Note from Adillae: So, even though I LOVE the Hunger Games, the last paragraph of Mockingjay left me slightly dissapointed... So this is my take on the whole situation! Review and let me know what I can work on. Sorry for any mistakes, English isn't my first language and I'm a little rusty.
By the way, I don't own the Hunger Games, any characters or the song. I also quote a line from Mockingjay, that one isn't mine either. The song from the first Hunger Games and at the end of Mockingjay. Nothing is mine, except the plot. If it was, I wouldn't be living in a crappy trailer park in the middle of North Carolina.
"Peeta!" I shouted into the darkness of the arena, hacking away at branches and jungle vines. My heart was beating so loudly I was sure that it was going to beat right out of my chest and explode. "Peeta!" I screamed, rounding a corner and tearing more foliage away when I saw it.
Peeta, lying lifeless on the jungle floor; dead.
"Peeta!" I cried, running over to him and collapsing, shoving his body, forcing him to stop pretending, to wake up and move. "Peeta! Peeta please! Peeta!" I screamed over and over again until my throat was raw, tears streaming down my face.
"Katniss." I heard someone say as I buried my head deeper into Peeta's shirt, wanting to die along with him. There was nothing left for me now.
"Katniss, wake up." The voice said again as I jolted awake, gasping. Sitting up quickly, I shouted Peeta's name once more before the real Peeta came into focus in front of me, a troubled look on his face.
He was kneeling in front of where I sat on the couch, looking worried and concerned. His blonde hair was brushed out of his face, revealing his sparkling blue eyes. His hands, warm and tough from the bakery, were on my shoulders as he gently rubbed up and down, trying to calm me.
"Peeta!" I cried, actual tears running down my face as I leaned forward, falling into him. His strong arms were around me in mere seconds, holding me gently as I let my tears cascade down my cheeks and onto his shirt.
The nightmares haven't stopped. Every time I closed my eyes, images of dead Peeta, dead Finnick, dead Rue, dead Thresh and so many others popped into my head. I couldn't get them to go away, no matter what I tried; I eventually let them come and suffer through them, since that was all I could do. The last night I slept without a nightmare was with Peeta on the train. And that night was long gone.
Peeta and I hadn't spoken since he planted Primrose in my garden, and once I realized that, I was completely surprised to find him here. I suppressed the pang of guilt that hit my stomach as I thought about how incredibly horrible I was to him, yet he was still here. Had he heard me screaming and came to comfort me? Had he just been walking by and randomly visited? Had Haymitch set him up to it? Did he actually want to see me, and just walked in during a bad time?
I normally would never have been so teary, but the nightmares were getting more realistic by the second. Thankfully, he didn't seem to mind. I inhaled deeply into his shirt; He smelled of cinnamon and nutmeg. He was still warm, even though the freezing drizzle and cold temperatures outside suggested he should be otherwise. I missed him, and I was an idiot for not doing anything about it, but especially for not admitting it.
I pulled away, giving what was supposed to be a faint smile, and mopped up my eyes. He brought his hand up and brushed the hair out of my face, tucking it behind my ear before giving me a once-over. Thankfully, this had been a day where I had showered and actually took the time to come out my hair, putting it in a nice long braid down my back, however my thrashing during my nightmare made it very messy.
"Nightmare?" he questioned quietly as I merely nodded in return. He looked sorry, which only made me feel worse. I had practically ignored him, and I don't even have a good reason why, and he still had time to worry about me after losing everyone he cared for. The guilt feeling only got worse. Haymitch was right; I didn't deserve him.
"What are you doing here?" I asked softly as he gestured to a basket that was sitting next to him, holding a half-dozen cheese rolls. I had to smile at this.
He squeezed my hand before getting up and grabbing the basket, setting it on the kitchen table. He began to tidy up slightly, clearing off my table, brushing off the counter, folding the towels, and making his way over to the living room to do the same. It made me feel like I was a drunken Haymitch, but I suppressed the instinct to shout at him to stop. He was in fact being helpful, but I felt like the cheese rolls, however wonderful, were just an excuse.
"What are you really doing here?" I questioned once he finished, sitting down on the couch next to me.
"We need to talk." He said calmly and quietly after a short silence.
I didn't know what that meant. "About anything in particular?" I asked.
