Eros/Thanatos (Love and Death)
Part Two: Eros
Spoilers: Up to 2x12, "Reset"
Summary: Response to a prompt in the 100 Members Comment-Fic Party at the LiveJournal community Meet at Gunpoint. HG didn't betray Myka and Pete in Warehouse 2 for the trident, but for something far more important to her…and far more dangerous.
AN: Heaven help me, but class is getting to me. Normally I don't put much – if any – stock in Freud, but this theory works perfectly for this fic: Freud suggests that the binary opposite of death is not life but love. It's the concept of Eros/Thanatos, which is Greek for Love/Death.
Pete left the hotel room wide-eyed and a little shaky. "What happened?" Artie and Claudia asked simultaneously, then looked at each other with a sort of affectionate annoyance. Artie had tried to follow Pete and Myka to Paris on his own, but Claudia said there was no way in Hell she was being left behind this time, especially not when they were going to Paris. Not really having the time to argue (nor the inclination to, surprisingly enough), he had agreed to let her come.
"She aimed her Tesla at me," Pete said, shutting the door quite firmly behind him, though it would have locked anyway. "She said, and I quote, 'if you or anyone else opens that door so much as an inch again I will Tesla you with way more force than necessary.' After seeing the look on her face, I'm inclined to believe her," Pete added with a shudder.
"I don't get it," Artie said, completely baffled. "Why on earth is she being so protective of HG? What's gotten into her?"
Neither of the men noticed Claudia arch an eyebrow and look askance at the floor. Even though she had been literally at boiling point at the time, she had seen how HG and Myka had looked at each other, even though they barely knew each other. Still, Myka had told Claudia about how HG had rescued her with the grappling gun, and whether the agent knew it or not, her tone of voice gave away that she had some deep feelings for the other woman.
Pete didn't notice because he was too busy trying to school his face into a mask of ignorance. He knew exactly what had gotten into Myka, and thought that, since he had proven earlier that she knew exactly what he was feeling, she would be more receptive to him walking through the door. Obviously, that wasn't the case.
Both deciding that discretion was the better part of valor and thanking every deity they could think of that the other room they had booked was across the hall and not next door – just in case – Claudia said to Pete, "Come on, let's see if we can't dig up more info on Ancient Greek artifacts – especially ones that may have been in Warehouse 2."
"From your laptop?" Pete asked incredulously.
"Dude, you do remember who you're talking to, right?" Claudia said, giving Pete an "oh, please" look.
"Oh. Right," Pete amended, looking embarrassed as he followed Claudia. Artie shot one last look at Myka's door before following as well.
The only sound was Helena's sobbing as Myka held her, the two of them resting on the large bed in the center of the room. Helena lay on Myka's lap, crying into the woman's arm where it tenderly wrapped around her. Myka leaned back against the headboard, gently stroking the woman's back and hair as over a hundred years of grief finally caught up with her. The agent found herself crying too, silent tears slowly trailing down her cheeks as she gazed at the woman in her lap. How many nights she had dreamed of holding her in her arms, but not like this – never like this. She bent and placed a kiss to soft black hair as she continued to move her hand gently up and down her back. Helena's only response was to hold Myka closer, arms tightening around her waist. The brunette could feel the dampness of the woman's sorrow on her shirt, and it broke her heart.
It seemed like hours before Helena's body stopped shaking, her heaving sobs giving way to steady yet softened tears. Eventually, those too gave way to the occasional sniff, though the tears continued to pour. Finally, the woman was still, her grief temporarily quieted, though Myka could still somehow feel it coursing through Helena as the raven-haired agent continued to cling to her. When she finally spoke, her voice was hoarse and trembling from crying, muffled slightly by Myka's shirt.
"Thank you," she whispered, sniffing.
Myka pressed another kiss to her hair. "You're welcome," she murmured, her own voice quivering slightly. There was a moment of silence, and Myka finally allowed herself to enjoy the feeling of holding the woman the way she was, warm and safe in her arms.
"Why, Myka?" Helena looked up at the agent, her eyes red from crying, her face still tearstained. "You never answered my question. Why did you help me?"
Myka's voice caught in her throat as she gazed into the British woman's eyes. "I…." She tried to take a deep breath, but could only manage a short gasp. "I…."
Helena frowned slightly. She pushed herself into a sitting position on the bed, and Myka immediately missed the comfort of her warm body against her. "Myka?" the dark-haired woman repeated, reaching out and gently cupping her cheek.
