Where in the World


All recognizable characters belong to their respective owners (Cartoon Network, Brøderbund Software). For a prompt on YJ_Anon_Meme.

I'm pulling from what little I remember of the computer game, Where In Time Is Carmen Sandiego. Please forgive any inconsistencies; it's been a while.


There was a bright flash of light, not unlike that of a zeta beam teleporter, and a whoosh of displaced air in the middle of the living room of Mount Justice.

Artemis activated her bow, letting it snap together as she drew an arrow. She had it pointing at the new arrival's nose when the light faded.

"Don't move," she said. "Who are you? How did you get here?"

The man, tall and snooty, sneered at her. "Move aside, child," he sniffed disdainfully. "You are impeding a top priority investigation."

"I don't like you," Artemis said, narrowing her eyes and moving her bow from his nose to somewhere rather more vulnerable. "Give me one good reason I shouldn't take you down right now."

"You and what army?" the man asked, resting a hand on the odd contraption at his belt.

Artemis looked around and blinked. She was suddenly alone in a room that had previously contained the majority of their team. Granted, Batman had pulled Kaldur out for a quiet word, but that still left her with five magically disappearing teammates, only one of whom could actually magically disappear.

"Her and this army," Conner said, suddenly on her other side. M'gann floated behind him, one hand on his shoulder, just finishing fading into sight. Conner cracked his knuckles, and M'gann floated upwards, creating a height advantage.

"And this army," Zatanna echoed, snapping away her invisibility spell.

"What they said," Robin added from where he was hanging on the ceiling.

There was an awkward pause as the team waited for Kid Flash's dramatic entrance, and the man waited for the teens to do something.

"Look," the man said, digging in his jacket. "I am a certified ACME Special Agent, here on official business."

"Never heard of you," Conner said, and cracked his knuckles.

"I have," Robin spoke up, moving forward to examine the man's badge. "In this case, we'd probably be better off letting him go."

Artemis lowered her bow, feeling disappointed. She'd kind of wanted to know if he'd still sound so pompous with a hole in his lung.

"What are you here investigating?" Robin asked, ever curious.

"That's need-to-know, and you don't need to know."

"The Flash Museum has gone missing," M'gann said, lowering her hand. Then she blinked. "Wait, the whole thing? How does that work?"

"How did you know that?" the Agent said, getting in close and grabbing for her. "Who told you? That's classified!"

Before M'gann could even defend herself, Conner swung for his face. The guy stepped back, and back again, until Robin tripped him. The Agent went sprawling, but somehow managed to toss a small silver device at the Boy Wonder.

Robin stood, staring at the blue energy cuffs on his wrists. "What are these?" he asked, baffled. Zatanna came over, leaning in very close to inspect them.

M'gann was trying to calm Conner down, which is why no one was paying attention when the guy jumped Artemis. Or rather, tried to.

The air blurred and broke in the way that the team all knew well, and the agent went right back over in a tumble of limbs. Wally skidded to a stop next to Artemis. "You okay?" he asked, checking her over quickly.

"You!" the man cried, scrambling to his feet. "What are you doing here?"

"It's a coincidence, I swear!" Wally said, raising his hands. "I live here!"

The agent came at Wally, fisting his hands in the speedster's shirt and hiking him up off the ground. "Sure it's a coincidence," he hissed. "You're gonna tell me where she is, right now!"

Two fists swung at his face at the same moment as a punching-glove arrow and stun spell hit him, and Robin, now cuff-free, landed on his head just in time to ride him down to the ground. "You okay, man?" he asked, lifting Wally back to his feet.

"Yeah," Wally said, brushing himself off and pulling his shirt straight. "M'fine."

"What was that about?" Artemis asked, glaring at him. "Who's this 'she'?"

"There's only one 'she' that could get a seasoned agent so riled up," Batman said, making most of the kids jump. "And that is Carmen Sandiego."

Robin immediately opened up a holoscreen, pulling up the file. His eyes stuck on the photo, and his fingers faltered for a quick second.

"What is it?" Kaldur asked, coming up to stand behind his shoulder. "Do you know her?"

"Oh, I just—no," Robin said quickly. "No, I don't. But she was in Gotham two days ago."

