Disclaimer: Harry Potter is owned by J.K. Rowling and Warner Brothers. No copyright infringement intended.
Pairing: Snape, Dumbledore, Harry/Draco. (Snape's PoV)
Summary: Dumbledore is worried, but Severus has good news. Well, it's good for him. HBP!AU.
Note: Inspired by a silly prompt. SORRY. I hope it makes you laugh, though. This is what I do at work. Alas!
A Serious Attachment
Severus smiled as he sat down at the high table.
The candlelight cast shadows on Dumbledore's ancient face. His long beard shone white, his eyes devoid of their usual twinkle and fixed on the Gryffindor table.
Severus followed his line of sight. Weasley and Granger sat together, engaged into a heated discussion. Potter was nowhere to be seen. Severus's gaze flickered to the Slytherin table. As expected, Draco was not there.
Severus wiped the smile off his face and sipped his tea. "You are troubled," he said, keeping his voice low. Other teachers were not far.
Dumbledore pursed his lips, head shaking slightly. "Harry is... a very stubborn boy." Dumbledore managed to sound both annoyed and proud. The fondness in his voice was unmistakable. Severus chose not to comment. "I fear he will discover Mr Malfoy's intent sooner or later," Dumbledore continued, barely above a whisper. "And when he does, Mr Malfoy's life will be in danger. I suspect Harry will aim to expose him and I am not certain I will be able to stop him."
Severus's took another sip of his tea. "You worry too much."
Dumbledore gave him a sharp look. "I worry too much? Two weeks ago you were demanding I expel Harry, insisting his continued presence in this school and obsession with Mr Malfoy's mission would endanger Mr Malfoy's life."
"Indeed," Severus said curtly. "However, after the incident in the bathroom, it appears Potter's intentions have changed. I now believe Potter is unlikely to expose Draco." Severus frowned. "Forgive me, poor choice of words. Potter is certainly interested in exposing Draco, but only to himself."
Dumbledore's gaze travelled to the Gryffindor table again and then back to Severus. "Ah, Severus!" he said after a moment of silence. "I am an old — and peculiar, I'm told — man and I do require you to be less vague, as, I fear, my mind is too likely to travel in all sorts of unbecoming directions."
"Unbecoming it might be, but I assure you, your mind has travelled in the right direction."
Dumbledore shook his head as though to get rid of unwanted images. "You are mistaken. Surely. The target of Harry's affections is a certain redhead, I believe."
"I know nothing about his affections, but I do know the true target of a certain part of his anatomy."
"Severus!" Dumbledore exclaimed and then hurriedly smiled at Minerva who looked their way. Dumbledore lowered his voice. "There's no need to be crude."
"Forgive me. I was told peculiar old men were confused by vagueness."
"At the moment, I'm more confused by your certainty. It is a rather wild assumption."
"Not if you're keeping an eye on Potter and Malfoy at all times. Assumptions are needless when one has eyes."
Dumbledore blinked. "You have witnessed—"
"Untoward behaviour," Severus finished for him.
Dumbledore's mouth opened but he composed himself quickly. "No need to be so judgmental, Severus. There is nothing untoward about two people of the same gender —"
Severus shook his head. "Oh, this was untoward, believe me. After all, it involved Potter."
Dumbledore sighed. "In that case, forgive me, I must regress for a moment and return to my youth to give this news the reaction it deserves. Which is—Blimey."
Dumbledore stared ahead blankly for a long while. Then he turned to study Severus carefully. "I must say, Severus, you are taking this rather well. I realise this might ensure Mr Malfoy's safety, for the time being, but I would expect you to think Harry is unworthy of Draco."
"Oh, he is. However, at the moment, my sympathies for Draco are limited. He has been insufferable, refusing my help and accusing me of trying to steal his glory."
"Nonetheless," Dumbledore persisted. "It does not explain why you look positively cheerful."
"Do I?" Severus smiled. "I suppose I am cheerful." He sighed, not unhappily. "You know, Dumbledore, Potter's misery is important to me, I confess. And his happiness vexes me. A few hours ago, I was in a foul mood, I must say. But then... Potter created a poor diversion and sneaked into my study. Ever the thief. He stole a vial of potion, thinking I would not notice."
"Oh? What sort of potion was it?"
"The label proclaims: Extra slick. Handle with care. Slow, but long-lasting effects."
Dumbledore's eyebrows rose. "Extra..." He coughed. "A vial of lubricant? Oh dear. It seems this attachment is quite serious."
Severus could not help himself. He laughed.
Dumbledore looked more confused than ever. "Really, Severus. Why does this amuse you so?"
It took a few moments for Severus to calm down. "Ah, Potter has always been abysmal at Potions. Someone more proficient would not only check the label but the potion itself." Severus looked back at the Gryffindor table. Potter and Draco had been missing for hours. Severus snorted. "I suspect you are right. This attachment is quite serious." He smiled at Dumbledore's confused blue gaze. "Oh, it was not a lubricant, Dumbledore." Severus laughed again. "It was glue."