Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia or Cinderella.
Author's Note: If you haven't already guessed, I love fairy tales. So when this plot bunny took ahold of me, I had to write it. Next chapter of my HetaOni Continuation will be out by Wednesday(hopefully). I just had to write this first. Hope you guys don't mind. Oh, and on a random side note, I put eight different sections of this into 'I Write Like'(cause someone on the Hetalia Christmas event thread brought it up) and all but one time it said I write like Cory Doctorow(the other one was Douglas Adams).
Once upon a time, there was a boy named Matthew. His father was Lord Francis Bonnefoy and his mother was the beautiful Lady Jeanne Bonnefoy. The family lived in a beautiful house in the country. For quite some time, they were very happy together.
But when Matthew was 15, a war began with the neighboring kingdom and Lady Jeanne was called to fight. Lord Francis and his son waited patiently for her return, but only received news that she would never come home. Matthew was devastated at the loss of his mother, but the news seemed to hit Lord Francis the hardest. He locked himself in his room and refused to come out, barely eating and rarely sleeping. Matthew began to worry about his father, as did several others. Within a year of Lady Jeanne's death, Lord Antonio Hernandaz Carriendo, a close friend of Lord Francis, declared that it would be best for all if Lord Francis were to take a solo vacation to a deserted island for a year or so. Matthew hated the thought of losing both parents within a year, but he was a very mature young man and he knew that his father needed this, so he agreed to spend some time with his cousin, Alfred Jones, who had been adopted by Lord Arthur Kirkland several years earlier.
After seeing his father off at the harbor, Matthew travelled to Lord Kirkland's house in the countryside. It was a grand mansion with expansive grounds, and Matthew felt very small as he knocked gently on the door. Soon, the door was opened and a blurred figure came flying out.
"Canadia!" Alfred shrieked as he tackled his cousin.
"Canadia?" Matthew repeated.
"Just go with it," Alfred whispered in his ear.
An imposing man stood in the doorway. Lord Arthur Kirkland wasn't particularly tall, but he made up for his small stature with the most disapproving glare Matthew had ever seen.
"Hello, sir," Matthew replied.
Lord Kirkland frowned.
"Typical," he muttered. "Francis always has had the most ridiculous fashion sense around."
Matthew looked at his clothing. Okay, it was a bit feminine, but it wasn't that bad, was it? Matthew had seen worse.
"Luckily," Lord Kirkland continued. "I pulled some of my sister's old gowns out of the attic. They should fit until I can get you something more suitable."
By this point, Matthew was starting to get suspicious.
"Sister?" he mouthed to his cousin.
Alfred simply grinned.
Later that night, Matthew, dressed in a painfully frilly nightdress, went to talk to his cousin.
"Why on earth does Lord Kirkland think I'm a girl?" he asked.
"Well, your dad was really vague in his letter- calling you 'my child' and so on- so I told Artie you were a girl!"
"But, really Alfred, Canadia?"
Alfred continued laughing.
"It was on a book on one of Artie's shelves," Alfred explained.
Matthew winced. He had heard rumors of the kinds of books Lord Kirkland enjoyed.
"That's it," he decided. "We're going to speak to him right now, and you're going to tell him the truth!"
Alfred shook his head.
"Nope! I'll deny it," he said.
"Then I'll tell him!" Matthew decided.
"He won't believe you," Alfred taunted. "I already told him you're super sensitive about your chest and you sometimes claim to be a guy so people will reassure you that your breasts are big enough."
"I hate you," Matthew muttered.
Alfred grinned cheekily.
"Love you, too, Matt!"
The months passed, and slowly turned into years. Lord Francis had taken a liking to the solitude offered by the private island and refused to come home, although he did write. Matthew treasured those letters, for they seemed to be a calm port in the raging storm that was Lord Kirkland's mansion. Six months after Matthew's arrival, Alfred and Arthur had gotten into a terrible fight (over tea, of all things), which had culminated in Alfred claiming the west wing of the house as his own and avoiding Arthur as much as possible. Both generally ignored Matthew, who had, out of boredom, taken on the role of cleaning the house. A year later, Alfred finally came out of solitude again. Matthew had hoped that things would get better after that, but the cold silence was only replaced by constant yelling and teasing, always with Alfred's obnoxious laugh rising above everything.
Just when Matthew thought things couldn't get any worse, they did, with what Matthew liked to call 'The Most Mentally Scarring Event of My Young Life.'
