Written for a prompt on suits_meme.
It wasn't like Harvey didn't think Mike was going to be okay. He knew Mike would be okay. Mike was strong, and Mike was stubborn. So damn stubborn. So he knew Mike would be okay, even when the doctors told him they needed to place him in a medically induced coma to reduce the swelling in his brain.
The word coma had stood out like a sore thumb to Harvey, and echoed loud in his ears when the doctor had said it, and everything after that word had become unintelligible. Harvey resided to nodding his head and pretending to listen. He was sure the doctor knew that's exactly what he was doing, but he played along, and Harvey was thankful for that.
Harvey only moved from Mike's side when they made him, or when he needed another round of coffee to keep going. Sleep had become a foreign concept, as had food, showering, shaving and clean clothes. Until Donna had stepped in.
"Go home, Harvey. Shower. Eat something too. You can't just survive on coffee." She had left out 'rest' on purpose, because she knew Harvey wasn't willing to leave Mike's side long enough for that.
"I've managed so far."
"You call this managing?"
Harvey sighed. Frustrated, he ran his hand through his hair. "I just want him to be okay. That's all."
"He will be," Donna said, reaching out and giving Harvey's shoulder a squeeze that felt as reassuring as her words had sounded to him.
"You mind staying and watching him while I run home and try to get myself together?"
"Take your time, I have a lot of office gossip to catch Mike up on anyway," Donna said.
Harvey smiled in a way that said 'thank you' in more ways than his words ever could.
They eventually turned that into something that resembled a routine, and it made things easier for Harvey, and it also made things easier for Donna, because it meant she could worry about Harvey less than she previously had been.
Exactly 3 weeks from the day Harvey's world had come to a sudden stop, the doctor pulled him aside and informed him that they were going to take Mike out of the coma. They told him it could take a few hours to wake up, and even longer for Mike to really come around and be alert after they stopped administering him the medicine.
They also warned him that there could be complications, which, no matter how many times he had heard that word, complications, it never failed to make his heart clench tight in his chest.
The doctor had asked him if he had any questions about it, and Harvey had about a million questions, but he stuck to just asking one.
"I can be there in the room, right? When he wakes up?" Harvey hoped his words hadn't trembled the same way his body was starting to. He couldn't tell if they had, even his own voice was sounding distant to him. The doctor had made no promises to him, but simply assured him in a very doctor-esque sort of way that wasn't the least bit comforting, that he'd have plenty of time with Mike once he woke up.
So Harvey waited, and waited. And Mike did eventually wake up, and they had asked Harvey to leave the room, and he thought about threatening to sue them in a million different ways if they didn't let him see Mike now. But instead he just did as they asked, because Mike was awake. And things were going to be okay.
When the doctor came out, he smiled at Harvey, and Harvey hopped up from his chair.
"He's doing good, Mr. Specter," the doctor informed Harvey. "All his vitals look good, he's no longer intubated, he's just groggy and sore. We will continue to monitor him closely, but we expect for him to be able to make a full recovery."
"Can I see him?"
"Yes, Mr. Specter. Just keep in mind, he's still very much out of it, so don't be alarmed if he doesn't say much, or even really know who you are or where he is yet."
Harvey wanted to roll his eyes at this doctor, what did he think he was here to do, give Mike some briefs to proof? He just wanted to see Mike. See him awake and just.. okay. That's it.
Mike didn't remember what had happened to him. He just knew that he was in a hospital now, and that he didn't want to be here anymore. Doctors and nurses had been coming in and out of the room since he'd woken up, poking and prodding at him and asking him questions he didn't know the answers to.
He was infinitely tired, yet his body ached in a way that made him feel like he'd slept a million years.
Then a guy in a black button down shirt knocked at his door frame, before stepping through and pulling a chair next to his bed. He pressed a kiss to Mike's forehead before sitting down in the chair.
"You don't know how worried I've been about you, Mike. I'm happy to see you awake. You'll be back to good in no time. Don't worry. These doctors are smart, maybe not as smart as you. But they've been taking good care of you. I've made sure of it."
The man smiled at Mike, tears starting to form in his eyes, and reached his hand over, taking Mike's hand into his own, giving it a firm, but gentle squeeze. Mike smiled back at the man, before blinking his eyes a few times and drifting off to sleep.
Mike had drifted in and out of sleep, but every time he'd wake up he'd see the man in the black shirt sitting next to his bed, still watching him intently. He felt like he knew him, with the way him being there had made him feel safe, he hadto have known him. He settled for just falling back asleep, he'd figure things out whenever he woke up again.
When he woke up the next time, he was feeling much better. His body still ached, and his head felt like it weighed more than his body. But he felt better.
"Michael, do you know what day it is?"
"Mike," he corrected. He knew the way Michael rolled off of the doctors tongue that it was wrong. The way the man in the black shirt had said Mike, that had felt right to him. Mike noticed he was no longer there.
"Where'd that guy go?" Mike asked, his voice soft.
"What guy, Mike?"
"You mean, Harvey? We needed him to leave so we could do some tests and ask you some questions. Do you remember Harvey, Mike?"
"Sort of. I know I know him. I just can't really...remember right now."
"Do you remember what happened to you, Mike? Do you know why you're here?"
"It was a car accident, not..well not my car, I was riding my bike," Mike said. He didn't remember, but he'd heard one of the nurses talking about it earlier.
"Very good. You're lucky you were wearing a helmet."
The doctor asked more questions, most Mike could answer just from things he'd picked up while awake. When Mike got tired of the questions, he yawned and pretended to fall asleep. It wasn't long until him pretending to fall back asleep, actually turned into him sleeping. When he woke up, the man in the black shirt was back in the chair next to him.
"You came back," Mike said.
"Always. How are you feeling?"
"I feel like I don't want to be here in this hospital anymore."
"That's understandable. It's precautions though, you'll be out of here in no time. It'll be okay, Mike."
"I don't remember anything." Mike isn't sure why he had just randomly blurted that out. Maybe it's because he felt safer telling somebody who wasn't in scrubs or a white jacket.
"The doctor told me your memory seemed fine, just a little rusty. It'll come back to you though."
"You don't understand. I'm talking to you like you're my best friend and I don't even have a clue who you are."
