I wrote a new story! :O If you haven't already, you may want to read my oneshot 'Say Hello to Goodbye.' That's a prequel to this story; don't worry though, it's not critical to this story if you don't.
There are a few things you need to know before proceeding. First, this is sort of an AU, but not completely. There are a lot of things I've changed for the sake of my story, including certain parts of Sirius' character. Now, before you go ranting about it, let me tell you how I see it. Sirius isn't the same person because things went differently in my version. End of story. I also changed Tonks' age, to make her closer to Remus for the sake of this story. I knew that's part of the reason he was reluctant to admit his love for her, but deal with it. This is MY fanfiction; if you don't like it, don't read it. Now that we've got that settled, on to the really important things. 1). Peter isn't a traitor or Death Eater. He loves his friends and stays loyal to all of them. 2). Because of this, James and Lily are still alive. There are other things I changed, but I won't say them on here so that it doesn't ruin anything.
I hope you enjoy! =] Reviews are always appreciated. Love always,
Disclaimer: I do not own any part of the Harry Potter universe. I am simply borrowing them from Ms. Rowling. ;)
The day had started just as any other. I had got up, pulled on a shirt, grabbed my wand, and made my way to the kitchen. Then I'd started breakfast and paid the owl for The Daily Prophet. Just as I sat down to eat, there was a knock on my front door. With a frown I dropped my spoon and pushed my chair away from the table. Who would be coming at this hour of the morning? I knew it wasn't a friend, because they would have just walked in.
"Coming!" I shouted when they knocked a second time. Two seconds later I put my wand in my back pocket and pulled the door open. My heart stopped for a moment when I saw the woman on my doorstep. Her brown hair was longer than it had been when I'd last seen her a year before.
"Danielle…." I said once I'd found my voice. "What are you doing here?"
She sighed and I realized that she was holding what looked like a bundle of blankets. Upon closer inspection I discovered that it was a baby wrapped in a blanket.
"Come in," I said as I stepped out of the way. "You don't need to catch a chill out there in the cold."
Danielle hesitated before stepping over the threshold. I closed the door behind her and turned around. Tension and awkwardness tainted the air as we just stood for several minutes. I avoided her gaze as a stab of pain shot through my chest. I wondered if she was thinking about the night of our break up as I was.
Clearing my throat, I gestured towards the sitting room. "Want some tea? Let's sit down."
Danielle shook her head but followed me forward. I sat down in the arm chair and Dani sat down on the sofa, placing a bag beside her and resituating the baby in her arms.
"Why are you here?" I asked, leaning forward with my forearms on my thighs.
Danielle looked down at the baby and then slowly back up at me.
"I think you know that."
"Why would I ask if I knew?" I couldn't keep the sharp edge from my voice. I'd always been the wrong one in our relationship. Clearly nothing had changed.
Dani closed her eyes and sighed. When she opened them again they shined with unshed tears.
"Look, I should have told you, I know I should've. But you wouldn't –" She stopped abruptly and pressed her lips together, taking a deep breath.
"Things went unsaid." I agreed reluctantly with a nod. Danielle nodded and looked down at the baby in her arms once again.
"Who's the baby?"
"Her name's Emilia." Danielle explained. "And that's why I'm here."
I scowled in confusion. "Because you need help?"
"No." She said quietly. "Sirius, I'm here because she's your daughter."
The world seemed to stop spinning and I felt my jaw actually drop. I stared at her incredulously. Several minutes passed by in silence. I finally broke it with a laugh. My daughter? There was no way.
"You're joking." I told her.
Danielle shook her head, her expression one of pain. Her chin trembled for a few moments until she gained control.
"No. I wouldn't kid about something like this."
"Why are you telling me now?" I demanded angrily. "Why not tell me nine months ago? Why not tell me when you found out?"
"Because you wouldn't say it, Sirius! You wouldn't say that you loved me."
"So you kept the fact that I was going to be a father from me?"
She opened her mouth and then closed it again. Danielle took a deep breath. "I thought…..if you couldn't say that you loved me, then how was I supposed to know you would take the news well? You aren't exactly fatherly the type. I thought it was for the best at the time."
"Just because I might not be a good father doesn't mean I didn't deserve to know!" I said, hurt stabbing me. If she had told me, then maybe I would have had the courage to tell her those three damn words. If I had known that our baby was being thrown into the equation, then maybe I wouldn't have been such a coward.
"I know, Sirius, and I'm sorry. But I'm telling you now. You're not going to be happy with me, I know, but this is the only option I have."
"What do you mean?" I asked with frown.
"I'm going back to America, Sirius. My internship I had after school is over."
"And I can't take Emilia with me."
It took a moment for my brain to fully comprehend the meaning of her words. Standing up, I crossed my arms.
"No. Absolutely not. I can't take care of a baby! You said yourself I wouldn't be a proper father!"
"I said I didn't know." Dani protested. "Please, don't make this any harder than it already is. My father will never let me keep her. He'll make me put her up for adoption. I won't do that to our daughter. You're her father; I know you'll do the best you can."
"What? No, Dani, you don't understand. I can't do this!" Panic overwhelmed me, forcing the air from my lungs.
"You can, Sirius. I know it. You might not be able to say so, but I know you will love her." Danielle stood up and tried to hand me the bundle in her arms. I put my arms up and took a step back, shaking my head.
"Sirius, please." Dani said as a tear escaped from her eye. "Please, just take her."
I stared into her brown eyes and saw the pain there. Reluctantly I stepped forward and allowed Dani to place our daughter into my arms. The small baby girl felt so fragile as she slept peacefully. When Danielle turned to leave I grabbed her arm and started to protest.
