so this takes place immediately after the Hall & Oates mashup in Mash Off. I loved those costumes dearly. Can't help myself. It's also my first piece from Blaine's POV, so we'll see how that works out.
"Nailed it, man."
"Hell yes," Blaine crows, giving Mike an enthusiastic high-five. As the houselights come up and the TroubleTones start filing out of the auditorium, pointedly ignoring the New Directions still hanging out onstage, Blaine undoes his purple tie and lands a hard friendship-punch on Mike's shoulder. They make faces at each other, sticking their fake moustaches back on and blowing raspberries.
Puck comes over wearing a big clowny grin and ruffles Blaine's hair hard enough to make his eyes rattle in his head—unlike Puck, Artie, and Mike, Blaine can get away without wearing a wig for this mash-up as long as he doesn't put any gel in and lets Kurt glop on the curl definer. He has never been a huge fan of Hall & Oates, but this has to be one of the funnest numbers he's ever been in, and it doesn't hurt that Kurt looks ridiculously adorable in his Hall get-up and Blaine can sneak a glance at him whenever he wants and just giggle to himself. Also, the moustache is fun.
"Great job, everyone!" Rachel enthuses, still bouncing up and down on her toes like the song hasn't ended. Quinn gives her a bitchy little look and fluffs back her Madonna hair.
"Not that the TroubleTones cared," she says with a breathy sigh. Blaine hears a snort and turns to see Puck rolling his eyes and scratching at his curly wig. Apparently those two are fighting again. He's only been at McKinley for a couple months and he's learned to set his watch by Quinn's snits.
Rachel is still twirling and prancing around in her mod skirt; Kurt and Tina come up behind her and she turns to throw her arms around them, but they barrel past her as if she isn't there, heading straight for Blaine and Mike. Both of them have these weird, smirky looks on their face, and Blaine is a little confused as they approach but he can't help giving Kurt the once-over and vastly appreciating how cute that pink t-shirt is on his Sugar Plum Fairy boyfriend.
Oh, the ways he would murder me if he could hear what I call him in my head sometimes.
"Hey, gorgeous," says Mike, opening his arms as Tina walks up to him. She stops cold a couple feet away; Kurt does the same, his arms crossed and one perfectly sculpted eyebrow raised as he and Tina stare down their boyfriends like lions sizing up a couple of gazelles on the Serengeti. Blaine's eyes dart over to Mike and catch the same look of slightly frightened confusion that is very likely on his own face right now.
"Um…something wrong?" he asks as earnestly as he can. Tina rests an elbow on Kurt's shoulder and shakes her head grimly.
"Mike, Blaine…we've got some bad news," she says. Kurt nods, unsmiling.
"There's been a decision reached between Tina and myself—"
"—about the two of you."
"About us?" Mike repeats, his eyes widening. Blaine's stomach flips over as he takes in Kurt's crossed arms and steely gaze.
"Yes. About you," Tina says. She glances at Kurt, who sighs and shrugs.
"We've decided that if either of you wears those moustaches ever again, we are going to have to break up with you."
There's a long pause, and then Mike and Blaine burst into laughter, shaking their heads and slapping each other on the back while Tina and Kurt look on, faces carved out of stone. The other New Directions are gathering around curiously, Rachel hanging off of Finn's arm and Rory looking more than a little puzzled at what he probably believes is another incomprehensible American ritual. When the boys finally calm down, still hiccupping a little and giggling to themselves, they're greeted with two expressions that could freeze a glacier.
"Wait…you're serious," Blaine says slowly, his brow furrowing as he frowns at his boyfriend. Kurt gives a terse little shrug.
"We don't especially want to dump you, but we are completely and totally prepared to if you keep those monstrosities on your faces for one more second."
"Seriously," Tina chimes in. "You guys look like hillbillies. Or defendants in tax-fraud lawsuits."
"I thought you said you'd love me no matter what I looked like!" Mike pouts, a few plastic curls drooping over his forehead. Blaine crosses his arms in imitation of Kurt and tries to make himself as tall as possible, which honestly is not a winning game.
"Yeah, same here," he challenges. "Isn't love supposed to be blind?"
"Oh, we'll still love you," Tina says as though it were the most obvious thing in the world.
"Just…from afar," Kurt adds thoughtfully, the faintest hint of amusement sparking in his eyes as he stares his boyfriend down. Blaine swallows and tries not to think about the edge of Kurt's clavicle that happens to be peeking out of the collar of his pink shirt, and how much he would like to attack it with his mouth. The moment stretches on, a standoff between moustaches and their adversaries. You could hear a pin drop in the auditorium.
