HaHa, glad you guys found the last chapter funny :D The reviews for the humour fics tend to be the best, in my opinion, so thank you guys for that! :) Here's another chapter for you…
Theatres and Slush.
Amy, Rory, River and The Doctor go to the cinema's, they want to see a film, but the Doctor ruins it, they're handcuffed so as the Doctor's not aloud out, so him and River play a little game, they play bogies like game, but then they get chucked out, but The Doctor accidentally tips popcprn all over the people in front.
"Right," the Doctor exasperated, his head popping out from underneath the hexagon-shaped TARDIS console. His tweed was chucked across the TARDIS sofa and his sleeves were scrolled up, when working on The TARIDS it tends to get a little hot. Once he finally propped himself up off the floor and pulled up his braces around his shoulders, he hopped around the console flicking switched willy nilly.
"So are you finished now?" Rory asked with a whining tone, like he had the past ten minutes, continuingly nagging him. River snorted, shaking her head and she walked past Rory to give the Doctor his tweed. He snatched the tweed off her childishly and gave her an 'at-least-I-fixed-it-in-the-end' look. The left side of her lips curled up, making that horrible face that just aggravates him even more. He rolled his eyes and looked at Rory,
"Yep, just had to rewire the circuit into a hot pressed connected frame, because somebody," he eyes glared at River, obviously accusing her, "just had to blow dry their hair for forty five minutes, making the power go out." Amy rolled her eyes,
"Well why didn't you just let River work on the circuit then-" She managed to speak before the Doctor interrupted her,
"Cause it's MY ship," he exclaimed, pointing a finger at River, who was behind him, while still looking at the Ponds, "nobody seems to understand that anymore…" he added on. "OW!" He yelled in pain, turning round on his heels to look at River,
"River you just bit me," he confirmed, raising his finger to his face to look at the bite marks now appearing on his finger, a little bit a red lipstick was visible as well if he looked close enough. 'That better not be hallucinogenic,' the Doctor thought to himself. She pouted in a childlike manner,
"Sweetie, like my mother said, you should have let me work on the circuit and besides, pointing finger is rude, you asked for it," she spoke, then covering her hand over his mouth to stop him from replying,
"It's not my fault you threw the manual into the supernova, doesn't matter now anyway," she realised, rolling her eyes in annoyance.
"Anyway, it's my mother's choice to choose next destination," she smiled, loving the fact the Doctor was unable to speak with her hand over his face, no matter how much he struggled against her, he could not break free to speak. Amy grinned, placing a finger on her lips, trying to think of a place they could go.
"What about the movies?" She suggested, looking at everyone for their opinions. Rory and River nodded in agreement, but the Doctor was now properly struggling against River, 'I don't want to go to the movies, I've seen every movie there is to see, what's the point in me going? I'd rather stay here and sort out my fez collection- that's if River hasn't found it yet,' he complained inside his head. He knew that River knew that he hated the theatres, she was from his future she was bound to know, she seems to know everything else. 'Right', he decided in his mind. There was only one way to get his opinion across, and that was for River to get rid of her hand across his face. He was definitely going to regret this, he could just tell. While Amy and Rory were busy discussing which film they wanted to watch, the Doctor took action.
"Ow," River exclaimed, much like the Doctor did earlier. She turned to look at the Doctor, shock appearing on her face.
"You bit me…" She stated, now looking at her red hand, "and this early in your time stream aswell," she gasped. "I'm shocked you had it in you," she added with a smirk, making the Doctor flush red, he straightened his bow tie,
"Yes, well, you left me no choice, and anyway, I'm not early in our time stream, we're married, how early must earlier's early have been if this is still early?" He remarked quietly, turning to look at her confusingly, her face softened and a grin was appearing on her face, he knew what was coming.
"Spoilers," she replied back in a husky attractive way, like she always does. They were both interrupted by a cough from Rory, their heads turned in unison. Amy was smiling, with her legs crossed and arms moving ever so slightly in excitement.
"Err.. We've thought of a movie we'd both like to watch…" Rory announced in a modulated tone, there was a bit of a silence after he spoke, the only noise was the hum of the TARDIS in the background as it floated through the Vortex.
"And," The Doctor asked rather impatiently, he was really hoping for a good film, even though he has seen them all sometimes there were movies that were worth watching again.
"Romeo and Juliet, but the 2012 version," Amy answered cheerily, "me and Rory haven't seen a romantic movie together yet, so we thought we'd-"
"Urgghh," the Doctor groaned, lifting his face to look at the ceiling. "Why that film, I don't understand it, can't we see something more thrilling and adventurous.. Like.. Like.. The Scooby Doo movie or something?" He pleaded; spinning round the TARDIS like a little child, River rolled her eyes,
"Sweetie, it's a lovely film, and besides it was mother's decision to go where she wanted," she stated matter-of-factly. The Doctor hits his head multiple times on the railing,
"River you only like the movie for the guns, and besides, my TARDIS, my plan-y thing-y destination stuff," he lamely used as an excuse. Rory huffed, as if this sort of behaviour were normal with The Doctor, whereas River was giving him a stern glare- unnoticeable to her parents. Amy desperately wanted to see Romeo and Juliet, all her friend had said it was brilliant, and that they cried in the end. An idea popped into Amy's head, it was cruel, but at least he would have to go and watch the movie with them. She walked over to River quickly and whispered her plan to her, River's face lit up as she smirked at her mother's plan, she nodded and started walking round the TARDIS console- neither of the woman wanting to share the secret. River started flipping switches and twisting nozzles, until she typed in coordinates into the keyboard.
