There are many JFK theories out there, each with points that persuade and dissuade others to their view. The Mafia, the CIA, the FBI, all are rumoured to have killed JKF. There are even crazy stories around that Oswald killed him, or even that he still lives and works in a McDonalds in Tel Aviv. But these, of course, are none of them true. Do you want to know the real reason? If you do, read on, because you are about to find out the real killer of John F Kennedy.
A rabbit killed JF Kennedy. No, don't laugh, you wouldn't want this particular rabbit after you… not with its record. Have you ever heard of a pink bunny? To be precise, the Energizer bunny. Oh yes, everyone has heard of it. No-one can forget it. And why? Because it is evil, pure and simple. Oh sure, I hear you say, that's all very well, but why would the Energizer bunny want to kill JFK? That, my dears, will surely be explained.
You see, John Fitzgerald Kennedy owned an electric razor. He owned numerous flashlights or torches, depending on what you wish to call them. He had a Walkman, a remote control for his television. In fact, he had pretty much everything that uses or takes AA batteries. But that was where JFK made his big mistake. The war with Vietnam? That was small, by comparison. You see, John Fitzgerald Kennedy… used Duracell batteries.
So you can see why the Energizer bunny saw red. A president of the United States used Duracell? If the American citizens found out, it would be the end of the Energizer bunny, and Duracell would have a monopoly on batteries! So little bunny hired someone (with a lifetime's supply of AA and AAA batteries) to invent a new shotgun… one that could be remotely controlled, using batteries. It worked. So, bunny set up three guns in strategic places around Dealey plaza. One he hid in the trees, on the picket fence behind the grassy knoll. A second was on the triple overpass, hidden in the cement. Yep, that pink fluffy bunny has contacts everywhere… it can even bribe road workers! And the third gun? That was in the Texas school book depository, except one floor down.
Each gun shot two bullets.
So, now you know. You now know what an enraged bunny can do. What can you do to protect yourself, and your families? Is there any way you can escape the fate of JFK? Yes! Buy only Energizer batteries, and rid yourself of the fear of the Energizer bunny forever!