Mike clears his throat and looks over at Blaine, his mouth set in a grim line.
"I dunno, man…they look like they mean it."
"They sure do," Blaine says, defeat settling over him. He claps a hand on Mike's shoulder. "Guess we've got no choice."
"Damn straight you don't," says Tina under her breath. Mike heaves a huge sigh and, his hand heavy with regret, reaches up and peels off his moustache. Blaine shakes his head sadly.
"It looks so lonely. Like a helpless little caterpillar."
"Enough chit-chat, hop to it," Kurt barks. Blaine shoots him a resentful scowl and slowly pulls off his moustache, wincing a little as the glue tugs at his afternoon stubble. He and Mike hold their ex-facial hair in their hands, like mothers cradling the keepsakes of lost children.
"Thank you," Tina says smugly, and she and Kurt smile for real, oh so proud of themselves. The rest of the glee club can barely hold their laughter in—Artie is making weird snorting noises that he vainly tries to stifle in his wig.
Blaine is still looking down at his moustache, saying a last private goodbye, when Mike leans over and whispers something in his ear. An electrical urge to laugh shoots through him, but he keeps it together, never letting his face waver for an instant; instead, he nods gently and murmurs agreement.
"What was that?" Kurt asks, still smirking like a cat with canary feathers in its teeth. Blaine looks up and shakes his head.
"Oh, nothing. It's just that Mike's probably right."
"Right about what?" says Tina quickly, her eyes narrowing. Blaine and Mike glance at each other again, biting their lips and frowning.
"It's just that—well—"
"I mean, Kurt wants him to take the moustache off—"
"You really, really don't want me to wear it—"
"Like, so much—"
"Really really really don't want me—"
"And I feel like maybe—"
"The reason Kurt wants Blaine to get rid of his moustache is—"
"I mean, it's possible that it could be—"
"I feel like maybe he wants to wear it."
"Yeah," Blaine agrees brightly, and oh it is so satisfying to see the smug look sliding off Kurt's face like syrup off a pancake. The tiniest grin fights its way onto Blaine's lips as he takes a step towards Kurt. "Yeah, I think maybe he really does."
"Blaine…Blaine Anderson, don't you dare—no, don't come any closer!" Kurt babbles in alarm as he begins to back up, moving away from Blaine's steady advance, and Blaine waves the limp strip of brown hair at Kurt and keeps walking towards him.
"Come on, Kurt, you know you want it, you want it so bad—"
"If you get that thing anywhere near me I am going to oh my god Blaine stoppit!" Kurt shrieks as Blaine lunges towards him with the moustache in one outstretched hand. He misses and Kurt bolts, flapping across the stage in his too-big suit jacket, and Blaine is sprinting after him and they're weaving their way through their teammates as everyone cracks up and practically dies with hilarity. Kurt is fast but Blaine is smaller and he can maneuver better, and he's catching up and waving the moustache over his head like a pennant and Kurt is squawking as he scurries past his friends and then as he pulls a U-turn to avoid Blaine he runs towards Puck, who grabs Kurt around the middle and pins his arms to his sides in a massive bear hug that practically lifts Kurt off the ground, his legs still churning the air as though to continue carrying him away from danger.
"Nononono Puck damn it lemme go Blaine I swear to god—" Kurt keens furiously as he squirms in Puck's arms, and then Blaine walks right up to him and grabs his face with both hands and plants a massive kiss on his boyfriend's loud and open mouth, swallowing up all the shouting and forcing Kurt's jaw to stop wagging up and down and feeling a huge wave of satisfaction at the little tremor that vibrates up through Kurt and into Blaine's wrists when he takes an extra second to suck insistently on Kurt's tongue before he pulls back and triumphantly presses the moustache onto Kurt's upper lip.
"Oh baby you so fine," Mike croons as Blaine steps back and admires his handiwork, and everyone is giggling like they're toddlers and enjoying the hell out of Kurt's face, which is already hilariously twisted up in impotent rage but now also has a thick moustache all settled and happy right in the middle of it. Blaine starts to laugh himself, but it sticks in his throat when Kurt turns to glare daggers at him and it's incredibly weird but that moustache actually makes his boyfriend look, well, smoking hot.
"Someone take a picture, take a picture, I wanna see!" whines Puck, and there's Quinn with her phone, popping up and fiddling with it and Kurt is twisting away, trying to keep her from getting a clear shot, but she pushes past Blaine and follows Kurt's lashing head with all the grace and agility of a seasoned Cheerio, and there's a little clicking noise and she punches the air triumphantly.
"Yes! Got it!"
