The Meaning of Love
A Harry Potter and Queer As Folk Crossover Story
Author Note/Disclaimer: I do not own anything from Harry Potter; the creative and awesome writer J.K. Rowling created the novels. CowLip, Showtimes and Paramount own Queer As Folk.
In 1971, Brian Kinney is born into the world to Joan and Jack Kinney. He has six older siblings, Jonathan (11 yrs older - Born. 1960), Ashton & Serena (8 yrs older - Born. 1963), Lily (6 yrs older - Born. 1965), Charlotte & Charles (5 yrs. older - Born. 1966) and Claire (4 yrs. older - Born. 1967). Brian spends most of his childhood being abused by his parents and tends to stay at his best friends or other friends houses, away from his parents, whenever he can.
Harry Potter was born 1983. The Harry Potter series takes place 1994 to 2001. Lily Potter nee. Evans (Kinney) was born 1965; she would be eighteen when she had Harry. And would have died when she was nineteen. Everyone else was born a few years later than in the original timeline. Any other questions will be answered if you send a message to me.
Summary: After the death of his big sister, Brian Kinney continues to fight for custody of his nephew Harry Potter, but is always turned down. Years later Harry searches for his Uncle and finds him. He learns that family doesn't always have to be about blood.
Pairings: Brian Kinney/Justin Taylor, Melanie Marcus/Lindsay Peterson, Michael Novotny/Ben Buckner, Debbie Novotny/Carl Horvath, Ted Schmidt/Blaze Wyzecki and Emmett Honeycutt/Calvin Colpepper (Many of these pairings won't appear until later on in the story)
Setting(s): Harry Potter books take place during the third, fourth, fifth, sixth and seventh book and Queer As Folk is from all seasons.
Rating: NC-17 or M at times
Warnings (Including but not limited to): Violence, Strong Language, Adult Situations, Graphic Sex (maybe), Alcohol Use, Mention/Show of Martial Abuse, Mention/Show of Physical, Emotional, Mental and Sexual Abuse, Classism, Homophobia, Hate Crimes, Drug Use, Mention of Drug Use, Alcoholism, Attempted Suicide, Suicide, Attempted Rape, Rape, Nudity, Fights, ect.
By: Stone Sour
Wish I was too dead to cry
My self-affliction fades
Stones to throw at my creator
Masochists to which I cater
You don't need to bother;
I don't need to be
I'll keep slipping farther
But once I hold on,
I won't let go 'til it bleeds
Wish I was too dead to care
If indeed I cared at all
Never had a voice to protest
So you fed me shit to digest
I wish I had a reason;
My flaws are open season
For this, I gave up trying
One good turn deserves my dying
You don't need to bother;
I don't need to be
I'll keep slipping farther
But once I hold on,
I won't let go 'til it bleeds
Wish I'd died instead of lived
A zombie hides my face
With its memories
With cryptic entries
And you don't need to bother;
I don't need to be
I'll keep slipping farther
But once I hold on,
I won't let go 'til it bleeds
You don't need to bother;
I don't need to be
I'll keep slipping farther
But once I hold on:
I'll never live down my deceit
31st October 1989
The figure stood silently upon the edge of the towering building gazing out with tired hazel eyes that looked out across the busy, flickering lights of Pittsburgh. A burning cigarette hung between his pointer and middle finger with a chain of white smokey mist floated in a wave like pattern with the cold breeze of air, disappearing into the starless sky. A silent sigh escaped pink lips as eyelids fluttered close and the head of the young nineteen-year-old faced the sky as the wind fluttered past, ruffling his clothes.
Brian Kinney noiselessly adjusted his weight on his feet after remaining in the same position for the last couple of hours. Raising the burning cigarette to his lips he took another drag and slowly released the smoke through his nose. He lowered his head and looked out across the active city life. From where he stood he could hear sounds of music and celebrations. At least others are having a good time, he thought to himself. His hand hung at his side, gently holding his cigarette as it swayed along with the wind. Brian silently lost himself in thoughts of memories long since forgotten and not wanting to be remembered. "I thought I'd fine you up here." Michael Novotny stepped through the bland metal doorway of the large buildings stairway. The door slammed shut behind him from a rush of gusty wind, startling the shorter man as he walked across the roof. Many of Brian's friends and their families used it for holiday parties, this one just happened to be a Halloween party. Brian glanced over his shoulder, quirked an eyebrow and let a small smirk grace his luscious lips.