The feel of Helena's hand on her skin and the way she said her name caused everything in Myka to relax, and she could feel herself sigh as all her tension left her. "Because I love you, Helena," she whispered, leaning into her touch. "I really, really do."
Helena's expression became one of both overwhelming shock and overwhelming joy and relief, and when Myka opened her arms, she fell into the embrace, clinging to her once more. "Oh, darling," she murmured into the woman's hair, and she felt her give a happy shiver at the endearing term. "Myka, I love you too."
Myka couldn't help it – she smiled broadly, letting out a gasping laugh. She pulled back to rest her forehead against Helena's, and she could see that the agent was smiling too, tears of a different sort shining in her eyes, and her own eyes blurred with the same tears. When Helena tentatively leaned closer, Myka didn't pull away, and when she felt the woman's soft, sweet lips meet hers, the rest of the world melted around her, and nothing else mattered but Helena.
The emotion behind Helena's declaration of love had robbed Myka of all her fears and doubts, but even if they hadn't, this kiss would have erased them all. Helena's lips radiated soothing warmth and affection even in a time of grief. All of the woman's love poured through their merging of lips, and its sheer purity and all-encompassing force left Myka lightheaded. The agent returned the kiss hungrily, conveying all her love for Helena in turn as she wrapped her arms around her neck, fingers entwining in ebony hair as she clung to her and kissed her with the desperate ferocity of someone who had found what they'd been yearning for, aching for, and never wanted to let go. Helena returned her embrace, pulling Myka closer as she moved her mouth against hers, drinking in the sweet taste of her newfound love. When they pulled apart some eternity later, they were both flushed and breathless, overheated with the desire to prove exactly how much the other meant to them.
"Darling," Helena repeated, voice choked as she stroked Myka's cheek and ran her fingers through her hair.
"Yes," Myka whispered, answering the question Helena didn't need to ask. The dark-haired woman's eyes widened with stunned but lovingly eager anticipation before closing again as she brought Myka's lips back to hers, crushing the woman to her. The brunette whimpered but didn't protest as she once again clutched at Helena, her fingers scrabbling to find purchase on her back until they finally gripped her shirt, nearly tearing it with the force of her desire.
Helena slid her hands from around Myka to swiftly undo the buttons on her shirt. Myka's insistent tugging of the fabric through her just as insistent kisses allowed her to slip the shirt off easily, and the brunette moaned as she ran her hands over the bare skin of Helena's back. Helena returned her hands to Myka's body, sliding her hands under the woman's shirt as she slipped her tongue between her lips. Myka matched her advance eagerly, her tongue lovingly caressing the agent's as she drank deeply from the sweetness that was Helena's mouth. When the dark-haired woman lightly dragged her nails down her back, Myka gave a strangled cry, breaking away just long enough to clumsily tear her shirt from her body before her lips crashed against Helena's again. There was no time for teasing, no time for slow, tender exploration. Those could be saved for a time of peace, when desperation born of unrequited desire did not cling to them as they clung to each other. Each agent undid the other's bra, and the garments were carelessly tossed aside as Myka brought her hands to Helena's aching breasts, evoking a sigh from both of them.
Helena bit her lip and whimpered, nearly sobbing at the gentle adoration in Myka's touch. That touch made her feel wanted, made her feel loved, and the sensation threatened to overwhelm her, her eyes once again filling with tears. Myka couldn't help but be fascinated, never once taking her eyes from Helena's generous breasts in her hands, tentatively running her fingers along smooth skin, dancing over tightening nipples. She marveled at the feel of this wonderful woman beneath her hands, taking in the soft weight in her palms, the sight of pert buds almost begging for attention. Myka couldn't ignore the call, and brought her curious mouth down to engulf one of Helena's nipples. Helena did sob this time, her head falling back as she gasped for air. The fiery wet heaven that was Myka's mouth and tongue on her breast was making her lightheaded, and though she felt like she was slowly losing control of everything around her, she felt safe in Myka's arms, and all that mattered was her touch.
Myka closed her eyes and hummed in surprised delight at the taste of Helena's skin, and the vibration against her nipple made the dark-haired agent whimper again. Myka smiled as she laved the taut bud with her tongue, gently taking it between her teeth. When she was satisfied that she'd shown it enough attention, she let it slip from her mouth and wrapped her lips around its opposite, sucking eagerly as she pinched and rolled the other between her fingertips. Helena moaned this time, arching her back to push herself farther into Myka's mouth. Myka complied, moving her free hand around Helena's waist to pull her closer.