"You don't remember me?" Harvey swallowed audibly hard.
"I don't really remember anybody. Or anything. Everything's a blur."
Harvey felt like he'd just been sucker punched in the gut, and had the wind completely knocked out of him.
"I'm sorry," Mike said. Just the way Harvey's face had looked made him feel awful about not remembering.
"It's okay, Mike. You'll remember. Don't worry about it," Harvey said. He gave his best fake smile, the one usually reserved for clients. He had mastered it years ago, and Mike and Donna were usually the only ones who could see through it. He figured Mike would buy it just this one time.
Usually Harvey would have minded when the nurse came in and kicked him out, but this time he didn't mind at all. Because he needed to go outside. He needed fresh air. He needed to be able to breathe again.
Some of Mike's memory had started to slowly trickle back over the next few days. The doctor assured him that it would probably continue to come back with time. Probably. What kind of doctor uses the word probably? Especially when he knows Mike wants to hear the word definitely.
He was being released tomorrow and the doctor suggested he stay with someone that could keep an eye on him, Harvey had volunteered. And it only made sense, since Mike had moved into his place weeks ago. Of course, Mike didn't know that. Mike didn't argue staying with Harvey, he just wanted to be out of the hospital.
Mike had remembered that Harvey was his boss, he could even remember bits and pieces of certain cases they had worked on together. He could remember that Louis was a dick, and Donna was a goddess, but he still seemed to have no recollection that he and Harvey had been dating for months now. Even though it killed him not to, Harvey didn't tell him. Mike was already constantly apologizing to doctors, nurses, him, for not remembering things, stupid miniscule thingsthat didn't even matter, so the last thing Harvey wanted to do was make the kid feel bad for not remembering that they were together. Didn't want to make him feel bad for something that absolutely mattered. He hoped bringing him back to the condo, seeing his things there, seeing things he was familiar with, maybe it would jog his memory. Harvey was hopeful.
"Your place is amazing," Mike said, as he stepped into Harvey's condo, and immediately ventured over to the huge window offering a view of the city.
"Thanks," Harvey replied. He had wanted to say something like 'It's your place too,' but opted against it. Now wasn't the time for that conversation.
"Am I going to sleep on the couch?"
"No, of course not. I have a guest room that I'll set you up in. I'll actually get that ready now. Make yourself at home."
It was hard for Harvey to move Mike's clothes from the master bedroom over to the empty guest bedroom, it all felt so incredibly wrong. Like he was moving Mike out of his life, while Mike was still very much in his life. He just wished Mike would fucking remember. He wishes he could make him remember. He took a moment to collect himself before heading back out.
"You okay?" Harvey asked when he noticed Mike sitting on the floor.
"We've seen this together, right?"
"What is it?" Harvey asked, taking a step further to examine what Mike was holding out.
"Mississippi Burning? Yeah, we've seen it together. An unhealthy amount of times, really. You remember it?"
"I do, but I also don't. It's like my memories are all there, but they're all blurred or out of focus. Does that make sense?"
"It makes sense. Your brain will eventually sort it out though. It's too smart not to."
"I know...it's just..frustrating, I guess."
"It's not your fault, Harvey."
Harvey thought that if he had just sent a taxi for Mike that morning, or even just called Ray to have him pick up Mike, then maybe this all could have been avoided. Maybe it was his fault.
"You hungry?" Harvey asked, attempting to change the subject.
"What do you want?"
"Anything that isn't hospital food."
"Pizza sound good?"
"That sounds perfect."
"Okay?" Mike asked, completely confused.
"It's nothing. Forget it."
Harvey was so used to being able to just say 'Number' and have Mike rattle off any number he needed. He'd been convinced Mike had the entire phone book memorized just to impress him. He'd forgotten that he just couldn't do that any more. He walked into the kitchen and looked up the number before calling and ordering.
When Harvey returned to the living room, Mike had curled himself up on the couch and had fallen asleep. Harvey walked over and pulled a blanket from the back of the sofa and covered Mike with it. He sat down on the chair across from him, and was content with just watching him sleep until the doorbell disturbed him. He paid for the pizza, giving the guy a huge tip, before closing the door quietly, and sitting the box down on the counter.
He didn't really have an appetite, and he wanted to let Mike sleep. He poured himself a glass of something strong, and tried to catch up on work.
"Why didn't you wake me?"
Harvey turned around to see Mike, the blanket Harvey had covered him with now wrapped tightly around him, and serious case of bedhead to boot. Harvey smiled at the sight. It was one he'd seen countless times.
"I thought you could use the sleep. I'll throw the pizza in the oven to heat it back up so you can get some food in your system."
"Thanks," Mike said, as he sat himself down in the chair next to Harvey's.
Mike leafed through the papers that Harvey had laid out on the kitchen table, while he was throwing the pizza in the oven.
"It should be ready in about 15 minutes," Harvey informed.
"Can I help you with any of this work?"
"I don't think that's a good idea, Mike."
"Why? Because I don't remember things? Because I can re-learn things, Harvey. You know I can. I just need to read them again, plus you said my memory is going to come back. Can you j-"
"Mike. Just stop. It's not because you don't remember things. It's because you just got out of the hospital. Just give it some time."
"Okay," he sighed.
Mike was already tired of this 'time' concept people kept throwing at him. Give it time. Your memory will come back with time. It just takes time. He just wanted to be himself again. He wanted to be able to remember his own damn life, the whole picture, not just the random assortment of puzzles pieces he'd been left with.
"Dinner was delicious. Thank you."
"Would it be okay if I took a shower now?"
"Sure. Whatever you need. I'll go get you a change of clothes and a towel."
Harvey went to the guest room and found one of Mike's favorite shirts. It was a Harvard shirt he had let Mike borrow, but Mike refused to give it back once he had it, so he had gifted it to him. Mike looked better in it than he ever did anyway. Mike wore it all the time when he was just lounging around Harvey's place.
Harvey was starting to feel stupid for trying to jog Mike's memories with inanimate objects. Mike had looked Harvey in the eyes, and smiled that same smile that made Harvey fall in love with him, but did so without knowing that he felt the same way about Harvey. He was just Mike's boss again.