"Aren't I always up here around this time?" He retorted dryly. Every year since he was thirteen he spent his days up on the roof of some type of building, staring out over the city of Pittsburgh. It was the day of his older sister and his brother-in-law's death and the day his godson and nephew was taken from him. Little Harry had not been able to be placed in his other godfathers care, he was the traitorous bastard that led to the death of the only people he considered his family, and destroyed Harry's chance at a normal childhood. It didn't help that Brian had been too young, only thirteen at the time, when his sister and brother-in-law was murdered. Even at nineteen-years-old the old bastard and their stupid government weren't letting him acquire guardianship of his nephew and godson. He could feel his anger simmering in his blood, just barely hidden beneath the surface at the thought of them again.
"You should just let it go for now." Michael stated while walking closer to Brian and stood beside his best friend on the ledge of the building. Michael has coincidentally be in love with the handsome male for years, but he would never tell Brian that. "I mean, you can live the life you want, continue going to college, sleep with all the guys you want and enjoy life." He continued and completely oblivious to his friends bubbling fury at his words.
A dark look flashed over Brian's handsome visage at his best friends words. Did he really think so lowly about him? "No, Mikey. I promised Lily I'd take care of her son and I'm breaking that promise because I don't have him with me." He spoke firmly as his hazel eyes took a glance at his best friend. Raising his hand he took another drag from his cigarette before releasing the gray smoke from his lungs, causing the swirl of smoke to disappear with the wind. The soothing feeling of smoke and nicotine encasing his lungs was a relaxation he had acquired at thirteen-years-old. It had been an annoyance for his older sister who, unsuccessfully, had tried to break him of his "horrible habit" as Lily called it.
"There's not much you can do now." Michael said as his hands tapped on his leg, looking away from Brian's cold eyes. He wasn't use to that expression being set upon him. It unnerved him to see his best friends eyes so cold.
"If you say so." Brian spoke in a sardonic voice. He turned his gazed back up to starless night sky with a thoughtful countenance. "Don't you have better things to do Mikey?" His voice broke the silence between the two friends. The noise of Pittsburgh nightlife was clear to the two young adults standing in silence. One of them was enjoying the cold fall air while the other fought the urge to shiver at the ice biting wind.
"I was worried about you." The reply caused a grimace, unseen by Michael, cross Brian's face. It always made the slightly younger male uncomfortable about his friend's too caring attitude for him. He knew his best friend was in love with him and that was what made him so discomforted when he said something like that.
"No need. I'm fine." He was always fine when in truth he wasn't. But he wasn't one to whine and bitch about his problems. If he wanted someone to know about his 'issues' he'd tell them. Until then, his friends usually knew not to bug him about what he was feeling. Well, almost all of them did. Michael tended to persistently ask and pester Brian until he finally snapped. "Look, Mikey," He began, cutting his friend off before he could speak again. "Why don't you go back inside and enjoy the celebrations. I'll meet you in there in a while." Michael knew a dismissal when he heard one. With a sigh the older male nodded his head and gave Brian's shoulder a squeeze before pulling away and disappearing back into the stairway of the building.
Brian sighed in relief at the sound of the rooftops door slamming shut behind Michael. While he did care about his best friend, he couldn't deal with him at the moment. He just needed some peace and quiet away from his too loud friends. "I'm sorry Lily. I tried. I really did. I'll keep going, but I doubt I'll be able to get very far." Brian murmured to himself. His cigarette was nearly depleted as he took one last drag before tossing it over the edge of the building. Hazel eyes watched silently while the bud of the cigarette fluttered through the air before disappearing from sight.
It would be years before he ever saw his nephew and godson again.
9th July 1994
11th June 1985
I'm not much into sentimental crap as you are well informed on. This is just another latest update. I was preoccupied the last few weeks and so I was unable to send you a letter.
