26 Things Steve Couldn't Imagine In His Life. Until Danny Williams Took It Over
Aerobics: "If I have to hear 'Everybody Have Fun Tonight' one more time I'm going to punch somebody."
"Calm down, Smooth Dog. We'll be done in 10 more minutes."
"Why can't we just run up the side of a mountain like real men?"
"Because every time I let you outside, you break your arm or I tear my ACL or someone tries to shoot us."
"There is that."
Ballroom Dancing: "I already know how to dance, Danno."
"Well, I don't. And I can't take lessons alone."
"Why do you want to learn to dance anyway?"
"So I'll be ready when Grace gets married. You know, in 10 or 14 or 35 years."
"All right. I'll do it."
"But you are not to flirt with the instructor."
"Not even a little?"
Cartoons: "It doesn't matter that he can't really live in a pineapple, Steven."
"But it's stupid. And it gives kids an unrealistic idea of undersea life."
"It's a cartoon. Not a documentary."
"We're taking her scuba diving so she can see how sponges really live."
"All right. Providing you stop complaining about the cartoon."
Driving Lessons: "This is not my fault, Steven, so stop with the pouting…you can ignore me all you want. I'm not the one who lost his license….Did you not see the stop sign?... Why did I say I'd teach you?... You owe me so much sex after this."
Elope: "We could have a regular ceremony."
"You are the one who didn't want to deal with the flowers and the gifts and the guests and the catering and the…."
"Okay. You're right, Danno. Eloping is better."
Fall in love: "You've never been in love before, Babe?"
"Not like this, Danno."
Gravy: "It's called sauce, Danny. Sauce."
"We Italians call it gravy, Steven. Gravy."
"No. Just no."
"It's still the best you've ever had, no matter what my mom calls it."
"Can't argue with that."
Hip-hop: "They are not going to believe we are anything but cops, Danno."
"Record producers. That's our cover. Now try to keep to the beat."
"Easier said than done."
"And I thought I was the whitest person alive. I see now I was wrong."
"At least I'm not a haole."
"That's low, Babe. Real low."
Interpreter: "You've lived here for 5 years, Danny. You should understand us natives by now."
"I'm learning, Babe. The words I know the best aren't ones I can use in public."
"You are just adorable when you blush."
"SEALs don't blush."
"You're secret's safe with me."
Juice boxes: "What is wrong with a glass of juice?"
"How is Gracie going to take a glass of juice to school?"
"Oh. Okay. Are you sure this is enough?"
"I think 2 dozen is good for now, Babe."
Krispy Kreme Doughnuts: "Better than malsadas?"
"OMG. You have no idea."
"I guess I will once the plane lands."
"You are right about that."
Listening: "Kono told me you said your ears start bleeding."
"I never said any such thing, Danno. She was kidding you."
"Why would she say that then?"
"I don't know. I'll listen to anything you have to say any time you want to say it."
Monkey: "Uncle Steve, what do you think we should get Danno for Christmas?"
"How about 3 tickets to New Jersey?"
"Just like you, Grace-face."
Nonsense: "That doesn't even make sense, Danno."
"So? Made you laugh. That's all that matters."
Oprah: "No. I am not going to waste this beautiful afternoon watching TV with you."
"Fine. Go run up the side of your mountain. I'll be right here learning all about Brad and Angelina."
"Never mind. Just go."
"Wait. Who is that woman?"
"Oh sure. Now you're interested."
Popcorn: "Why does everything have to be nutritional? Popcorn's not going to hurt you."
"It's not going to help either."
"Help what? It's a snack, Steven. No one is suggesting we have it for dinner."
"Like you never have."
"That's not the point."
Quality time: "I can't believe I actually convinced you to leave the dishes and the laundry and the vacuuming to lay in the hammock with me."
"Shhh…. You're destroying the mood."
"Sorry. Didn't mean to disrupt your Zen, Steven."
Rollerblades: "This is a really bad idea, Danno.
"You should know. You've had more than your share of them."
"Then why are we doing it?"
"Because Grace wants to learn."
"One more time around the track then."
Springsteen: "So I'll ask Kono if she will go with me."
"You don't want me to go, Danno?"
"Of course. But I didn't exactly think the Boss's concert would be your cup of tea."
"I want to go because you do."
"It's settled then."
Timeouts: "Danny said you can come out of your office now, Boss."
"I'm in charge. I still don't understand how he can put me in timeout."
"You aren't really in charge. We just let you believe that."
Understanding: "There is nothing in your past that could make me love you any less."
"I've done some…unspeakable things, Danno."
"That doesn't make you less than who you are, Babe."
"I don't think that makes sense but thank you."
Vibrators: "No. Absolutely not."
"Come on, Babe. Live a little."
"No. Not going to happen."
"Danno? Danno…maybe I have changed my mind."
"Get your own. This one is mine now.
Wishing on a star: "That one right there. That one is yours, Uncle Steve."
"But I have everything I want, Gracie."
"Then I'll use your wish."
"You can have all my wishes."
XLVIII: "Because you promised that if the Jets ever made it to the Super Bowl, you would go with me."
"That was before I knew it was going to be played in Minnesota. In February."
"Promise is a promise, Babe. We'll buy you a down parka when we get there."
"I am not wearing anything with feathers in it."
Yelling: "I never yelled before I met you."
"I find that hard to believe. SEALs don't yell?"
"War cries. That's different."
"You keep believing that.
Zone-out: "It's like quality time. Only…different."
"Different how Danno? We're still just laying here not doing the chores."
"Shhh….you're destroying myZen."