And with words unspoken
A silent devotion
I know you know what I mean
And the end is unknown
But I think I'm ready
As long as you're with me
Being as in love with you as I am
The XX - "Angels"
I sat at the kitchen table, check-marking the things I managed to accomplish for my upcoming nuptials to Jake. The excitement I felt at getting to marry him was over the top. We waited two years after he proposed to finally do this, and I wanted it to be simple and a happy occasion of family and friends gathering with us to celebrate our union. We decided to get married at this beautiful church in Port Angeles that allowed couples to marry outside; one that was near our new home there. We would have a standard priest, a man who agreed to stand with the tribal elders which was very important to both of us.
We were going to drive back to La Push for the reception later in the evening. It seemed fitting to have the party with a bonfire on the reservation and a drum circle - the place where we had officially met.
Our list was simple: to find some wildflowers for the tables and to have a few arrangements for outside the church and for on the beach. There was also finalizing the food, which wouldn't be too difficult. Most of our family and friends were taking care of side dishes and desserts, though Jake and I offered to get these delicious hams we found at a market in Port Angeles. They could be cooked and kept warm in the tribal center or it could be served on sandwiches.
My dress was the one thing I splurged on, with the help of my parents. It was simplistic and a beautiful ivory color. The fabric overlapped over the bodice and lay in soft folds, creating a soft and feminine look. I had to pick it up from Emily who made the minor adjustments for me. Renee would be flying in tomorrow, though Charlie promised he would pick her up so I didn't have to worry about it.
I bit my lip, examining all the items, realizing we had pretty much everything as prepared as possible. On Saturday morning, I would meet up with Emily, Leah, Rachel, Rebecca, Kim, and Angela at our home to carpool to the salon in Port Angeles to get our hair and make-up done.
I stood, stretched, and laid a hand over my slowly expanding belly. I still couldn't believe it. There was a baby growing inside me and every time I thought about it, I felt so incredibly happy I could burst. My hand drifted to my stomach a thousand times a day. So did Jake's. I was five months along already and everything was going well.
I smiled, remembering when I found out and broke the news to Jake. We had tried off and on after the first year of our engagement with no luck. It was frustrating, heart-breaking, and I knew Jake was worried about me. Then a year and a half later, after so many negative results, I was ready to call it quits.
"Honey, maybe you're too focused on it," he had said gently. "You know I want a baby with you, but maybe we should just enjoy being with each other and not worry so much about what we should be doing to make it more likely."
He was holding me, rubbing my back after another negative stick went into the trash.
I had nodded listlessly, knowing he was right. So, I squashed the yearnings I felt, trying instead to focus on just being with him and getting ready to plan the wedding that would happen in six months. In a month's time, my period was late, but I was so busy with work, my book, Jake, and my family that I didn't even take the test until I started getting sick.
When I went to the doctor, I had found out I was pregnant. Every nerve-ending was tingling with excitement. I had barely thought about it and it happened. My heart had been so full that when I left the clinic with the paperwork about vitamins, how to prepare, and a book on becoming a parent, I practically danced home. Jake had just gotten home and was unloading groceries in the kitchen.
I stood there, staring at him, not even knowing what to say at first. He turned to me, puzzled, and said, "Honey, are you okay? You look really spacey."
I walked over to him, sliding my arms around his waist, and tilting my head back, I rested my chin on his chest. "Jake? I'm pregnant."
The look on his face had been priceless. His mouth opened and closed, looking very much like a guppy, and making me laugh. When his eyes widened, I grinned. The look of happiness on his face made me cry.
His mouth met mine as he stammered, "Holy shit, Bells. It really happened. I knew it would! We're going to be parents."
We spent the evening in bed, his hands constantly moving back to my stomach. When we finally got tired, he had kissed my stomach, and rested his head on my chest. The bliss that had swept through me was consuming.
The day of the wedding dawned chilly and a little gray, but so far the forecast was right; the rain was still holding off and there could be a glimpse of sun later. Leah arrived right on the dot with Kim and Emily, followed by Rachel and Rebecca. My mom and Angela were going to meet us there.
Leah grinned when I opened the door. "How's little Jakey doing?" She was convinced it was a boy. I kind of was, too, but Jake seemed to think it was a girl.
