A/N: Voilà! La fin de mon histoire! I'm glad I could get *Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated* stuck in your pretty little minds. Hopefully I just did it again.
And now for a big thank you…a monumental thank you – so big it stretches to Oz and back. I couldn't be happier with the success of this story! Seventeen chapters! That's seventeen days of my life that you lovelies have improved times a million!
"Do you know how long it's been?" Glinda asked.
Fiyero was flipping channels with the television remote; he went to a channel that displayed the time. "About four hours."
She sighed. "I hope the girls are okay."
"I'm sure they are."
"All three of them?"
"Elphaba's unbelievably good with them," Fiyero said simply.
Glinda glared at him. "You mean better than me."
"I didn't say that!" he argued. "How do you jump to conclusions so quickly? It's a talent, really."
"Just another thing you've secretly resented about me," Glinda muttered. She got up to look out the window for the trillionth time. "I'm sorry you wish Elphaba was the mother of your children."
"I'm sorry you're so dramatic," Fiyero retorted. He switched the television off and set the remote on the arm of the couch. "I wish you wouldn't bring them into this."
"But we should!" Glinda cried. "We've been trading them off like toys! Sharing them, like…like, I don't know…" What she didn't mention was that she had actually bribed Jillian into playing dress-up with new colouring books. She was that desperate to prove to herself that they loved her.
Suddenly Fiyero was reminded of what Avaric had taught him the first time he had brought cookies in his lunch to work. "Sharing is caring," he recited.
"We haven't thought about how they feel, Fiyero!" Glinda continued, ignoring his statement. Her mind was overwhelmed. "We're negligent parents!"
"I don't see what's wrong with sharing, as long as it's done right." Fiyero stroked his chin. "Whatever that means."
Glinda leaned against the window and faced him, feeling a little bit more comfortable knowing that they were both equally confused. "Maybe we should talk more. In front of them. Show them that we're still a family?"
"Alright," Fiyero replied at length, "because we both love them."
"Because love is about sacrifice."
They both thought about the sacrifices that Elphaba had made for them. She had never asked for anything, never complained...but their contemplation was interrupted by an excited voice chattering just outside the door of the apartment. They heard Elphaba mutter a few words that sounded like something along the lines of, "Wanna make a bet on how peeved they're going to be at me?" And then the door opened.
Glinda followed Fiyero out into the hall and stared at Elphaba. She didn't know how to feel.
Elphaba looked them over. "Oh good, you're still alive! I was just telling the girls how I forgot to leave out food and water."
Fiyero and Glinda both took a step closer and continued to stare.
Throwing her hands out in front of her protectively, Elphaba warned, "If this tug-of-war thing is about to get physical, then I swear to Oz I will grab that broom—" she pointed at a broom in the corner next to the wall, "—and fly away. It's there for emergencies."
Glinda took Jillian's hand and Fiyero took Ariana's and they both left without a word. Elphaba watched them go, slightly disappointed in the outcome of her plan.
Over the course of the next few days both Fiyero and Glinda retreated back into their fortresses of solitude. Again, Elphaba decided that those clueless dimwits needed the message thrown at them; beaten into their stubbornly underactive brains. Their idiocy was affecting her own happiness as well and she wasn't going to stand for that.
Now that she had Ariana and Jillian on her side again, manipulation was much easier. She didn't feel bad about it either. Glinda and Fiyero were secretly thankful for it – of that she was positive. She had called ahead and let Ariana and Jillian in on her plan so they could help her.
Glinda and Fiyero didn't realize that both Ariana and Jillian conveniently decided they wanted to go to their friends' houses on the same day and that Elphaba conveniently wanted to meet them both by the fountain outside the Palace of the Wizard half an hour later. She sat on the ledge of the fountain and tilted her head back so she was looking at the statue of the Wizard upside down. The reflection of the sunlight off of the gold was almost blinding, but she could still see the outline of the statue. And the longer she stared at it, the creepier it was getting. To think that her mother had fooled around with that...? Bleh. She hummed to herself to drown out the sound of her thinking. Some thoughts were off limits.
"At least this time she can't lock us up," she heard Fiyero say and returned her head to the normal position.
"What's the plan for today?" Glinda asked sourly.