"Oh for the love of Pete!" Kurt snarls, and this time when he shoves at Puck's arms they suddenly fall away from him and he stumbles forward, gasping a little from the lack of rib-compression and immediately ripping the moustache off of his face. He looks up at Blaine with such blazing eyes that Blaine kind of wants to hide, but he stands firm and gives Kurt his most dapper smile.
"As much fun as you thought it would be?"
"You," Kurt says ominously, and a wonderful charge races up and down Blaine's spine at the gravelly anger in his boyfriend's voice. "You are so. Freaking. Dead. Blaine Anderson, you are going to regret this."
"Ooh, watch out, Blaine," says Artie with a grin. "Better say sorry, or else you'll be saying bye-bye to nookie for a good long while."
"Run and hide," says Kurt, advancing on Blaine like the gay wrath of God. "Run and hide, because I swear, this is not just something that I am going to—"
"I love you!" Blaine says suddenly, and bounding up to Kurt he throws his arms around his neck and hugs him so hard that Kurt has to grab Blaine's waist just to avoid tripping and bringing them both crashing to the ground. "I love you I love you I love you please don't kill me!"
"Awwwwwwwwww," Rachel, Quinn, and Tina all go in unison as Kurt struggles to free himself from Blaine's grasp and Blaine holds on for dear life, his muscular arms wrapped around Kurt's neck like a plough harness. All the boys are practically doubled over with laughter at the look on Kurt's face, and Blaine feels surprisingly little embarrassment at what he's pretty sure counts as PDA. They're (sort of) acting like a couple in front of others . It's not something that comes easy.
"Rrrff—Blaine—get off—can't breathe," Kurt grunts, and Blaine loosens his grip just a teeny bit and moves back so that he can look Kurt in the face.
"I love you."
"I know, let go—"
"Promise you won't kill me."
"I can't do that."
"I love you so so so much and I never want to let you go ever—"
"Fine!" Kurt shouts, and gives Blaine the most adorable frustrated look he has ever seen before. "Fine fine fine, just get off. I won't kill you."
"Thanks," Blaine says with a big cheesy grin, and he lets his arms drop to his sides. Kurt gasps and immediately adjusts his hair, eyes fixed on Blaine with a somewhat alarming intensity at he pats at the sides of his head, and Blaine begins to feel a little bad. Poor Kurt, he just wanted to joke around with Tina, he didn't plan on getting chased and bear-hugged and strangled and—
Blaine's brain gets cut off in its pity party when Kurt shakes himself a little, clicks his tongue, steps right up to Blaine and leans down and kisses him, slow and deep and so randomly and suddenly hot that Blaine's knees go spontaneously wobbly and he has to grab the lapels of Kurt's jacket to stay upright. Cheers are ringing out all around them but Blaine doesn't care, nor does he wonder why Kurt is doing this when he was ready to hide Blaine's broken body behind the garden shed a second ago, because all he has the capacity to do right now is drag Kurt closer by the front of his jacket and savor Kurt's hands cupping the sides of his face and kiss his boyfriend back, twist his tongue against the sweetness of Kurt's and work his lips over Kurt's warm mouth and fight the urge to make a noise when Kurt's teeth nip at his lower lip and argh, this is so good I don't even mind that we're doing it in front of God and everyone I just want to kiss Kurt for the rest of my—
"Whoa whoa whoa! Break it up!"
Mr. Schue's voice breaks through the haze and suddenly Kurt is gone and Blaine's cheeks are blazing and all the New Directions are practically dying as they try to stop laughing when they really want to laugh even harder and Mr. Schuester is standing right there, he and his vest giving Kurt and Blaine a look of intense disapproval.
"Listen, boys, this is a school environment. You just performed brilliantly—all of you did—and you want to celebrate, I get that, but we have to practice professional courtesy here. You'll understand if I ask you and everyone else to keep that for outside official Glee time."
"Of course, Mr. Schue," says Kurt sweetly, and Blaine's head is still spinning from the sudden influx of oxygen but he nods, and Mr. Schue gives them a long look before a smile breaks over his face.
"Okay, then. Thanks for understanding. You both did an amazing job—I see that you're still pretty attached to your moustache, Blaine. I have to say, you rock the look."
Blaine's hand jumps to his upper lip and there it is, he can't believe it for a second but there it is, his moustache, stuck back on his upper lip as though it never left. He looks at Kurt, eyes wide, and Kurt is grinning back at him, and Mr. Schue must be confused when Blaine reaches out and hugs Kurt around the neck and growls "You win, damn it, you win" and Kurt laughs and hugs Blaine back and even lifts him up off his feet and twirls him a little, but if Mr. Schue doesn't know what's going on Blaine could care less.
He and Kurt are in the know, and that's what matters.