When Myka gently guided Helena to lie back on the bed, the woman didn't protest, and when the brunette began to undo her pants, the raven-haired agent helped her pull them off along with her boots and socks. Just as Myka was running a loving hand down Helena's taut stomach, she froze, and the agent looked up at her, concerned.
"Helena, I…." She looked into her love's eyes with apprehension-laced desire. "I…I've never…."
Helena smiled up at her, cupping her cheek and pulling her down for a kiss. "You'll do fine, darling," she whispered against her lips, gently stroking the back of her neck. "I love you, Myka."
"I love you too, Helena," Myka replied, her voice coming out as a high whimper of nervous anticipation and desire so strong it was almost painful. Placing one last soft kiss to Helena's lips, she kissed her way down her neck, between her breasts, down her stomach, until she reached the line of her panties. Myka buried her face in her stomach as she grasped the hem of her underwear with trembling hands. Helena reached down to cover Myka's hands with her own, guiding her as she slid the silk down and off her legs. Tossing the garment to the side, Myka took a moment to remove her own shoes, jeans, and underwear, albeit shyly. Even after those were tossed aside as well, though, Myka returned to nuzzling Helena just below her bellybutton, nervously running her hands along the skin of her hips. Helena placed a reassuring hand in her hair, stroking the soft curls.
"You don't have to…" Helena began, about to suggest that the woman could use her hands alone, but Myka stopped her with a kiss to her stomach.
"I want to," she murmured, though her voice shook. She moved lower and placed a delicate kiss against Helena's folds, and the dark-haired agent moaned, further spreading her legs for her. Myka spread her with her fingertips, entranced by the beauty before her. What she hadn't wanted to say to Helena was that she wasn't sure she could bring her to ecstasy with only her hands, never having made love to a woman before, and more than that, she wanted to know her as intimately as she could, kiss her where she could feel it most, taste it most. Quivering slightly, Myka ran her tongue once along Helena's slit, and the agent cried out, trembling beneath her. The tangy delight surprised the brunette, and she immediately returned her tongue to the dewy petals of Helena's sex, lapping up all the sweet nectar she could find. Helena whimpered and sobbed above her, thrashing and bucking as she wordlessly begged for more. She let out an especially loud moan when Myka swiped her tongue across a small, engorged nub, and Myka, realizing that this was the woman's clit, dragged her tongue slowly along the sensitive bud, applying firm pressure. Helena could only bite her lip to soften her sharp cries as she gripped the sheets, lost in the pleasurable haze. When Myka took her clit between her lips, flicking her tongue against it as she scraped it with her teeth, Helena couldn't take it anymore.
"Please," she begged hoarsely, and Myka glanced upward, not stopping the wonders she was working with her mouth. "Need you…inside…please…." Understanding, Myka brought her hand from where it rested on Helena's thigh and worked her fingertips deep between her folds until she found her core. Nervous and unsure of herself, she cautiously pressed two fingers against her opening, afraid of hurting her. She was about to enter slowly when Helena gasped and bucked her hips, keening as Myka's fingers slid deep into her. Myka couldn't help but whimper in turn, the sweetness of the hot silk around her fingers making her shiver with longing.
She immediately delved deeper, moving within Helena as she explored every inch of her core, stroking her gently, coaxing more of her essence from her to coat her searching fingers. Myka froze when Helena suddenly screamed, her hips lifting violently off the bed. At first she was afraid she had hurt her until she realized exactly how deeply her fingers were buried in her core and what she must have found. She experimentally curved the tips of her fingers against Helena's inner walls and was rewarded with another wail from the woman above her. "Myka, please…" she gasped, pulling at her shoulders. Worried, Myka pulled her mouth away and crawled up the bed until she was face-to-face with Helena. The dark-haired woman wrapped her arms tightly around her neck. "Need you here," she whimpered. "Need to hold you." She shifted so that the brunette's thigh slid between her legs, adding pressure to her still-moving hand. Myka instinctively pressed the heel of her hand against Helena's clit, rubbing the sensitive nub in time with her slow thrusts. The added pressure of her thigh made Helena gasp and sob, and her arms tightened around Myka as she buried her face in her curls.
Myka was overwhelmed, caught up in the whirlwind of love and lovemaking and the fact that it was with Helena. Determined to see the woman she loved brought pleasure instead of pain, determined to show her that she was Helena's, and would always be there for her, Myka increased the pace and depth of her thrusts, causing Helena to thrash and cry out in her embrace.
