So, you know how a lot of the stories/chapters I have been posting for a bit are nice and happy? It is beginning to depress me.
Therefore, the product of my angst-withdrawal is this. This takes place during 'Ruthless', before the breakup. I see it as right before any of the fights between Robin and Starfire occur.
Starfire woke up with a start. Nightmares. It was always nightmares. Her normal dreams would usually consist of the Citadel, or the Psions, but now it was different. The murders and the rape; things she was familiar with, but the hard part was seeing what it was doing to her lover. He always stressed himself too far, always so masochistic in his methods. She felt guilty because she was not helping, even though she knew she wasn't in the evidence room with him because he would not allow it.
X'hal damn him.
Speaking of Robin, she looked to her left. She was pleased to see him asleep, though on top of the covers and clad in a pair of track pants. There was sweat, a cold sweat she supposed. By the strain in his face, she figured that he was suffering from nightmares, as well. He would never admit that, though; she knew he found it to be a weakness. A mere figment of his imagination causing fear in his being, oh he would never allow that to get out. He would berate himself for feeling it in the first place.
She loved him with everything she had. He had always been her hero since the day she met him. She was immediately hooked, and not only just by his good looks; he would always seem to know what to do, to act so composed at all times.
But that's just it, he acted like it.
Just like when she'd act happy at times when she really was not. Once she and he began to get closer, best friends and beyond, she was able to read him better than anyone. The times we would act happy, but those tiny lines in his forehead never ceased, which is how she was able to decipher that. The expression was shown often, and it pained her.
When they were younger, she would often find herself staring at him, taking in everything she could. He was just so beautiful, no matter his mood. The mask always frustrated her, though. She often wondered about his eyes.
So blue. So unbelievably blue. She never knew she could fall in love with a color, but she did. Like a pair of sapphires.
When she looked down at him now, clad in those black track pants, bare chest rising and falling in a steady rhythm, she still found him beautiful, but it seemed concern would override more often than not.
His lips were twisted into a bitter frown, the sweat seemingly increased and his breaths hitching every now and again. His forehead crinkled and his hands clenched into fists. His ebony hair was still spiked perfectly and perky, the opposite of what he was most likely feeling at the time.
She sighed, trying to blink tears away. A few leaked down her oddly pale cheeks, much to her chagrin. She had refused to look at her reflection for the past week, afraid of what she would see.
She ran her pointer finger from one eye to his lips, across his jaw and down his neck, down his chest and tracing each muscle of his abs, and stopped right above his pants. She moved her hand to the side and on one of his own, unclenching it as best she could and sliding her hand in to mold them together.
She let herself slide back down to snuggle against him, more tears pouring down her eyes and landing on his chest. She felt the whole side of her face and the patch of hair against his chest dampen from the small pool forming. The best thing about her eyes was that if she had been crying, as long as she took care of any puffiness in her face, they could not tell. With no white, it meant no red, or if there was it was not noticeable. She never really stopped to check.
She began to run her fingernails back and forth against his stomach, a small hint of relief coming to her when she felt his tense body relax minutely. A huge success in this case, really. She seemed so in tune with him, every feeling he felt would force some of it on her. When he relaxed that small amount, she did as well.
"X'hal, I ask for your blessing." She kissed his now slippery chest, rubbing her face against him to help comfort herself and her eyes closing tightly.
Her eyes snapped open and she jumped up, wiping her eyes quickly. "Robin, did I wake you?"
He rolled his neck and sat up on his forearms, his eyes slightly narrowed from sleep. "No, your fine. What time is it?"
She glanced at her alarm clock. Four in the morning.
Robin's eyes widened and he climbed out of bed, slapping on his mask and a t-shirt from the closet. "Damnit, why didn't you get me up? I'll see you later."
The door closed without another word, him not glancing her way once.
She swallowed and stared after him, fresh tears falling. Was it really necessary for him to start so early in the morning? Though apparently to him, this was considered late.
She was surprised that he didn't comment on her crying at all; she knew he saw her wipe them away. Heard how her voice was thick with sorrow and nasally due to her stuffed up nose. But apparently that wasn't of any concern to him at the moment.
She wasn't of any concern to him. She hadn't been for the whole week, and bound to continue for more to come.
She loved him, she did. The problem with it is that it completely broke her, with the way he would treat her at times. At the moment, she felt as though her heart was being torn apart, the pain causing quiet sobs to come. She laid back down on her side, tucked her knees up, and buried her face in them.
Maybe it was all a dream. Maybe she could just lay here, her eyes closed and burning, and then look back up to see his smiling face. See those beautiful sapphires looking down at her with all the love he could give. So a few moments later, she looked. He was not there. He was never there.
And no matter how much it hurt her to say, if this kept up, neither would she.
Poor Starfire, all alone and not knowing what to do. You just want to give her a hug.
Now I feel better, with the angst. Makes me happy. NOW I promise to go and finish writing the next chapter of 'Endless'. Really.
But, hypothetically speaking, I do not finish it just yet, you must not hate me for lying. 'Cause I do plan on getting it done, so it wouldn't completely be a lie.
Anyway, Read and Review!