Hey guys! Sorry this chapter took so long... University is killing me :P Thank you to everyone who reviewed on the last chapter and to everyone who has stuck with me for this long! ~ Alex aka BunnnyBoy
~ Alex aka BunnnyBoy
I keep dreaming about that little brat Shinobu. They aren't even good dreams, he's just in them randomly and always glaring at me. It's like my conscience is trying to tell me that rejecting him was a big mistake. I was just being real, I was trying to help him understand that love isn't just about sex.
I guess not seeing him helps prove my point of him not actually liking me. He just wanted to have sex with me and as soon as he realized I wasn't giving it to him, he scrammed. Isn't that what I wanted though? Didn't I want him to leave?
I run my hands through my hair in frustration. I inhale a deep breath of smoke from my cigarette before breathing it out through my nose. My eyes water slightly.
I've been grading papers, or I've been trying to at least. My mind is only able to think about one thing at a time and for the moment, my work isn't that one thing.
I hear the name Shinobu over and over in my head.
I take the cigarette out of my mouth and snuff the cherry by grinding it into my ashtray. My eyes close as I lean back into my chair, allowing my thoughts to take control.
Normally I can hear Hiroki shuffling papers around, punching holes into something, stapling things, sighing in agitation. Tonight isn't normal. Tonight he went home early.
So instead of hearing the comforting sounds that mark Hiroki's presence, I hear the sound of Shinobu's gasp when I had rubbed my leg up between his.
I clasp my hands over my stomach.
My eyes remain closed so I can picture Shinobu's flushed face as I groped his ass.
My fingers twitch.
I remember how he couldn't bring his eyes up to meet mine.
One of my hands slowly glides down to the slight lump in my pants.
I remember how he cried out when I began to rub his dick with my hand instead of my thigh.
I wonder what would have happened if I kept going?
After he shivered when I licked his neck, if I had unbuttoned and unzipped his pants, how would he have responded if the skin of my fingers made contact with the flesh of his cock?
My hand in my lap gently kneads what hides inside my pants as I think of the way he shivered against me when I licked his neck.
I slowly unzip my pants, as if I'm teasing myself. I reach into my boxers and gradually begin to stroke my length, the thoughts of going further with that brat filling my mind.
Every porno I've ever watched, I promptly replace the actors with Shinobu and myself. I throw him onto a bed and remove my shirt. I unzip my pants as I begin to finger him.
The hand on my shaft is no longer my own, it's Shinobu's.
I let out a low moan.
That's when the doorknob on my office's door rattles.
My eyes fly open.
I pull my hand from my pants, zipping them then buttoning… but the person is already inside.
I stand abruptly.
"Look, I was just…" I'm cut off when I see who it is.
I never blush… so why does my face feel hot?
"Were you… did you just moan my name?" Shinobu asks me, his cheeks just as red as how hot mine feel.
He glances down at my pants.
"No… Why are you here?" I ask, trying to go back to my normal voice, but it's become suddenly difficult.
He coughs. It was obviously fake.
He looks down, away from my eyes, as he tucks his hands into the back pockets of his jeans. I wish it were my hands in his back pockets… What has he done to me?
"I was going to ask you if you wanted to…." He pauses.
"Want to what?" I ask, trying to find a way to stand that isn't so uncomfortable for my throbbing lower regions.
I can't help but scan down his body. I lick my lips.
I wouldn't be acting so disgusting if I wasn't so fucking turned on right now and if my cock wasn't trapped in my pants. Then again, I did get turned on from thinking about him. Ok, so I guess I'm disgusting regardless… damn.
"Go on a date with me…" He whispers, his lips beginning to tear at his lips nervously. He glances up. "I mean, you do want to don't you? Then you could moan my name for a better reason."
Ooooh he's daring isn't he? I'll wipe that cocky little glance right off his face, then I'll fuck him like there's-… I need help.
I stare at him. How shall I retaliate?
"For whatever you plan on making us do, are you paying?" I guess I won't. Retaliate that is.
"… You'd let me pay to have sex with you?" He asks in bewilderment, blinking several times in surprise.
"I'm talking about the date, baka," I reply, the look on my face saying: you're kidding me right?
He stands up straighter, the glare that he always seems to favor slowly beginning to trickle away. I would have suspected him to glare harder after calling him baka. I supposed the meaning of the sentence meant more to him than the derogatory ending.
"Yeah, sure… I can pay," He replies and I swear he's starting to go shy on me again. Sensual, mad, or shy, he should really pick one to try and stick with.
"I'll go on a date with you… you can text me where and what time, but for now… Leave," I say while leaning back against my desk, still desperately seeking for some position of, not necessarily comfort, but less pain.