"Everything." He whispered, catching my eye. I swallowed. He continued. "There has been so much I have wanted to say to you, I just haven't been able to make sense of it in my head. I think we should just take turns saying what we need to get out, and then never bring it up again. The past can truly be the past, and we can both explain things that we've been wanting to explain to each other. Like one big 'Real or Not Real' game." He told me, and I was relieved. There was so much I wanted to tell him, so much I wanted to explain, but then I froze.
"Peeta, you know how lousy I am with words—"
"Yes, when you think. Just feel." He said. "Don't think about what the other wants to hear, just honest answers so we can have clean consciences." he said sweetly, and I saw that the old Peeta, the Peeta that I cared for, was back; His perfect way with words, and his loving personality unconsciously flowing into his conversation. My heart fluttered at the realization.
"You start." I tell him, and he smiles at me, turning to me on the couch. I sat cross-legged facing him, and took a deep breath.
He did the same. "Ever since you sang that song in your red dress, I've been caught under your spell. I know you don't like to hear me say things like that, but it's one hundred percent true. Everything I said to you in the games, especially in the cave, was true. I know that you were just acting, but I meant every word, and I'm not ashamed to let you know. I know you might not feel the same way, but it felt good to tell you—"
"Peeta—" I started, interrupting. I needed to let him know that I felt the same way, but the look in his eyes made me stop.
"Katniss, please, I need to get this out." He breathed, and I nodded, urging him to continue. "My whole plan from the beginning was to get out of there. I managed to get out with you, which made me the happiest man on earth. Everything from then on was still true, but it somehow made me feel worse to have you act differently than you felt. I knew it had to be that way, to keep you alive, and I am willing to do absolutely anything to do that. I wanted everything to be real, so desperately, but I figured that if I couldn't have you in real life, then that was the next best thing." He told me, his gaze never wavering. Tears were streaming out of my eyes by now, and I didn't even try to be strong.
"During the Quarter Quell, my only objective was to keep you safe, and I made so many mistakes that almost cost you your life. I failed you by hitting the force field and by letting you out of my sight." He said, shaking his head, talking to himself more than me. "I tried to protect you as best I could, but then Snow and the tracker jackers…" he trailed off. "I will never forgive myself for hurting you like I did, but you have to try and understand. I was so confused and scared, I didn't know which memories were mine and which were the Capitols. I didn't know up from down anymore. I'll never forgive myself for what I did to you." He said softly, his eyes settling on my hands in my lap.
"Peeta," I started quietly. "I forgive you. Of course I forgive you." I assured him, taking hold of his hand gently.
He looked up at me sadly. "They turned me against you. It was the most horrible feeling in the world. I feel like a monster, knowing that I could hurt you at any moment. If I was smart, I would stay away from you and keep you safe. I'm just not strong enough to do that. I don't want to leave you." He ended quietly.
"I thought you were a mutt, real or not real." He asked.
"Real." I breathed.
"I strangled you the first time I saw you after you rescued me. Real or not real."
I sniffed, tears rolling so fast down my face they completely passed my cheeks and fell onto my chest. "Real."
"I shot you with your own arrows. Real or not real."
"Not real." I said, sighing internally. I didn't want them all to be real and make him feel so much worse.
"I am so afraid," he continued so quietly I had to strain my ears to listen, "of hurting you again. If I lose control, I'll never know and might end up doing something terrible. I'd never forgive myself if something else happened to you."
"Peeta…" I sniffed, reaching a hand forward and touching his cheek. We weren't very far apart by now. In fact I could feel his warm breath on my face; I could see the sparkle in his bright eyes. "You won't hurt me Peeta, I'm right here, I'm okay." I sniffed. If I didn't deserve him before, I certainly didn't deserve him now.
He brought his hand up to my face, and smiled faintly, however his eyes changed in a split second. His sparkle was gone, replaced by a dark, angry blue.
"Katniss, I need you to leave, please." He said quietly, looking down at his hands, his muscles starting to clench.
I didn't answer, I just stared back at him.
"Katniss, please leave." He said loudly as he got up from the couch and turned away from me.
"Peeta?" I asked weakly.
"KATNISS, GET OUT!" He shouted as he walked over to the window. He leaned his hands on the window for support, his whole body was rigid as his muscles tightened, trying to stay focused.
