(This is an AU of His Fathers Son, picking up from when Arthur sneaks out of his camp to try and reason with Queen Annis. This will ultimately be a reveal fic.
This chapter is a short prologue from Merlin's point of view from a later chapter in the story.)
I always try to be strong for the people I love, but fear can often lead the noblest of people to fall to their knees and give in.
I was once told that fear is only as important as your mind imagines it to be, and that if you really want to believe you can do something your mind must imagine that there is no fear at all.
But what would fear be if there was no death in the world and therefore nothing to fear that is more that fixable. Death is the ultimate reason we fear after all.
Anyway. Like I said before, someone once told me to have faith in my imagination. But what if faith wasn't the answer I was looking for. What if the things I was looking for most in the world did not have anything to do with fear or hatred or lust, but the feeling of belonging?
Life comes and goes as we please, but belonging somewhere will never go and will rarely every come. What would you choose if the only options were between dying, watching someone else die in your place or watching millions of people die for the sake of one life?
So, we return to my original thought, as if my mind is running laps in my head. No matter how much I want to belong, its fear I feel it coursing through my veins as I walk towards my destiny. My body feels numb, my mind racing and my fingers tingling with anticipation.
If I die today then I know that this fear will not be the last feeling I ever have. I know that the noblest of people do not ever forget the reasons they are doing the things they are, and that reason among many, is belonging. I am scared, yes. But I am finally protecting the people and place where I truly belong.