After finally building up the courage, and admitting he cared about Mike in a way he never cared about anybody else, it was like it had never happened at all, because that's not who he was to Mike now. Harvey did his best to shove down all the emotions that were plaguing him, and took the clothes out to Mike.
"Here you go."
"No problem. Bathroom is-"
"I can find it myself, Harvey," Mike said, his tone was more harsh than he had intended it to be. He thought about apologizing for it, but instead he just grabbed the clothes, darted his eyes to the floor and brushed past Harvey, eventually making his way to the bathroom, shutting the down behind him and locking it. He knew Harvey was trying to be helpful, but he didn't like feeling so completely incompetent either.
Harvey didn't really think anything of the comment, he was too busy being disappointed that Mike hadn't really even noticed the shirt, and if he had, it hadn't meant enough to him to say anything. Harvey sighed and sat back down at the table, grabbing his glass of Scotch, throwing his head back and finishing the contents of the glass off.
Mike had been gone nearly 45 minutes, so Harvey went to the bathroom to check on him. It was empty.
"Mike?" he called out. No answer.
He peaked into the guest bedroom and saw Mike laying under the covers.
"Yeah..wonderful," Mike said sarcastically.
"Anything you want to talk about?"
"Okay. I'll leave you alone then, but if you need anything, don't hesitate to come get me."
Mike didn't say anything in return. Harvey figured he just needed personal space, so he closed the door behind him, and headed off to his bedroom. He was exhausted, and couldn't remember the last time he'd got a decent night's sleep. He didn't think he'd get one tonight either, but it was worth a shot.
The next few days were hard. Even though Mike was slowly regaining his memory, it was too slow. Mike wasn't sure that even if it wasn't slow, that it could have ever been fast enough. As it turns out though, even when Mike didremember things, it wasn't always a good thing.
"Hey Harvey, guess what?" Mike said excitedly, the very second Harvey had walked through the front door. He had been out the entire morning, and most of the afternoon running errands.
"What is it?"
"I talked to Trevor. I remembered his number, and I called and talked to him. Isn't that awesome?"
Harvey's mouth instantly turned down at the corners.
"What's wrong, Harvey?"
"You're not supposed to be talking to him, Mike."
"But he's my friend, Harvey. And I remembered him. Like actually remembered remembered."
"Is that so? Well, did you also remember the part where he set you up on a drug bust? Trust me, Mike. Trevor is notyour friend. He's anything but. And if you actually had remembered anything, you would have known that."
Harvey watched the excitement, and hopefulness that had just been on Mike's face completely wash away with those words.
"I'm sorry, Mike. I didn't mean it like that."
"Yeah, I'm sorry too. Sorry I even bothered telling you. I think I'm gonna go lay down now."
"Mike, please, just wait," Harvey said. He reached his hand out and softly grabbed Mike's arm as he tried to walk past. Mike didn't say anything, just looked up at Harvey, his blue eyes glistening with tears. Harvey wanted so badly to pull him into a hug, just hold onto him with everything he had, but instead he just released his grip and watched Mike put his head down and walk off down the hallway.
Harvey grabbed his keys from the counter and left a note for Mike telling him that he'd be back later. He wrote his phone number down on the tablet, and a reminder to call if he needs anything. He underlined anythingfor emphasis. He stopped himself before writing 'Love, Harvey', the way he normally would, and just signed it 'Harvey' instead.
He stuck it on the counter, where Mike would be sure to see it if or when he decided to come out, and then Harvey headed out the door, no particular destination in mind, just the need to be someplace other than at the condo.
Mike laid in bed and squeezed his eyes shut tight, trying to fight back the tears, but having no luck. He felt them streaming a hot trail down his face. It's not the first time he cried, in fact, it was becoming a daily occurrence, however it felt worse today. Harvey had been so encouraging up until today's conversation about Trevor, and Mike could have really used the encouragement today, as it had been a really frustrating past few days. Even more so than Harvey knew, because sometimes Mike had to put on a brave face, if only because he couldn't fucking stand seeing that pained look on Harvey's face, the one that screamed Why can't you just fucking remember, while his mouth always formed reassuring words. Mike hated that.
When the tears had finally subsided, he rolled himself out of bed. The crying, and general shittiness of the situation had given him a massive headache, and it was hard enough to focus without the headache so he was definitely going to need some aspirin.
He walked into the kitchen and grabbed a glass of water. Taking a sip, and noticing the yellow tablet laying on the counter while doing so. He walked over, picked it up and read Harvey's note. He need to know where Harvey kept the aspirin, but figured he could find it himself, he wasn't
quite ready to talk to Harvey yet.
An hour into his search, he was regretting not just calling Harvey and asking. The master bedroom was really the only place he hadn't checked yet, so if he couldn't find any there, he would have to give Harvey a call. Or venture out to the store himself, which briefly crossed his mind, but he wasn't ready to deal with people yet, so that reduced his back-up options back to a singular course. That is, if nothing turned up here.
Mike felt a familiarity when he stepped into Harvey's bedroom. He walked over to the dresser, and pulled open the top left hand drawer. There was the bottle of aspirin laying right on top. Mike couldn't decide if that was memory, or just pure dumb luck. Either way he was happy to have found it.
He twisted the top off, and shook 2 pills into his hand. When he put the bottle back in the drawer his hand brushed across something, instinctively he reached in and pulled it out. It was a little photo album. He probably shouldn't look, because it wasn't his and he was pretty sure it's an invasion of privacy, but he couldn't help it. He opened it up. His heart completely sank in his chest when he realized it was picture after picture of he and Harvey together.
It was hours later when Harvey finally returned.
"Jesus Christ, Mike. You scared me," Harvey said when he flipped on the light switch and saw Mike just sitting at the kitchen table.
"My sincerest apologies," Mike replied, his speech slightly slurred. He picked up the glass in front of him and finished the contents of it with one quick swig, wincing at the taste.
"Do you really think you should be drinking?"
"What are you? My dad? No wait, you can't be my dad.. 'cause he's dead," Mike laughed sardonically. "Yeah, I remembered that part. A few days ago actually. Didn't share that one with you. Turns out..a lot of my memories..well, they just really suck."