I felt a mean retort trying to make its way out of my mouth, but I held it back, trying to comprehend what was going on. I was hurt at his words, after just telling me that's not what he wanted. Then I knew. He wasn't being mean. He was trying to protect me.
I gasped as I understood. He was trying to suppress a memory. An artificial, Capitol implanted memory; a feeling of hate towards me. So this was what it was like. He had no chains on his arms to keep him in check, but it didn't seem to be as bad as before. Hands on the window, head hanging down low, his muscles flexed in both strain of remaining in focus and not letting those feeling overcome him. A blush crept slowly across my cheeks as I felt a surge of immense gratitude.
I had always felt it. I had owed him from the moment he became my boy with the bread. But I never repaid my debt to him; I had only made it greater. And he never owed me anything. It was one sided. I was just too self-centered, terrible, cruel and selfish to comprehend the magnitude of it all. Here, in my house, after everything we've been through, I began to understand, at least a little bit, of his feelings.
Walking over to him slowly, tentatively, I reach out my hand and lightly placed it on his arm. He didn't throw it off, so I moved it up to his neck, stroking his blond hair that made a point on his neck. He was shaking slightly, muscles still rigid with concentration as he opened his eyes. They were dark pools of black, so shockingly different than his sparkling blue eyes that were there seconds before.
"Get out." He said, voice shaking. It seemed to be a last ditch effort to protect me.
"Because that's what you and I do, protect each other." I smiled at the memory, of how much of it was actually true.
I wasn't going to abandon him; I don't care how much he wanted me to. I gently stroked the back of his neck as he stayed still, except for a little shaking, and waited it out with him.
I felt horrible. I wanted to make it all better; I wanted to make all of his pain go away, since I seemed to be the reason for it, but I didn't know how. Then, as if it was an instinct, I started to sing.
"Deep in the meadow, under the willow,
a bed of grass, a soft green pillow,
lay down your head, and close your sleepy eyes
and when again they open, the sun will rise.
Here it's safe, here it's warm
Here the daisies guard you from every harm
Here your dreams are sweet and tomorrow brings them true
Here is the place where I love you."
I felt him slowly start to relax, his muscles loosening themselves a little more with every word. His face looked calm and peaceful again, and I'm sure his eyes were his normal bright-as-the-sky blue. I swallowed the lump in my throat as I pushed Rue out of my mind, focusing myself only on Peeta and what he needed from me, however my singing seemed to do the trick. He breathed out slowly as I slowly started to move my hands again, one on his neck and the other on his arm.
Leaning forward, he pressed his forehead up against the cold window, the cold condensation dripping down the clean panes. He sighed as his breathing returned to normal. He looked exhausted.
"Thank you." He breathed, as I smiled faintly, placing a small kiss on his arm, just under his t-shirt sleeve. "That was beautiful."
"I'm glad it helped you." I responded truthfully.
"It helped more than you even know. You have no idea what you do to me." He replied as I tried to lead him back over to the couch, but he stayed at the window, frozen, his eyes still closed.
Terror shot through my veins as I tried to understand what he meant. Did he mean that I started his memory and made him like that? Or did he mean that I helped him back from one? Or did I just make it worse?
He lifted his head up, turned it and opened his eyes, which were back to their ordinary beautiful blue shade. He smiled, and even though it was a tired smile, it gave me that feeling that I had only felt twice. A stirring in both my stomach and in my heart.
I slipped underneath his arms, the only thing that was still holding him upright, so that his palms were pressed against the window on either side of my shoulders. I looked up at his handsome face. The few scars from the new skin, a couple scars from the games, a tired smile, and his burning eyes only made the feeling flutter, feeling as though it could lift me up off the ground. The air between us seemed to be electrified. I knew that he could feel it too.
Calmly, gently, and ever so achingly slow, I leaned my head in and pressed my lips against his. I could feel him hesitate out of confusion, but I kept going. He still smelled of cinnamon and nutmeg, and tasted of pure heaven. His soft lips felt perfect against my own. That's when I knew. I knew for sure.
I pulled away and looked into his eyes. As expected, confusion was the main emotion, although glimmers of happiness and love shone through as well. There were no cameras around, and I knew he might not understand at first. I smiled at him, telling him that I chose to do that on my own, and wrapped my arms around his neck tightly, hugging him so fiercely I'm sure I would've started another bad memory.