She patted my stomach, and I smiled and said, "He's doing just fine. He gave me a kick in the bladder this morning and I almost wet myself."
Leah cracked up, while Emily grinned in amusement. "I remember how that felt!"
The girls were all giggling now, discussing the strange things our bodies went through during pregnancy. Leah still hadn't gotten pregnant, but I also knew she wasn't quite ready to try yet. She seemed to accept it, though, and I knew she was truly happy for me. She managed to stick with the same guy she'd been dating when Jake proposed to me, and he had just popped the question recently, so I knew she'd be going through the same thing I had in the next couple years or so.
She gave me a small and understanding grin, both of us the only two in the group that knew of the struggle and uncertainty of getting pregnant.
"You look good, Swan," she said. "For a pasty-white bride-to-be," she added with a smirk.
I gave her a shove and she laughed. "Geez, ever since you took part in the battle, you think you're the shit, don't you?"
I stuck my tongue out at her.
In the salon, I got my hair washed and dried. In the end, I had long, spiral curls that shone. Some were pinned up at the back of my head, leaving the rest to fall down my back. Little pins with real wildflowers attached were secured in my hair around where it was gathered. After my make-up was done, I got the full effect, and it was pretty stunning.
"Oh honey," Renee said, sniffling a little. "You look gorgeous."
All the girls were looking at me open-mouthed, so it was a job well done. I couldn't stop turning my head this way and that to look at my hair. When I got home, my mom helped me into the dress. She was still trying not to cry, so I handed her a tissue and took a few deep breaths to keep my own at bay.
It was even harder with Charlie; he was just like me and didn't know what to say. He kissed my forehead and held me against him, mumbling how beautiful I was and how much he loved me. A few tears did escape, but Sue helped repair the minor damage. When it came time to walk down the grassy walkway to Jake waiting for me, I was so ready to marry my best friend that I nearly made Charlie run down the aisle with me. I could hear a smattering of laughter in the audience.
Our vows were short, but meaningful. I spoke of how I made mistakes, but was glad I realized in the end that the most important part of my life was waiting for me back at home. I told Jake that my own strength was magnified by his continuing love and support. I told him no matter what, he would always be a part of me.
When his dark eyes held mine, he placed my hand over his heart, and he placed his over mine. His other hand rested on my belly.
"Everything we've been through has led to this; a joining of hearts, of mind, and of spirit. You are a beacon of strength and inspiration, Bella, in all that we've been through together. Even though we did things a little backwards," he said, patting my belly and making everyone laugh, "I know this child will be blessed to have you as a mother. You're my warrior wife and I love you."
I had begun to cry then, trying to hold on as I realized how many trials had been thrown at us over the course of the past few years. His words were piercing, and I laid my other hand over his resting against my belly. We were linked in every way, by what we created together and our love for each other.
The evening was a blur of food, of dancing, and of family and friends.
We didn't often let go of each other; only when we got dragged away by someone for a dance. Once it was over, we zeroed in on each other again. Jake spun me around, the cool, autumn air coming off the ocean making me chilly. He wrapped his arms around me, easily warming me up, and I didn't want to move from that spot.
"We should probably think about heading to Seattle soon, Mrs. Black," he said with a grin.
I smiled back, liking the sound of that. "Yeah, we got a drive ahead of us. At least our stuff is packed and in the car."
We began to make our rounds, thanking and hugging everyone, until we reached Charlie, Renee, and Billy. I hugged my mom tightly, laughing a little when she wouldn't let me go. When I got to Charlie, his eyes looked suspiciously moist, but all he did was hold me close.
I loved my mom dearly, and I was glad we were forging a better relationship with each other, but living with Charlie had really solidified and made our relationship mean so much to both of us. I kept my arms around him, my cheek pressed against his shoulder, neither of us saying anything. He and I had been through a lot together; a separation, a horrible experience, a rocky re-start of our relationship, and then a confession and battle that drew us closer together than before. I loved him so much and told him so, my voice cracking.
"I love you, too, honey," he murmured. We had both gotten so much better at expressing our feelings to each other. It really meant a lot to me, just as I knew how much it meant to him.
I sniffled then, overcome with emotions I couldn't even really name. He held me back slightly, smiling down at me. "I'm proud of you, Bells. You've come a long way. I'm so glad you and Jake made it; you're pretty damn close to perfect together. And I really can't wait for my first grandbaby," he said, laying his hand lightly on my stomach.
