disclaimer: disclaimed.
dedication: to Madame Primavera.
notes: I apologize for this.

title: king of paradise
summary: RANGIKU, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE? — Toushiro, Rangiku, Karin.

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Toushiro reeled away from his desk, absolutely horrified.

He—he couldn't. He couldn't. It was—it was horrible. Hideous. He was going to kill her for pulling this on him. How could she—how could she. He couldn't even think. How could she do this to him?

He opened one blue-green eye, and peeked towards the open desk drawer.

He cowered.

There, sitting innocuously in his desk drawer—dear god, he was going to have to disinfect everything—was a plastic bag, some frilly bit of lace, and a tiny scrap of paper. A soft, sweetly feminine scent wafted from it. Toushiro fought not to retch into the garbage.

He knew that it could only have come from one person (because who else would do this to him), but still, he reached for the bit of paper.

He was very careful not to touch the lace.

(He had a feeling it was infectious.)

As his fingers plucked the note away from the lace-and-ribbon (there were ribbons?! What was she trying to do, give him a heart attack?) confection, he shuddered and held it away from himself. This could go nowhere that would make him feel sane.

Rangiku was trying to kill him.

Toushiro was sure of it.

He flipped the paper over—and of course, the thing was scribbled all over in her loopy handwriting, bubbly and pink and had he not told her that pink was not to be used because it was insulting? He was a captain, for god's sake! He was not to be subjected to such humiliation!

But then, Ragiku had never listened, no matter what Toushiro had done to restrain her impossible enthusiasm.

Shiro-chan,

(—and here, Toushiro had to pause and quietly hate her for a moment—)

These belong to Karin-chan. Ichigo's little sister, you remember. You should probably go give them back before she gets any angrier. She thinks you've stolen them from her laundry basket! That's what I told her, anyway. What a naughty little boy—

There was a smear here that looked like lipstick. Toushiro's eye twitched. It smelled like sake.

but don't worry, I'm sure she'll forgive you!

Love, Rangiku~

Toushiro glanced down into his desk again.

There were panties in his drawer.

There were lace panties in his drawer that belonged to a girl and—

Well, quite on accident, Toushiro may or may not have imagined Karin in those tiny lace panties. And not much else. It was a very nice image but this was Karin and where were her clothes

Dark red gushed from his nose. He cursed his lieutenant violently. Toushiro promptly passed out in a pool of his own blood.

Somewhere else, Rangiku sneezed.

fin.