He stayed frozen for a second or two before wrapping one arm around me just as tightly. A feeling of pure happiness shot through me, something I didn't think I could ever feel again, as I smiled, inhaling deeply into his shirt again. I couldn't get enough of his smell. He kissed me back. He hugged me back.
"My biggest fear is hurting you. I'll never forgive the capitol for what they did to me. To you." He told me sweetly, his head buried in my hair, his lips millimeters from my neck. Shivers were sent up and down my spine, giving me a feeling that only Peeta could.
"Peeta…" I breathed, trying to find some way to thank him, to say something that would make up for all of the torture and hell he went through for me, but he seemed to understand. I smiled faintly at him, a smile that he returned as I led him back over to the couch a few feet away, where we resumed our earlier position.
"Are you getting any better?" I asked him quietly.
He nodded. "I don't get as many episodes anymore. I'm figuring out how to control myself. Things are going well." He told me, and I felt relieved.
"Your turn." He smiled gently after a silence.
Something about the way he said those two words made me stop and think.
Peeta. My Peeta. My boy with the bread. He was here, in front of me, and we were safe. He was safe. I knew I could tell him everything. For the first time in my life, I really trusted someone. I fully, truly, wholly, trusted them.
Peeta seemed to sense my hesitation and ran his finger down my arm. "Don't think. Just feel." He whispered.
I looked into his eyes. And then I started to feel.
"I will never forget how you saved me with that bread." I started. "I still feel a horrible pang of guilt when I picture you with that burn mark on your face where your mom hit you. I know that was because of what you did, and it just scared me. I was scared that I was the cause, and I thought that by just pushing you away, things would get easier. But I don't remember saying thank you, which has been bothering me ever since that day. So thank you."
"I didn't act as much as you thought I did. In the cave, there was one kiss that… I felt this feeling, and I-I knew that there was something there. I got the same feeling on the beach. The first time, it scared me. I was childish and selfish, and when I said that I didn't feel the same way, I…" I trailed of, not knowing what to say. "My whole goal of the second games was to keep you alive. I never told you, since you never would have agreed. By the end, I was making decisions on whether or not they would help you live. But when your heart stopped…" I had to trail of again, since a fresh wave of tears overflowed. Images from my recent nightmare were raging through my mind as I tried to focus. "I wasn't acting, not then. When I saw you there, with no heartbeat, it was the worst few seconds of my life." I cried. "I don't ever want to see you like that again. And when we split up, and I lost you…" Sobs starting to take over my body as I remembered those painful days. This was not as easy as I thought. I felt Peeta gently pull me across the couch and into his arms. He set me in his lap and held me there, whispering sweet phrases in my ear, rubbing my arms protectively, and let me cry.
Once I dried up enough to speak, I continued. "When I found that you were taken, I didn't want to believe it. Haymitch never let me forget how I let you get away from me. Before we went into the games, I made him promise that he would save you, and not me. I ruined everything, and you were being tortured because I was stupid enough to let you out of my sight. I didn't even want to think about you being hurt, but my nightmares showed me over and over again, they still do. I don't think I slept at all without you."
"And when you came back, I had never been so grateful. Then when I first saw you and you…" I trailed off as I felt him sigh. I know that he was still upset with himself for what happened. "I know it wasn't your fault, and I don't blame you at all." I added, turning my head to place my forehead on his cheek. "I was afraid that I would have to kill you. I worried so much about you. When you came on my mission and were in so much pain, we were so distant then that I didn't know what to do." I cried again.
"Katniss…" I heard him say, the aching in his voice cutting through my body like a knife. I looked into his eyes and saw so much pain there that it made a new wave of tears overflow. He tried to wipe them away, but there were too many and coming all too quickly, so he brought me to his chest, pinning me there. His strong arms were wrapped around me again, rubbing my back and drawing circles on my new flesh. I felt his fingers playing with my braid, twisting the soft hair underneath his fingers.
"I don't deserve you." I breathed. "I'm sorry that I am so horribly self-centered, and I am so sorry for everything that I've done in the past that has caused you any pain at all." I whimpered. It was so unlike me to do all of this, but Peeta needed to hear this. He deserved to know.
"I'm so sorry for all of the pain that you have endured because of me." Peeta replied.
