Disclaimer: I probably will never own Shake It Up, but in the event that I do, you can all guest star on the show and I can ride away into the sunset on my bicycle with a bag of Twizzlers and a scraped knee.
Her fingers slide up my neck and through my hair that she's complimented so many times, pushing her lips and she's breathing hard against my mouth. I don't know what do except begin internally imploding upon myself because CeCe Jones is kissing me for the second time in my life, and this time, not under the influence. I don't know what to do because what the fuck is going on.
My eyes are stuck wide and alert, staring at CeCe's shut eyes. I try not to seem completely paralyzed and I squeeze my eyes shut and feel the shocks going through my body intensify. God, her lips are so soft, why are they so soft? I feel the softness begin to lighten and her begin to pull away from me, fingers loosening in my hair and her right palm sliding over my cheek, and God, her hand feels too warm and gentle. I think the kiss is over, but I'm terribly wrong as I feel her hot tongue swirl over my bottom lip, and she pulls away from me, and after I open my eyes, she's already out the car and walking back to the school building.
Oh my GOD.
"Rocky, calm down, speak slowly. I can't understand ya' when you're talking like a blubber whale. Now, CeCe did what to you?"
My eyes are filled with scared tears and I don't know why I'm crying, and these stupid contacts only make my eyes more watery and irritated. Dina watches me intently, plopped on my sofa with her hands clamped together. She's dressed her usual clothing, except with an extra hoodie that I had sobbed on for the past hour when she arrived at my house. "Rocky, talk to me. What happened?"
My heartbeat is going out of control and my limbs tremble and I croak,"CeCe- CeCe kissed me. She- she kissed me."
Dina scoffs and throws her arms up, exclaiming,"Then what's the problem? She was just drunk again, right-"
"No, no, not this time, no." I shook my head, my messy hair sticking to my damp face. "No... We were at lunch, and some boy had made her angry, so we left the cafe and she took me to Ty's car, and I was sitting in the passenger's seat and she was in the driver's seat, and I was talking, and then she..." My heart pounds against my rib cage so fast as I can't finish the sentence and I swear it's going to fly out of my chest in the next second or so.
Dina leans back on the sofa, looking astonished. She asks,"She just leaned over and kissed you? No warning? And then what?"
I take a deep breath, my eyes meeting Dina's curious brown ones. "She didn't say anything to me, and just got out the car and left. And I didn't see her or hear from her for the rest of the day."
"Well, shit. That's pretty rude if ya' ask me. And why would she just kiss you out of nowhere like that? Are you sure she wasn't high or something?"
"No, Dina, she wasn't high. She was sober and sane and she kissed me and used her tongue and I just didn't know what to do-" I dig my nails into the palm of my hand as a streak of anger flashed in my vision. I was so sick and tired of CeCe coming to me and using me as the blanket of security. I bet that was merely some release for her since her and Ian broke up. Is that all I am to her? A dirty, torn-up blanket to use whenever everything in her world comes falling down?
"I just... I don't know, girl. This sounds pretty off, even for CeCe. I mean, she doesn't go around kissing girls. At least when's sober, she doesn't."
I sigh and bury my head into the pillow I've been clutching for the past ten minutes.
"Well, what do you wanna do?"
"Nothing, I just- I don't know what to do... I just wanna know why she did it. Why would should kiss me... a loser."
"Hey, hey now," Dina walks across the floor and puts a hand over my shoulder, rubbing it in comfort. "You're not a loser. Losers give up, and about everyone I know who's has the right mind has given up on trying to deal with CeCe. But you didn't, and I think that's the raddest shit ever. CeCe is obviously a hassle to put up with, and I applaud you for that, girl. Comon, look at me."
I someberly look up to Dina and she smiles a smile, one that just breaks all the built up nerves that I had gathered over time. A smile that was so... pure. She poke softly,"Look, everything is gonna be fine. I swear, we're gonna get through this. It might take a while, but we're gonna reach the end."
I nod and sigh in content. "Thank you, Dina, just, thank you."
