It was difficult, sitting in silence. Watching. Hurting. Pretending his only concern was the amount of money the Host Club took in from day to day. Doing all this while his best friend flirted endlessly with what seemed like every girl he knew. It was his friend's job, yes. He was making all the money Kyoya so meticulously counted from day to day, yes. But more than anything, Kyoya wished that Tamaki's flirtations would be directed toward him and only him.
It was simply Tamaki's way to flirt with whoever crossed his path, whether male or female. Kyoya knew this. He had always known this, from the moment he first laid eyes on the confident blonde. Defenses had been raised from the very beginning, but it had been no use. Tamaki got through them. Tamaki always got through them.
No one was safe, Kyoya knew. Half the school was crushing on the fool, but they were only crushes. Tamaki, on the other hand, had assured his best friend again and again that he would never fall for them. He was saving his heart for that one perfect person. Wondering, wondering, Kyoya asked daily for quite awhile how Tamaki would know when he found that special person.
"I'll know, Kyoya. My heart will tell me."
"But will you really? What if you've already met her?"
"I have met them, Kyoya. But they're not ready yet."
"How do you know?"
"I just do, Kyoya. And as soon as they are ready, I will let them know."
Eventually giving up after weeks of questioning, Kyoya knew that he still hadn't gotten his answer. He didn't know who Tamaki's special person was, and he may never find out. But he had noticed the vague pronouns Tamaki always insisted on using, despite Kyoya's own use of feminine ones. It gave Kyoya hope that maybe, just maybe, it was Kyoya himself who Tamaki thought wasn't yet ready to deal with the implications of his feelings.
It would be quite nice to spend the rest of his life with that idiot, Kyoya thought. Pondering this, he almost didn't notice that the rest of the Host Club had begun packing up for the day.
"Are you okay, senpai?"
"Yes, Haruhi. Just thinking."
"Okay. Thinking about Tamaki?"
Kyoya had no answer to this, and thus ignored the shorter female, packing up his laptop and letting what little hair he had that was long enough shelter his face from her knowing gaze. Bored after a few moments of watching Kyoya fidget, Haruhi left him to his thoughts as Hikaru invited her to walk with him and Kaoru.
Kyoya was aware, of course, that even if he was Tamaki's perfect person, it was unlikely that they'd ever work well together. Kyoya was uptight and moody and calm and controlled while Tamaki was a whirlwind of unchecked emotions. Full of energy, Tamaki wasn't the type to sit still, and even if he were to have a companion, Kyoya knew the flirting would never stop.
He wouldn't be able to take it, he knew. If it pained him this much now to watch Tamaki interact with anyone else in the world, what would it be like if Tamaki belonged to Kyoya? Constantly worrying that some beautiful girl or handsome man would steal Tamaki right out from under him would kill him in the end. Everyone loved Tamaki. Tamaki gave off the illusion of loving everyone. Tamaki could never be Kyoya's, even if he loved Kyoya. Tamaki belonged to everybody.
At the same time, Kyoya also knew that life with the idiot blonde would be magnificent. For all of his eccentricities and flaws, there were a thousand good traits. He was kind and funny and caring and was what Kyoya could only describe as pretty. His laugh made Kyoya feel light as air, and that smile … Seeing Tamaki smile every day was what kept Kyoya going. What forced him to rise in the morning when all he wanted was to sleep for the rest of his life. What made him realize his worth when he got in a slump thinking about his successful older brothers. What made him feel like the most important person in the world. When it was directed at him, anyway.
Tamaki and Kyoya were the only two left in the room now, yet Kyoya was still distracted by his thoughts. Too distracted, in fact, to even notice the gaze Tamaki had locked on him. Too distracted to notice Tamaki turn away sadly when Kyoya didn't acknowledge him.
They were too different, Kyoya thought. Too different to make any sense. Not to mention, their parents wouldn't approve in the least. It could be disastrous. What if Kyoya said one too many insults? What if Tamaki flirted with one too many girls?
But what if it wasn't a disaster? What if it was the most beautiful thing either boy could ever ask for? What if Kyoya was able to embrace the softer side of himself that Tamaki always seemed to reveal? What if Tamaki gave up his endless flirting for the sake of Kyoya?
Kyoya loved Tamaki. That much was clear to the bespectacled boy, and he was not longer afraid of admitting it to himself. What of Tamaki's feelings though?
Almost as though Tamaki had heard this last thought, he turned to face Kyoya once again, a contrasting mixture of both hope and sadness present in his strangely violet eyes.
"What is it, Tamaki?"
"I think they might be ready now."
Kyoya knew, however, exactly who Tamaki was speaking of.
"My special person. But I can't tell them. If that person were to admit their own feelings to me though, I am ready to accept them."
"Why can't you tell her yourself?"
"Because they're not ready to accept my own feelings. But I think they might be ready to give their feelings to me."
With one last meaningful dip of his head in Kyoya's direction, Tamaki rose from his chair at last and slung his bag over his shoulder.
Mumbling to himself just loud enough for Kyoya to hear, Tamaki shuffled out of the door, uncharacteristically morose.
"I just hope he talks to me soon."
Kyoya stayed, wide eyed. It couldn't be him. Why would Tamaki ever fall for someone like him? They wouldn't work together, Kyoya knew. But what if they did? What if their relationship ended up being just as beautiful as Kyoya hoped rather than as disastrous as he feared?
Standing up, Kyoya continued to ponder. Tamaki had made it clear he would make no moves toward his perfect person. It would be all up to Kyoya. But what if Kyoya was wrong? What if Tamaki didn't love him, and was only confiding in him because Kyoya was Tamaki's best friend? Embarrassment would overtake Kyoya. He might even lose Tamaki altogether.
But what if he was right?
With thoughts of what could be burning brightly in his mind, Kyoya ran to the exit.