"I wish I could help you." I whispered.
"We can help each other." Peeta said, and I could hear traces of a smile in his voice.
"Real or not real?" I asked, smiling too.
His bright eyes met my dull gray ones and conveyed more love than anything I had ever seen. "Real." He whispered, giving me a kiss on the forehead.
"Katniss…" he breathed as I looked into his eyes. "You love me. Real or not real?" He asked, and I could feel the spark between us.
"Real." I breathed so quietly that I didn't think he heard me, but his eyes lit up and a huge smile slowly spread across his face.
"I love you, Katniss." He smiled, cradling me in his arms.
I smiled up at him. "I love you too, Peeta."
He smiled and laughed a little, bringing his face closer to mine. "I'll never get tired of hearing that."
I wrapped my arms around his neck and brought his lips to mine, kissing him deeply and taking him by surprise. He wrapped his arms tighter around me as I parted my lips slightly, moving a hand to the nape of his neck. It was soft and slow, though incredibly passionate. Peeta was gentle and calming yet confident, just like always. He was perfect.
Peeta moved his tender kisses down to my jawbone and then onto my neck, kissing every available inch of skin. I felt a fire burning in my heart as the electricity sparked between us, his kisses leaving behind a tingling sensation that was causing me to go mad.
"Tell me you love me." I smiled, closing my eyes, letting Peeta control what was going to happen.
"I love you." He murmured immediately into my skin.
I tried to steady my breathing, but Peeta's soft and slow kisses were making it difficult for me to think straight, let alone breathe. I gasped slightly as he brushed over my collarbone, my eyes fluttering shut.
"I love you, Peeta." I told him again, which seemed to give him a burst of enthusiasm. He brought his lips back up to mine, the fire and passion between us was unlike anything I've ever felt before. My hands were running through his hair as his were moving down my back, holding me securely. I parted my lips as his tongue slid across my bottom lip. I loved the taste of him, the feel of him.
Unexpectedly, his lips were ripped from mine; his whole body was suddenly taken away from me. My eyes flew open, looking around for him, wondering if he was having another tracker jacker issue. Worry shot through me, as well as a slight tinge of rejection that I tried to repress.
He was, however, only a few feet in front of me, breathing heavily and looking at me sadly. "I'm sorry," he started. "I couldn't continue because I know that if we went on much longer, I wouldn't be able to stop." He breathed, looking at me honestly.
I stand up, completely in awe about his kindness and thoughtfulness. My heart was aching for him, and I could tell his was doing the same. He at least had the courtesy to stop and make sure he wasn't overstepping his boundaries. No matter what, I would never deserve my boy with the bread.
"I don't want to push you, Katniss, I know you're hurting." He told me quietly as I took a step over to him, laying my hands on his chest. "I don't want to pressure you. I just don't trust myself to stop." He whispered as he wrapped his strong arms around me.
Overwhelmed by his sweetness, I blinked back a few stray tears. "Peeta, I don't want you to stop."
He gave me a look of slight confusion, but he quickly understood what I meant, and only gripped me tighter. I could hear his heart beat, and I closed my eyes and thanked Finnick for restarting that beautiful sound. He was warm and safe, comforting. Just what I needed.
"Peeta…" I breathed, the ache in my voice was surprisingly clear. I knew he understood.
"Are you sure?" he whispered.
I nodded. "Why, do you not want to?" I asked, dreading his answer.
To my surprise, he chuckled. "I definitely did NOT say that. I don't want to hurt you." he added seriously.
"You won't." I promised. "Stay with me." I breathed so softly that I'm not sure I even said it out loud.
"Always." He replied, equally as quiet.
I lifted my head to look him in the eyes, giving him a small smile before pressing his lips to mine. I could feel a new passion, a new fire underneath it all. His kisses were gentle yet strong, calm yet full of passion. They were perfect.
He moved them across my cheek, down my jawbone and all around my neck, taking his sweet time, even going over a couple spots twice. I closed my eyes and tried to tell myself to breathe normally. My ability to talk seemed to disappear as my brain turned fuzzy. I moaned breathlessly as his hands and lips traveled all over me, wanting to memorize me as much as I did him. His lips just barely brushed my collarbone as I whimpered, pleasure shooting through my body. His touch was electrifying, the tension between us was getting unbearable. He smiled as he murmured sweet phrases into my skin, and I was so thankful for him. For everything about him.