I did cry then, but we were both laughing and hugging at the same time.
"Go on, honey. Have fun. I'll talk to you as soon as you come home."
We left, everyone yelling and waving behind us as we made our trip to Seattle for our honeymoon. Jake insisted I take a nap, promising me he felt fine to drive the whole trip, and finally told me I would need it because he planned to keep me up all night. I giggled and took his advice.
I woke shortly before we made it into the city. We checked in at the Greenlake Guest House, and my eyes widened when I saw it. It was beautiful and exactly what we were looking for. The people who owned the place were friendly and chatted with us about things to do and see while we visited. Our room was just as beautiful with a whirlpool tub and a gas fireplace.
"Holy crap, Jake," I whispered. "This is perfect!"
"Look," he replied. "A king-size bed."
I muffled a snort of laughter. After we talked a bit more with the owner, we got our stuff unpacked and Jake lit a fire while I showered. I perched on the edge of the comfy bed, as happy as I'd ever been. I was beginning to warm up and while Jake took his shower, I changed into a slinky, blue baby doll dress with a matching thong. I had bought it just for the occasion.
Jake's eyes darkened when he saw me. He was already completely naked, and I leaned back on the bed, propped up on my elbows. "Holding out on me, huh?" he murmured, hooking his finger into the silky strap of my lingerie.
I smirked. "Oh, I have a few surprises now and again, but this one was especially for tonight."
He trailed a finger over my cleavage, which had become a little more impressive through the pregnancy. When his mouth replaced his hand, my head dropped back. I tried to shift myself back up onto the bed further, but his hands stilled me. His mouth continued moving down until he ended up kneeling between my legs, which were hanging off the edge of the bed.
As soon as his mouth touched me, I couldn't hold back the whimper. Everything felt overly-sensitive. I reached down, finding Jake's hands, and he wound his fingers with mine without ever lifting his head.
"Jake…" I gasped.
The cool air from the vents coupled with his warm tongue was creating sensory overload. I laid back on the bed, shaking, and cried out when he brought me to climax with the teasing movements of his tongue.
"Come here," I ordered, my breath coming in little pants.
He moved over top of me, lightly stroking and kissing the bulge of my stomach on his way. I smoothed his hair, tugged it, and pulled him down to nip at his ear. "I want to feel you inside me," I purred into his ear before suckling the sensitive skin below it.
He groaned a little.
He worked my lingerie off, moving slowly as if to savor the view, and it was driving me crazy. I couldn't move too easily to get him to do what I wanted, so I had to wait. To pay him back, though, I tickled my fingers along his outer thigh casually while he continued taking his time. Then I struck by darting my fingers over to his cock.
His hesitation was my reward as I circled him, tightening my grip just slightly, slowly and gently stroking him just how he liked it. His body tensed, his dark eyes meeting and holding mine while I continued. I squeezed lightly, making his hips jerk slightly.
"You've made your point," he said, his voice huskier than normal.
I grinned as he stretched out next to me, easing me on top of him. It was the most comfortable position for me, and he liked to see my belly and breasts while we made love. He cupped my neck, gently urging me down so he could taste my heavy breasts. I whimpered at the sensitivity, but the feeling was too incredible to want to pull away.
I positioned myself over him, bracing my hands on his chest. He took hold of my hips and I slid down onto him eagerly. He filled me to the hilt, and we both moaned at the sensations. I began to rock my hips, his pumping up slightly, and the soft suctioning sound of our bodies was intoxicating. His hands flexed on my hips, and he moved them up to massage my breasts and tweak my nipples.
"You get even wetter now that you're pregnant," he said wickedly. "It feels incredible."
His words spurred me to move faster, my body tightening even more quickly at his hearty thrusts and his words. He reached down to delve into my cleft, his fingers deftly stroking my clit. I cried out, rocking as fast as my body would allow me. His fingers were fast, determined, and I locked my arms around his neck as he sat up. Our mouths fused together, tongues moving in tandem. He cupped my behind, holding me against him as close as my belly would allow, and I let out a cry as my orgasm swept over me with intensity.
"Shit," Jake gasped as I clenched around him. "You feel so fucking good, baby."