Elphaba shrugged. "My plan for today is to not have a plan." Neither of them said anything, so she didn't either. She stood up on the ledge of the fountain and walked across it, holding her arms out to keep balance. When she completed the length of the circle, she jumped down. "You're allowed to talk to me around each other, you know." She was speaking to both of them. "No one's got a monopoly on conversation."
Still, they remained silent. Glinda was looking around and Fiyero was rocking back and forth on his heels.
Suddenly, Elphaba felt frustration take control of her mind and her words. "You know what your problem is?" She took a step back to address both of them again. "You're afraid! You're cowards!"
"Elphaba!" Glinda snapped. "There's no need to be rude when you—"
"When I what?" Elphaba demanded. "If you can be yourselves around me then you can be yourselves around each other! Out of all of the people in the universe there's only one other person who's going to understand exactly what you're going through!" She paused for a moment. "This is the part where your eyes meet and you hug." As demonstration, she wrapped her arms around herself.
"We're not going to hug," Fiyero told her, shoving his hands into his pockets.
Elphaba groaned. "Why not?"
"Because it's awkward!" Glinda answered.
"Awkward?" Elphaba muttered. She had heard that word so much in her lifetime that she was tempted to shove a thesaurus at Glinda and force the blonde to look up a better word. But instead, she stepped onto the ledge of the fountain again. "Glinda, jump into this fountain!"
"Are you insane?" Glinda said, keeping her voice low so people wouldn't stare.
Elphaba ignored her and glared at Fiyero, who was snickering under his breath. "Fiyero, go give that old lady all of the money in your wallet!" She pointed at a haggard old lady hobbling by them.
"Why don't you?"
"Have you seen my wallet lately?" Elphaba laughed. "It's a mugger's nightmare."
"You know what?" Fiyero decided. "I'm going to go now." He turned to leave and so did Glinda, even if it was a much more reluctant departure on her part.
"You're never going to accomplish anything if you don't believe you can!" Elphaba called. "You're going nowhere!"
Glinda stopped in her tracks and turned around, willing to hear what Elphaba had to say. Based on how well she knew Elphaba, she knew there was more coming. And then she factored in all of the time Elphaba had wasted listening to her own rants. She caught Fiyero's hand and met his eyes. He turned back to face Elphaba too.
"Do you know why I act the way I act?" Elphaba said forcefully. She held one leg out in front of her and gracefully leapt off of the fountain. "My mother was dreadfully unhappy with her life and she did everything she could to fight that. She was an alcoholic shit-disturber with one hell of a sex addiction who died and left me to care for my disabled sister. But you know what? She taught me more in six years than your mothers have taught you your whole lives."
"No need to bring our mothers into this..." Fiyero objected.
"She showed me how to deal with everything," she continued. "And I took it to heart. When people don't talk to you, talk to yourself. When the world is vicious and boring, invent your own. When you're depressed and hate everything about yourself you can't just lay down and die! You have the right to eat a burger without feeling fat and the right to root for the Vinkun soccer team without having your apes of friends attacking you for it! They're just jealous that those EC tra-la-las can't play for beans!"
She took a deep breath, preparing to continue. It definitely hadn't been intended to come out like that. "And no one's ever going to give a shit about what you say, but you still have every damn right to speak! It doesn't even have to be spoken. Get a tattoo. Write a book. Somewhere someone's going to listen and if they don't then guess what? I will. You don't have to be pretty or good or smart or artsy." Glinda and Fiyero both opened their mouths to protest, but Elphaba cut them off. "Would it kill you to go one day without makeup?" She faced Glinda. "Just walk around in sweatpants and tie your hair up!" Fiyero started chuckling and she rounded on him. "And you! Walk around without a shirt for all I care! Show everyone that you're a proud Vinkun! And tell Avaric to screw off when he pushes you around! People are either going to laugh in your face or behind your back. Which do you think they're doing right now? But live in spite of it and you know what they're going to say? Those two have spunk. And you know what I'm going to say? Those two have colour."
She whirled around in the direction of her apartment and walked off, boots creating a thud every time they hit the pavement.
Glinda stayed silent for a week. She went to work in a trance, picked up the girls in a trance and went to bed still in the same trance. Elphaba's words were unforgettable. They were harsh, but loving. It was clear that Elphaba thought more of her than anyone else ever had. But she couldn't conjure up the nerve to face her.