I can still remember how I use to tell you how much I hated the idea of love. I can recall you telling me constantly that it wasn't as bad as I thought it was. You were the one that told me that love wasn't all bad. Even after you discovered when you were younger that you were put up for adoption, given away because our parents thought you some demon because of the unexplainable things you did as a baby. I remember we met when I was nine and you were thirteen and had traveled all the way to Pittsburgh to meet us. You never got to meet them seeing as they wanted nothing to do with you. You only got to meet me but you told me you never regretted meeting me and I'm glad. I never regretted meeting you either...
You always told me I should be willing to open up to the idea of love. I have always been positive that love wasn't worth it. Lily, my sister, I've finally realized why my best friend, Michael, always has this hurt and saddened look in his eyes. Ever since you described to me what it feels like not to have someone love you in return...
My best friend is in love with me but I can never love him as he wants me too. I know he wishes I did, but I can't lie to him and tell him I love him the same way as he wishes I would. I'd only break his heart more. He's my best friend, a brother. Nothing more, nothing less.
I need my big sister's insight, Lily. You were always the 'expert' in love. Should I tell him the truth? Or should I just ignore it? I'm leaning towards ignoring it. If I don't acknowledge it, I can't hurt him.
I have learned the hard way what love can do to you, and I never wanted that feeling. As I grew older, I came out of my naivety...if I ever had it in the first place. I began believing early on about my no love no relationship policy after living in the house of Joan and Jack. While you, Lily, continued to wish for that love that your adoptive parents have. I'm glad you finally found it. James seemed like a nice guy, and your son, my nephew and godson, was adorable and looked a lot like you and James, and had a bit of Kinney genes in him, from the last time I saw him. He seemed to take a liking to me, but everyone does, who wouldn't?
21st July 1985
I've been having this horrible feeling in my gut. I feel like something bad may happen to you. I just hope it doesn't. You're worth so much to me, as difficult as that is to admit. I was taught early on that emotions make you an easy target in the house. It makes you weak, but for you, I'm willing to admit it. The idea of something ghastly happening to you makes me sick to my stomach. I pray that nothing occurs. If there is a God and he protects you, I might just start believing in him. I don't know if can handle it...if something does happen.
You've told me that you world is in a horrible place at the moment Lily. That the war that's transpiring. Be safe Lils, I don't want to lose you. You, James and little Harry are all I have. Though we're part of this horrible place as long as we have each other to depend on we'll be fine.
I was told recently by the old crone that I was a shameful, worthless piece of shit and maybe I am one of these horrible things.
I suppose I am, with the way we have to live in this sort of world.
Anyways, I wrote to tell you about these nightmarish visions I've been having lately. I can't stand these dreams and the flashes I've seen. I see a fight between James and a cloaked man. James is yelling to you and he's telling you to run and take little Harry. The next flash you're running upstairs and into the nursery of your son's room. Protecting him, defending him, against a man that's rather handsome. The two of you are arguing, you're pleading to him to spare Harrison. The man says something to you that I can't quite catch before there's a flash of green light and you fall with a scream in front of Harry's crib. The next flash is the cloaked man standing over your still body and holding a wand to your son. He talks to baby Harry but I can't hear him over the ringing in my ears. The next thing I see is a green flash of light and it...rebounds back off of Harry and then there's a sudden scream of pain from the cloaked man.
I always awaken with sweat dripping down my face, my breathing rapid and tears falling from my eyes. I've had this dream for the last few months Lils and I'm worried. That horrible scream still rings in my ears hours afterwards and that dream haunts me the rest of the day. I've taken to new extremes to make myself forget this hellish nightmare. You wouldn't be happy with me if you ever found out what extremes I've taken.
It's rather odd now that I think on it Lily. I've always had strange dreams like this nightmare, ever since I was a child. They're usually horrible and tragic, though I have had a few happy ones and I can never figure out why.
Do you remember when you asked me if I would ever find happiness? Can you remember what I said Lily? I can still. I remember telling you that I'll always find happiness with you every summer we see each other. I still recall the promise we made to each other and it still remains true. I will always be there for you Lily, no matter what it is. Whether it is to protect you or your family or raising little Harry should anything happen to you and James. I'll do anything I can.
31st August 1985
I can still vividly remember when I was nine and you were fifteen, you asked me if I would ever find happiness. I told you I had, but never for what reason. It was always you that brought me happiness Lily. You were the only one that has not abandoned me, not purposely. You never left me to the ones I have to call 'parents' because you wanted to but because you had to. You are the big sister, the older sibling I should have had, one that should have been willing to watch over me, protect me from the people I'm forced to call my parents.