He came then, too, holding on to me as his hips jerked uncontrollably. His cry prolonged my satisfaction. We held each other in the aftermath, contentedly curled around each other, and entirely satiated.
After we calmed down, we discussed what we wanted to do the time we were here, in between making love before sleep claimed both of us.
I was half-asleep, aware that Bella was restless in sleep. The pregnancy was further along and we were too close to the due date for me to really sleep properly. And I knew she was uncomfortable.
I smoothed her hair back, humming the song my mom used to sing to me to calm me down. She was trying to turn in her sleep, so I helped her do so until she was facing me. I pressed a kiss to her lips, smiling when she murmured contentedly in her sleep.
She thought she was unattractive because of her bigger body, but her curves were just more plentiful and she'd never been more beautiful to me. She took to pregnancy really well. There had been one scare, but it passed and everything was still okay. I knew she was nervous because of the venom that had been in her body, but scans had shown there was nothing there anymore. She had confided what Leah had said; that my sperm had blasted through the venom and destroyed it.
It cracked me up, but I liked that thought. It seemed as plausible as anything else that had happened since we had gotten involved. I knew it still scared her, though, so that made her even more anxious for the birth.
I finally dozed off, but it seemed that barely any time had passed when I heard Bella whisper frantically, "Jake! Wake up! I'm having contractions. I think it's time."
My body moved on auto-pilot, first turning toward her to make sure she was okay. I yanked my jeans on, grabbed her bag, and carefully helped Bella up. She was shaking, breathing like she'd been taught as I helped her down the steps.
She gave a small cry, holding her stomach, and I felt a jolt of fear as I rubbed her back. "Just keep breathing, honey," I said.
She gritted her teeth and breathed deep as I called our parents. They were going to meet us at the hospital. I got Bella situated in the car and made the quick drive to the hospital. Once the nurses got her situated in the bed, I sat behind her to keep her propped up, and smoothed her hair back.
She rested her head on my chest, her hands gripping mine as another contraction passed. "Jake, I'm scared," she finally whispered. "I'm scared of actually giving birth; it's really going to happen. And what if something's wrong with him? The baby just can't be affected by the venom."
"He won't be. Bells, I think it's normal to be terrified. If I could do this for you, take away some of the pain, you know I would."
"You can't, so that doesn't help," she said, but there was a minor laugh in her voice. She was teasing me even through the pain she was feeling. "But thank you."
"You can yell at me if you want," I assured her. "Isn't that what women do when they're about to give birth?"
She gave a breathless laugh. "I think so, and I'm a little tempted, but after all we've been through I just can't. In the end, it'll all be worth it when we can hold our baby," she whispered.
I kissed her temple. "The light at the end of the tunnel."
The doctor came in then and got Bella ready to push. She gripped my hands, and I could hear her heartbeat pick up. "I'm right here with you," I said quietly. "Talk to me, okay?"
At the doctor's urging, Bella began to push. Hearing her cries of pain, seeing her tears was difficult. I rubbed her back, let her squeeze the hell out of my hands, and I managed to distract her with talk of taking our baby home to her new nursery we painstakingly fixed up and decorated. I told her how the nursery reminded me of the forest in its shades of green with white furniture. We had stenciled animals as a border and there was a mural of a warm, yellow sun and forest scene that the whole pack and their significant others worked on with us as a gift.
Bella gave one more cry and push. I moved to down to the end of the bed, still holding her hand, to watch the birth. It was one hell of a thing to watch our baby being born. Bella began to cry after everything was said and done.
"Is it a boy? Girl?" she asked tearfully.
The smile that curved my lips was huge. It was a little boy; Bella had been right. And he was a beautiful, squalling little boy. The nurse handed him to me after he was all cleaned up. "It's a boy," I said shakily.
"He has your lungs," she added, sniffling. We both began laughing.
I carried him over to her. When I laid him on her chest, the doctor proclaimed him healthy, which made Bella cry again. I was fighting tears myself. I sat down on the bed as she held him, her eyes streaming and a smile on her face. "He's beautiful," she murmured. "Just like you."
"And you," I said, smoothing a hand over his tiny head. He had dark eyes, quite a bit of dark brown hair, and his skin tone was close to Bella's. He was perfect. She leaned her head against my chest, exhausted, and I held her tightly.