It started out normally enough. Matthew was just going up to clean the third floor, which no one ever used anymore. The footprints in the dust should have been the first hint, but Matthew just assumed Arthur had been up to get something from one of the rooms. There were certainly plenty of rooms up here. Matthew was looking forwards to seeing if there was anything interesting. To his disappointment, all the doors seemed to be locked. Or, at least most of them. Halfway down the hall was a door slightly ajar. As Matthew approached the door, he began to hear noises coming from the room. Curious, he peeked inside the room…
… and was stunned by what he saw. Arthur had Alfred pinned against the wall and was doing…something…to him. For a second, Matthew thought that his host had finally snapped, and that he was trying to kill Alfred, but, luckily, he realized the truth before he had time to do anything stupid. They were kissing!
Matthew turned tail and ran downstairs to curl up by the kitchen fire. Why did he always have to see stuff like this? One of the few things he had enjoyed about this place was the distinct lack of any of his father's weird books. At home, they were lying on every surface and anytime Matthew had the misfortune to stumble, he would inevitably end up with his face in the center of a book filled with pictures of scantily-clad women, or men, or both. In fact, one of his earliest memories was of his mother yelling at his father for leaving his books out, while his father extolled the virtues of love and sex. Matthew had vowed never to have anything to do with this 'sex' thing.
So what was he going to do about this? Matthew was pretty certain he would never be able to look either of them in the eye again. Oh, god, this was going to be hell!
Luckily, neither of them paid him any attention during lunch later that day, except to ask him to pass the salt or something. They were far too busy screaming at each other. Of course, now that Matthew knew the truth he realized that, although their mouths declared that they hated each other, their eyes were telling a very different story.
Matthew excused himself as soon as he finished eating and hurried up to his room. He dug into the chest of things he had brought from his home and pulled out a worn stuffed polar bear. Clutching the toy to his chest, he lay on his bed and stared at the ceiling.
"Why do I always go through such weird stuff, Kumabingo?" he asked.
"Who are you?" the bear asked, having been given the ability to talk by one of Arthur's disastrous attempts at magic.
"I'm Canadia," Matthew grumbled. "I mean, I'm Matthew."
Damn! And now, to top it all off, he was starting to get used to the ridiculous joke Alfred had played on him. Somehow, Arthur still hadn't figured out that he was actually a guy, despite Matthew's best attempts to hint otherwise, and he was still stuck in dresses.
Life really kind of sucked right now.
The doorbell rang, and Matthew ran to answer it. He knew Alfred and Arthur would be too busy arguing to bother getting it. He opened the door and found a royal footman standing there. He quickly curtsied.
"How may I help you?"
"Invitation to the king's ball," the footman explained in a bored voice.
Matthew accepted the letter and shut the door. Once he had done so, he opened the letter and read it, knowing Arthur wouldn't mind.
Hear ye, Hear ye
Let it be known that all eligible young ladies are hereby invited to attend:
The King's Ball
To be held TONIGHT in honor of Crown Prince Gilbert
His Highness will choose his bride from among those in attendance
Matthew laughed. As if there was anyone eligible in this house. Still, he brought the letter to Lord Kirkland anyways.
"A royal ball?" Arthur muttered. "What rubbish. I'm not going."
"That sounds boring," Alfred agreed.
The two shared a glance and Matthew could easily see that the two had very different plans for this evening. Damn. Matthew really wished he could just disappear. Or go somewhere else. Or…Oh!
"Can I go to the ball?" he asked.
"Of course not," Arthur replied immediately. "You are not old enough to go anywhere unaccompanied, much less a party."
"But Arthur…" Matthew whined.
He played up the cuteness factor as best he could. He really did not want to be hanging around here tonight.
"No," Arthur insisted. "End of discussion."
After that, Matthew had no choice but to retreat to his room and try very hard not to imagine what Alfred and Arthur must be doing right now.
"Hello, Canadia!" a slightly slurred voice greeted him.
Matthew looked over to see a drunken angel with a striking resemblance to Arthur stumbling into his room, dressed in a very skimpy toga. By now, Matthew was used to the world's cruel sense of humor, although that didn't mean he liked it.
"What do you want?" he asked.
"I'm yer fairy godmother…er…angel godfather or something and I've come to help you get to the ball!"
Matthew eyed the angel suspiciously.
"And how do you intend to do that?" he asked.
The angel opened the chest at the foot of Matthew's bed and dug out a long tunic.
"Bah, this won't do," he whined.
With a swish of his wand, he transformed it into a ball gown.
"Put this on," he ordered.
Matthew took the gown.