"I don't know your number…" He replies, his face looking as if he's seen some kind of miraculous happenings right before his eyes. He figured I'd say no, but he still asked anyway.
I place my hand, in front of me, motioning for him to give me something, the something of the moment being his phone.
He takes his hands out of his back pockets, taking with them a small flip phone.
He hands it too me.
It takes me a moment to figure out how to add a new contact, a moment that seems more like an eternity, the bulge in my pants only seeming to intensify with time, not subside.
Once I've successfully added my number, I hand it back to him, my movements jerkier than I would have liked.
"Ok… I'll text you," he says, before glancing down one last time.
I'm waiting inside the café. I'm sitting on the same stool from when I was trying to make up my mind and when Miyagi bought me hot chocolate. There's still a lot of sugar residing atop the counter. I run my fingers across it, feeling the granules stick to my skin.
There isn't anyone here, which shouldn't be a surprise. I don't actually know what time it is, but late enough for the women walking outside to be wearing fancy, sometimes revealing, dresses. I happen to know that this café is just a few blocks away from one of the many red-light districts.
I've never liked to be out this late.
I jump when I hear the bell above the door clank at someone's arrival. My eyes jump to the strong figure of Akihiko.
I feel myself exhale.
He wastes no time. As soon as he spots me, he begins to come towards where I'm seated, each of his steps so sure, so stabile. Nothing in the world can break him. He's invincible. That's how Akihiko looks when he walks, sits, when he's touching me…
My own bones begin to rattle in nervousness. I'm so weak, so fragile.
As he's only one step away from the chair he'll take next to me. He smiles. He can smile because he has no idea of what I've done.
I didn't have sex with Haruhiko. I don't know if he's going leave us alone or not now.
"Have you made up your mind?" He asks, seeming so sure and positive.
His smile slowly begins to fall as he takes a closer look at me.
"Misaki… What's wrong? You look pale," Akihiko asks before placing his hand over my forehead in concern.
I close my eyes to his touch. His hands… so cool… so perfect. I don't want to have to give this up; him up.
"I'm fine, Usagi-san…" I reply, my yes pointed downward, looking at the gray tiled floor.
Akihiko slowly pulls his hand away.
"You look shaken… Did something happen?" He asks, so easily able to tell when something wrong. Then again, my stomach feels like it's doing summersaults and that can be pretty hard to conceal sometimes.
When I don't respond, he decides to say more. He shifts in his seat slightly.
"Have you made up your mind?" He asks again, referring to whether I'll continue to stay with him or not.
The last time I saw him, he had kissed me while he was crying. I don't want to make him cry again. I don't ever want to hurt him again, but can I really avoid that now? After all I've done can I still be forgiven? But even if I can't… in the long run, for Akihiko, it will be better. No matter what happens right now, eventually, he can be happy again.
"Yes… but, Usagi-san… I need to tell you something first…" I answer, beginning to twiddle my thumbs in my lap. I notice that I have a small scrape on my right thumb. I don't remember how I got it.
Seconds pass in silence until I feel a cool hand grab both of mine. I look up at Akihiko. He's giving me a small smile.
"Well?" He encourages me to continue on.
He doesn't let go of my hands. It makes my betrayal sting all the more and yet helps my insides to calm.
I tuck my chin under slightly as I feel my cheeks begin to burn and glance towards the front counter. The waiter is reading something on her phone, not paying any attention to us.
"Usagi-san… I've done something really… really bad," I begin, which he responds to with an encouraging squeeze to my hands. "I…. well you see I…" how the hell are you supposed to tell the person you're in love with that you almost had sex with his brother? Even if there were good intentions behind it and even if you didn't want to have sex with him… How does that make it any better? "I went to meet your brother…" I grasp his hand that holds both of mine.
"… why?" He asks, clearly confused, his tone sounding suddenly dark.
I half expect him to let go of my hands now, to not want to be in contact with me anymore. He does the opposite of that. He holds on tighter.
"He threatened me… He told me he'd ruin you, that he'd make it so you could never publish another book again…" I feel the pinch of tears in my eyes. I'm still looking down at the depressively gray tiles. "He said the only way I could make it so he wouldn't ruin everything for you was for me to…"
"What Misaki?" He asks, but I can't decipher his tone.
"For me to sleep with him…"
There's silence. For a full minute there's silence as my hands become clammy in his and the tears in my eyes flood, but will not fall.
"Misaki… Did you… have sex with my brother?" He asks, his voice somehow tender, but I soon understand that it's because he's too hurt to sound angry.