Across the city, Fiyero was working through a similar state of bewilderment. He tossed and turned and wished he was with Elphaba, but couldn't summon the courage needed to get into the car. Picking up the phone, however, did not seem as scary. But it wasn't Elphaba he wanted to talk to.
Glinda reached for her phone and was about to dial when it rang. "Hello?"
"Glinda, do you remember how you said love is a sacrifice?"
The next morning, Elphaba heard someone at the door bright and early. She yawned and grabbed a sweater before answering it. However, when she opened the door her eyes widened and she dropped it.
"Too early?" Glinda asked.
"Can we come in? We feel kind of exposed," Fiyero said.
Elphaba pointed at Glinda. "You sound like my Glinda, but you don't look like her." Then she pointed at Fiyero. "And you look more like my Fiyero than ever. You can't be him."
Glinda pulled up her pink sweatpants and rolled the waistline once more so they would stay up. "I haven't worn these since I was pregnant. They're a little bit big, but I hope they're good enough." She pulled down her white t-shirt and patted her Elphaba-style knot of hair. "And my eyelashes are naked." Batting her eyelashes, Glinda rubbed her hands over her cheeks. She was definitely paler, and a few loose curls were falling down over her forehead.
"That's better than being naked," Fiyero said, crossing his arms over his bare chest. He was only wearing jeans and sneakers.
Elphaba shook her head incredulously and bit her lip to try to hide the grin that was forming. "You two..." She grabbed their wrists and pulled them in. "I didn't mean it literally."
"We're pretty literal people," Fiyero told her. "Obviously there are a few things you have yet to learn."
"And I—" Glinda exchanged a look with Fiyero, "—we came to a decision."
"We love you, Elphaba," Fiyero said sincerely, "and we're sorry we did this to you, so we're getting our shit together and making this right."
"Sharing is caring," Glinda informed her with a wink. "And I'm tired of hurting Fiyero."
"And I'm sick of pushing Glinda away."
"So from now on we're all friends," Glinda instructed, "and then we see how it goes from there. The last thing we need is another disaster relationship." Her features softened. "You're the best thing that's ever happened to us, Elphie." She wasn't going to wait to say things like that anymore.
Elphaba stood there helplessly for a moment, feeling simultaneously proud of them and confused as to how this had come about. Before she knew it, she was reaching up to wipe a tear from her cheek. "The only thing I hate more than false sentimentality is real sentimentality. You two suck. You're just absolutely horrible."
Fiyero and Glinda burst out laughing and then they looked at each other and laughed harder. The utter ridiculousness of the whole situation was getting to them.
"This is cheesy, isn't it?" Fiyero asked.
"Who cares?" Glinda said, beaming. Her smile was so much more vibrant without two hours' worth of makeup concealing it.
Elphaba narrowed her eyes. "Shouldn't you two be at work?"
"We made a sacrifice and took the day off." Fiyero grinned. "We're thoughtful that way."
"Looks like I'm making coffee for three this morning." Elphaba headed off towards the kitchen where she piled up all of the papers and books on the table and left them on the counter in disarray.
"I'm so comfortable," Glinda sighed, sinking into a chair. "Remind me to do this more often."
Elphaba smirked. "I'll definitely be reminding Fiyero to do the shirtless thing more often."
"I'm pretty sure that we've already established my discomfort," Fiyero said flatly. He took a seat beside Glinda. Now that they were friends it wasn't such a chore for him.
Watching them, Elphaba couldn't help but smile as her heart swelled with love. She looked down at her green hand. Then at Glinda in her bright pink. Then at Fiyero in his blue diamonds. "I think this is my best feat yet," she said.
Elphaba lunged forward and grabbed Glinda's face with one hand. She kissed her cheek. Then she did the same with Fiyero. "Turning this love triangle into a threesome."
A/N: Ha ha ha ho ho ho and a couple of tra la las! That's how we laugh the day away...when Elphaba ridicules the EC soccer team. I spent days brainstorming this chapter, thinking hmm, which one should it be and how can I make it happen, and in the end I couldn't help myself. I had to know that there existed at least one story where no one ended up alone. I hope you enjoyed it! Merci beaucoup! À bientôt! (By the way...hasn't my French improved? I've been watching mass amounts of Les Simpsons, so I now know 15 words instead of 7. I hope you're proud of me.)