"Um, could you turn around or something," he requested.
"Sure, lass," the angel agreed, banishing himself to the corner and sitting facing the wall.
Matthew changed into the extravagant gown.
"Isn't this a bit much?" he whined.
"It's fine," the angel assured him, leering slightly and staring at the low neckline.
Matthew inwardly groaned. He would be the one to get a pervert for a fairy godmother.
"So, how am I getting to the party?" Matthew asked.
"Not yet!" the angel insisted. "First, I need to do your hair."
The angel waved his wand and a headband materialized on Matthew's head. There wasn't really much else that could be done with such short hair, and Matthew was glad the angel hadn't used magic to grow his hair out or anything ridiculous like that.
"Now, can we go?" Matthew asked, tapping his foot impatiently.
He had heard Alfred abruptly stop laughing and he had a really bad idea he knew what that meant. The mental images were not pretty.
"You need shoes!" the angel realized.
"I have shoes!"
Another flick of the angel's wand, and his shoes turned to glass. The angel frowned and shook the wand.
"Damn! I was going for crystal!" he cursed. "Stupid low battery!"
"If I don't get to that ball…" Matthew began.
"Relax, princess, you'll get there," the angel promised. "I'm just going to need to cut some corners."
He picked up Kumajells from the bed and pointed his wand at the bear. Matthew winced. Suddenly, Kumaring grew to several times his original size, until he looked like a real polar bear.
"Good luck you two!" the angel called as he began to fade. "And remember, it's all gone at midnight."
Matthew looked at Kumatinks' new size and then to the door of his room.
"I'm glad the balcony has double doors," he muttered.
And so, Matthew took off into the late afternoon, riding his noble polar bear. He figured he might as well go to the Royal Ball, since it promised to have free food and drink and he didn't have any money.
He made it to the castle rather late into the party, as he had found it difficult to stop Kumajuice from chasing anything that remotely resembled meat. He hurriedly parked the bear among the carriages and left him with strict instructions not to eat any horses. Then, he ran to the main entrance and hurried inside. A man called and asked him to state his name, but he ignored him. Where was the food?
"Announcing, her royal highness, mysterious princess of northern lands," the man yelled.
Matthew wondered who would have such a ridiculous title, before realizing that the man was referring to him. Things became even more awkward as he realized that he was alone on a huge staircase and all eyes were upon him. He nervously descended the stairs and half-sprinted towards the refreshments table, ignoring any attempts to talk to him. This was not good. He had only wanted to get away from Alfred and Arthur for as long as possible. And now everyone thought he was some sort of princess. The world really hated him right now.
Matthew, not watching where he was going, bumped into one of the guests. Both of them tumbled to the ground. From the unnatural silence around him, Matthew realized that whoever he'd just knocked over was someone of great importance. Damn! He slowly lifted his head to meet the ruby-red gaze of Crown Prince Gilbert Beilschmidt. Shit!
"Hello, birdie," the prince said.
He didn't seem mad. In fact, he seemed amused.
"My name's not birdie," Matthew grumbled.
"Then what is your name?" Gilbert asked.
Matthew didn't answer. He didn't want to lie. But at the same time, he couldn't exactly say his name was Matthew.
"See? Then I shall call you birdie until you give me something else to call you!" Gilbert announced with delight. "And you can call me Gilbert the Awesome! Gil for short."
Matthew found himself staring blankly at the man.
"You're crazy, your highness," he declared finally.
"Oh, I like you, birdie."
Now that Gilbert had claimed Matthew, he refused to let go of him for even a second. Matthew found that he didn't mind at all. Gilbert might be arrogant, rude, and pushy, but he was also funny, kind, and interesting.
Oh god, I'm falling for him, Matthew realized. Today was officially the weirdest day of his life. He'd found out that his adopted brother and his adopted father were shagging each other, he'd met his drunken angel-fairy godfather, Kumatonks had been turned into a real polar bear, and now he was falling in love with the crown prince, who thought he was a girl. Could his life get any more messed up?
"Hey, whatcha thinkin' about, birdie?" Gilbert asked.
The two were sitting out on the terrace, away from the mass of people in the ballroom.
"My life," Matthew admitted. "It's kinda messed up at the moment."
"Well, my life seems pretty perfect right now," Gilbert declared.
"Of course, your life would be perfect," Matthew grumbled.
"Hey, my life sucked until about four hours ago," Gilbert told him. "When I fell in love."
Matthew stared at him.
"Me?" he asked. "You fell in love with me?"