We promised each other that day before you left to head home, that we would always watch out for each other and those we cared for and tat still remains true for me. I will do whatever I can to protect you and yours, no matter the cost. You're my big sister. You're the only one in my fucked up life that I actually give a damn about. You're the one person that's kept me going when things get too hard. You'll my best friend Lily and I couldn't have asked for a better one.
I want you to promise me something Lily Marie Potter, that you will watch yourself. The nightmare continues to persist and I can't stop this sinking feeling in my stomach that says horrible is going to happen. I have this feeling in my guts that tells me I should to take you, James and Harry and run. That I should hide you as far away from England as possible.
Promise me you'll be careful.
You're all I have left.
I can't lose you. I don't know what will happen if I do.
19th September 1985
I did as you asked and tried for a 'relationship' from the last time we talked over the phone. I can't really say that it ended well. My only relationship at only thirteen and it will never happen again. Love is not worth the heartbreak. Who would have figured that I would know what 'heartbreak' is? Never again will I try and give it another shot. It's not worth the headaches.
You know, I actually thought he would be worth the time and energy. Wasn't that a punch in the face when I discovered, at a dance, the guy I was with showed how much he actually cared for me? Which wasn't much, but I had always hoped he had been the one for me. That maybe he actually truly cared for me. I should have suspected something. I always had that nagging voice whisper in the back of my mind that he wasn't what I thought he was.
Fucking asshole. Figured he couldn't keep his dick in his pants.
I should have trusted my judgment and my friends. I wanted to give it a try for you Lily. Now don't go thinking I'm trying to make you feel guilty. I'm rather over the whole shit. It was a one time thing and rather mundane. Who knew relationships were boring?
It was a whole fucking waste of time. After that I went through that whole, 'I hate the world and everyone else' stage. I may have felt a little bad for being such an asshole to you, but it happens. I think I made those six months the worst months of everyone elses lives here. It made me highly amused and happy, even if it pissed off Jack more than anything. It was rather worth all the pain and suffering I went through.
That relationship did show me one thing, trying to get love from someone is just as unreliable as my parents. I don't even know what love from s parent even is. The only true love I've ever known is a sibling love from you and a bond of friendship.
ve in the conventional sense, the relationship type, is something I won't touch with a ten-foot pole again. Love is a hard thing to trust now a day's. Just like 'Sorry' is. Sorry is as overrated as 'Love' is, everyone says 'Oh, I'm so sorry' or 'Sorry, forgive me?'. Or they say 'I love you' or 'I love you too'. Fuck them and fuck love. Sorry is bullshit. Sorry's aren't worth anything, just like love isn't. Everyone says Sorry or I Love You. It's a word constantly used.
I've been in this angry mood lately. The nightmares are persistent as ever; even with my new extremes of ignoring these nightmares, they still find some way to get through.
Be safe Lily. This feeling has been getting worst.
25th October 1985
You're probably wondering why I'm writing this to you a few days before Halloween. Well, I figured one last letter before I have to leave Pittsburgh for some 'family' thing the parents want to deal with and are dragging me with them. I just wanted to tell you and remind you how much I love you. You're my best friend, my big sister and at one time or another, you had wanted to kidnap me and take me back to England with you.
I sometimes wish you did. Here it seems someone always blames me for some bullshit or another that happens between Mikey and I. Whenever he gets hurt unintentionally or intentionally, I'm automatically blamed. Go figure. I got over if years ago, after the day my bitch of a grandmother died. Michael had gotten hurt a day after by falling out of a tree house his Uncle had built him.
I suppose I should tell you about the day my grandmother died, you've always asked, but I never told. I didn't feel the need, and still don't. As my final 'later', I figured you deserve to know the truth.
It was around the time I was seven, my parents, older siblings and I had to go to the hospital. My grandmother was sick with a severe case of pneumonia and was dying. It was a sad and depressing time for everyone to deal with, except for me. She had been a mean old hag, that adored my older siblings except me. I know the whole "don't speak ill of the dead" thing but she had been a cruel and sadistic bitch that enjoyed dishing abuse on me.
