Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of Stephenie Meyer. The original plot is the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

I know that many didn't like the way Breaking Dawn ended, especially the battle that never was, but have you ever wondered why it didn't happen?

Well, let me tell you why.

Crackfic from beginning to end. My prereader, Alice, even asked what on earth I was feeding my plot bunnies.


The saga we've all been following with bated breath (yes, even those of us who didn't need to breathe held the air in their lungs so it wouldn't escape) is coming to its surprising end!

Aro, the most powerful vampire in the universe, wants something that the Cullens have. He will do everything to get it back, even if it means to bring three hundred extras, put on white pain on their faces, and shove red contact lenses into their eyes!

The Cullens recruit all of their friends (even that weird dude that's been living under a rock for the past seven centuries), and everyone is getting ready for the inevitable fight.

Hold on tight! Who's going to win—Aro, with the invincible Volturi behind him or the Cullens with the light, the justice, and the billions of screaming fangils behind them?

...

In a great field, covered in snow, they meet. On one side, dressed in the obligating white, are the powers of light. On the other side, the forces of evil arrive, dressed in the obligating black so that everyone knows who is good and who is evil.

Aro steps forward, and calls, "Cullens, I demand that you return the prototype of the iPhone 5! Steve died before we could change him, and Apple is trying to sell us the stupid iPhone 4s instead of the masterpiece that the great Steve Jobs had created."

Caius steps next to Aro. "The iPhone, Cullens, or your lives!"

From the other side of the field, Edward yells, "We will never give you the iPhone! It is one of a kind, and we will not let it fall into malicious hands such as yours!"

Esme stays next to Carlisle, but she also pipes in. "You are evil, you have no heart! We have done nothing wrong! This iPhone was born to Edward and Bella, and we will never give it to you."

And so, the fight is about to break. Each side is certain that they have justice on their side. Aro is about to give the order when suddenly Alice and Jasper appear, carrying a white back with a drawing of an apple on it.

"Aro? Carlisle? Are you two fighting over your toys again?" Jasper asks and shakes his head. "Didn't Mommy and Daddy tell you that we will bring you both iPhones? Why did you have to go get all of your toy soldiers out and make such a mess of the backyard?"

Aro and Carlisle hang their heads in shame.

Alice runs over and gives them both a hug. "My darlings, have you missed Mommy?

"Yes, Mommy," Aro mumbles.

"Very," Carlisle adds and hugs her back.

"Well, I see that we got here just in time!" Alice turns to Jasper. "Jasper, come here and let us give them their presents." She turned back to Aro and Carlisle. "Now, you two, behave! Dinner is at eight. I expect the backyard to be back to its original state before it." She starts walking to the house. "Oh, and you better wash your hands before coming to the table!"

"Yes, Mommy," Carlisle answers.

Not about to let his brother outshine him, Aro adds, "We promise!"

Once Alice and Jasper are out of earshot, Carlisle turns to Aro and says, "It's not over, Aro. Tomorrow, after Mom and Dad leave, we're doing a rematch! And this time I want to be evil! I'm tired of playing with these pussified vampires."


Hope this made you smile!

On another note, I am hosting a small event that's called The Easter Bunny Twilight Fic Swap. Basically, you sign up, write what you want someone to write for your one-shot, add a picture if you want to, and when sign up closes, you get a one-shot to write. At the end, everyone get a story upon their request.

I participated in one for Christmas and enjoyed it very much, so I decided to host one myself. There are over two months to write the one-shot, so time is not a problem. For more details, check out the blog: EasterBunnyTwiFS . blogspot . com. (There's also a link on my profile)

Thank you all for reading,
Alley Cat.

P.S - That blue button? Use it! *wink*