"Myka…" she whimpered, tears streaming down her face as she sought peace and safety and love. Myka gave her all of it.
"I'm here, Helena," she whispered, pressing a soothing kiss to the woman's cheek. "I'll always be here. Just feel me. Let yourself feel. Let go."
Helena screamed her release as she allowed herself to tumble over the edge, cradled in the safety of Myka's embrace as her body shuddered violently, pleasure overtaking her in crashing, erratic, unceasing waves. Even the aftershocks left her dizzy, and she was still shivering as Myka's hand slowed within her. "I love you," Helena whispered over and over as she slowly recovered from sensory overload. "I love you, I love you, I love you."
"I love you too," Myka murmured, kissing her shoulder. She slowly removed her drenched hand from the woman's center, feeling Helena twitch slightly as she did. Myka rolled to the side so as not to crush Helena beneath her, bringing her fingers to her mouth to savor the remnants of her pleasure. Helena flushed as she watched the brunette lick her fingers clean, her arousal flaring anew. When she pulled her love in for a kiss, she could taste herself on the other agent's tongue. Both of them moaned as their lips made contact, the simple act of kissing enflaming their already heightened senses. When they pulled back to look at each other, Myka's eyes were sparkling with shy happiness, and Helena was literally glowing.
"That was wonderful," Helena whispered as she stroked Myka's cheek, her voice slightly hoarse from her moans and cries.
It was Myka's turn to blush. "Thank you," she mumbled, though she couldn't stop smiling. Helena smiled in return and kissed her again, her lips warm and tender. Myka was on the verge of losing herself in the sensation when the sudden movement of being rolled onto her back and pinned to the bed made her yelp in surprise. When she opened her eyes, Helena was leaning over her with a playful smirk on her face.
"It's only fair," she said with a coy arch of her eyebrow, and Myka had no time to respond before the woman's nimble hands danced over her breasts.
Myka tossed her head back and whimpered, arching into Helena's touch. She wrapped her arms around the woman above her and clung tightly, too dizzy with pleasure to do anything else. Helena, for her part, fought the urge to just descend on Myka and bring her screaming over the edge. As desperately as she wanted this, she wanted it to last, and wanted it to be as wonderful for Myka as it had been for her. Keeping this in mind, she reined in the ferocity of her passion and placed slow, loving kisses along Myka's collarbone before trailing her lips down to brush over one of her nipples. Myka cried out and arched her back further, and Helena took the invitation, wrapping her lips around the pert bud and sucking gently, all the while rolling the opposite nipple between her fingertips, gently massaging Myka's breasts, cherishing their weight in her hands. Myka whimpered and writhed beneath her, the woman's touch making her skin ignite and her pulse skyrocket with a combination of love and yearning.
When Helena's hand replaced her mouth on Myka's breast, the brunette whimpered at the loss, but when she felt where Helena's lips were going, her breath hitched in anticipation. The dark-haired woman smiled as she nuzzled the wiry curls between Myka's thighs, the scent of the agent's arousal only serving to heighten her own. Gently parting her folds with her fingertips, Helena brought her mouth to Myka's core, lips brushing against the woman's clit as her tongue explored her sex. Myka screamed into the pillow she had grabbed only moments before, knowing that once Helena's mouth touched her, she would be unable to keep silent. She gripped the sheets and tried not to thrash as she keened and cried, the glorious sensation of the woman's tongue slipping against her clit bringing tears to her eyes. Finally, she couldn't take it.
"Helena, please, stop!" Myka gasped. The woman immediately complied, and Myka sighed, both mildly relieved and mournful of the loss.
"Darling, are you all right?" Helena asked worriedly, cupping the woman's face in her hands. Myka let out a brief laugh as she nodded, shoving the pillow to the side.
"Yes…just…too much. Too good," she explained breathlessly.
A wicked grin spread across Helena's face, and her kiss was positively scorching with playful lust. "Hm," she chuckled. "I'll have to save it for when we're somewhere you can scream as loud as you like."
"Oh God," Myka whimpered, the woman's words spiking her desire tenfold. Helena's smile only grew in return as she firmly but tenderly slid her hand between Myka's legs and slipped two fingers into her aching center, evoking a long, desirous moan from the agent. She once again clung to Helena with all her strength as the ebony-haired woman pressed her thumb against her clit, rubbing in slow circles as she began a thrusting rhythm with her fingers, gliding out of Myka almost completely before forcefully returning. Helena curled her fingertips within her and Myka buried her face in the crook of her neck, letting out a keening wail as the woman expertly manipulated her sweet spot and her clit simultaneously, sending Myka into a fit of shivers as her climax rushed closer.