"Nathan Charles?" she said questioningly. It was one of the few names we both liked and it seemed to suit him well, so I agreed. We stayed like that while Billy, Charlie, Sue, and Renee filed in to greet their grandson.
The next couple days were a blur as we got our baby home and settled. Sue and Renee had cooked up a bunch of meals for us so we didn't have to worry about it for awhile. The pack and our other friends from work came to see the baby, bringing gifts and well wishes. Finally, it was just us and we began to settle into our routine. Well, as much of a routine as you could get with a newborn.
Around two in the morning, I heard the cry on the monitor. Bella gave a sleepy groan and slid her legs off the bed. "I'll be in when you're done feeding him," I assured her and she gave me a sleepy smile.
I heard her humming over the monitor as she settled in the rocking chair to feed him. The soft suckling sound of him nursing came through, and I couldn't resist going in to watch her. Breast-feeding was such an intimate thing to see; one that continued to amaze me. Just watching Bella feeding our baby was incredible. She looked up at me as I settled on the recliner we had in there as well.
When Nathan was done feeding, he was usually a little fussy; he'd done it a couple times before. I'd come in and take him so Bella could get some sleep. She rocked him for a few minutes, rubbing his back. He began to calm down a little, but she still passed him to me. I walked around the room, holding our tiny son against my chest.
"I'm going to go make some tea," she said quietly. "I'm tired, but I could really use a cup to help me settle down."
After she went into the kitchen, I ended up walking into our bedroom. I knew I should put him back in his crib, but we both had a tendency to wake up randomly to just check on him and make sure he was okay. I settled onto our bed, leaning back against the pillows and closed my eyes. My hand continued to circle my son's back as he nestled into me.
A wave of peaceful contentment washed over me.
I heard Bella come into the room, and I opened my eyes to find her staring at us. I could hear her swallow audibly and raised an eyebrow at her.
"You're the perfect daddy," she whispered thickly. "Just seeing you there with him…"
I smiled, understanding, because I felt the same way seeing her with Nathan when she was unaware I was watching. I held my other arm out to her, so she set her tea on the nightstand and curled up next to me. Her head rested on my shoulder and she gently stroked a finger down Nathan's soft cheek.
"I think next time we'll have a girl," she proclaimed softly.
I laughed quietly. "Oh yeah? Well, you were right about our first one being a boy. We'll see if you're right when it's time for a second one."
She smiled peacefully. "I know I'll be right. I feel it right here," she said tapping her chest.
I tightened my arm around her, holding my family close to me. It didn't matter what we had, just as long as we were together and healthy. She gave a quiet sigh, and murmured, "I'm so happy. I love you, Jake."
"I love you, too, Bells."
AN: Sorry for the slight delay…my power is still out because of the east coast hurricane. Anyway, hope you enjoyed their happy ending! :o) Thanks for sticking with me and being so supportive! And btw, this is the Parkview Room at Greenlake Guest House in Seattle: greenlakeguesthouse [dotcom] / rooms / Greenlake - Guest - House - Rooms / Parkview - room [dothtm]
Bella's wedding dress: pic50 . picturetrail [dotcom] / VOL401 / 12778990 / 22736049 / 404480389 [dotjpg]
Bella's hairstyle: pic50 . picturetrail [dotcom] / VOL401 / 12778990 / 22736049 / 404480391 [dotjpg]
As far as other projects, I did want to let you know that the month of November will be a little slow because I'm doing NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month). It's 50K words (hopefully) in the month of Nov, so it'll keep me busy. If things are going well, I'm going to try to get one or two drabbles up in a series I want to start (titled loosely: Cockblocked Chronicles heh) I'm debating putting it on FFn because of the pulling of fics that had happened - and this will obviously be smut-tastic - so I didn't know if you'd all be interested in checking it out through other sites I post at like Jacob Black 'n Pack, Tricky Raven, Livejournal, and AO3.
Just looking for some feedback on that… don't know if anyone would mind going to those sites to read it or if you think I should just post on FFn. Let me know!
I will be posting occasional OS's here and there, though there are some up right now if you'd like to read them (aren't here yet because they're in a contest). It's a Halloween contest on Jacob Black 'n Pack and Tricky Raven. And as far as that, that's all that's planned right now!