She stands up, stretching and implies,"Now, how about we go get a milkshake?"
I glance over at my bag full of books. "But I should really stu-"
"Nope, we're gonna go get a milkshake."
"So," Dina pauses to lean over and takes a sip of her caramel milkshake filled with candy and peanuts, while I silently sit continue to stir my plain strawberry milkshake with my straw. "CeCe's going to a party tonight, right?" I internally frown; CeCe should know better, it was a school night. But then again it was CeCe, so technically, I should know better.
"And this is gonna be like the biggest party ever. I think it's like a ghetto Valentine's Day party," Dina chuckles. I shuddered.
"But... how does this involve us figuring out why she... kissed me?"
Dina slumps in her seat and raises her eyebrows. "Rocky, girl, you gotta catch up with the program. You know CeCe always comes back to your place after a long night, so there, just bring up the kiss-"
"No, no- I... I can't. It'd be too much to handle, and I don't wanna make her mad and make her storm out of my house at three in the morning again."
Dina makes the most confused face at me and tilts her head, and I groan,"It's a long story." She slumps back in the 90's-theme chair, decorated with black and white boxes, and poking her lip out while looking at the sky. She mumbles,"Hmmmmm. What if I took you with me?..."
My heart nearly drops to my stomach. Me? "At a party? No, no, no Dina, absolutely not. I can't go to a wild party full of misfits, I'd most likely encounter all types of chaos such as overly-hormonal teenagers, and girls who insist on just making out with o-"
"Rocky, chillax, alright? I have an idea that'll benefit the boths of us. But 'ya have to trust me, okay?" She pushes aside her milkshake and lays her hand on the table, and I watch it for a moment, feeling my chest swell with a deep heartfelt emotion that Dina always managed to give me. I lay my clammy hand on top of hers and she squeezes it whilst giving me a bright, warm smile. "I promise, I won't let anything happen to you, alright? We're buddies now, and I hold down my shit for my buddies, I can tell 'ya that much."
I don't know what I nod for but I nod regardless, and force out a statement. "I'll do it."
She leans back in her chair and smiles menacingly, rubbing her hands together in a way that resembled a rapper. Birdman, I believe.
"So, this is what we're gonna do."
Oh God, oh God, oh GOD. These pants are giving me the most irritating rash, I can feel the burning on it forming on my behind now. Why these pants, why this outfit? Why me? Why do these horrible things always seem to find their way into my life?
"Jesus, Rocky, I can feel you thinking. Jeez girl, calm down, you're the color of a freakin' tomato."
Dina continues to prod and poke and tuck and nip and the hems of my extremely-tight clothing. I'm sporting leather and blue skinny jeans, which should immediately be renamed to constricting-jeans, a blinding, neon-pink, lace, sleeveless, collared shirt, these golden and dangling godawful earrings that resemble Egyptian pyramids, and these disgustingly strange, black shoes that have been morphed into sneakers and heels? High-heeled-sneakers? I can barely walk WITHOUT heels as it is. And I know my face is only dimpled with makeup here and there but it feels as if it's been caked onto my face. I feel so grotesque, it pains me to even watch myself in the bathroom mirror.
"Dina, do I have to wear such provocative clothing? I'm pretty sure a nice turtleneck sweater would do perfectly..."
"Rocky, stop being such a pansy. You have to dress for success, and success is gonna get you and CeCe alone."
Where... Where did... I go?
I turn to Dina and say with a pained look,"How do you know she'll even want to associate with me? I can barely even recognize myself in these weird, sparkly clothes you dressed me in."
"Look here, Raquel, you wanna find out why CeCe deep-throated you with her tongue, this is how you're gonna find out."
