(To make it better, listen to Therapy by All Time Low. I'll let you know when.)
She meets him at his concert. She goes home and goes through everything, throwing away her bad past. She cries and finally feels like she has released all of her bad emotions. She falls asleep into a blissful sleep, the first without nightmares. And she wakes up to a good morning text from Alex.
I pulled at my sleeve once again, self conscious of anyone seeing underneath. Though, I probably stuck out like a sore thumb today of all days. I was in the mosh pit at an All Time Low concert, in the middle of summer. The opening act just finished and the radio hosts were saying their thanks to the sponsors. I took in a deep, sharp breath as someone next to me hit my arm, freshly sliced as of last night. Finally, the hosts walked off and everyone cheered as the band walked onstage.
"Hey guys!" Alex shouted into the mic as he fumbled, adjusting his guitar strap. They went on to play Somewhere in Neverland, and another few hits. The first genuine smile grew on my face, one I haven't had in months. It soon, though, disappeared when a piece of my hair got caught in one of the cuts in my wrist. It was sticking and tugging at it a little, the dark reddish brown now turning a deeper red a bit of blood was wiped into it. I winced and tucked the hair behind my ear, not wanting to deal with it.
"This next song," he say, sighing into the mic, "is very special to me. As most of you know, my brother, he, uh, he died a few years back, and I wrote this for him. I love you Tom, wherever you are."
For a brief moment, he looked up to the sky, smiling at it. My heart went out to him, not because I know the feeling of losing someone. Because, I had been almost at that point last night.
As the song started, my eyes started to moisten, and I could feel the tears pricking at the corner of my eyes. Everyone was starting to say, slowly raising their arms as they went, until they were waving to the beat. I joined them, making sure to hold onto my sleeve so it didn't slide down.
I just let myself get caught up in the music, closing my eyes and letting the music clog my ears with its beautiful melody. I opened my eyes as the song was starting to near the end and noticed he was looking at me. I blushed and glanced down, but realized, he probably wasn't looking at me. Probably someone else. I looked back up and swayed as the song kept going, but suddenly, I felt my sleeve skip out of my grasp and slip down my arm. I gasped and hurriedly tried to push it back over, but it got stuck, my arm still in the air. I looked to Alex and he noticed my arm, his eye wide with worry. I panicked and yanked at my sleeve, scratching my wrist and making me squeal in pain. I finally got it back down and looked around to see if anyone had noticed, but no one could hear my pain over the speakers.
The only person who noticed was Alex. Alex Gaskarth. Oh shit.
I tried to avoid eye contact as the song ended and I watched him walk over to the from tot the stage, and whisper to one of the security guards in front of the barrier. I watched the security guard nod, ask him something and then Alex pointed to me. This can't be good.
I just ignored it, focusing while Alex went back onstage and started the next song. I looked to where the security guard had been, but he wasn't there. i shrugged it off and listened to the song playing.
I felt a tap on my shoulder and turned to see the same security guard.
"I need you to come with me!" he shouted.
I just nodded and let him grab my arm, leading me through the mosh pit and to the front right corner. He lifted me up, over the barrier and hopped over himself.
"This way!" he yelled, pointing to the side of the stage. I followed him, taking me around the corner of the stage and over to the back where a few tables were set up, people scattered around them. I recognized a few. Like their manager and some family members of the guys in the band.
The security guard indicated to one of them, "Go sit there and wait a few minutes. Alex will be out soon."
I felt something catch in my throat and I repeated, "Alex? What do you mean?"
"He asked me to pull you out of the crowd," he shrugged and walked back around the stage, either to let Alex know I was back here or to go back to guarding the stage in front of the barrier.
I sighed and sat down on the bench. I put my chin in my hand and my elbow on the table, making sure to hold my sleeve up with my chin. I glanced around until a boy around 15 or 16 walked up and sat down across from me.
I stared at him until he finally spoke, "Im Brayden, what's your name?"
"Rebecca," I said, pulling my head off my hand and letting my arm rest on the table.
"Cool," he smiled, dimples appearing underneath the shade of his snapback, "Can I call you Becca?"
"Sure," I shrugged.
"Well, Becca, why are you back here?" he said, fixing his dark blue t-shirt.
"I don't even know," I sighed, "I was led back here by security."
"Hm, well I'm a cousin of one of the guys," he said, shrugging a bit.
"Cool," I said, but noticed his rubber bracelet he was wearing, "You like Fall Out Boy?"
He laughed as he noticed me eyeing his bracelet, "Definitly. I Don't Care is the perfect badass song. You can't help but feel cool when listening to it."
I laughed and nodded, "Yeah, but what about Thanks For The Memories? Huh?"
"Perfect breakup song," he nodded.
"You said it."
"I like you," he said, pointing to me as if realizing something.
I giggled, the sound surprising me. I hadn't laughed this much, or been happy this long, in a while. We just sat there, walking about our favorite bands, until I saw Brayden's gaze focus behind me.
