Konnichiwa! This is my first story in english, sorry for the bad writing, I'm spanish, and I tried my hardest! T^T It's in present because if I do it in past the story will be... well... It won't be a story xD My sister helped me, correcting the mistakes :) Thaanks :D Well this is Asakiku, very angsty.
Warnings: Yaoi, angst (a lot!), suicide (?)
Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia...
Enjoy! And please leave reviews, good or bad reviews :)
I'm quiet, as usual. You don't talk to me anymore. And that's why I never speak. Because talking to other people who are not you doesn't satisfy me. Alfred is now the owner of your heart, I once had it, too. But he stole it from my hands.
It was because of me. I wasn't enough for you. It's that, isn't it? I can't say I'm angry because I am not. I just pity myself for being so selfish. America was sad when I was with you; I could see it in his eyes. This is my punishment for being so cold-hearted to a person who didn't deserve it.
Right now, you're talking happily to him. If you're happy, then I'm happy too. It's not that, what love is about? You're eyes land on mine. You don't regret anything you said to me when you broke up with me. Maybe you don't even remember what words you used. I remember them, every single one of them, because every word you said broke my heart. "I can't stand being with you anymore, I'm leaving. You're just so jealous of all the people that are around me. You don't trust me, do you?" You gave me no good reasons to break up.
Our eyes meet, and yours are full of pity, and maybe hate. Yes, it must be that. Now, tell me, you think I deserved those words? Could you just say it in another way? I can't help crying out every night until I can sleep without having nightmares.
I shouldn't feel what I feel, but I can't help it. I hate Alfred. I'm so selfish, but I would love seeing you two break up. I would love seeing you back into my arms, as it should be.
Maybe I should die. I know suicide is a very coward way to sort things out but... I've never been depressed, now I know what it feels like. I've never thought about committing suicide and I had never thought someday I would consider this possibility. I think today is the day.
And I fear my thoughts, because now I'm very weak, I don't know how much time I will resist until my body begins to act on its own.
Have you ever cared about me? Do you care now? How much does seeing me this depressed affects to you? Maybe now that you're staring at me you don't really see me. You just look at me as if I were a ghost from the past. When I walk through the halls and we come across each other you don't even greet me. Have you forgotten about me, already? I wish I could have your strength.
When France left you, you came to my place crying. Your threw yourself into my arms and I didn't say a thing. I just stood there, stroking your hair and telling you that everything would be okay. During some time you were depressed, like I'm now, but you managed to keep going, and maybe (if it wasn't a lie) even fall for me. I have loved you for ages. And I still love you.
Months have passed by since I saw you in that meeting, talking with your new boyfriend. I heard that you two are doing well. I'm glad for you. I think I'm starting to move one. I cry less than before. But I still cry. Ludwig and Feliciano have been helping me so much, but I think it was because I kept waking them up with my sobbing.
I feel two hot tears roll down my cheeks. When did I start to cry? The tears keep coming down my cheeks, but I don't mind. I'm alone in the meeting room. No one is here to see me. I stiffen when I suddenly feel a hand on my shoulder. A warm hand I know very well. However, I keep my head down, so you can't see my red eyes and my wet face. You know I'm crying. With your free hand you take my chin and carefully raise my head and then you carefully scrutinise my face. Your eyes are full of worry. Why? Why do you care about me now?
"Kiku, are you ok?" No I'm not. Your voice sounds so strange and yet so familiar to me right now. I nod and try to move away but you stop me. "No, you're not. If you were ok you wouldn't be crying." I wish I could answer. I wish I could say all that I'm feeling right now, how much I love you, how much I missed you, your voice, your hands, your arms, your lips, everything. You take my hands and make me look into your eyes. "You can trust me." How you dare to say me this! I push you off and stare at you
"How could you..." I mumble. "How can you tell me that! After what you did to me, you have the guts to tell me that I can trust you!" I yell, sobbing, and I can't stop the tears. I want to make him see all the pain he put me through, make him feel the same. You stay there, staring at me, wide eyed. Now you can see all the damage you've done to my heart. I know I'm losing control, but I couldn't care less. At that moment Alfred appears, and sees us, just, as if we were a circus attraction. I clench my fists, trying to control myself so as not to punch the American's face. You look at him, like begging to save you from me. Do you fear me? Do you fear the beast you created?
"Arthur we have to go..." Alfred says, almost lovingly. I can't resist the urge and I run to him and punch him, making some blood to drip out of his nose.
"Kiku! Alfred!" You shout. You take my arms so I can't punch your boyfriend anymore. You throw me to the floor and you watch me with disgust. I flinch. Now I know what to do. You hate me, now you really hate me. Even after I told you all what have you had caused to me, you didn't even say sorry. Maybe because you think I don't deserve it. It's okay, now I know what to do.
I'm quite, as always. But this time it's not because I don't speak. It's because I will never speak, never again. My heart doesn't feel either, and I'm happy because all this horrible pain has gone away. My eyes don't see anymore, and it's okay because I won't see you with Alfred. I will never annoy you or annoy Alfred. I will never be an annoyance to anyone. I did what needed to be done. It wasn't difficult, my heart was feeling so much pain that the sword was nothing in comparison. I hope at least that you cry a little, maybe a couple of tears. I don't ask for anything else.
I know you liked being with me because I was quiet. Then, I hope you're happy.