"Mike..I'm so sorry. Let's try to sober you up, and then we can talk about this." Harvey sat the brown paper bag down on the counter. He had picked up dinner from Mike's favorite burger joint. He went to the fridge to grab a bottle of water. "Here. Drink this," Harvey said, as he unscrewed the lid and sat the bottle down in front of Mike.
"Thanks Harvey, but I'm not really thirsty. Kind of drank a lot already."
"If this is about what I said earlier, about Trevor, I apologize for that, Mike. I shouldn't have reacted like that. I was wrong."
Mike sighed. "I just want to know how long?"
"How long have we been dating? And how long were you going to let me walk around here not knowing it?"
"You..do you remember, Mike?" Harvey could barely get the words out.
"No. I found this," Mike said, tossing the book onto the counter in front of him.
Harvey closed his eyes, and breathed in a deep breath, if for no other reason than to prove he was still capable of it.
"How long, Harvey?"
"Almost 5 months."
"Jesus. What kind of horrible person can't even remember their own boyfriend they've been dating for 5 fucking months? When were you going to tell me?"
"Mike..you don't understand"
"When?" Mike shouted.
"I wasn't. I just wanted you to remember me. I didn't want to have to tell you." Harvey closed his eyes and blinked back the tears. "It hasn't been easy for me either, Mike. I haven't been able to touch you, hold you, tell you I love you when I know how much you need to hear that, because you don't remember a damn thing about me outside of being your boss. And I know that's not your fault, I knowthat. But it doesn't make it any easier, and this is the best I can do, so I'm sorry if that's not good enough. I'm trying. God, I'm trying."
"You know the stupid thing? I've felt this connection to you, ever since I woke up in that damn hospital, and I've been walking around with all these..feelings towards you and I didn't know why I was feeling them, and then I saw the photo album and I finally knew why. It's like my brain can't remember you, but my heart always has, and it's just so damn hard, and I want to feel normal again. I'm so sick of this, Harvey. I just want it all to end."
Harvey took the opportunity to finally pull Mike into a hug, because as much as Mike needed it in that moment, Harvey needed it that much more.
Mike didn't want to let go. For everything that had felt wrong since he got out of the hospital, this had felt right. He cried hard into Harvey's shoulder, sobs that shook his entire body and made his ribs ache. Harvey just embraced him tighter. Mike didn't understand how he could ever forget this, forget the feeling of Harvey's warm embrace. Mike doesn't know how long they had stood like that, but the moment he pulled away he realized that it hadn't been long enough. The world automatically felt a little bit colder outside of Harvey's arms.
"Harvey...I just..I don't want you to resent me for not being able to remember you. Because I've been trying to. I really have. So please..just.."
"Stop, Mike. I know you have. And I could neverresent you. Especially not for something like this."
Mike really wanted to believe that, and he almost did, but he couldn't quite bring himself to it. Believing wasn't that easy anymore. For Harvey's sake though, he just mouthed the word 'okay', and let Harvey believe that he believed it.
"So, are you hungry? Do you want to watch some tv? Or are you tired?" Harvey felt incredibly awkward trying to change the subject. He didn't want Mike to dwell on things, but knowing Mike, he knew he would dwell on things regardless of anything he said.
"Would it be okay if we ate something and watched some tv? My mind is too awake for sleep."
"Sounds good to me. Why don't you go make yourself comfortable on the sofa, while I get us some plates?"
For as terrible as the day had started off, and been in general, it was ending on a much better note. Sitting on the couch together, eating food that tasted like a few extra trips to the gym, and watching some bad B movie on tv. There wasn't much conversation between them, but every once in a while Mike would laugh at something that happened, or point out the improbability of a particular situation and explain the reasoning for said improbability, the exact way he normally did. Things still felt far from normal between them though, but it's the closest they had been to normal so far, and Harvey would take that and hold on to it for everything it was worth.
Two hours into it, Mike let out a yawn as he stretched his hands out over his head.
"You ready to call it a night yet?"
"Yeah, I think that's probably a good idea," Mike said as he started to gather up his plate from dinner.
"Here, let me get that," Harvey said as he grabbed the plate out of Mike's hand. "I'll clean it up, don't worry about it."
Mike would have probably argued with Harvey, but his head was killing him worse than it had been earlier, and he just didn't have the energy for it. So he settled for just offering his thanks and heading down the hallway to get changed.
Harvey stopped off at the guest room on his way back to his own room. Mike was already tucked under the covers with the lights off.
"Yeah. I'm fine," Mike responded.
"If you need anything, I'm just a room away. Don't hesitate."
"I know, Harvey."
"All right." Harvey paused for a moment. Moments like these are when he had to fight hard to keep the words 'I love you' from spilling from his mouth. Which is ironic, because those words used to be almost impossible to get out of his mouth, but now the words were heavy on his tongue and it took all his strength to swallow them back down. Even though Mike knew he was in a relationship with him now, it still would have been too weird, too soon to say it. More than that, the thought of saying I love you to Mike and not hearing it repeated back to him was absolutely terrifying. He couldn't bare the thought, so he stuck with a simple 'goodnight' before exiting the room.
It was a little after 3 in the morning when Harvey felt the bed shift down, he didn't open his eyes to look, he didn't have to, the warmth of his body, the coldness of his feet, he knew it was Mike. He could feel Mike tug the covers up under his chin, the way he'd done hundreds of times in that very bed. Mike moved his head onto Harvey's chest and let out a heavy sigh before drifting off to sleep. Mike's breathing was rhythmic and Harvey found himself falling asleep shortly after.
It was the best sleep either of them had gotten since this whole ordeal started.
Harvey was in the kitchen pouring a cup of coffee when he was greeted by Mike sleepily rubbing at his eyes. Harvey had reluctantly slipped out from under the weight of Mike an hour ago, in order to get ready for the morning.
"You're wearing your suit," Mike said, his tone made it sound like an accusation rather than an observation.
"Yeah. I have to head into the office this morning to take care of a few things," Harvey explained.
"So it's not because I came and slept in your bed last night? Because I'm sorry, I just needed to-"
"Mike. It's nothing like that." Harvey walked over and put his finger under Mike's chin, lifting his head so Mike's eyes met his own. "I promise you. It's just some work I have to take care of, I'm not leaving because of anything you did. Understood?"