"Wh-What are-River! I can drive her!" The Doctor shrieked, hating seeing somebody else drive his 'sexy'. He raced over to her,
"Sweetie, we both know if you driver we'll be somewhere else completely, so I'll drive for this one," she informed him in a silvery tone and a beatific expression.
"Fine, fine, but I'm helping," he made sure that was clear, he stumbled round the TARDIS, "2012 it is. Weird year this one, quite bumpy," he told them, making both Amy and Rory rush over to the railings, taking the hint. The TARDIS started making the familiar humming noise as it rushed through time and space, the cylinder bar in the middle of the console going up and down repeatedly, as always. Like turbulence on a plane, the TARDIS started to shake and move side to side, making The Doctor stomp on River's foot, accidentally of course,
"Sorry honey," he apologised sweetly, it was only straight after that he thought about what he just said, 'honey…What on Earth possessed me to say that?' The thought struck in his mind as he was running around the TARDIS, attempting to land in the right time zone. River seemed to like the little apology, giving him a little butt bump to move him out of the way… The ride really was horrendous, so River, as fast as possible, ran over to the blue button.
"River, no, not the sta-" But it was too late, she click it. The blue button of death. The TARDIS settled down automatically, letting The Doctor gave out a deep breath unimpressed,
"-bilisers," he finished off the word flatly. "What did you do that for, it was getting fun," he accused, moving over to fall on the chair in a huff.
"Have we landed?" Amy asked excitedly, not even waiting for the answer as she dragged Rory by the hand to the doors.
"We'll meet you inside!" River heard Amy shout from outside. River looked at them, or the door- where they had just ran past- blissfully, then turned to her stropping husband,
"C'mon sweetie, if you want we can sit at the back of the cinema, away from my parents," she spoke flirtatiously, giving a sly wink as she walked away towards the door, swaying her hips more than was needed. The Doctor eyes opened drastically as he leaped from his chair to chase River.
Turns out he did get the timing right, which made him stop and raise his hands in the air,
"So why is it when I don't want to go somewhere you get us at the right place, right time, yet when I want to go somewhere we end up on the other end of the universe, or out of it!" He complained, as he walked away from the TARDIS, arm in arm with River. She placed her head on his shoulder, making him feel just that slightly bit uncomfortable, but he's learnt to get used to it.
"Sweetie, stop complaining, it's not very attractive," she affirmed. Her hair started to tickled The Doctor's chin, so he decided to blow it out the way, making River wriggle beside him.
"What are you doing?" She asked suspiciously, not even turning to look at him, but knowing he was up to something anyway. He gulped, realising he was caught,
"Nothing, nothing. It's just your hair! It's all frizzy and big and it tickles," he replied honestly, making her laugh. After finally walking past the cinema car park they were at the front doors, there were posters of all new movies that were to come out soon. Hunger games, Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 2, Batman… Trust them to pick Romeo and Juliet out of them all though. Amy turned around to look at them both,
"I'll get the tickets, you get the food yeah," she suggested, making her way into the long cue. The Doctor rolled his eyes and was literally dragged into the cinema lounge with River. They walked over to the counter, waiting in the line.
"Right so, what do you want?" She asked, which was intended to the Doctor but apparently he was elsewhere, she rolled her eyes as she saw him in the pick and mix area, she walked over to him, losing her spot in the cue. As soon as she was behind him he turned around a shoved a gummy worm in her face,
"Look how cool these sweets are River," he exclaimed, putting mouthfuls of sweets into his mouth, she slapped his hand.
"You have to pay for that, sweetie," she expressed, slapped the gummy worm out of his mouth, only for it to make her hands sticky, she grimaced, a face of disgust on her face as she wiped her hands onto the tissues nearby. The Doctor frowned,
"Well, that's not very cool," he acknowledged while being dragged into the queue they were in before. River clapped her hands together,
"Right, so Amy and Rory will probably want large popcorn, what do you want sweetie?" She asked him politely taking a step forward into the queue as it moved along. He looked at the counter and the menu above, there was definitely one thing that caught his eye, he pointed at it eagerly,
"That!" He expressed. It was a half metre long slush drink, with different coloured ice inside; by the looks of it the flavours were blueberry and strawberry. River sighed,
"Sweetie you won't like that, trust me," she disapproved, making him pucker his lips for persuasion.
"Please River!" He begged, pulling at her arm. She sigh once more, a sign of defeat. He jumped up and down in delight, and hugged her quickly,
"Thank you," he said, showing appreciation. She smiled at him back and tucked his fringe behind his ear. The woman at the counter smiled at them both, 'next please' she called out.
