Author's Note: In the three days of my viewing of Madoka Magica (and I viewed a lot of it), I realized that Sayaka REALLY needed a Sassy, Gay Friend. This was the end result.

Disclaimer: I don't own Sassy, Gay Friend or Puella Magi Madoka Magica. I just own Homu-kun, Homura's genderbend.

Sayaka and Kyouko sat in the abandoned train station, waiting. Unfortunately, they were waiting for Sayaka to turn into a witch.

"Meet Miki Sayaka from the tragic anime Puella Magi Madoka Magica. She is about to become a witch over her despair of losing her boyfriend to her friend, Hitomi. This fate could've been avoided if she had a Sassy, Gay Friend."

Then, Homu-kun - who was basically a male version of Homura - entered. He wore a Sassy, Gay, peach-colored scarf.

"What are you doing? What, what, WHAT are you doing?" Homu-kun asked Sayaka.

"I want to become a witch and die! Kyosuke loves Hitomi more than me! My wish was for him AND me, not for Hitomi!" Sayaka sobbed.

"Your best friend stole your crush from you, so you're gonna kill yourself? Kill yourself?" Homu-kun asked Sayaka.

"No, duh. All Puella Magis become witches someday," Kyouko butted in.

"Kyouko, sweetie, this isn't your Sassy, Gay, pep talk," Homu-kun said to Kyouko before turning to Sayaka. "Sayaka, sweetie, look at your life, look at your choices."

"I have no choices! Kyosuke left me for that whore and i'm in despair!" Sayaka cried.

"Look, Sayaka, this isn't Sayonara, Zetsubou-sensei. Move on," Homu-kun said.

"How can I move on? Kyosuke is the whole reason why i'm a Magical Girl!" Sayaka explained. Homu-kun sighed.

"Sayaka, darling, I'm gonna be frank here - Have you tried experimentation? Experimenting with Kyouko doesn't count," Homu-kun asked Sayaka.

"No. Kyouko's just my friend with benefits," Sayaka answered. Homu-kun facepalmed.

"That's the same as experimenting with Kyouko! Sayaka, we're gonna take control of your life, and we're gonna do it now!" Homu-kun explained as he pulled out a bottle of MiO water enhancer. Kyouko threw a water bottle to Homu-kun, who caught it. "FTS, Sayaka, FTS."

"What's that?" Sayaka asked Homu-kun.

"MiO. You flip it, tip it, and sip it," Homu-kun explained as he poured the beverage enhancer into the water. He then gave the water to Sayaka, who drank it.

"I gotta say, this stuff's not bad," Sayaka commented.

"It comes in many different flavors. You can add a little flavoring or a lot of flavoring to your water to spice things up," Homu-kun explained.

"I have taken control of my beverage and my life!" Sayaka exclaimed, causing her Soul Gem to shine brighter than it was.

"Hey, do I get some of that stuff?" Kyouko asked Homu-kun.

"You weren't in danger of becoming Oktavia von Seckondoff, you stupid bitch," Homu-kun said to Kyouko before he turned to the camera. "She's a stupid bitch."

Ending Note: Homu-kun, don't call Kyouko a stupid bitch! She's my favorite out of the five girls!

Review to keep the Puella Magis from becoming witches.