"Okay," Mike replied.
"Now, I made you some coffee, and there's cereal in the cabinet if you're hungry. It's that sugary crap that you're so fond of. I left numbers to contact me on the tablet sitting on the counter. If you need anything, don't hesitate to call me."
"When are you coming back?"
"I'll be back before you know it." Harvey hated not being able to give him a specific time, but he knew if he had given Mike a specific time that he'd do nothing but stare at the clock all day, so he stuck with being vague.
"Are you leaving now?"
"Yeah. Ray's out front, so I've got to go."
It was really hard to leave when Mike was still standing there looking like a kicked puppy. Under normal circumstances Harvey wouldn't do this, but circumstances hadn't been normal for a long time, and they were in the privacy of their own home, so it's not like anybody would see, so Harvey held out his fist to Mike for a fist bump.
"Come on, kid. You know you want to."
Mike hesitated, but only for a moment before he brought his fist up to meet Harvey's, a smile consuming his entire face. Mike didn't remember Harvey being the one to ever initiate a fist bump, and he was pretty sure in this particular case, him not remembering wasn't just the result of the amnesia for once. He had no choice but to seize the opportunity.
"I'll see you when I get home," Harvey said, smiling back at him before collecting his things and heading for the door.
"Have a good day, Harvey."
"You too. Call me or text if you need anything," Harvey reminded once more, before closing the door behind him.
The sound of Mike's phone vibrating across the coffee table startled Mike awake. He must have dozed off while watching TV. He let his eyes adjust and checked the screen of his phone. New text message. Mike clicked into it.
be home soon, get dressed (this means suit) and be ready to go. no questions.
Mike silently cursed Harvey for telling him not to question it, because that was exactly what he wanted to do. Where were they going and why did he need to wear a suit? 'Screw it', Mike thought. He got off the sofa and went to look in the closet for a suit to wear. Once he found one that he guesses would be suitable, he decided to take a hot shower. He needed to try to wake himself up a bit.
He was adjusting his tie in the mirror when he heard the sound of the front door opening.
"Mike," Harvey called out. His voice echoed through the condo.
"Is this good enough?" Mike asked, still fidgeting with his tie when he walked into Harvey's view.
"Never thought I'd be so happy to see one of your stupid skinny ties."
"You know what's funny? I know you hate my skinny ties. I think you drilled that into my head so many times that I couldn't forget it if I tried. Because trust me, I've tried."
Harvey wasn't really sure how to respond to that, it's great that Mike remembered something, but he would have rather it not have been an insult. Harvey shook the thought, he was over thinking things. "You look good, Mike."
"Thanks. So where are we going?"
"You'll find out when we get there. If you're ready, we can get going."
With that said, they headed down to meet Ray where he had been waiting in the town car to take them to their destination.
The restaurant Harvey had picked was immaculate. The food was great, the service was great, their dinner conversation was great too. The place was ridiculously fancy, but Mike hadn't felt out of place, which lead him to believe he'd been there before. It did have an heir of familiarity about it.
Even though Harvey hadn't said anything about, hadn't in any way hinted that Mike should remember this place, he had that damn expectant look on his face again. Mike hoped something would come to him. Even just the tiniest, stupidest memory that he could give to Harvey just so he wouldn't be disappointed.
"You look distracted. Everything okay?"
"No. Uh, I mean, no, it's fine. Everything's good."
"Yeah, I just have a little bit of a headache. That's all."
"I'm sorry. Did you want to leave? We don't have to stay if it's going to bother you."
"Harvey, it's fine. It's just a headache. Don't be ridiculous."
"All right, then, if you insist. Moving on, ready for dessert?"
"Need you ask?"
Harvey talked Mike into ordering the same thing he did, apple pie. It was the best in New York, after all. In Harvey's opinion anyway.
"Enjoy," the waiter said, after setting a slice of pie in front of each of them. Harvey thanked him.
Miked picked up his fork and took a bite of the pie. "Mmm, this is amazing."
"Told you so," Harvey replied. He picked up his fork and took a bite of his own piece.
They finished their pie, not before a long discussion about pie had ensued, however. Apparently Mike had a lot of opinions on pie.
"Grammy's apple pie is still better though. I guess I should probably go visit her soon. I mean, we've talked on the phone, but it's not the same, ya know?"
"No. It's not the same. And I think you should visit her, it'd be good for you." Harvey glanced at his watch. "I think it's a little too late tonight, but maybe tomorrow you can do that."
"Yeah. Maybe tomorrow."
"You ready to get back home?"
The car ride back was silent. Mike was waiting for Harvey to turn to him and ask him if he remembered something about the restaurant or if he knew why he had brought him there, or some variation of that question. It was only a matter of time since he hadn't said anything back at the restaurant. Then Mike would have to tell him he didn't know. Didn't remember.
He didn't remember anything about it, except from the fact that it seemed familiar. God, what if that's where their first date was? What if it was where they had their one month anniversary? Mike was starting to panic. He was thankful when Harvey asked Ray to put on some music, at least then he'd have no chance of hearing the way his heart was pounding against his chest. Mike stuck with staring out the window, pretending he was paying attention to the road passing him by, when really it was all a gigantic blur to him.
Mike started to wonder how many times it would take of him not remembering for Harvey just be sick of it all and break up with him. Maybe he needed to keep Harvey interested another way, or at the very least find a way to make it up to him for not remembering. He had an idea.
Harvey, on the other hand, was completely happy with how tonight had went. Him and Mike had enjoyed a good dinner, and conversation together. He had figured Mike was probably getting sick of being stuck in the house all day, so he wanted to get him out, if only for a little while. In dong so, he also wanted to be careful that he wasn't making Mike move too fast, or making him do something he wasn't ready for, so he figured dinner would be a good start. It was something simple, and easy, and it seemed to have went over well as far as he could tell.
They had both settled in on the couch in front of the TV when they got home. They had been there for no more than 10 minutes when Mike had shifted noticeably close to Harvey. Harvey didn't think anything of it. Which clearly was not the reaction Mike was looking for, because Mike proceeded to straddle himself on top of Harvey's lap, and pressed his lips hard against Harvey's.