"No… He stopped… but I was going to let him… and that's just as bad…" I finally look up.
I'm surprised by what I see. Akihiko is looking down at me with what seems to be concern.
"Why would you do that? Why would you let him do that?... why didn't you tell me before?" his voice so deep, so injured, so betrayed. His hand have a death grip on both of mine.
"Haru-san said that he'd ruin you if I told anyone!" I reply, a small sob choking its way past my lips.
Akihiko flinches slightly, before his eyes of the betrayed look at me once again.
"… Haru-san? You have respect for him now?" His hand holding mine let's go.
He turns forward to look outside the window in front of us. I feel like I've just lost my line to earth. My eyes look all over his face, trying desperately to find his gaze, but he's staring elsewhere,
"N-no… Why should titles even matter?... You hate me now, don't you?" My voice sounds expecting and quiet, and afraid. It sounds like I already knew he'd hate me, but I can't accept it regardless.
There's another moment of silence. Akihiko's biting his lip, probably whishing he had a cigarette. His index and middle finger are even pressed against each other like he's imagining his cigarette is there.
His chest moves in a deep inhale then exhale. He turns his head back towards me. He still looks wounded, his lavender eyes still look betrayed, but I see no contempt.
"I could never hate you, Misaki… I'm disappointed…" His eyes turn dark, his gaze turns deathly, and hatred falls through every pore of his body, "And I'm going to kill him."
I swallow and relief floats over me like rays over the sun penetrating white, fluffy clouds.
Then reality sinks in again.
"How could you not hate me? Can't you see that I can only bring you pain?" I ask, my bottom lip trembling as soon as all the words have come out.
Akihiko studies my eyes for a moment, his gaze upon me now filled with the hatred he has for Haruhiko. He doesn't even look hurt anymore.
He turns back towards the window again.
"I learned something while we were apart…" He begins, turning back to me with a smile, "It hurts a lot more when I'm not with you."
His lips meet my cheek before I'm even able to blink.
"Let's go home… We'll kill him in the morning." He says before lacing his fingers with mine once again to pull me from my chair and lead me out the door.
We're still hand in hand as we walk down the dark streets.
The tears finally decided to fall.
It's a mistake…
There's a mistake…
"OH MY GOD!~"
"Hiro-san, what's wrong!?" Nowaki flies out of his room not a second later after I've made my unbecoming howl.
"YOU'RE ACTUALLY A HUMAN!" I scream while jumping from the floor and slamming the last paper Nowaki turned in into his face. "You made an actual fucking mistake!" I can't tell if my voice is more shocked or more ecstatic.
"Hiro-san… that's not very nice."
"HAHA! BAKA! You can't always make perfect scores and I am absolutely thrilled to mark your grade as a 98!" I harp to myself as I turn around.
I gasp when two arms hug me from behind.
"But, Hiro-san… Don't you think I could get some… bonus points?" His hand begins to snake down my torso until his fingers are playing with the button of my pants.
"Hey, let go!" I say, pulling out of his grip.
I swiftly turn around, a smile on my face. He raises an eyebrow.
"Are you really that happy because I made a mistake, Hiro-san?" He asks, unable to keep a smile from forming to his own lips as well.
I clear my throat and try to compose myself as best I can.
"Happy? I don't know why you'd think that… Were you slacking when you wrote this?" I ask, holding the paper back up as I give him a questioning stare, trying my hardest to not look happy or amused.
"No… I just needed to focus on something else at the time…" He replies, his eyes leaving mine for a moment to gaze upon the floor. He almost looks guilty, like he's keeping some secret from me.
"And what was that?" I ask, no longer needing to put in effort to hide a smile.
Nowaki scratches his neck in contemplation. His eyebrows are slightly furrowed as he takes in a deep breath, only to release it.
"Hiro-san… I've been meaning to tell you something… I just haven't figured out how to tell you…"
I blink in confusion.
"What…?" Is the only word I'm able get out as I watch him, his blue eyes refusing to meet mine.
"I'm going away for a while…"
I'm unable to look away, I can only stare as he watches anything and everything but me.
"Nowaki… What are you talking about?" I ask in disbelieving awe. He's going away for awhile? What the hell does that mean?
I can feel the bile coming up my throat and my stomaching beginning to churn.
"I'm going to America… to study."
He still won't look up at me. I can't stand it.
"A-America?" I stutter, my mind twisting and turning in confusion.
He's leaving me? For America? I was the one who was supposed to not care, to be the one who was only dating him to try and leave the world of unrequited love. He's the one that's supposed to be in love with me and always wanting my attention and for me to not leave.
