I DO NOT OWN BIG BANG, Though I thoroughly adore it!
I hope you enjoy! Please R&R but remember this is all in good fun, no flames please! XD
It was another day at the Cal Tech Cafeteria, where inspiring scientific minds sought sustenance to nourish their bodies.
Amy Farrah Fowler was joining the boys today. Their biology lab was lending her some samples of a rare and as yet unidentified brain malady reported to be killing people in South Asia. They were having a lovely time (Well, at least Sheldon and Amy where. Leonard, Raj and Howard looked distinctly uncomfortable eating next to a possible unknown super bug that destroys human brains.)
Sheldon was in a delightful mood.
He had made excellent progress on some of his own equations, and had had a very lively discussion with Amy about the puzzling symptoms and possible causes of her as unidentified brain disease (the gruesome details of which would make a normal man gag but he saw them as a stimulating challenge.) It was simply fascinating in itself that Amy could get him interesting in anything outside of physics or comic books, but somehow she managed it.
Nope, nothing could bring Sheldon Cooper down today!
"Hewwo, Hewwo. Whose this?"
NO! Sheldon screamed internally.
Knowing that one of his 61 mortal enemies had just arrived Sheldon begrudgingly turned his head to acknowledge the subpar mind standing before them, being sure at the same time to affix an unfriendly expression on his face.
Amy turned to greet the stranger; she figured it was another one of Sheldon's many friends. (He impressed her so!)
"Hello. I'm Amy Farrah Fowler. I'm here to visit your biology department."
She extended her hand politely for a handshake (Something Penny had taught her to do.)
A dangerous glint appeared in Kripe's eye.
"The pweasure is all mine." He said in a sickly oily voice as he lifted her hand and kissed it!
"EH EPP EH!"
Everyone jumped! Sheldon looked like a wide eye wildebeest and his three colleagues had their eyebrows raised as well.
"Excuse me, but in what Universe is it socially acceptable to put your filthy mouth on someone else's girlfriend?" Sheldon practically yelled.
"My bawd." Kripe said with a minute amount of genuine remorse, "is this Leonard's giwlfwiend?"
"Yeah right," Sheldon said sarcastically.
"The wittle weasely one's?"
"No, he's engaged."
"Well then if her boyfriend's not here what the hewl do you cawre?"
By this point Amy had pulled her hand away a bit disturbed by the violation, but now she was starring wide eyed at Sheldon. So were the other guys at the table. He hadn't had to explain their relationship to anybody else before. How would he handle it?
Sheldon felt all eyes on him. This was a distinctly uncomfortable situation. But, he reminded himself that part of why he entered into this relationship in the first place was to keep other people's body parts away from Amy Farrah Fowler. There was no shame in stating a fact. He composed himself and said flatly, "I'm her boyfriend."
Kripke looked around the table… Howard, Leonard and Raj nodded their heads.
He looked back at Amy…
Looked back at Sheldon…
Looked back at Amy…
Looked back at Sheldon… and then…
Kripe fell to the floor rolling around in hysterics while pointing at Sheldon and clutching his stomach.
"Well I don't see what's so funny." Sheldon huffed.
"Oh, that's a wiot" He said wiping a tear away and pulling himself off the ground.
"Fine captain womance, let me ask you a question. Have you done it yet?"
"Of course not!" Sheldon yelled before he could stop himself.
"Do you kiss, hold hands, feewl each other up?"
Sheldon opened his mouth to answer. Closed it. Opened it again. Closed it again.
"That's none of your business."
"That's what I thought. That means you'we not weally boyfwiend and girwlfwiend, which means I can do this."
He promptly picked up Amy's other hand and kissed that one too.
A flabbergasted Sheldon stuttered in anger "Now see here!"
"Come on Kripke" Leonard jumped in to diffuse the situation. "That's crossing the line."
Kripke laughed it off. "My bawd. I'll catch you wosers later." He left, but not before giving Amy a parting sex predator wink. "See you around, Amy Fawwah Fowlew"
"God, he sure can be a jerk when he wants to be." Said Leonard.
"Yeah, even for Kripke that was low." Chimed in Howard.