"What the hell are you d-"
Harvey's words were stolen by the feeling of Mike's tongue in his mouth. And then Mike was working at the buttons on his shirt, while he kept Harvey's mouth occupied with his own.
"Mike..we can't," Harvey said breathlessly, as he finally managed to pull away from Mike.
Mike ignored Harvey and instead began lightly sucking at the exposed skin where he had just unbuttoned the shirt, slowly moving his mouth up Harvey's neck, causing Harvey to throw his head back, a small moan escaping his lips.
"Stop.." It was hard for Harvey's mouth to form those words when his body was telling him that he wanted Mike to do anything but stop. He felt Mike's hand wander down and squeeze at his cock through the cloth of his pants. That's all Harvey could take, he couldn't let this go any further.
"Mike! God damn it, just stop it," he shouted. His tone was harsher than he had meant it to be. He grasped Mike by either side of his arms and moved him off to the side before standing up, and trying to collect himself.
"I don't get it. Isn't this what you want? Don't you want me anymore?"
"Of course I want you..I want..that. But we can't. Not now."
"Because up until 2 days ago you didn't even know we were in a damn relationship, Mike. You still don't remember. It wouldn't be right. I'd feel like I'm taking advantage of you."
"It's just sex."
"It's never been 'just sex' with you. You know that. And Mike..if I lead you to believe that it's what I wanted from you, then I'm sorry."
"What was the point of you taking me to that restaurant tonight?"
"So you could eat something and get out of the house."
"And nothing. That's it."
"You're a liar. You took me there because you wanted me to remember something about it."
"That's not true."
"Bullshit, Harvey. I saw that stupid expectant look you had on your face. The same one you always have when you're around me. The one that constantly makes me hate myself."
"I didn't take you there expecting you to remember anything. We'd only ever been to that place once, and I took you there because you enjoyed it when we were there, not because I wanted you to have some epiphany and remember everything. Despite what you may think about me, Mike, everything I do isn't some grand scheme to get you to remember me. I just wanted you to have a good night, because you deserveit. As for that 'expectant look', as you called it, it was just nerves. I was nervous about being out on a date with you."
"I need to get out of here." Mike stood up from the couch and started walking to the door.
"Where do you think you're going?"
"Away from you. I just need..to be away from you right now."
"Why don't you stay, and I'll leave? It's late, you shouldn't be going out."
"I'm an adult, Harvey. I can take care of myself." Mike had his hand firmly grasped on the door handle, halfway turned.
"Mike..please. Just stay."
"I just..I can't be around you right now." Mike opened the door, and walked out.
"Mike?" Harvey had stepped out into the hallway.
Halfway down the hallway, Mike turned around, and he looked back, but didn't make eye contact.
"Wherever you go, please call me. Do not make me sit here and worry about you any longer than I have to. I can't do that."
"I'll call you."
And with that, Harvey was left standing just outside the door of his condo, wondering what the hell had just happened. He thought everything was going well, and they were making progress, and now it all seemed like such a huge fucking step backwards.
He was tempted to just go down, get in his car and follow Mike. He'd trail him to the ends of this Earth if he had to. That way he'd know he was safe. Mike was smart though, he could handle himself. Harvey knew he could handle himself. Knowing that didn't make him feel any less sick with worry though.
"Mike? What are you doing here?" Trevor had barely gotten out the words before he was being completely engulfed in a bone-crushing hug.
Trevor returned the hug. Rubbing Mike's back comfortingly. "Everything okay?"
"No," Mike answered honestly.
"Well, come in. Sit down. Want something to drink? Beer? Water?"
"Coming right up," Trevor said as he walked over to the fridge. "Not that I'm not happy to see you, because I am, but it's kind of late, so mind telling me what brings you here at this hour?"
"I screwed up with Harvey. I thought he took me to this stupid restaurant to make me remember something. I couldn't remember anything about it though, so I thought I could make up not remembering to him with..well, with sex. But turns out he just took me to that restaurant to be nice, and now I feel like an idiot, and I'm so embarrassed. I just needed to get away, so I came to you, because I knew you'd always open the door to me."
"You're right about that last part. But wait..does Harvey know you're here with me?"
"Because I'd prefer living, that's why. If Harvey knows you're with me, he will probably come and kill me with his bare hands."
"He won't kill you. I think he knows this is where I went, anyway. He's smart. He knows I didn't have many options."
"Well if he does kill me, then I am going to haunt your ass. Got it?"
"That seems fair enough. So, do you mind if I crash here overnight?"
"Of course I don't mind. I mean, it's the least I could do for you."
"Thanks, Trevor. I need to call Harvey first though, let him know I'm okay."
"Right. I'll give you some privacy. I'll just be over in the other room making my funeral arrangements if you need me," Trevor joked.
Mike smiled, and rolled his eyes. He took a deep breath in and pushed it back out, before dialing Harvey's number.
The phone hadn't even rang one full time before Harvey had answered it.
"Mike? You okay?"
"Hey. I'm fine."
"You should come home."
"I can't. Not yet. I need to get my head on straight first, because I don't want to..well, I don't want a repeat of tonight. You don't deserve that, and I'm sorry. I'm really, really sorry." There's so many more things that Mike wanted to say, but he could feel himself getting choked up, so he stopped there.
"It's okay, Mike. You don't have to apologize to me."
"I do though. I will make it up to you too. But hey, my batteries low and I, uh, should let you go. It's late and you should get some sleep."
"Will you call me in the morning?"
"Of course. Or afternoon. When I wake up, I'll call or text."
"I guess I'll let you go then..."
"Harvey..don't you even want to know where I am?"
"I know where you are. Believe me, I know."
"Yeah, I figured you'd know. Sorry. I have to go now."
"I love you, Mike," Harvey blurted out without thinking.
There was no response. 'Shit', Harvey thought to himself. He probably just hung up before he even heard it. He hoped he didn't hear it anyway, because at least if he didn't hear it, then there was a reason for Mike not responding to him. Yeah, that was probably it, Mike didn't hear it. That's what Harvey was going to try to convince himself of anyway.
"Damn it," Mike said out loud. Looking at the screen of his phone, it was now completely black. Battery died. 'Just my luck,' Mike thought to himself before tossing the now useless phone beside him on the couch.