"Hello, can I have one large popcorn, and two medium cokes with that, and one of those slushy supreme drinks," she told the woman her order. She nodded and turned around about to get the food and drink before the Doctor tapped her on her arm secretly, while River was getting the money out of her wallet- the Doctor was almost proud of the fact she was not going to steal anything. The woman looked at him strangely, the moved closer toward her making her flinch,
"Do you by any chance sell fish fingers?" He asked innocently; hope appearing across his face- she frowned at him,
"No sir, I don't believe we do," she replied, looking at him strangely, the Doctor lowered his shoulder disappointed. The woman carried on with what she was doing, trying to avoid any eye contact with The Doctor. She placed the food on the counter, and then typed in number and letter into the cash register, the payment appeared on the little screen, it said: £22.00. River handed her the money, a twenty pound note and two pound coins, the woman pressed a button, making a 'ding' noise and the cash register to open. River took the food and drink, giving the Doctor his gigantic drink, which must have been just below her height, it was massive. He looked at it captivated, a bug-eyed expression gleaming from his face as he observed the mixed colours and flavours that were yet to be tasted. To top it all off, there was a bendy red straw which pieced through the hole at the top; even the straw was very large. The Doctor puckered his lips, wanting to have a quick taste, yet River slapped his hands away, he looked at her unhappily,
"Wait till the movie starts, otherwise you'll keep needing the toilet," she warned him, making him roll his eyes.
"Yes mother," he replied a little too loudly, panic struck in his face, so he turned around automatically, closing his eyes tight, knowing full well what he just said. He started to rush along the cinema lounge, trying to get away from River, yet looked back, looking for any signs of the blonde headed woman, not watching where he was going, he knocked himself into a lady. His slushy went everywhere, all up the stranger and her friends, not even a drop on him. Guessing from her facial expressions and stance she did not look to happy. All the red and the blue had mixed into their clothing and hair, they looked a mess. The Doctor's eyes widened, as he raised his hands apologetically,
"S-Sorry, do you want me to…Urm…" He uttered pathetically, trying to think of what to do, a person from behind stepped forward, red all across her face, much like a clown.
"You've got some, erm," he indicated the slush on her face obviously, "red on your face." WACK! The woman had slapped him sharply across the cheek, his face beginning to throb and turned red, in all honesty, it was not that painful, compared to what he's had before.
"Oh, well that didn't hurt at all," he commented, smiling, completely unaware of what he just said. The woman looked at him shocked, all her friends looking at each other and nodding; the Doctor furrowed his eye brows,
"Wha- Why- What's- Why are you shaking your heads?" he asked scared. Luckily for him- or so he thinks- River appeared in the scene, she took one look at the woman and rolled her eyes, as if she expected as much.
"Doctor, I know I said you wouldn't like it, but that doesn't mean you chuck it on strangers." She notified him, making all the woman looked at her baffled, as if to say, 'who's this woman?' The Doctor flailed his arms around,
"I didn't do it on purpose River! They were in the way, and the container is very flimsy, should go to the manager and complain about it," he accused, knowing it was all one big fat lie, and so did all the others, giving him a look. "I'm just too clumsy, it's this regeneration, the legs I were given, they're uncontrollable," he stated, his voice increasing in pitch, making some of the females laugh. The woman at the front, apparently the group leader clicked her fingers,
"C'mon, let's go clean up before the movie begins yeah." She commanded, while giving The Doctor a dirty look. "You better watch yo back man, I ain't gonna forget this," she finished, pointing to her drenched clothing. Her gang and her waltzed off. The Doctor sighed loudly, then realised something was attached to his wrist, he raised his arms,
"RIVER!" He yelled, looking at the handcuffs attached to his and her wrists. "It's always the handcuffs that are the solution to everything. The Daleks: Oh, we'll handcuff them. The Silurians: We'll handcuff them to. Captain Jack: Oh, we'll…." He didn't finish his sentence, a red colour bleeding through his cheeks.
"Want to finish that off sweetie," she asked innocently, with a wide grin. He gulped,
"Never mind," he mumbled under his breath, "but how are we meant to watch the movie now? Did Amy put you up to this? Oh, Rassilion, that's what you were whispering about," he acknowledged, hitting his head with his hand, but in fact hurting River at the same time. She yanked her arm down,
"Yes, mw and mother thought of this together, we knew you'd do something that would cause havoc. So if we're attached," she spoke dangling the chain in front of his face, "then you can't do anything wrong without me there." He groaned,
"I don't have anything to drink now though…." He said, trying to think of petty little excuses to stop him from watching the film. She raised her hand and putting them in her bag, pulling out a miniature slushy of the one he had before, he looked shocked,
"River! How did you- Is that a bigger on the inside bag? That's brilliant. You're like Mary Poppins, but less scary," he stated taking a sip without her noticing.
"Less scary?" She asked curiously, "sweetie, I have you attached to me, and we are going to go into a dark room, and yet you're scared more of Mary Poppins?" She proposed, her eye brow arched, and her hand on her hip. He bit his lip,
"She has a flying umbrella River, that is just- I- No. She is still scarier." He informed. Boy was he wrong.
I know this one wasn't as funny, but somebody requested it for me on Tumblr, so yeah. HaHa. :)