Anyways, I knew something was wrong with her from everyone's reactions. I never really asked, as I honestly wasn't that curious, about what was wrong with my grandmother. I also didn't want to make them start crying or anything if I asked. Even then I wasn't very comfortable with expressing or dealing with other peoples emotional turmorials.
I remember sitting silently on the hospital chair out in the hall, waiting until my grandmother finally joined my grandfather, wondering when it would end. Months before my grandfather died from lung cancer and it caused my grandmother's health to deteriorate. As much as my grandmother was a bitch, my grandfather was actually a sweet, kind old man that I enjoyed spending time with when we had family gatherings.
After my grandmother's death, my parents became much crueler and greedier after the heritance money that they received from my grandmother. I was told by my grandfather, before he died, that he left all the money he had in his name to me. That no one in our family could touch the money he left me. I'm able to take control of the money left to me after my twenty first birthday.
Most of my siblings got rather jealous and angry when they found out this news. Sure they got some money from my grandmother but not as much as I'm assuming I did. Most of them moved out after high school to head to college and left me to deal with such loving parents. They're all fucking assholes anyways.
I just hope they never find out I'm gay. If they were pissed about the money I can just imagine how furious and disgusted they'll be with me being gay. Do you know what my old man Jack would do to me, or what that old bitch Joan would do? She already spouts off this bullshit about God and my burning in hell for being a good for nothing hooligan. Her tangents would only get worse.
The only reason we have a house is because they paid it off with their rich inheritance money my mother received from my grandmother and used the rest for bills when it comes time to. My father's inheritance money he received from his family is used to "encourage their unfavorable addictions", as your parents call it.
Your parents and you are the ones that have been there for me since we first met. You're the only ones that took the time to get to know me and give a damn and I want to thank you for that Lily. You've always made the time for me and I'm glad I got to know the sister I hadn't known I was missing until a couple of years ago.
I'll be sure to send you more letters when I can.
With the worry you, James and Harry are causing me I'll go gray before I'm eighteen. I'm afraid one day I'll wake up and find out something happened to you.
Until next time, I'll be awaiting your letter reply.
13th June 1995
Eleven-year-old Harry Potter silently set the booklet filled with his mothers letter from her younger brother upon the uneven bed as he sat upon the cot he was sharing with Ron Weasley, one of his best friends. A soft whoosh escaped his lips at the news. He could feel anger at the thought of the Ministry and Albus Dumbledore keeping his Uncle from getting custody of him. If he had, Harry knew he would have been given a better life than what he had. And from what he read of these letters over the years his Uncle and Mother sent each other, his Uncle had a far worst childhood then he himself had. His stomach turned as his hands traced the neat cursive writing his Uncle had. For a twelve-year-old, he had amazing writing. Then again, from what Harry had learned in these letters, his Uncle had never really been a child, not like Harry had, which, he admitted, wasn't much better.
"What are you doing Harry?" The sudden voice of Hermione Granger caused the young eleven, nearly twelve-year-old, to startled and quickly turn to the doorway where his other best friend stood. Harry would admit he and Hermione got along better than he and Ron did. Harry had always been more interested in learning about this strange, new world he had been thrust in so suddenly a year ago.
"I was reading some letters from my mum and my Uncle." Harry stated. He waited for the confusion to set in for his brilliant friend.
"Why would your mum be writing to your Uncle Dursley?" Maybe not then. Harry sighed to himself and looked to his friend with a shake of his head.
"My mum was adopted, 'Mione. Lily Evans was actually born as Lily Kinney until she was given up and put up for adoption. So technically that so called 'protection' with the Dursley's doesn't even exist. It also seems I have more than just one Uncle. My Uncle Brian, the one I mentioned that was talking to my mum, he kept mentioning older siblings that "Got out of the house while they could", as my Uncle stated in one of his letters." The raven-haired preteen wiped his hands nervously on his torn jean pants. "I want to find him 'Mione. He promised my mum he'd take me in, no matter what, and I want to know why he suddenly gave up." Seeing the determination in her friends bright green eyes Hermione knew she would find no way out of it.