"No, there's another fascinating person I met four hours ago. Of course it's you, birdie."
Matthew couldn't help smiling slightly. But…
"There's something you should know about me," Matthew mumbled. "I'm not a girl."
"Of course you're not!" he declared. "I could tell right away you were a guy, dress or no dress."
"Really?" Matthew asked.
"Course, birdie," Gilbert agreed. "For one thing, you have no chest."
"But, if you knew…?" he asked.
"All I knew was, I was in love with you," he explained. "Didn't matter. Besides, my little brother's had a boyfriend for years. I wasn't that surprised to fall in love with a guy myself."
"So Prince Ludwig really is sleeping with that secretary of his?" Matthew asked.
"Worst kept secret in the history of ever," he declared. "Funniest thing is: they still think they're pulling it off."
After that, the two sat in a comfortable silence for several moments.
Suddenly, Gilbert leaned in and planted a soft kiss on Matthew's lips. Matthew turned bright red.
"Good luck to kiss someone at midnight, birdie," Gilbert declared.
Matthew looked up at the clock. Oh, damn! It was midnight.
"I'm sorry! I have to go!" he shouted, already on his feet and running.
He made it out of the palace and back to Kumabling just before everything changed back. Matthew gently picked up his now back to normal polar bear and began the walk home. It was only after he was halfway there that he realized he was only wearing one shoe. Furthermore, that shoe was somehow still glass. He pulled the remaining shoe off his foot and pocketed it, vaguely wondering where its match was.
Without Kumadong, it was much more difficult to get back in the house. But somehow, Matthew managed it. Only to find a rather unpleasant surprise in his room.
"Hi, Mattie!" Alfred said.
"So, how was the ball?" Alfred asked.
"I just went out for a walk," Matthew insisted.
"Sure you did," Alfred agreed. "You look like you're in love. Did you just happen to meet someone while out on this walk?"
"Yes, I met a beautiful shepherdess who has already sworn to bear my children," Matthew muttered sarcastically.
"Come on, seriously," Alfred whined. "Who'd you meet? Tell me about her!"
Matthew sighed. Alfred knew him too well.
"The crown prince," he mumbled.
"Could you repeat that?" Alfred requested, sounding genuinely confused.
"I fell in love with His Royal Highness, Crown Prince Gilbert Beilschmidt," Matthew repeated, slightly louder.
"Are you serious?" Alfred asked.
"Oh, wow, you are," Alfred gasped. "You're in love with the prince. Does he even know you exist?"
"He's in love with me, too," Matthew revealed, with just a hint of pride.
"I know there are some issues," Matthew admitted. "I mean, he's way above me, and he doesn't even know my name, and we really barely talked-"
"And you're a guy, Mattie," Alfred pointed out.
"We already went over that one," he explained. "He's cool with it."
"You told him!"
"Of course I told him!" Matthew snapped. "I am a guy, no matter what you've been pretending these last five years and he deserved to know! Besides, he already knew, so it didn't matter much anyways."
"You're not a girl?"
Both of them looked up to see Arthur standing in the doorway, looking shocked.
"Um, no, I'm a guy," Matthew explained. "My name's Matthew."
"And why didn't you tell me?" Arthur asked.
"Alfred wouldn't let me," Matthew explained.
"You're both ridiculous," Arthur declared. "Now, it's after midnight, go to sleep, both of you. We'll discuss this more in the morning."
He stalked off and Alfred quickly followed. Matthew couldn't help noticing that Alfred was going in the same direction as Arthur, despite that his room was on the opposite side of the house. So much for sleep.
The next morning, Matthew woke up rather late. He tossed on a tunic and breeches, so glad that his secret was finally out, and hurried downstairs for breakfast. But he was distracted by the sound of shouting from the front of the house.
"Could you please leave me alone!" Arthur was yelling. "First you wake me up, and now you tell me it's just about shoes! There are no girls in this house, so leave!"
Matthew had a feeling he knew what this was about. He ran towards the front of the house.
"Arthur!" he yelled.
As Arthur finally came into view, about to slam the door, it was pushed open from the outside and a silver-haired blur catapulted into the house.
"Birdie!" Gilbert yelled as he crashed into Matthew, knocking them both to the ground.
"Hello, Gilbert," Matthew replied.
Gilbert responded by planting a sloppy kiss right on his mouth. Matthew grinned and pulled him back for another.
"Oh my god, Matthew!" Alfred's voice whined. "Can't you save your make-out session with the prince for sometime when I haven't just woken up?"