"Yeah… I'll only be there for a year though," Nowaki is quick to defend, waving his hands in front of him momentarily.
"Only a year? Is that supposed to make me feel better? So when were you planning on telling me? After you were gone?" I ask, my voice calmer then I was expecting it to be. Nowaki seems surprised as well.
"Hiro-san… I wasn't just going to leave. I wanted to tell you in a more… special way, but I've felt guilty with you not knowing."
"Damn right you should, baka!"
And with that, I decided I had heard enough and that I didn't need to hear anymore. So I made a bee-line to the front door.
"Hiro-san!" I hear Nowaki cry before I slam the front door shut.
So… I'm going on a date… with that kid. Shinobu… I'm going on a date with that person. I must have lost my mind to actually agree to it. I thought I wanted nothing to do with him?
Oh well, maybe it will be fun… or maybe it will be hell. Probably the second one. I don't even know what we're going to do, because he's the one who wanted to plan everything and decided to take charge. I guess he thought it would make him look more like a man. Fat chance.
He'll probably wear a suit and take me to some fancy-pants restaurant that he can't afford. He'll probably use his parents' money. This is going to be so weird. The little brat.
But… I think he means well at least.
Just as I'm beginning to transition my thoughts of Shinobu to territories of fonder opinion, there's a knock on the front door.
Obviously I already know who it is.
I open the front door to be met with Shinobu. He's not wearing what I had originally suspected him to be in. He's wearing jeans, jeans that hug his legs in a very appealing way, along with black Chuck Taylors on his feet. He has on a brown leather jacket, purple plaid and a black t-shirt under it. He looks pretty cute…
I watch him with uninterested eyes.
"Hey…" Shinobu says, his eyes downcast. He's just looking at my shoes.
"You look more like you're going to hang out with friends rather than going on a date," I inform, leaning on the door frame with my arms crossed as I take him in.
"I thought you'd like it better if I tried to look more casual…" He replies reluctantly, his hand rushing up to scratch his temple. The gesture making my chest flutter slightly, the need to touch something suddenly making my fingers tingle. I stick my hands in my pockets.
"Whatever you say," I reply with a shrug before getting my jacket from the coat-rack and heading out.
We walk by each other in the hall, neither one of us completely sure how to break the silence around us. Although, I don't really mind; the faster he gets bored of me the faster he'll realize that he doesn't actually love me, and ultimately he'll give up quicker.
So, I embrace the silence, at least, I was until he decided to speak.
"So, I decided that we should keep to the tradition and just go somewhere to eat, instead of doing something extravagant or anything. Besides, people bond most over a good meal," Shinobu says, eyes forward.
I'm trying to decide if he actually thought a lot about this or just didn't put in any effort. Then I decide that I don't really care.
It comes as no surprise to me when we end up taking a bus. We stand by each other, both of us holding the safety bars above our heads. All the seats are taken.
"We could have just taken my car," I inform.
I normally walk to places anyway, but it doesn't change the fact that I am in fact in ownership of a car, though simple it may be.
"Then it would be more like you're taking me on a date," He replies.
So freaking stubborn.
I don't reply.
We sway slightly, this way and that with the movement of the bus, the smooth hum of the tires under our feet reaching our ears. I can't help but notice his glances towards me every now and then, all the while I stare out the bus' windows.
As the bus continues on, the smooth hum is interrupted by a sudden bump in the road.
"Ah!" Shinobu gasps as his grip on the safety handle above his head falters, causing him to stumble backwards. I grab his shoulders just as he's about to fall into me. I feel his back touch my chest and I get a whiff of his hair; it smells slightly of hair gel, another subtle scent beneath it. It's sweet, somewhat musky. I close my eyes to focus on the fragrance. It's not the smell of cologne, or even shampoo. It must be his scent, the way he smells when nothing is added to him.
I want to press my nose against his flesh so I can breathe in that unique aroma.
My eyes fly open and I push him away. Not roughly or even far away, just enough to get that alluring scent away from my senses.
"Th-thanks," He replies, his voice sounding embarrassed, maybe even a little mad.
"Be more careful, what if I wasn't here? You would have fallen and gotten hurt."
I blink in surprise at my words. Was I actually worried about him?
Shinobu glances back at me, for only a moment. He also seems surprised from my protective tone. He doesn't say anything about it, which I can't say I mind.
"So, where are we going?" I finally decide to ask. Silence is fine, but when it's of the awkward variety, I can't stand it.
"You'll see… are you excited? cuz I am…" He mumbles that last part.
"Why would I be excited?" I ask, when in actuality, I can feel electricity in my blood.