"So, let's begin and see if we come up with anything." Hermione said. Grabbing her friend's hand they quickly ran out of the room and downstairs. They'd ask Ron's brothers, Bill and Charlie, and see if they would be willing to help them go to Diagon Alley's Library.
They would soon realize that it would take them longer than just the summer to find Harry Potter's Uncle; it would take them almost a whole year.
7th June 1996
Young Harry James Potter stood looking up at the dark and towering apartment building in Pittsburgh. It was surprisingly dark considering it was morning. His stomach turned and twisted at the notion that this was the first time he would be finally able to meet his Uncle and Godfather. His hands shook with nerves and his heart fluttered with anticipation. With sweaty hands, Harry slowly stepped up to the small box and pressed the small red button for a moment as he waited for the voice of his Uncle to speak. "Yeah?" The voice was husky and hoarse, as if he had just woken up.
"Uh - um - my name is Harry Potter." Harry replied nervously as he pressed the button on the intercom. "I'm your nephew and godson." Silence met his statement and for a moment Harry feared his Uncle was going to ignore him.
Brian couldn't believe it. Harry, his nephew, Lily's only son, his godson, was outside. He didn't know how that happened or why he was here, but the anticipation of seeing Harry as… god, he must be twelve-years-old. Jesus! Brian suddenly felt old; well, older than he already felt.
"Come on up, Harry." The reply made Harry breathe out easier and the sound of the door buzzing made Harry bounce on his feet with excitement. His Uncle's voice sounded softer than it had previously, there was something in his voice that Harry wanted to trust, and he didn't feel that very often.
His hand gripped his satchel tightly while he pulled the metal-glassed door open with his free hand and stepped into the hallway. The flickering yellow lights of the hall made Harry's stomach tighten in nervousness. He was finally going to meet his Uncle. Biting his lip Harry slowly walked down the corridor towards the elevator. Pushing the arrow that showed upwards, the eleven-year-old gnawed on the bottom of his lip as he tried to calm his suddenly nauseous stomach. With a small 'ding' the doors to the elevator opened and Harry silently stepped inside.
Pressing the fourth level that had his Uncle's loft, he leaned against the elevator wall and fought his impatience. The door gave another 'ding' and Harry stepped out into the hallway. He passed a rather happy looking male, he had a rather goofy expression on his face and looked messily dressed. Harry felt his curiosity rise at the man's look. Harry passed the brown haired male, who looked to be in his early to late twenties and gave a polite smile to the man's nod of greeting. Harry quickly made his way to the metal sliding door of his Uncle's flat and gave the bell a small ring. It felt like hours to Harry as he waited for the door to open and when it did he felt surprise at the handsome male standing on the other side.
"Harry Potter." Brian Kinney stated. It wasn't a question, but it definitely was a statement. He still couldn't believe Harry was here. Years ago he would have greeted him with open arms and a loving hug, but that wasn't who he was any more. He wanted to be, for Harry but he just couldn't, yet.
"Uh, hello...Uncle Brian." Harry replied nervously.
"Hi, come on in Harry." Brian stated. Uncle Brian, he thought, that would take some getting used to...or not; he had no interest in titles and societal norms. "And its just Brian, no need with formalities, never been one to follow them anyway." Stepping aside he allowed his nephew access to his apartment. He slid the metal door shut with a dull 'thunk' and locked the door before turning to face his nephew-godson. Brian watched in slight amusement at the awed and flabbergasted expression on his face. Harry's bright emerald green eyes gazed around his uncle's large loft.
"Wow." The eleven-year-old muttered with amazement.
"Nice isn't it?" Brian rhetorically questioned. Harry nodded anyways, his eyes still looking around the large penthouse. His bare-feet slapped against the dark wood flooring as he made his way into the kitchen.
Harry knew enough not to mention how much money people made, but his Uncle must be rich. It was very impressive. Harry knew how much gold he had in Gringott's, both his familial inheritance, both recent and distant, but that didn't mean much out in the Muggle world. Unless he could change the currency. He would have given anything just have even a little of that wealth available when he was living with the Dursley's.
Brian opened the fridge door and grabbed two bottles of water on the middle shelf and then shut the door. Walking back into the living room/family room he plopped down lazily on his leather sofa and set the bottle of water down for Harry on the table, indicating with a wave of his hand that Harry should have a seat. Leaning back into the couch he turned to face his nephew. "So, this is definitely a surprise. What are you doing here?" He inquired with an undertone of curiosity.