"I know he thinks he's charming but I can see how a woman would feel violated when he winks like that. It's just like how Howard used to undress me with his eyes."
Howard sputters and Leonard gave him an accusatory look.
"That was certainly uncalled for, " added a shaky Amy as she wiped her hands with a napkin. "I'll have to make it more clear next time that such sexual advances are unwanted and futile… right Sheldon? Uh, Sheldon?"
All eyes slowly turn to look Sheldon, who by now was a quietly vibrating, 160lb ball of fury!
Everyone jumps ten feet in the air.
"What?" asks Amy weakly.
"Give me your hands!" He yells.
She was shocked and confused. Amy started to raise her hands but it wasn't fast enough for Sheldon.
Sheldon grabbed her hands and placed them on his lap.
Before Amy has had time to be too shocked or embarrassed (or excited) he whipped out a bottle of disinfectant and started dousing both of her hands.
"What…" she started.
Then, in what is probably more physical contact than he's made in the last 10 years combined, Sheldon started furiously rubbing the anti-bacterial gel over her hands. His colleagues looked on with extreme curiosity while Amy let loose a little "Hoo!"
"Oh Lord, Oh Lord." Sheldon keeps repeating in a high pitched, desperate voice paying absolutely no attention to the sound she just made.
"Sheldon, what are you doing?" Amy said as she finally got her wits about her.
"What does it look like I'm doing?"
"Going bat crap crazy?" Leonard offered. Howard and Raj chuckled but Sheldon paid them no mind.
"Oh Lord this is not going to be enough! Come on!"
"Where are we going?"
"Just come on, hurry!"
He promptly grabbed Amy Farrah Fowler by the sleeve and dragged her from the cafeteria.
5 Minutes Later—
The guys had tailed Sheldon and Amy down the hall to see just what was happening.
"This is too good to miss!" whispered Howard.
"I hope he challenges Kripe to a duel!" added a giddy Raj.
"Shh," sounded Leonard as they spotted the odd couple around the corner.
They arrived just in time to hear an exasperated Amy Farrah Fowler yell, "For the final time Sheldon you are not going into the Ladies room with me. I can wash my hands on my own!"
"Wow." Leonard whispers to the others.
"Frankly, I don't understand why you are so upset. It's my hands that were violated, not yours."
"Your hands are as good as my hands!" Sheldon blurted out angrily.
A wide eyed Amy was halted in her tracks.
Sheldon paused for a moment.
"You and I are legally bound by the relationship agreement," he reasoned carefully, now slightly embarrassed by his outburst.
"And as such we have become a single, legally associate entity. This means that Kripke kissing your hand is as good as him kissing my hand and trust me, if he had put his filthy orifice on my hands we'd be on the way to the laser lab to lop off the offending limbs. But, seeing as I can't dismember you I am going to sanitize those hands myself until I am satisfied!" He ended heatedly!
Sheldon caught his breath after his fiery declaration.
They starred at each other for a good 5 seconds.
The guys held their breath from their hiding place around the corner.
Amy looked Sheldon squared in the eye. A sudden warmth filled her up everywhere and her ears started to burn. No one had ever said anything like that to her before!
He starred nervously back until finally she broke the silence.
"That's so romantic."
Everyone breathed a sigh of relief.
"Of course it is, now let's go!" Sheldon grabbed her sleeve again and dragged a no longer protesting Amy into the Ladies room.
"Well, what do you know," Leonard said as they emerged from their hiding place. "I never knew he had it in him. I… wait a minute. Raj are you crying?"
Raj wiped away a tear. "Come on Dude! Coming from Sheldon, that was like watching Casa Blanca!"
"Come on Buttercup let's go," said an exasperated Howard as the three turned to leave.
"You're so unromantic," Raj whined. "And, you're definitely not my Wesley."
Leonard and Howard sighed tiredly as they walked a protesting Raj back up to the labs.
This had certainly been an enlightening experience.
Little did they know this hand kissing episode was still far from over.
Thank you for the wonderful reviews so far!
I plan to update very soon. & Boy, oh boy are you guys going to love what's coming up, muahahaha XP *evil happy grin*