a small sob breaking through my chest. He kisses my hip bone again.

He doesn't stop his slow descent after the main attraction is revealed though, oh no. He goes slowly the entire way down, until he's pulled my pants and boxers completely off.

My eyes are closed so tight it hurts. I'm biting my finger so hard I think I might start crying from just the pain of that. Yes, good Misaki, take your attention off what he's doing to you by hurting yourself… yes, bite harder…

He bends my knees so that he's able have a better look at… Bite harder Misaki… bite harder.

His hand trails down my inner thigh so lightly it feels more like a warm breath of air then his… wait a…

"AH!~" my eyes fly open as I feel something hot and wet run along my entrance.

I look down, a head between my bent legs… a tongue licking my… he's… rimming me.

I feel his tongue push past the first ring of muscles, causing my back to arch.

"Fuck…" I cry as I grip the sheets beneath me.

He places his hands on either of my thighs and forces my legs farther apart.

He licks up until his tongue is massaging my balls as well.

Entrance, balls, entrance, balls….

"Usami-san, please stop," I seethe. "AAh!~" He presses a finger in, as he preoccupies his tongue with trailing up my shaft.

"What did you call me?" He asks as he reaches the tip of my dick.

I look down at him, his eyes glaring in lust.

"I, I mean….ah… Uuuuhh," He started thrusting his finger in and out, his tongue lapping up my pre-cum, running along the thin slit.

"Ha-Haru-SAN!" His finger shoves all the way in, his mouth takes my entire dick. "Fuck! Jesus, fuck! St-stop, stop!" I plead, rising up, and grabbing his hair, but my hands are shaking too bad to actually pull.

His other hand wraps around the hilt of my shaft as he continues to bob his head up and down, as he continues to move his other hands finger in and out…

I seethe a breath through my teeth as he places another finger inside.

Why is he preparing me? Why couldn't he have just forced his way through… Why does he have to make me feel so damn good?


He fingers inside me leave, but for no more than a second. I feel a cold, gel dripping onto my open hole… Lube.

It makes his fingers slide in smoother; it makes it feel better… Damn him.


"No…" I whisper in denial as I feel the pleasure building up within my gut.

Haruhiko bobs his head faster, tightens his tongue against my dick.

"Nnn…" I groan as my back arches away from the bed.

I feel a tear fall from my eye.

"NO!" I cum in his mouth and he drinks it all.

His lips separate from my dick with a low pop.

He takes away his fingers and crawls towards me, between my legs. I feel his dick graze mine.

My shoulders are shaking as I cry behind my hands.

I feel his lips brush my collar bone, I feel his hands going under the crook behind each of my knees so he can pull my legs forward, so he can get the perfect angle to fuck me… He's not going to release his inner beast. He's not going to hurt me. He's going to do everything in his power to make sure I scream out his name in bliss… because, I hadn't realized it before, but that was the ultimate revenge. To make his brother's lover feel pleasure at his own hands. And what a cruel revenge it is.

"Misaki," he breathes.


"Let me see your eyes," His voice is tender. He sounds like he really is talking to the person he loves. Like he believes I actually want this now.

"Akihiko…" I mouth as I move my hands away from my eyes. "I'm so sorry," I whisper.

Haruhiko stares down at me, no emotion showing on his face, his hands still holding my legs.

Then suddenly, he shows emotion. He looks hurt.

He slowly drops my legs and moves away from me.

He gets off the bed, he grabs his pants, slips them on. He goes to the door, unlocks it and leaves. He doesn't look back, he doesn't say anything. He's gone.

More tears fall, but these tears are different.

I cover my eyes with my arm as the tears plummet into the sheets beneath me.

A thankful smile spreads across my face.


I'm pacing my living room, a cigarette, unlit, hanging in my mouth. I'm trying to quit, because Misaki doesn't like it.

I haven't eaten dinner. I didn't eat lunch now that I think about it.

I haven't written any either.

It's late at night, I don't know what I'm waiting for. Even if Misaki is planning on coming back soon, he wouldn't come back this late, would he?

Sudden I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket. I glance at it, expecting it to be someone of little importance… my expectations were wrong.

My eyes widen and I click to open the text as quickly as I'm able.


Can you come pick me up? I'm at that café across the street from the flower shop.

I grab my keys and leave.

Sooo! Did you like it? Did you hate it? Tell me what you thought in a comment, pretty pretty please? Silent readers make me sad! Haha just kidding! thanks for reading everyone, have an awesome week!