"Yeah?" Wally said, perking up. "Where? Doing what?"

"Crashing a party," he answered, opening a secondary holoscreen, and a third one, pulling up more and more information. "She left with Bruce Wayne."

"Ooh," M'gann cooed. "I've seen him on the tv!"

"And then she obviously went to Central and stole a museum," Robin said, determined to get back on subject. He pointedly did not look at Batman. "Wally, you know anything about that?"

Wally winced. "It's just her little way of saying hi?"

He glanced around, and saw no help forthcoming. "Okay, okay! Geez! So I was adopted, okay!"

That seeming non-sequitur threw them for a quick moment, before Kaldur made the connection. "She is your mother?"

"Yes," Wally said, crossing his arms and flopping on to the couch. His bottom lip was in serious danger of popping out in a pout. "And she randomly shows up in my life at all the meaningful landmarks. Literally. And steals them."

The quiet was broken by a snerk, and it went downhill from there.

"Seriously?" Wally demanded. "What is funny? Why is this funny? This is not funny."

"Sorry," Artemis gasped. "I thought I had it bad, what with my dad trying to kill us all, but this. I just. Your mother steals buildings."

"Not always!" Wally defended. "She's stolen other things! Like the Alaskan Pipeline."

"Dude, how does that even work?" Robin asked. He cocked his head, looking off into the distance. "The dimensions would make it very hard to transport..."

"Stop admiring my mother!" Wally exclaimed, throwing up his hands in disgust. "This was a statement! The Flash Museum! She knows who I am! This is serious!"

Zatanna joined Artemis in giggling. "Quite the black sheep of your law-breaking family, aren't you?" she asked. "They must love you at Thanksgiving."

"Do you understand the scope of organizing the disappearance of the whole Alaskan Pipeline at once?" Robin asked no one in particular. "I'd give anything to know how she managed it..."

"No, we are not admiring my mother! First off, ew. Second off, thief!"

"Trust me, that's not the problem," Robin said wryly. "Not for us Bats. But yeah, she's too old for me, don't worry, bro. I'm just...seriously impressed."

"I could vanish the Pipeline," Zatanna said, draping herself on his shoulder. "Maybe she uses magic?"

"No," Wally said. "No, she doesn't."

"Yeah, because you're the unbiased source on magic users," Conner pointed out.

Batman stepped forward, into the middle of the crowd, and instantly had everyone's attention. "I'm giving you this mission," he announced. "Since you have...incapacitated the agent sent here to track her, you'll take over. Find her. Getting the museum back is the top priority."

"Higher than catching her?" Kaldur asked, confused.

"She's a non-violent criminal; the restoration of a national landmark is more important," Batman replied stiffly, not looking at Robin.

"Can I come along?" Zatanna asked hopefully. "Please?"

Batman went still for a second, considering it. Robin looked at him and tilted his head slightly.

Batman's scowl deepened, and Robin raised an eyebrow.

Batman tucked his chin and frowned, so Robin's brows drew in, and the corner of his mouth turned down.

Batman shifted his weight, and said, "Yes. I'll clear it with your grandfather. Go."

"Yippie!" she cheered, and bounced over to M'gann. "Let's go get the bioship!"

M'gann grabbed her friend's hand and they tugged each other out of the room, towards the hangar. "Hey, wait up!" Artemis called, taking off after them. "I wanna hear the gossip, too!"

Conner, Robin and Wally stared after them. Then Conner said, "My girlfriend and your crushes are gossiping together."

"You're right," Wally said quickly. "This has to stop immediately." He took off at speed, the other two following him.

Kaldur sighed, and glanced at Batman, who was as stoic as ever. "I know," he responded to the unspoken order. "Keep the children out of trouble, retrieve the museum, and make nice with the offended secret agency," he rattled off. "Must be Wednesday."

Batman inclined his head, close to a smile as he ever got. "Good luck," he allowed, and Kaldur heard the unspoken you're gonna need it.

He smiled, nodded, and strolled off towards the hangar, smiling. Find a missing landmark, take on a rogue parent and save the world from his team? It'd be done before dinner.


End

...

Somehow, this became "How much can I imply about Bruce" instead of a Carmen story. Um, oops?

Thanks for reading!