We took our sweet time exploring each other. I ran my hands lightly over his arms and his chest, feeling the rise and fall of his muscles. I listened to his heartbeat and his steady breathing as he played with the end of my braid, running his fingers through the loose ends. His hands ran over my arms and back, drawing pictures lightly into them as we enjoyed each other.
Swiftly, Peeta lifted me up easily and gracefully like I weighed nothing, and started to carry me up the stairs. He peppered kisses to my hairline and temple as I moaned quietly and held onto his shoulders, strong and safe. He carried me carefully into my bedroom, where we had spent so much time perfecting our book, setting me down gently on the floor.
"Peeta…" I whispered achingly, dragging my fingertips to the bottom of Peeta's short sleeve shirt and grabbing the hem, pulling it slowly over his head and onto the floor. I traced a hand carefully over the muscles of his chest and arms again, wanting to remember each one by heart. I was amazed at how perfect they were, how they had kept me safe over the last couple years. He reached an arm around to my braid, pulling of the tie and running his fingers through it. It fell out of its braid effortlessly, and he nuzzled his head into the soft wave of brown.
"I love your hair." He whispered, curling and twisting it between his fingers. "I always have."
I smiled at him as he grabbed the hem of my shirt and slowly worked it over my head, making my wavy hair cascade down to the middle of my back. He ran his hands through it before giving me a soft kiss on my lips.
His hands traced over my arms and stomach, the muscles involuntarily squeezing at his touch, and eventually brought his lips as well. I gasped at the sensations, the heat of his body mixed with mine was incredibly intoxicating. He covered every exposed inch of skin, and I was so tingly I was almost shaking with anticipation. He studied my arms as I did his, his hands running over me, sometimes tracing patters of flowers into my newly grown skin. I moaned quietly at his touch. It made me feel like I truly was the girl on fire.
His hands. I had always loved them, and I can't quite point out what was so unique about them. They weren't too big or too small; they were normal and perfectly sized. They were slightly rough and calloused from bakery burns over the years, and very detail oriented. They made beautiful cake flowers, breads and drew gorgeous pictures. And on top of everything else, they knew how to please me.
"And I love your hands." I told him quietly, just as they brushed against my stomach, making me shudder, a quiet gasp escaping from my mouth.
He slid his wonderful hands behind me and I hesitated, fear rushing icily through my veins. No one had ever seen me before, not like this, and I began to panic.
"Peeta," I started, looking into his eyes. He didn't seem upset which put me at ease. I wanted to make an excuse, and for a split second, I wanted to run. "I…"
"Sweetheart." Peeta replied lovingly, in a way that I'd never heard before. That word was saved for Haymitch in his scratchy voice, his flare of frustration. That was the first time Peeta had ever said it, and the way it rolled off his lips with such happiness, even though I stopped, made it my favorite word in the world. "It's okay. We can stop if you'd like to." So caring. So responsible. So loving. So Peeta.
"I'm scared, Peeta…" I whispered, deciding that from this moment on, I would never lie to Peeta again. He deserved the truth, especially since I hid them from him until only a few moments ago.
"Katniss…" he breathed, kissing my forehead. "It's just me." he reminded me calmly, running his fingers up and down my arm, leaving a trail of goose bumps wherever they went. "It's only me." He repeated.
And he was right. Peeta's eyes shone down at me, a loving expression in them and caring lips that had explored almost every part of me, and I knew that I was safe. It was Peeta. I had been stupid to be afraid; I knew that he would never hurt me. He was the only boy that could make me feel this way. My boy with the bread.
I smiled up at him, pressing my lips against his, rekindling the dangerous fire.
He took his steady hand and reached back behind me again, unclasping my bra with one easy click. I let it fall to the ground with the rest of our forgotten clothing, Peeta giving me all the confidence I needed. He peppered small kisses across my new skin and breasts as I whimpered.
Peeta lifted me up again, this time gently setting me on my bed as he supported his weight above me on his forearms. I kissed him deeply as he trailed them down my neck again and across my chest, bringing a hand up to caress the newly exposed skin. He kissed the tender underside of each breast as I groaned his name quietly, trying to ignore the heat that was forming between my legs. His warm palm rolled over each of them, sending tingles down my spine and letting a soft moan escape from my lips. I arched my back, wrapping my arms around his neck.
