A/N: This is the first bit of fanfic I ever wrote. I *had* to write it... The plotbunny latched on to my ankle when the Original PPC were thrown off fanfiction.net, and it was either write the story or wait for the bunny to bite off my foot.
Disclaimer:Middle Earth belongs to Tolkien, the Plot Continuum belongs to Jay and Acacia, anything else you recognise belongs to its/their respective creator.
I suppose I own Mary Sue and Sue Mary. Maybe someone has a use for them; if not, I hear the makers of Soylent Green are always looking for people.
School had been the usual misery, and so Mary Sue flung herself at her desk with the same frustration as every other day. She should be doing her homework, but she wanted to read her mail and surf a bit first before she had to concentrate on geography. Who *cared* what the capital of Nigeria was! It wasn't like she'd ever go to India anyway, so she didn't need to know all that stuff.
"Why, o why isn't it Friday already!", she sighed. She wanted to go to the cinema with her best friend, Sue Mary, and see Lord of the Rings for the 42nd time, and drool at all the actors and dream about being a beautiful Elven princess in Middle Earth.
She couldn't get a connection to the net, so she switched off her laptop and took her schoolbooks out of her bag. She had just opened her geography book at the right chapter when her phone rang. It was her friend, Sue Mary, and she was so excited that Mary Sue couldn't understand what she was going on about. Eventually, Sue Mary calmed down enough that Mary Sue could follow her. By the time Sue Mary had finished talking, Mary Sue was as excited as her friend had been at first.
"They're *really* gone?" she asked, "really? Oooh, goody! They're, like, soooooo horrible!" So it wasn't going to be a boring evening doing homework after all; tonight they could finally try Sue Mary's plan.
Sue Mary would drop by her house after dinner and bring her stuff.
"What!" Mary Sue exclaimed, "all those stinky herbs and everything? Please, say you don't need them! I'll never get the smell out of my room, and all that weird witchy stuff of yours isn't real anyway!!"
Sue Mary was squealing with indignation at that comment, and it took Mary Sue at least five minutes to restore her friend's good mood before she hung up the phone and started packing everything she thought she was going to need. After dinner she continued trying on different clothes, unable to make up her mind; besides, it was a better way to pass the time than pacing up and down waiting for Sue Mary to arrive.
By the time her friend finally got there, Mary Sue had tried on every item of clothing she owned at least twice, but she had also made two stacks, one only slightly smaller than the other.
Sue Mary barged in to the room and seemed to be taken slightly aback by the state of it. "Mary..." she started to say, but Mary Sue interrupted her. "Yes, I know it is too much, but I couldn't choose..."
Sue Mary sighed and continued her sentence, "...Sue, we don't need to *take* the stuff with us. I *told* you we only need to write about taking it."
"Yeah, but suppose it doesn't work right? And we don't have enough clothes?" Mary Sue looked at her friend's expression, and decided to drop that line of thought. "Okay, it *is* going to work, and now we don't have to be afraid of those silly Protectors of the Plot Continuum anymore. Ooooooooooooooooooooooh, I'm sooooooo excited about it!!!!!!!!!!"
Sue Mary agreed with her. "Now we can write our story without them coming after us and killing us in some horrible way, like that poor girl who wrote that wonderful story where she was Gandalf's daughter." She shuddered at the thought of being dropped from the top of that tower or being shot full of arrows and fed to that monster in that horrible lake. She had seen the film 43 times by now - twice more than her friend, as she reminded her at every opportunity - but she was still a bit vague on some of the place names.
"Yeah, and all the others..." Mary Sue agreed. "Why do you think they hate us?"
"Who cares..." Sue Mary shrugged, "they're gone and *cough*Legolas*cough, errr Middle Earth is ours at last! Let's get started." Sue Mary cleared a space on the floor and drew a pentagram. Mary Sue protested that she'd never get the paint off the floor, and what were her parents going to say when they saw it.
"Just put your rug over it," Sue Mary suggested, "and if you want to do something useful, grind these herbs into a paste." She handed Mary Sue a handful of leaves and things, as well as a pestle and a mortar, while she herself continued with the other preparations.
Half an hour later, the two girls were sitting in the center of the pentagram, green muck smeared over their faces and hands, as well as along the edges of Mary Sue's laptop; around them, a black candle was burning at each point of the pentagram and in a number of locations around the room; Sue Mary would be the first to admit the candles weren't strictly necessary, but they looked really cool and made her feel like she was a real witch.
"Me first," Sue Mary said, and started typing.
Meanwhile, in a continuum at an odd angle to 'reality', an odd creaking and groaning 'noise' filled what might be called the ether, or intra-atomic space - in any case, the place where quantum mechanics work overtime to keep everything together; and hairline fractures started to appear in the plot continuum all over Middle Earth, but especially around Rivendell, since said continuum was already severely weakened there, the result of so many Mary Sues popping up and tearing canon to shreds. By now it had become so bad that the patches had a minimum of three layers of patches on them, and logically this was the first place that anything would give way.
Since Nature abhors a vacuum, something would be bound to turn up and fill the plot holes. It was also logical that the first non-canon continuum to break through would be the strongest one around.
Naturally, this was also the place that Mary Sue and Sue Mary made their appearance, and as they stepped into Middle Earth something gave way and the plot continuum shuddered and twisted to adjust itself...