Hey guys! So this is basically about Katniss being all depressed and stuff after Mockingjay and contemplating having a kid. This is her making the decision. It's quite depressing, I think. I was trying for angst, but a happy ending. I hope it worked.
Disclaimer: I don't own the Hunger Games. If I did, I would keep Peeta all to myself.
She stands there, on the porch of the mansion in Victor's Village. Scarred hands caressing her flat abdomen. Staring at the stars. The same ones that she stared at in the arena, all those years ago. Stars, ever changing, but constant. Unlike this world.
She turns her back to the stars and leans heavily against the rail. She stares at her stomach. And contemplates.
Maybe she was right, all those years ago. In a world like this, nobody is safe. A world that forced 23 or more children to die every year for entertainment. A world that didn't care for the starving children in the districts. A world that had so much, but didn't share.
A world that took Prim from her. Just to break her.
Does she really want to bring a child into a world so easily changeable? So easily manipulated. The rebels may have defeated the Capitol, but did they really get rid of their ways? The Hunger Games? Coin had wanted to have another Hunger Games. Thinking back, she realized she never should have agreed. But she had to. For Prim. Always for Prim.
Johanna Mason was right. She didn't feel like the 16 year old girl who volunteered to take her sister's place in the Hunger Games. She felt nearly a thousand years old. She felt so lost, after the war. Nobody was there for. Her mother was off in some far away district. Gale in District 2. Her fellow tribute in the Capitol.
But after the first few months, he came back. He became her best friend. Filled most of the empty spaces in her heart.
They were both damaged beyond repair. Damaged, but alive. Is that really a blessing?
She wonders what the point is. Prim's dead isn't she? The yellow flowers at the front of her house remind her of this everyday. The whole reason for keeping herself alive, for volunteering for those bloody games in the first place, is gone. Her point of her existence. Gone. All her life, it's been about protecting Prim, doing what Prim needs, what Prim wants. Making Prim happy. Never about herself.
What would it feel like? To kill oneself, she wonders. Life. Is it really that wonderful? Isn't the power to die a gift? The rebels certainly believed it to be. Nightlock was the gift to escape torture.
She imagines living with her past haunting her. Ever existing. Never dying. She was right all those years ago. It would've been better to die than live at that point in time.
She wanders into the house. Down the hall. And into the kitchen. She picks up a knife, one of the baking knives. She wonders how the boy from District 9 felt when he Clove's knife hit him. Was he shocked? Was he relieved? She wonders where they are now. All the tributes that died. All the soldiers from the war. Is there an afterlife? A heaven? Are you reincarnated?
She just wants to be happy. In the woods with Gale, she was happy. Seeing Prim's happy face, she was happy. Prim and Gale. 2 people who brought joy to her life. They're both gone.
There's a shuffle and she hears the front door open. Heavy feet pound up the stairs to her bedroom.
And she's finally reminded. Why she doesn't want to die. Why Doctor Aurelius took her off suicide watch. She has someone else now. Someone else that brightens her days, someone who understands her. Calms her when the nightmares are overwhelming. Someone that's loved her for ages. Someone whose love is unconditional and that she finally doesn't take for granted.
She flips the knife over and the metal reflects the light brightly.
Of course, there are some days, like today, when she wonders why she should live. When so many before her died. When she's already served her purpose in the world. But then he comes and it's all right again.
Sometimes she thinks that one day he's going to turn around and look at her, just like he did in that horrible hospital, with crazed eyes and her heart freezes up. She couldn't stand it. Wouldn't be able to.
And here she is. Contemplating about having a child. For him. His argument was that she had practically been a mother already. With Prim.
"And look at where she is now. Dead," she promptly countered and stalked away.
He tried to convince her that that was the fault of the Capitol. And that is her problem. It was the Capitol's fault. So what if the rebels won? The Hunger Games could come back. And she would never want her children to have to live in a society like that.
Just like she didn't want Prim to either. But she didn't have a choice back then. She has a choice now.
She heard that history repeats itself. But maybe she doesn't have to worry. Because the Hunger Games has been done before. Or a version of it, at least. She heard that in an ancient society called Rome, people named Gladiators had to fight to the death for entertainment as well.
Her past life, as she liked to refer her earlier years as, was all about Prim. But now it was all about…him. She knew if she even thought his name, she would give in.
He wanted them so badly. Children. And she did too. But she was scared of the horrors they would have to face.
He told her that she couldn't let the Capitol rule her. That she said herself that she wouldn't be a part of their games. She can't let the Capitol ruin her life. Define her future. It's hers. It's all about her. All about Peeta.
She feels strong arms snake around her waist and pull her to a muscled chest that she knew was covered in scars. Scars like hers.
"Katniss. What are you doing?" His voice is cautious, but steady. She puts the knife back in its original place.
"Yes," she whispers. His incredibly blonde eyebrows furrow cutely. "Yes," she states again, this time with more meaning.
Peeta's eyes widen almost comically, but Katniss laughs because of the pure, utter joy she sees after. His blue, blue—oh why are they so damn blue—eyes are shining, sparkling. He pulls her to him and smothers her body with his big frame, hugging her until she can't breathe.
He lets go just so that he can capture her lips so intense that it causes heat to take over her entire body.
She knows it will be hard. She knows there will be days like this, days where she wants to die. Days when she thinks that she doesn't have a purpose in life anymore. But Peeta's here. She's not alone, not like those few months after Prim died.
She knows she will break down, terrified. She is terrified already. But Peeta will be there. He'll make it all right. He's her purpose in life now. And soon her child will join him.
It's all about Katniss and Peeta now.
I really hope you liked it. Please leave a review to give me some feedback on my writing skills. I tried first writing this in first person, but I realized that I just couldn't do it. I can't write angst properly in first person. Well, I like to think that I can write angst properly at all :P.
I hope it wasn't too angsty.
Oh and when Katniss says, "Stars, ever changing, but constant." She means that the stars are always changing but they're always there. The same ones. Permanent.
This is technically my "first" story on this account. I wrote a PJO multi-chapter fic, but it was rather horrible, so I deleted it. I also emphasized "this" because I have another joint account with my friend, cherryblaster. You can find a link to that on my profile. We wrote a rather long oneshot (that I'm really proud of. More proud of that one than this one. Liked it more. So much more.) for the Hunger Games. Please go check it out.
Anyways, again, review please! They make me happy and give me inspiration. Constructive criticism is welcome
Thanks a bunch!