"What would you have me do, Sirius?" She asked, tears welling in the back of her mocha-colored eyes.
"Marry me," I said before I could stop myself. Danielle looked at me incredulously.
"You're serious, aren't you?"
I nodded. "Yes."
"What would my father think?"
"Forget your father! We had a child together; don't you think he'd be glad we married?"
Danielle laughed through the tears in her eyes, shaking her head. Hurt and anger both flared inside of me. Was I not good enough for her? Would I ever be?
"We'd never be able to live together Sirius, and you know it. We'd end up ripping each other's throats out. We don't work together."
"We did once and we can again. Just try, Dani. What could it hurt?" I didn't want to sound like I was pleading, but I couldn't help it. She was just going to leave me with a baby?
"I can't Sirius, I'm sorry." She shook her head, avoiding my gaze.
Then she leaned forward and kissed the baby's forehead for a long moment. Wiping away her tears, she stepped back and wrapped her arms around herself.
"Tell her that I love her. Tell her I did this for her. Please."
Swallowing the lump in my throat I nodded. I'd always hated it when she cried. With a trembling chin Dani looked at Emilia one last time. Then she turned and bolted for the door, yanking it open and rushing out, pulling it closed behind her. I took a deep breath once she was gone and then slowly I looked down at the baby, wrapped in a blanket in my arms. She had tiny features and her brown, feather-soft hair peaked out of the pink hat on her head.
Panic started to bubble up in my chest as I stared down at her. I couldn't do this. How was I supposed to take care of a baby? I had nothing for her, no food, no furniture, no clothes. What was Danielle thinking? I would be a horrible father! Just look at the example I had. As I stared down at my daughter she opened her little eyes. For a moment she just stared, but then her small mouth twisted and opened. Her cries filled my flat and I went into full-on panic mode. I started to bounce her in my arms.
"Shhh, shhh." I begged her. "Shhh. What's wrong?"
Emilia just screamed louder and I swore. Crossing my living room in one stride, I grabbed the bag off of my couch with one hand. Then I spun on the spot. Emilia was still crying when I Apparated into James' house. The alarmed faces of James and Lily appeared from around the corner as they raced into their foyer to see what the ruckus was.
"What the hell's going on?" James demanded. I handed Emilia to Lily, who took her with wide eyes.
"Make her stop, please!" I told her.
"Have you fed her?" Lily asked over Emilia's screams.
"No. I don't know! Dani just showed up and then—I can't be a father!" I told her as I shoved the bag into her arms. Lily took the bag and Emilia to the other room and a few minutes later the screams subsided to small whimpers.
I closed my eyes and put my head in my hands, sinking into the nearest chair.
"What is going on?" James asked, sitting down beside me. "Sirius?"
I looked up and opened my mouth, but no words came to me. How was I supposed to explain this? I wasn't even sure if this was truly happening myself. This was all so sudden and crazy—such a mess.
"I'm not sure…." I said, looking over at my best mate.
"Whose baby is that and where did she come from?"'
I sighed. "I….She….she's my….daughter."
"Daughter?" James asked, shock taking over his features. "Since when do you have a kid?"
I took a deep breath. "Since….I suppose since last year. Danielle said—"
"Danielle? I thought you haven't talked to Danielle since the night before graduation!"
"I haven't. And thanks for reminding me," I snapped.
I shook my head. "She just showed up this morning and said that she had to go back to the States—that her dad would make her put Emilia up for adoption if she took her with her. Then she just…..left."
I couldn't believe that I had let Danielle slip through my fingers again. Lily came into the room and handed Emilia to me. She had a bottle in her mouth and I thought she would start screaming again, but she seemed content.
"Care to tell me what's going on?" Lily asked with raised eyebrows. "Why do you have a baby?"
"Dani was pregnant before we left school and…she didn't tell me."
"Why not?" James asked because Lily was too shocked to speak. I sighed.
"She said it was because I wouldn't say I loved her." I closed my eyes and fought against the pain that stirred inside me. In my arms, Emilia was starting to fall asleep again. I looked up at James and Lily.
"What am I going to do?" I asked, the worry no doubt showing in my face. "I don't have anything to take care of her. How am I supposed to raise a kid? I have to go to Auror Training, and—"
James held his hand up, silencing me. "Padfoot, calm down. We'll figure something out."
Lily nodded and sat in James' lap. "We'll help you out, Sirius. Don't worry, we'll go shopping and I can help you pick out some stuff. We can all have dinner here tonight and tell the others the news as well. James and I have something to tell you lot anyhow."
I sighed and nodded, the panic in my chest subsiding slightly. "Thank you, Lilykins."
Lily made a face but nodded.
"Do you have somewhere I can lay her down?" I asked, looking down at the sleeping baby in my arms. Lily nodded and stood up, gesturing for me to follow. I did, and she led me to the spare room upstairs. There she spread out blankets on the floor, where I placed Emilia on top of them. Lily left the room but for a moment I stayed kneeling by my daughter's side. I took in a deep breath, brushing a finger over her soft face. Her little lips still moved in a sucking motion and it made me smile. As I watched her I felt an unfamiliar feeling creep over me—complete and utter love. I'd barely known her for more than an hour, yet she already had me completely wrapped around her finger. I knew in that moment that I would do anything for that tiny little being on the blankets.
"Well, it looks like it's just you and me, baby." I said softly as I stood. Emilia smiled in her sleep, so I took that as a good sign. On my way back downstairs my head swam with emotions and the crazy morning I'd had. Once I got to the foot of the stairs I stopped and let out a large breath. I still wasn't sure how everything would work out, but I knew that I would make sure it did. I would do whatever it took to give my daughter the best life she could possibly have.