I feel my face begin to burn bright red. Oh God. "S-She did not- she didn't do that to me, she just...", and right there, the images, clear like the Pacific waters, start floating in my mind again. And when they burn, it's amplified. Her fingers caressing the back of my neck, like cracks of fire pop as the pads slide onto my jawline to rest there. Soft, almost cloud-like lips are touching my own and I'm at a loss at what to do. The muscles in my heart have gone completely hysterical, feeling every fast pump of blood go through my chest and I hear the deep beats in my ear and then I feel it; her glossy lips part and suddenly, I'm stricken with an almost complete feeling of insanity. My limbs go solid, not just stiff but completely solid, and that point, I've stopped breathing. And there's that ever so lovely feeling of lightheadedness once again. I closed and opened my eyes once, only one more blink away from completely passing out, and my entire face had gone cold, and I watched the quick sway of her hips through the car window.
"Woah, woah, yo', wake up Rocky! Jesus!" Dina falls backwards against the bathroom door as she catches my tall, awkward body. "Girl, get up! Don't pass out yet! And ya' really need to see a doctor because you've probably fainted like eight times in the past five months."
I breathe hard and hoist myself up, and my face is literally on fire as I'm embarrassed, not only for thinking of that kiss, that deadly kiss, but promptly almost blacking out on Dina. "I'm sorry," I murmur, facing towards the ground.
"It's alright, but I can't promise I'll be there to catch ya' if you pass out at the party."
My throat clamps up and I stare at myself in the bathroom mirror once again.
Tonight was the night.
"Dina! Oh my God, girl!" I step away from Dina as numerous girls crowd her at the front door of this apparent mansion. They all squeal and Dina's smile broadens as she returns the petty embraces from girls she knew around school. They were all the popular ones, all pretty and covered in sequins and heels. One blonde girl, though, instead didn't hug Dina; she was squinting her eyes very tightly at me and leaning forward.
"Is that the ... geek girl?"
I didn't like when people examined me for long periods of time, and I could feel my strange and awkward demeanor begin to show, until I heard a "smack."
The popular girls and blonde girl turns to Dina with a horrified look, holding her arm. "What the hell was that for?"
"Don't be a bitch, Michelle," Dina scoffs. "C'mon, Rocky, we got some partying to do." I scurry past the judgmental teenagers and my eyes and ears are immediately greeted with complete... chaos. Bass is filling and vibrating throughout the ground and against my body, the smell of sharp of what I guess could be alcohol greets my nostrils; it burns. I follow closely behind Dina and my body begins to tense up as I feel random hands brush against me. They're all drunk, everyone. I wasn't gonna be a victim of that tonight, not at all. I may have never drank before but I know that a drop of liquor in my system would tear me up.
The neon lights get brighter and bright and- Am I glowing? I'm glowing. My clothes are glowing. I'm glowing. "Dina," I nervously shout through the music,"Why am I glowing?"
"It's just the clothes you're wearin', everybody's glowing too!" She's right; everyone looks like they've been doused in highlighter fluid and are raving against eachother's bodies in a bright, colorful harmony. God, I am so nervous right now. I'm shaking and trying to keep close to Dina and not pass out from all the strong alcohol scents. I briefly slow back and look around me; this is actually a party. People dancing upstairs, sitting on the stairs and trying not to let their friends fall down said stairs, a DJ settled in the corner with his hand in one on his laptop and the other holding the rolled up, little white rod in his mouth, smoke flowing around him. And people are everywhere, how Dina and I are managing to get through this chaos is beyond me. And people keep touching me and it's really not making me comfortable at all.
"Rocky, come on. We don't have a lot of time. We gotta find CeCe, and then I have to find that Ashley bitch," Dina calls, grabbing my wrist and tugging me along, peering through the numerous teenagers. "There," I point out in less than a second, and Dina swerves around, scoffing.
It was disgusting how I could dumped into over one thousand people yet spot CeCe like a droplet of blood on white cotton sheets. And God, she looks absolutely perfect. My heart speeds up as my eyes trail over her entire body; the word perfect is thrown around so casually nowadays but I'm not kidding, she looked unwordly, just perfect.