"You're so beautiful, Katniss." Peeta murmured into the valley between my breasts, kissing all over them tenderly as I laced my fingers in his hair. A hum of sorts escaped my lips as I felt Peeta smile, moving his kisses all the way down to my abdomen.
Suddenly, his face was back up to mine, his lips capturing mine in a gentle kiss. "Do you trust me?" he breathed, eyes shining even in the darkness.
"Always." I whispered softly back to him, and he smiled.
"I love you Katniss." He said, his blue eyes twinkling.
I smiled. "I love you, Peeta."
He trailed his kisses quickly back down to my stomach before taking hold of my simple hunting pants, easily sliding them, and my underwear, off of me and onto the floor.
He covered my thigh in kisses as I grew slightly impatient. I needed him; the fire inside me was burning so brightly that I had to tell myself to wait. I knew he wouldn't leave me disappointed.
"Peeta, please…" I whimpered eagerly as he chuckled; bring a few fingers up and tracing the fire between my legs teasingly. "Peeta, that's not fair." I told him, voice somewhat high-pitched and strangled. I felt him smile.
My breath hitched in my throat as he slipped two fingers into me easily, kissing my neck slowly. "Peeta…" I gasped, amazed that anything could feel this wonderful. My eyes fluttered shut as he slid them slowly in and out. I wouldn't be able to think straight even if I wanted to; pleasure from Peeta's hands completely taking over. Our kisses were sloppy and short, both of us gasping for breath but still maintaining contact. His fingers continuously ran over a certain spot inside me, and it took all that I had not to scream out so loudly that I'm positive all of District 12 would come running. His thumb gently brushed over a spot that made jerk against him, pleasure shooting through my veins. All I wanted to do was have him closer; I couldn't get enough of him. I needed his kisses, his hands, his fiery skin touching mine. I was addicted to my boy with the bread.
"Peeta, I love you." I managed to whisper.
"I love you too, Katniss." I heard him answer sweetly.
I reached my hands down to his belt, messily undoing the buckle and forcing his pants onto the ground. I wanted to protest when he slid his fingers out, but I was too preoccupied with his lips.
"Are you okay?" he asked quietly. Of course he was thinking of me. I truly would never deserve him.
I nodded. "Just go slow." I breathed.
I felt him slowly push into me before the pain ripped through me. I felt like I was being torn apart as I squeezed my eyes shut tight. I didn't want Peeta to see any tears, since that would make him stop immediately and he would never forgive himself.
His lips were all over my face, giving me small kisses as I tried to adjust. I could tell he was dying to move, but he stayed completely still.
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I love you. I'm so sorry." He murmured over and over again in between kisses, into my new pink skin, doing his best to comfort me. I knew he blamed himself for my pain, since he would always blame himself. I grabbed a hold of his hand and squeezed it, telling him it was alright.
I nodded after a few minutes, and he started to move. Expecting pain, I gasped in surprise when nothing but pure pleasure shot all through my body. His rhythm was slow and steady as I clutched into his shoulders, bring him closer to me. He laid his head in the crook of my neck as I pressed my forehead against his shoulder.
I whimpered his name over and over, 'Peeta' seeming to be the only word that I could form. My heart was overflowing with love for him. I still couldn't get close enough as I pressed my body up tighter against his, needing his touch.
"Katniss, I love you." He murmured sweetly, kissing every bit of skin he can reach.
Suddenly, I shouted Peeta's name so loudly I thought that Haymitch would certainly come running in the door. My whole body tensed as I felt Peeta do the same, a feeling of complete happiness and euphoria washing over me. It felt like I was losing consciousness, although full of so much more pleasure. It seems like I couldn't stuck enough air into my lungs as I whispered Peeta's name continuously.
Peeta collapsed next to me, breathing just as hard as I was. Still craving his touch, I slid over into his arms and laid my head on his chest, his wonderful heartbeat pounding in my ears. Thinking back to the arena, I would have never thought I'd be here to enjoy this, especially with him. I kissed the base of his neck as he wrapped his arms around me, pinning me close.
"I love you." I mumbled into his skin as he curled his fingers through my hair.
"And I love you Katniss. Always." He breathed.
My boy with the bread. My love. My Peeta.