Myka bucked her hips against Helena in time to her thrusts, and Helena took the hint, picking up the pace and pressure, driving deeper within the brunette with each plunge of her fingers. Myka felt like the world was spinning as she tumbled towards the brink of ecstasy. She was writhing and quivering at the mercy of Helena's sweet, sweet fingers, and as she felt herself tense, she tangled her hand in ebony hair and brought the woman in for a fierce kiss.
"I love you," Myka gasped against Helena's lips before she was lost.
Her climax crashed into her like a gale-force wind, slamming into every nerve in her body and pushing them into sensory overload. White-hot pulses of ecstasy shot from her core and surged through her entire body as she screamed into Helena's shoulder, tears returning to her eyes. Helena made soothing noises as she stroked Myka's hair with her free hand, the other never slowing down as she rode out the frantic trembling of the woman's release. Only when Myka was completely limp in her arms did she still and slowly withdraw, her absence provoking a small sigh of loss from the brunette.
Myka somehow found the energy to turn her head and gaze at Helena as the woman licked her fingers clean, purring as she savored the agent's taste. Giving her a tender smile, Helena brought her lips to Myka's, returning the woman's earlier favor and letting her taste traces of herself.
"I love you too," Helena whispered when she pulled away. "Always." Myka beamed as she pulled Helena into her arms, running her fingers through her dark, silky hair. There was a moment of silence before Helena whispered with pleading trepidation, "Don't let me go?"
Myka lifted the woman's chin with her fingertips, her lighter eyes staring seriously into darker ones. "Never. I'll always be here for you. You don't have anything or anyone to fear again." Her lips quirked into a small but loving, reassuring smile. "I'll keep you safe."
Helena's eyes began to water again as she pulled Myka into a crushing embrace. "Thank you," she murmured, unable to find any other words. Also unable to find anything to say, Myka simply responded by kissing her.
"Are you two…ok?" Claudia asked, looking between Myka and HG cautiously. She, Pete, and Artie had been good and stunned when it was the two women that knocked before Pete or Claudia could go check up on them.
The two of them nodded, and though they were holding each other's hands, fingers entwined, their faces gave away no hint of their emotions. "We're fine," Myka replied. "And, we're ready to go when you are."
"I'd rather face my sentence sooner rather than later," HG added. Sorrow flashed across Myka's face, and she gave the dark-haired woman's hand a squeeze. HG gave her a grateful smile.
"O-k," Artie said, still wary, but more confused than anything. "I'll just…get our stuff…then. Claudia, help me?"
"Yes sir," the young hacker replied with only a slight amount of sarcasm, following Artie into their hotel room. HG and Myka moved down the hallway slightly and began a low conversation.
Pete watched both parties go with mounting suspicion, not liking the sudden behavior change in Myka and HG one bit. Deciding that there was only one way to find out what had happened without facing Myka's aforementioned threat, he grabbed his bag from where it rested on the inside of the hotel room door and began to rummage through it. "Aha!" he said softly as he pulled out the Durational Spectrometer. Shooting a furtive glance down the hall to make sure the two women weren't watching, he darted across to their room.
Nothing seemed out of the ordinary; the only change in the room was that the bedcovers were slightly rumpled, as if the bed had been hastily made. Pete fiddled with the Durational Spectrometer until he had set it back for two-and-a-half or so hours previously. "All right," he said, turning the machine on. "Let's see what you ladies were up to." When he lifted the machine to point at the bed, his eyes widened and his jaw hit the floor.
He was still like this when Claudia found him. "Dude, you gotta go pack your stuff. Pete?" When she turned to see what he was looking at, she literally jumped, her shoulder bag falling to the floor. "Holy shit!"
On the bed before them, the two red, translucent figures of Myka and HG made sweet, passionate, vigorous love. Claudia and Pete could only stand and gape, not quite sure they believed what they were seeing.
"That's…" Claudia began, pointing a shaky finger at the two figures.
"Yup," Pete responded in a rather high voice. "And they're…"
"Yeah," Claudia finished for him.
The two of them looked at each other with more types and levels of shock than words could possibly convey. Pete swallowed once before asking, "Does this thing have a record button?"
Claudia dove for her bag. "It will soon," she said, reaching for the necessary tools.
Myka and HG decided the same thing while talking in the hallway that Pete and Claudia did while recording the couple's escapades: the day hadn't really been that bad.