"I came looking for you," Harry said softly, "I found you letters to my mum and I wanted to meet you." He stated and walked silently over to the couch and took a hesitant seat.
"And you decided to look for me after that? How come?" Brian's hazel eyes glinted with intrigue. He could read exactly what his nephew was feeling from his expressive eyes while his mind raced with different thoughts. He wondered just how Harry found him. He must have had some sort of help to get this information. It was most likely an adult with some knowledge of the laws from the world his nephew, sister and brother-in-law belonged to.
"I wanted to find you, needed to find you. I… well, when I'm with my friend's family, I feel… what I mean is…" Harry couldn't quite voice what he wanted to say. How he felt about his friends and their families and knowing he was accepted by them but still felt like an outsider. That he felt so very alone even though he was surrounded by hundreds of people.
"You feel like that's what you want, but you're an intruder. That you don't belong with them but you want to be a part of something like that." Brian explained helpfully. He knew that feeling all too well. Even if he had gotten use to it since he was a child.
Harry couldn't believe it, that's exactly what he felt. He nodded quickly in agreement. "Yeah, that's… that's what I feel. The way you wrote those letters to my… mum" he choked out, it was difficult to talk about his parents especially after he found out what really happened to them, "I was hoping you could take me in, like you were suppose to after my parents died." Harry replied. He played with the strings on the worn end of his t-shirt as he looked down at his lap.
This kid had guts, coming all the way from London to look for an Uncle in the hopes that he would be accepted. Talk about a risk, a risk that Brian didn't think he could do if their situations were reversed. "You know, I did try to take you in after your parents were murdered and even after that, until I was in my early twenties." Brian mused aloud. Harry's head snapped up at his Uncle's words.
"What?" Harry gasped out in surprise.
"Yep." Brian said, popping the 'p' in the word. "I tried to take you in but that old bastard and his lap dogs in the Ministry wouldn't let me. I tried for years, but they kept saying I was unfit, I wasn't magical enough, I wasn't old enough or I didn't have the things to take care of you." He gave a scoff of disgust as his mind flashed back to all those times he was denied and the looks on those pretentious, egotistical asses. It still pissed him off even a few years later. "Yeah, right. That old bastard just kept saying something about protection, but I'm your flesh and blood, not that stupid bitch Dursley."
Brian may not have been a full-blooded magical being like his older sister had been, but he did have some abilities. After all, his "dreams" couldn't have just been his imagination, especially with how his sister died only a few months after he kept having them. He also couldn't forget his sexual prowess and skills, which had to be defined magically, somehow. He just wasn't sure how yet. He wasn't a wizard or witch like Harry or Lily but he certainly wasn't a squib. He had to be something to be able to do some of the things he did. Brian wasn't about to say he was some "psychic". He didn't believe in that bullshit, but his strange dreams over the years and his sexual prowess and skills had to have come from somewhere.
Harry couldn't honestly say anything as he looked at his uncle. For years Brian had tried to take custody of him but the Ministry and Dumbledore of all people wouldn't let him? "Tha - why?" Harry gasped out with hurt and sadness in his eyes and expressed clearly over his face at the news.
"I have a few theories, but nothing you need to worry about. At least not since you're here anyway." Brian announced casually. "You don't need any more worries after the bullshit you've had to deal with already."
"I - I have some papers. They'd allow you custody of me if you sign them." Harry murmured out shyly. He hadn't a clue how to reply to what his uncle had just said. His pale cheeks flushed at the look on Brian's face. It felt kid of nice having someone worry over him that was his actual flesh and blood. Instead of being just his friends and their families.
"Let me see them and I'll get my lawyer...friend to look them over." Brian remarked. He leaned forward and held out a hand for the papers. Harry quickly opened his satchel and pulled out the required documents. He handed them to his Uncle and waited as he read them over before pulling out his cellphone and dialing a number.