"Behind you," he mouthed. I crinkled my eyebrows, but turned around, only to meet the gaze of Alex Gazkarth. Well, shit.
"Hi," I squeaked out, making a small, what i thought was a wave.
He smiled back, waving slightly with his other hand in his pocket, "Hey, I'm Alex."
"Rebecca," I gave him a small smile.
"I can feel the awkward," piped up Brayden, and I turned to give him a playful glare. He just chuckled and rested his hands behind his head.
I turned back to Alex, who was stifling a laugh, "I'm Rebecca."
"I call her Becca!" shouted Brayden. This time I just laughed without looking back at him, instead at the toes of my converse. It felt amazing and so good to laugh.
"Hey Brayden, I hear Mila Kunis is over by the caterers," Alex said to him.
"Ooh, tempting, but nah, I'm good," I could here the amused sarcasm in his voice as i just fiddled with my hands, my head still down.
"Dude," I heard Alex say, dragging it out with a tone of "take a hint".
"Alright, I think I left my, uh," he trailed off and I turned to see he was walking away. I smiled and finally glanced back up at Alex, his eyes locking with mine.
He cleared his throat, "Uhm, uh, would you like to see my tour bus?"
"Sure," I nodded and he held out his hand. I hesitated, and he seemed to notice.
"I don't bite," he cracked an amused smile, "At least, not that much."
I giggled and grabbed his hand, delicately, but he grasped it a little tighter, making me blush.
He lead me through the back, between a few cars and tents, then stopping in front of a tall RV with a silver and purple paint job. He pulled opened the door, pulling me up the stairs, letting it close behind us. He motioned for me to sit on the couch and I settled into the cushions, the unexpected aroma of cinnamon and water lilies surrounding me. It smelled nice. He took a seat across from me on the other couch.
"So, I know you are probably wondering why I brought you backstage," he said, clasping and untangling his hands, over and over, staring at them. He glanced up at me and I bit my lip, nodding.
"Well, I, uhm," he sighed and sort of coughed nervously, "I saw your wrist, and I wanted to know why."
My eyebrows furrowed and I gave him a look, "What do you mean why?"
"Why would you hurt yourself? Why did you? Why are you so reserved? Why do you keep tugging at your sleeves?" he said, pointing at my hands, which I was indeed, messing with sleeves.
"Uhm, its kinda involuntary," I said, swallowing and feeling a lump build in my throat. I was aware of tears starting to form in the corners of my eyes, but I desperately tried to blink them away. It was such a touchy subject, my cutting.
"Well, why would you do this to yourself, giving you a reason to grow so accustomed to pulling at your sleeves?" he asked and I could feel his eyes boring into my head. I didn't look up though, as I didn't want to see his face. I knew that if I did, I would lose it.
"Um, it's complicated," I said, stuttering a bit.
"Well, I'm very understanding," he said.
"It's a long story," I shrugged, my words coming out as more of a question.
"I have time," he pushed.
"I don't want to talk about it," I said, finally admitting it.
"I know you don't want to, but maybe you would if you knew you were telling it to someone who would understand?" he said and I finally looked up. He lifted up his sleeve and revealed faded scars on the inside of his wrist. I didn't say anything. I could tell he was going to continue, so I let him. "I started when I was around 15, only lasting about a month, but it was enough I guess. I had figured out the truth of my brother and it all came crashing down on me. I couldn't take it, so I took it out on myself. It is one of the greatest mistakes I regret making."
He looked up and i could see the sadness clouding in his eyes, and a few tears pricking at the corners of his eyes, but they didn't escape. He glanced back down, sliding down his sleeve and sighing.
I looked to the floor, deciding i should tell him, "I have battled with depression for a few years now. I, uh, I used to cut, like a few years ago, but I stopped for two years. But, then it just got worse. I felt so alone and even though I had friends, I felt like i had no one. I don't know why, but I did. And my boyfriend at the time, he, uh.." I trailed off, my tears starting to spill over, "I don't really like talking about that part, but um, he shattered my heart and my sanity basically. He left me in tatters and I didn't have the strength to peace myself back together. So, I basically went down hill from there. That was five months ago. And now, I actually have no one. I live in my apartment, all alone. I have a job, but I hate it. I am basically disgusted with my life, and I don't see the point in trying to be happy."
I could feel the trails of tears sliding down my cheek. I closed my eyes and let my head hang, my shoulders slumping. I sniffled, but soon felt a pair of arms encase me, and a pair of lips kiss me tenderly on top of my head. I didn't lift my head up because I knew it was Alex, but just let myself fall into the arms, wrapping my own around his waist.
"You should be happy. You should love life and be living it the fullest. If you boyfriend was stupid enough to do what he did, then he never deserved you in the first place. You didn't deserve what he did to you either. You need someone who truly loves you. Someone who cares," I felt the top of my head get wet, and i realized he was crying. He took in a shaky breath, "I care about you. I know I may have just met you, but I do care."