"Is the coast clear?"
"Yeah. You're safe. I think you can even cancel the funeral arrangements you made."
"I didn't make any because I was kind of busy eavesdropping on your convo."
"Trevor! What the hell?"
"Hey, these walls are thin."
"So why didn't you just stay then?"
"It was just a gesture of kindness."
"Right. Because when I think Trevor Evans, the first thing I think of is gestures of kindness."
Trevor smirked. "Well, at least we're on the same page then."
"Do you have clothes I could borrow to sleep in?"
"Yeah. But only if you beat me in the video game of my choice."
"Really? What are you, 7?"
"Oh. I get it. You're scared. Poor baby. I'll heat up a bottle for you instead."
"All right. Give me the damn controller, Trevor."
Mike smiled as Trevor got up and handed him one of the controllers. They sat there and played video games until the sun was starting to peak through the windows, and they could barely keep their eyes open.
"Want to call this thing a draw?"
"Even though I clearly kicked your ass? Sure. Only because I'm tired."
"Well, let me go get you some clothes to change into. I'll be right back," he said before hopping off of the couch and disappearing down the hallway.
Trevor had returned no more than 5 minutes later. "These are the best I could manage to find...," he trailed off, noticing Mike had already fallen asleep on the couch in that short amount of time he was gone. "Or you know, you can just sleep in what you're wearing. That would probably work too," he said to nobody but himself before sitting the clothes down on the end table. He walked over locked the front door and turned out all the lights. "Night buddy," he whispered to Mike before heading down the hallway and crawling into his own bed.
"Jesus..what time is it?" Mike asked, sitting straight up on the couch.
"2 in the afternoon," Trevor answered from the kitchen where he was sitting and eating a bowl of cereal.
Mike immediately jumped off of the couch, "2 in the afternoon? Why the hell did you let me sleep so long?"
"You needed sleep. You said so yourself last night."
"Harvey's going to kill me. He probably thinks I'm ignoring him."
"Just relax, Mike. Harvey would kill me first, and you'd have plenty of time to make your getaway while he's doing that."
"That's really not funny, Trevor. Can I use your phone?"
"Use your own."
"Fine. But block my number or something when you call him," Trevor said, tossing his phone over to Mike.
"You're so paranoid." Mike blocked the number and dialed.
It immediately clicked over to voicemail. Mike knew that meant Harvey was in a meeting, because Harvey didn't ignore calls unless he was in a meeting.
"Hey..uh, Harvey. It's me. I know you're in a meeting, but just wanted to check in with you. My phone died last night, and I just woke up now. So yeah, I'll call you back in a few. Bye."
"What's the verdict?"
"It was his voicemail."
"Why'd you call him if you knew he was in a meeting?"
"I didn't know he was in a meeting until I called. He always lets his phone go to voicemail when he's...holy shit."
"Holy shit what?"
"I remembered that. I actually remember some things. About Harvey. I mean, I think I remember anyway."
"You know why that is?"
"Because of me."
"Right. I guess my amnesia must have made me forget that you have the ability to cure amnesia."
"I don't mean like that, Mike. It's because when you're with Harvey, you're too focused on remembering. You put your mind in to overdrive by over-thinking everything and worrying too much. When we were playing video games, you weren't thinking about anything but just the game."
It didn't happen often, but Trevor actually did have a point. Last night was the first time his mind had been focused on something other than trying to remember. Sometimes Mike would try so hard to remember things that he would just start creating his own memories. He was hoping that wasn't what he had done this time.
Every memory wasn't there, but it was a start, the most promising one he'd seen thus far. He could remember their first date, the first time Harvey kissed him, how it felt when Harvey finally admitted he really did care. It's the first time the memories in his heart matched those in his brain.
"That day on the phone, you never answered the question I asked. About what you remembered about me. Do you remember..well, everythingabout me?"
"If you mean, do I remember all the times you screwed me over? Then yeah. I do. I assume I remember all of them, anyway."
"So if you remember, why would you even call me? Or come here?"
"Because I also remember all the good times. And that's enough for me. You're my friend, Trevor."
"Thanks, Mike. It's good to hear that. Really good," Trevor paused for a moment, "So what are you going to do with Harvey? I mean do you think more of your memories will come back with time. How's that work?"
"I don't know. I mean, usually once I remember something, more memories start to follow. Sort of like a domino effect. I'm hoping this follows that pattern."
"Sure you don't want to crash here a few days and see what other memories pop up in that giant brain of yours?"
"Definitely can not do that. I think Harvey's been through enough."
"Ha, yeah, I kind of figured that much. So what's next?"
"I think next is a shower and change of clothes, and then I'll try calling him again, and we'll go from there. Got something I can borrow?"
"Of course. Give me a sec to find something. Try not to fall asleep on me again."
"I think I can manage that. Too excited to sleep."
When Mike called Harvey back after his shower, Harvey answered.
"Hey Harvey, it's me."
"Everything's fine. Actually everything's...good. Better than it's been in a long time actually."
"Ah, right. Because you're with your best friend Trevor. Glad he's the one that could make everything okay. Hearing that actually makes me feel really good, Mike."
"Harvey, no. You don't understand. Something happened and I-"
"Look, Mike," Harvey cut him off abruptly. "I'm completely swamped at work today, so your little tales of adventure with Trevor are unfortunately going to have to wait until later. I'd call you once I'm off, but you've been calling from Trevor's phone, so I guess you can call me later or I'll see you whenever you decide you want to come home. I have to go now."
Mike figures he probably couldn't have responded to that even if Harvey had given him the time to do so before hanging up. He could feel hot tears forming in his eyes, and he worked to push them back, before walking back out into the living room to give Trevor his phone back.
"You okay, Mikey?"
"Yeah..everything's good," Mike lied, giving Trevor the best fake smile he could manage. He was sure Trevor saw right through it.
"Good. I'm glad. So, do you like need a ride home or to the office? What's the game plan?"
"I'm going to just grab a cab, I think."
"C'mon dude, just let me drive you."
"No, I'm good."
"Seriously, Mike. It's not a big deal."
"Just stop! I said I want to take a cab. What is so damn hard to understand about that?"