Matthew pushed Gilbert's lips off of his for a moment.
"You have no right to talk," he declared. "I'm going to need counseling after what I saw happening between you and Arthur!"
Before Alfred could find the voice to respond to that, Matthew had resumed kissing Gilbert and was enjoying it immensely.
The familiar voice jerked him back to reality. Breaking the kiss, he propped himself up on his elbows and looked over Gilbert's shoulder to see the sight he had began to give up hope of ever seeing again.
"Is that your name?" Gilbert asked. "Mathieu?"
"It's Matthew," Matthew explained. "But Papa always pronounces it Mathieu."
"That's your dad?"
Suddenly, Gilbert jumped to his feet and pulled Matthew up with him.
"Greetings, Lord Matthew's-dad!" he announced. "I'm Crown Prince Gilbert and I'm in love with your son, so he's mine now!"
Lord Francis smiled.
"Ah, Gilbert," he sighed. "I remember when you were a boy. Always so pushy."
"Papa, who's the girl with you?" Matthew asked suspiciously.
Lord Francis smiled.
"Mathieu, meet your new mother, Lady Angelique Bonnefoy," he announced.
Matthew stared at his father's new wife.
"Papa? She's younger than me," he pointed out.
"Age does not matter in the world of love!" Lord Francis announced.
"Can it, frog, and get off my property!" Lord Kirkland snapped.
"Just because you don't have a gorgeous island princess-"
"I don't want a gorgeous island princess!" Arthur retorted. "Alfred is more than enough trouble for anyone."
Alfred grinned and caught Arthur in a tight hug.
"Aww, I knew you cared," he teased.
"Do be a love and shut up," Arthur requested.
"Never!" Alfred declared. "I'm going to talk and talk and talk until you get so tired of it you-mnph!"
Arthur effectively shut Alfred up with a kiss. Francis was getting that look in his eyes that meant he was about to do something perverted.
"Papa…" Matthew warned.
"Anyone interested in a threesome?" Francis asked.
Both Arthur and Alfred looked up in shock. Arthur marched right up to Francis and grabbed him by the collar.
"Let me make this clear, frog," he hissed. "You will take your offspring and you will get off my land within the next ten seconds or I will personally make sure you never have children again."
"Go Artie!" Alfred cheered.
"Boys, take it easy," the new Lady Bonnefoy interrupted. "Why don't you both drink some coconut milk and relax?"
Arthur glared at her.
"No thank you," he snapped.
He stormed back inside and glared at Matthew and Gilbert.
"Out!" he demanded.
"I'm the prince," Gilbert pointed out cheekily.
"Out, your highness!" he corrected.
Matthew could sense the tension brewing, so he quickly dragged Gilbert out of the house.
Alfred made as if to follow them, but Arthur quickly grabbed him.
"You're staying," Arthur insisted.
"Oh, thanks Art-mnph!"
The four outside couldn't help staring at the now-closed front door. Francis was the first to speak.
"Ah, young love," he sighed.
"And then what happened?" Ontario asked excitedly.
"Well, naturally, everyone lived happily ever after," he explained. "Gilbert and Matthew were married, of course. Alfred and Arthur continued to pretend they hated each other until Matthew finally told them he was paying for their wedding and could they please stop fighting during family dinners. Lord Francis and Lady Angelique were quite happy together, although Lord Francis never quite got over Lady Jeanne."
"What about Prince Ludwig and his secretary?" Quebec asked.
"Sharp ear little one," he declared. "The secretary, Feliciano, turned out to be a prince whose kingdom had been stolen, and Ludwig helped him regain it. They became the rulers of that land and were beloved of all, even if Feliciano was basically useless."
"And Lord Francis sold pictures from his son's wedding to neighboring Princess Elizaveta Hedavry, who began stalking Gilbert and Matthew, along with her friend, Kiku Honda," Canada added, entering the room. "Now, would you please stop telling the provinces stories based on my love life?"
"Who, moi?" France asked, the very picture of innocence.
Canada brandished a hockey stick in France's direction.
"Yes, you," he clarified. "Now, Prussia's coming over tonight and I think he won't be too happy to see you. So leave."
The doorbell rang and Canada rushed off to answer it. As France made his way to the back door, he heard Prussia's voice screaming "Birdie!" and the crash of two bodies tumbling to the floor.
"Ah," he sighed. "Young love."
Thanks for reading!
Feedback would be greatly appreciated. I've never really written anything like this before and I'd love to know what you think. Good? Bad? Okay?