"Th-Thank you," I stuttered, a sob escaping my throat. He pulled away and held my forearms with his hands. He was staring into my glassy eyes, his own glistening.
"Please, please, please, PLEASE," he begged, "NEVER do this again to yourself."
He cautiously grabbed my hand and lifted up the sleeve, glancing at me to see my reaction. The cuts underneath were raw, still scabbing.
"I need you to promise me," he said, staring me in the eye.
I searched his eyes, but soon found myself nodding, "I promise."
He embraced me in a hug again and we sat there. That is, until Brayden came through the door. He stopped when he saw us and Alex and I pulled apart.
"Oh sorry, I'll just go," he started to head back out but I stood up.
"Wait," I called, right before he had opened the door.
He looked at me, curious. I just walked up to him and wrapped my arms around his waist.
"Thank you," I said, which was probably out of the blue to him, but I didn't care.
"For what?" he asked, confused.
"You were the first person who got me to laugh, in four years. Thank you," I said, puling back, "You may not have realized it, but you made me feel good for the first time in a long time."
"Well," he chuckled a little, a grin across his lips, "Your very welcome. I am glad I could help."
A thought, random, it was, came to my mind.
"Hey, can I have your guys numbers, " I said, turning my head to look at Alex, "I want to have you guys to talk to if i ever feel bad or need someone to make me feel better. Also to keep you guys in the loop, if thats okay."
They nodded and I pulled out my phone, letting them add their numbers. "Thanks," I smiled and tucked my phone back in my pocket.
"What did you come in for Brayden?" Alex turned to the boy in the snapback.
"Oh, we're all packed and about to leave for Austin, Texas," he said.
Alex frowned but nodded, "I better get you back to you car."
"I, uh, actually took the bus," I said.
"Oh, well I will call you a car then," he gave me a smile and turned to go make the call.
I turned back to Brayden, who was playing with his bangs that were sticking to his forehead from the hat being on. I giggled at him trying to look up, but looking really goofy.
"So, we should hang out sometime," I said and he snapped out of trying to fix his hair, to look at me and smile.
"Yeah, definitely," he nodded and took off his hat, "It is so hot out there."
I looked at his hair and it was matted and soaked with sweat, but I could still tell he was a natural blonde.
"Ya, uh, people gave me some strange looks for wearing a sweatshirt," I said, glancing at my shoes again but then back up.
"Ya, why are you?" he asked, his eyebrows furrowed.
"Uh, I burn easily," I shrugged, hoping he would by the lie.
"No, really," he said, giving me a raised eyebrow, "I come in to you crying and your sleeve was up."
I ducked my eyes, "Um, I cut, so I wanted to cover it." I looked back up and he looked a little green, "But i don't anymore, don't worry." I said quickly, watching his face go back to normal.
"Good," he breathed and heard Alex come back. I turned to hims and he was smiling, but it didn't meet his eyes.
"The car will be here soon," he said, "Here, I will walk you out."
I nodded and hugged Brayden, saying goodbye.
Alex and I walked through more cars, but the tents were taken down. We made it to the back road, near the loading dock, and Alex turned to me.
"You know, there is just something I wanted to say," he said, looking at the ground with a nervous look across his face.
"What?" I asked, feeling a breeze pick up.
"Um, I feel, I don't know," he said, looking at me, "There is just something about you… I like it. Like, I really like you."
I froze, but I could tell my face was shocked.
"Really?" I breathed.
"Yeah, I would love to see you again, get to know you better," he smiled, blushing. I could feel my cheeks heating up too.
"Um, ya, sure," I nodded, feeling like the luckiest person ever right now.
"Cool," he said and looked behind me, a frown instantly replacing his smile. "Cars here."
I turned and saw one of those private cars, with a driver and everything.
I turned back to Alex, "Well thank you so much, you have no idea how much you helped me."
"You're welcome," he smiled, and brought me close, hugging me. I relaxed into the hug and felt so… safe. I liked the feeling.
He pulled back, but did something I didn't expect. He kissed my cheeks, warming the spot and making it tingle. I was shocked, but I din't show it. I just blushed and looked down. He tilted my chin up, meeting his eyes.
"Hey, a beautiful girl shouldn't be embarrassed," I laughed and just hugged him again. And then pretty soon, I was int he backseat of the car, waving goodbye through the window at Alex. When he was out of sight, I felt my phone buzz. I glanced at it and laughed. More of at the name than the message.
ALEXTHEMOSTAWESOMEDUDEEVER: Hey, what's up? ;)
He had put his number in and name it like that. I blushed and replied, leaning my head against the window after hitting send.
Well, I never expected today to go like that.
Hey guys! Okay, um again, I am so sorry I have not been posting, and I am sorry it probably feels like I am ignoring you, but I swear I am not. I have just been so busy lately and some bad things have happened that have really effected me. But I promise, promise, promise, promise, PROMISE I will get back to updating sooner and quicker.
Please respond? I just want to know someone is still reading...