"She's with that bitch. Perfect." Dina rolls up the sleeves of her leather jacket and I gulp. Crap. Crap, crap. My heart speeds up, and I'm sure it's beating as fast as a baby's right now. She's with the football players and the cheerleaders and that little clique of people who tended to always pick on me for no given reason; the jerks. I feel my body become weaker and weaker as Dina grips tightens on my wrist; this is a bad idea, a very bad idea and I don't know why I hadn't realized this before. This is a BAD idea.
"Dina!" They all break their conversation and greet her. Oh my God, CeCe is even more amazing up close; she's dressed in pink skinny jeans and a wavy white top that shows off all the right spots on her body and gold and black heels and I am breathing heavily now, oh God. Her hair is straightened and her lips- Jesus, her lips looked so pink. God, she looks so gorgeous, GOD.
"Where's Deuce at," a brunette girl asks. They seemed to not have noticed me standing behind her, more so hiding behind her yet. Dina (has finally let go of my wrist, thank goodness) and shrugs, her boyfriend obviously not her priority right now. "Although, I think you would know, right?"
I gulp. Shit, this is a really bad idea.
The girl is visibly offended and scrunches her face up at Dina, who seems to be interested in this part of her "idea" more than anything. "What the fuck are you trying to say?"
I watch CeCe lean over and whisper to a guy,"Who's that behind Dina?"
Then everything just goes... boom.
It's slow motion as I watch Dina's balled fist travel and slam in the girl's nose, CeCe spills her cup full of something on the boy next to her and the girl tumbles backward into the wall and Dina pounces atop her, screaming and hitting away. Words I thought I'd never hear from Dina come from her mouth ("You dirty fucking whore, how dare you lay a hand on my fucking boyfriend and think that you would get away with it, you fuckin' slut!") And the party doesn't stop; in fact, the DJ screams,"FIGHT, Y'ALL!", and his music gets faster and faster.
The humongous crowd is torn between watching and cheering and trying to pull the girls off of eachother. I watch CeCe instinctively squeal and squeeze between people, trying to preserve her glamorous state of fashion, and I follow the plan. Follow CeCe. Oh God, I can't breathe. This is a really bad idea. Really, really bad idea. CeCe continues to shove through the people, and even then I can barely hear her yell,"Ugh, move- get the fuck out of my way, God!"
I stumble closely behind, ignoring the random hands that keep touching me- WHY do they keep touching me, gosh, stop, please. CeCe's way ahead of me, and I watch her shove her way upstairs and into a random room- shit, she's alone. I'm gonna be alone with CeCe Jones, again. I don't wanna do this anymore, why couldn't my cat do it, why ME?
I make my way to the door, finally, and stare down at the jumbled, drunken crowd, then stare back at the door. My hands are clammy as I grip the doorknob and hold my breath in, slowly pushing in the door. And brown eyes meet mine.
"Who is- Rocky?"
The lights are off, so the room is dark and the only thing lighting it thus far is the moonlight filtering scarcely through the window and the occasional glimmer of neon lights that would scatter from under the door. She unbelievably laughs,"Is that you? God, you look... different."
And you look so beautiful, I could marry you right here, right now. You're staring, Rocky, stop, TALK.
"Uh... We- I have to talk. To you."
She twists her eyebrows down in confusion and moves backwards until the back of her knees hit the edge of the bed, where she then stares at me with the most intense gaze that I could feel searing right through my face. Her head tilts to the right and she pokes forward at the conversation. "Well?"
I feel my pulse violently pumping in my chest and I clamp my hands behind my back. My tongue moves around to form a shaky sentence,"I wanted to talk to you about..." Spit it out, dammit, say it. "About the other day in the car."
Her head falls to look down at her heels and there's silence, despite the apparent noise of commotion going on outside the closed door. A subconscious timer dings in my head and a minute has already passed. She still hasn't said anything, it's quickly gnarling away at my nerves. I know she remembers.
"What day in the car?"