"Because you get the chance to go on a date with a young college student."
"Why should that make me excited?" I can actually think of a whole number of reasons why that could get me excited. However, I doubt I'd ever go through with anything on that list and there's no way I'd ever read it off to Shinobu.
When the bus finally stops we get off and have to walk for a while. We stop in front of a small, but modern and well designed eatery. Shinobu sticks his hands in his pockets and clears his throat, reminding me of someone who's hiding something. He opens the door for me, motioning with his arm for me to go in first. I place my hand on the door, holding it open and looming over my "date".
"You first," I instruct, effortlessly causing that steamy color to bathe his cheeks.
I follow closely behind him.
The floor is a glistening, smooth concrete, the walls being burst brick with abstract and colorful art hung here and there. Modern black lather couches line the lobby walls for those who are waiting to be seated. Shinobu goes up to the front counter, draping his arm atop it.
"I made a reservation for Shinobu Takatsuki," Shinobu says to the girl behind the desk, followed by his knuckles tapping the counter twice.
He even made reservations. Impressive. Or at least, it's impressive for what I was expecting of him.
"Yes, right this way," the waitress replies with a smile, gesturing for us to follow her.
Shinobu glances towards me before walking after the girl, the same "I've had my hand in the cookie jar" look on his face. My eyebrow cocks as I begin to follow him, one hand in my pocket.
As I watch him walk, my eyes scan down, taking in the slight V shape of his shoulders to hips. It's only now that I realize how form fitting his jeans are. They hug all the right places and only enhance the perfect shape of his cute little ass… I force my eyes to look ahead.
When we get to the main room, I realize something special about this pace; something sets it apart from most other restaurants. Every table has only two chairs.
"You really wanted to express the fact that we're on a date, didn't you?" I inquire, being answered with silence and pink cheeks.
Once we sit and order we don't talk to each other all that much. Not at first anyway. So far I think I've talked more to the waitresses more than Shinobu.
"Are you two on a date?" once girl asks, her voice peaking in excitement.
I blink at her several times. For one, I feel like it should be pretty clear that we're on a date and for something else I don't really want to confirm her suspicions with words. Luckily, in the end, I don't have to.
"Yes, we are," Shinobu interjects, his eyebrows furrowing like they always do.
"Ah!~ KAWAII!" The waitress screeches, her body wagging around this way and that. Well, someone reads yaoi.
Once she leaves, Shinobu looks back at me, his stupid eyebrows still scrunches together in the middle of his head.
I sigh before leaning forward slightly, pressing my finger in the middle of his forehead.
"Don't frown… people look so much better when they smile. You should try it sometime," I suggest as I watch his face slowly transition into a look of surprise. "I don't think I've ever even seen you smile, aside from when I saved you."
He watches me for a moment.
"I don't think I've seen you smile at all," Shinobu replies.
I pause at that, not quite sure how to respond. Surely he's seen me smile at least once… I smile all the time. They might rarely be real smiles, but surely he has seen me smile before… Surely I wasn't showing my true self to him the entire time.
"I'm going to make you smile," He says, his face blank before it slowly changes, the corners of his lips lifting in a smile that seems… very genuine. "I'm going to make you happy, Miyagi-san," He says before taking a drink from the cup of water in front of him.
And for some reason, I hope he's right.
Misaki and I drove home in silence. Neither of us knew what to say. We walked towards the apartment in silence. We went up in the elevator in silence. We walked into our home in silence. The first thing Misaki did when he entered the apartment was hanging his jacked on our coat rack. Then he moved towards the kitchen. I follow.
"Usagi-san, have you eaten while I was gone? I expected there to be me dirty dishes," He says while turning the handles of the sink to produce the exact temperature of water he wants. I frown at him slightly. "I guess you can live pretty well on your own, huh? You can take care of the dishes yourself… and it's not like I'm good for much anyway."
"And I just cause you trouble anyway," He continues as he rubs soap into the yellow sponge he's chosen.
"Misaki, stop!" I demand as I wrap my arms around his waist. "Don't say such things… you could never cause me trouble. You're everything to me… Misaki…"
His body trembles with sobs.
I close my eyes and kiss his nape once, tasting his sweet flesh and taking in the scent that is purely Misaki. My beautiful blossom.
"When will you understand that I love you, that my love knows no boundaries, and that I'll love you forever?" I whisper, holding him tighter.
I could never stop loving him.
Did you like? Well, if you did, if you didn't, or if you want me to continue, please tell me in a comment! I LOVE reading your comments, even if they're only two words long;) Thanks for reading! I'll try not to take so long this time.