"Woah. I'm sorry. I'm trying to be helpful here. No need to get touchy."
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to..you've done enough, Trevor. And I appreciate it. I do. But..I should get going," Mike said as he picked his phone up from off of the coffee table.
"Well," Trevor said as he stood up, "at least give me a hug, man!"
Mike walked over into Trevor's open arms, wrapping his arms tight around him. Mike needed it. More than Trevor would know.
"Charge your phone when you get home and let me know you made it safe," Trevor said as they broke apart from the hug.
"Anything else, dad?" Mike asked sarcastically.
"Um, let's see, look both ways before you cross the street and say no to drugs?"
"Yeah, I'll try to remember those, you should too" Mike half-smiled.
"Seriously, Mike. It was good hanging with you. I'm glad you're okay."
"Thanks. I'll call you," Mike replied before closing the door shut behind him.
Mike decided to walk home instead of taking a cab ride. It wasn't that far, and he's certainly walked further distances, and besides, he could use the fresh air. The weather was nice enough, it was a little bit chilly, but nothing that tugging his coat tight around his body couldn't fix.
The closer he got to home, the slower he started to walk. He knew Harvey wouldn't be home for a few hours, but he was already dreading their conversation. The tone of Harvey's voice on the phone with him earlier was still fresh in his mind.
He had sounded angry, disappointed. Mike didn't exactly blame him for either of those two feelings, but he also wasn't going to apologize for going to see Trevor either, not after what had come from it.
He eventually made it back home to the condo. Exhausted from the walk, which had seemed a lot longer than he had initially thought. Mike plugged his phone in to charge and went back into the bedroom, crawling up into the bed, on Harvey's side of the bed, and pulling the sheets up to his neck, he could smell Harvey's scent on them. He breathed it in, and closed his eyes.
It was dark when he woke up again. He stumbled out of bed and to the bathroom, before venturing out into the living room, which was only lit by the city lights shining through the windows. Mike flipped on the light switches in the kitchen and poured himself a glass of orange juice, and unplugged his cell phone from the wall before sitting down at the kitchen table. He was getting ready to dial Harvey's number when he heard the familiar sound of Harvey's keys jingling just outside the front door. 'Perfect timing,' Mike thought. 'Maybe,' he amended.
"Hey.." Mike greeted him.
"Hi," Harvey replied.
"Looks like you survived work in one piece."
"Much to Louis' disappointment, I did."
Mike's phone started to ring. It was inexplicably loud against the current tone of their conversation. Mike quickly silenced it.
"Trevor?" Even though Harvey had stated it like a question, it wasn't. It sounded a lot like an accusation.
"He just wants to know if I got home safely."
Harvey rolled his eyes. "Right. Of course. Well, feel free to call him back, I'm going to bed."
"Come on, Harvey, don't be like that. I silenced it because I want to talk to you."
"We can talk tomorrow."
"No," Mike said, standing up from his chair. "You don't get to do this to me."
"What is it that I'm doing to you, Mike?"
"You don't get to push me away when I'm finally getting you back." Mike's voice cracked on the last word.
"Getting me back? I never went anywhere. I was always here. You know that."
"But you weren't here," Mike said, touching his right temple with his pointer finger, "And now you are again." He watched as the realization of what he'd just said slowly washed over Harvey's face.
"You mean...you remember me?" Harvey had barely managed to get the words out.
"That's what I was trying to tell you earlier when I called you."
"Oh god. You were trying to tell me that and I was too busy being a complete dick to listen. I am so sorry. Come here," Harvey said, opening his arms to Mike, who didn't hesitate in accepting his embrace. Harvey kissed the top of his head softly, before he felt Mike pull out of the hug.
"You know, Harvey. I don't remember everything yet. I mean, even some of what I remember is a little rough around the edges, but it's there. And it's getting clearer. And I might need tiny blanks filled in along the way. You know, the things I remember though..the memories are so good, so perfectI just don't understand why it took me so long to remember them."
"You were saving the best for last."
"Yeah," Mike smiled.
"You know...you mind if I test this memory of yours? I'll make it an easy one. Promise."
"Always a skeptic. Try me."
"Ever? Or after I finally charmed you into dating me?"
"Funny. How about you give me both?"
"First one was in your office. After we stayed way too late, working way too hard on that Thompson merger. You apologized after you kissed me, but I knew you weren't sorry. You don't kiss people that way if you don't mean it."
They eventually moved the conversation into the living room. They sat on the couch for hours, Mike telling him everything he could remember about Harvey, about their dates, things they did together. Harvey would ask him about certain things, and for the most part Mike could remember, not always perfectly, but they both knew it wasn't about Harvey testing Mike's memory anyway, they just both liked hearing the memories again. Harvey never doubted Mike would remember him, but it didn't make the fact that he finally did feel any less wonderful.
When they both found themselves yawning every other minute, they moved to the bedroom.
"Can I have your side of the bed?" Mike asked.
"I just like it better," Mike explained.
Harvey agreed to it. Mike thanked him with a kiss. If Mike was going to kiss him like that, Harvey was pretty sure he'd agree to sleep at the foot of the bed if it's what Mike wanted. Of course, he wasn't going to share that information with Mike, he already had too much power over him as it were.
"Ready for me to get the lights yet?
"Wait. Before you do. I want to talk to you about Trevor."
Mike could hear Harvey mentally roll his eyes. "Harvey, please just listen."
"Okay. Fine. I'll listen."
"I know you don't like him. And I even get why. But he's still a friend to me, and being with him, whether it was pure dumb luck or the fact that he was able to distract my mind for a little while, well, my memory came back when I was with him. And I know that means something to you. So I'm not asking you to like him, but don't hold it against me that I'm friends with him. And don't hold it against him that he wants to be my friend. He's trying. And that's all people can do. Okay?"
Harvey could feel his teeth clench. "I'm not making you any promises. But I will try. That's all people can do, right?"
"Thank you," Mike said, leaning over to capture Harvey's mouth with his own again. "Now I'm ready for the lights."
Harvey turned out the lights, and Mike snuggled up tight against him, resting his head on Harvey's heart, which is the entire reason he asked Harvey to switch sides of the bed. He liked the idea of being able to fall asleep listening to the sound of Harvey's heart beat.