"Hey Lindsay, look, I need a favor from her." Brian stated into the phone and added some distaste to the word "her". "Yeah, yeah, I know, I should be nicer." He replied with a roll his eyes. "Anyways, I need her expertise on some law shit. My nephew appeared -" A sigh escaped from his lips. "Yes, Lindsay, I know. But I promised Lily I would and I'm going to keep that promise, no matter how late it may be." His head tilted as he listened to his friend continue to speak. "Look - just get her to come to my office or my loft tomorrow after she gets off." An annoyed look flashed across his face. "No, Lindsay, I'm not fucking kidding. Just do it. Tomorrow at my loft is fine. Yeah, later." Brian hung up the phone and shook his head with exasperation.
"Some fucking people." He muttered under his breath. Shaking his head he looked over at Harry. "So, with any luck, we'll get this paperwork straightened out tomorrow. But in the meantime, how are you doing? You hungry, tired?" Brian questioned with a raised eyebrow.
That was fast, thought Harry. He had come all the way to America to find his uncle in hopes that he would find a family. And just like that he was going to have a place to live, with his real uncle, someone that loved his mother and knew what his parents were like. Before he could respond Harry's face flushed as his stomach grumbled to life.
Brian chuckled. "Right. Well, I guess that answers my question. Let me get my shoes and shit on and then I'll take you wherever you want to go." He stated and pushed himself up from the couch. He walked across the room and up the three steps that led into his bedroom. He swiftly put his socks and shoes on and grabbed his leather jacket that he always wore when dressed casually. He double-checked all his buttons of his button-fly were done and his silk black shirt was buttoned up enough to be comfortable.
Brian came down a few minutes later to see Harry still sitting on the couch in his obviously second hand, ratty clothing. "You know, I'm going to have to give you a serious make over. I wouldn't be caught dead wearing the clothes you have on." He stated with a critical eye. "Unless of course, you'd rather stay wearing something a dog wouldn't sleep on."
Harry couldn't believe the insults his uncle was giving him, well to his clothes, not him. They weren't his choice, there was no way he could buy himself anything. The forlorn look on his godsons face gave Brian pause. He relaxed his face to look kind and not judgmental. "No kid should be seen in shit like that, Harry. I know what it's like, when you don't have a choice, taken what's given without any fucking say in the matter… Oh yeah, been there, done that." He stated in an uncaring manner. Harry could almost hear a little sadness in his voice though.
"You - you have?" Harry inquired with curiosity.
"Mhm." Brian made the small noise in the back of his throat and opened his loft door. Harry walked up to the door just as Brian was about to step out. He could see the questions in Harry's eyes and decided to nip that in the bud right then. "I might tell you someday, just...no questions right now, okay?"
Harry paused for a moment, thinking about that. He wanted to know, but it kind of made sense, if someone were to ask him about living with the Dursley's he would have no interest in explaining what he had dealt with. He looked up to his Uncle Brian and smiled and nodded. "Yeah, no questions...does that mean I don't have to answer the same questions?"
Brian chuckled, smart kid. "I might expect a few answers that you might not want to answer, but I won't ever force you share anything you're not willing to share, okay? You should never have to do or say anything you don't want, ever." Brian stated this with such passion and conviction that Harry believed him, and somehow, even though they'd just met, trusted him.
Brian put his arm around Harry's shoulders in a kind of hug that didn't necessarily have to be seen as a hug. Brian was never much for hugs, but Harry looked like he could use a little support. If Brian was honest with himself, he didn't mind a little hug or comfort after all the time he had wanted to take care of Harry, and now he was finally here, and Harry found a way to him on his own.
"So Harry have you ever had Chinese?" He asked his nephew with a raised eyebrow.
"No." Harry replied with a frown.
"Pizza?" Brian tried again. All he got in reply was a shake of his head. "You're definitely missing out. I really do need you to get up to speed. I usually get a salad from the Pizza Palace, but I'm willing to kill myself by getting a bite of pizza for you." He stated with a sly smirk as the two walked down the hallway and towards the elevator.
Reviews would be awesome.
So, I got a review from a reader, and it got me thinking on what she said, and she was right. I didn't even remember writing the section of Harry actually knowing what a "sexed look" looks like, as he is only twelve, nearly thirteen. So, I changed it a bit, but it's not much of a change.
I may change a bit of chapter two, I don't think I'll change much, I'm not sure yet. I'm waiting for someone (my beta's) input on what I should do.