I draw my hands to my sides and an extremely unfamiliar flicker that I feel go up and down my arms and legs cause my hands to ball. "CeCe... You know what I'm talking about." She's quiet for another moment, her head still down to the carpet then she laughs with a bare tinge of regret in her voice,"Oh... that day. What about it?" The flickers running through my fingers grow faster and I feel bizarre and malaise ... I feel angered.
"What do you mean 'what about it?' You kissed me, CeCe- YOU kissed me," I hissed. I don't know where my mind has gone, but it's been shadowed with pure lividness and a blinding cloud of red.
"I know what the fuck I did, Rocky, you don't have to remind me."
She stood up and I was her stance grow into the mundane one she sported, one I'd always feared to be in presence in. Not right now, though; not this time.
"You can't just kiss me and not give a proper explanation for it, CeCe! You can't just walk away and not tell me why! If it was something you did out of your impulsiveness, then it's understandable and that's all you had to say. Kissing people-"
"I'm pretty sure I knew what I was doing, you don't have to repeat it every five fucking seconds," she swears at me.
"Then tell me why you did it then, CeCe. Tell me why you ran away and were completely uninformative of your actions."
"Exactly why do I need to tell you anything? It's my business and my thoughts and my actions, so respect my privacy and let's just not talk about this bullshit!"
My mouth falls open. "CeCe. You. Kissed. Me. YOU KISSED ME! With NO EXPLANATION! It's not- it's not bullshit! How simplified do I need to make these terms?!" I'm yelling. Even if someone heard, I don't care right now. CeCe's constant childish behavior has pushed me over for the last time. "Well, CeCe? Are you going to stand there and glare at me or do I need to further my reasons as to why-"
A loud growl that didn't come from my mouth echoed in the dark, moon-lit room and all I manage to see before instinctively squinting was a flash of red pounce in the direction of me. I feel her knife-like nails digging into my arms, I'm completely thrown off balance as my back made a forceful meet with the ground.
All anger that is possibly in my bones drains and my heart is beating so hard I'm confusing it with the bass of the music coming from downstairs. I'm not a fighter, and from the flashbacks of CeCe rapidly striking away at her enemy's face, if she layed a hand on me, I'd be finished. My chest is rattling with every rise and fall and I feel that painful tinge before I'd black out returning. And then I open my eyes.
She's so close... CeCe's so close to my face. I just want to lean up so badly and recreate that terrifying memory but at the same time I want to push her off and never speak to her again. Her eyes are so dark, and I watch her continue to gaze with rage at me, her hair creating a orange rainfall between our faces. I still feel her hands on my arms and her nails in my skin. Her body is so, so close to my own. There are monarch butterflies migrating to every part of my body.
"I don't know what I was doing," she whispers, almost forcing the words out of herself. "I don't know." I'm silent in response. I think she expects me not to answer anyways.
"I left so fast because I didn't want to think about it and- and I still don't."
She's loosened her death-grip on my arms but remained over me, not touching me. I can smell every breath of bubblegum tinged with alcohol against my face and I swear I can hear her heartbeat. All I can see is her eyes. They're glowing, despite the eerie dark color her irises always strode out of a gaze she would shoot. Inside of them, I can almost see something small and terrified, trying to leech away from inside of her body. I watch her eyes close and her mouth moves to form words, but nothing comes out.
She tries again, and her voice cracks,"I'm sorry, Rocky, I'm just- I need to figure out some things... Just give me time, okay?"
I nod. I nod to the request into restraining my petty emotions for the redheaded girl I know I'll never have. I nod because I think I'm smitten with her. I nod because I hate her for making my life so horrible. I nod because there's glossiness in her eyes and I can't yell at her anymore. I nod because I want her to kiss me again. I nod because I want her to love me.
HEYO! I haven't updated this in FOREVER (more like June of 2013), and I'm like, REALLY, really, REALLY REALLY sorry about that. Like, I'm hella sorry. And I promise, the next chapter won't take as long to finish. I just lost my inspiration for a little bit, but like, now it's back and I'm ready to rock the ReCe world. WOO!
Also, leave a review because Bella and Zendaya are super cute together.