Teasing Sasuke

A gift for Dreaming-Of-A-Nightmare, based on The Modern Ninja comic, a classic and humours example of the dysfunctional relationship of Sasuke and Naruto. Find it and read it, it's in Photo Bucket and it's really funny, as well as the Modern Ninja on Vacation. Sorry if any of the characters seem a little OOC, but I'm rubbish and keeping people in character. Enjoy.

Pairings: SasuNaru mentions of past NaruGaa. ShikaKiba mentions of past ShikaIno. Past NejiSaku. Past NejiTenten. ChoHina.

Totally experimental pairings, if you have any complaints, I'll cut that pairing out. Except yaoi, I am keeping yaoi above all others.

I own nothing.

"Ne Naruto? You know Sasuke's staring at you right?" Naruto Uzumaki's best friend Kiba Inuzuka whispered to him in class one day, elbowing him in the ribs.

Naruto sighed. "Yeah, he's been doing it for three months now. It's only a matter of time before he tries to seduce me, I've seen that look before." He said.

"Oh? Oh – right." Kiba said, a bit slow to understand what Naruto meant. "Well play hard to get, I'll bet he'll just love that." He joked.

Kiba knew very well that Naruto's ex-boyfriend Gaara was like a taboo and whenever he was mentioned Naruto got really depressed and tended to get a lot snappier with everyone.

Well, everyone except Sasuke Uchiha. He was downright evil to Sasuke at the best of times, but whenever he was depressed about Gaara, he sent Sasuke running.

Literally, running. Naturally the Uchiha had learned it was best to look not touch. But Naruto was right; it was a matter of time before Sasuke made a proper move.

Kiba's concern was more for Naruto's mental stability than Sasuke's physical safety if he attempted to pull something on Naruto.

"It's like he's…undressing you with his eyes. It's kinda creepy actually. Wanna beat him up?" Kiba ended with a sadistic grin.

Naruto grinned wryly at the thought, but shook his head.

"Sasuke holds back a lot whenever I challenge him, but that's only because of his…obsession with me. I've seen him really fight and Kiba, no offense, but you'll probably go down for the count." Naruto said.

"Probably." Kiba shrugged. Just then Shikamaru Nara came into the lecture hall, bypassing his ex-girlfriend Ino Yamanaka and sitting beside Kiba, who turned rather pink.

Needless to say Kiba had a huge crush on Shikamaru, and Shikamaru, being the lazy genius he was, only took the effort to do something about it after he broke up with Ino.

They were together now, but is was still common to see Kiba act like a total idiot and make a fool of himself around Shikamaru, and then try to cover up the fact he was turning beet red.

He'd get used to being with Shikamaru soon, and Shikamaru was patient if completely lazy. That's exactly why Kiba liked him.

"Hey Naruto?" Shikamaru asked. "Mm?" Naruto asked looking bored, his chin in his hand. "Is there any particular reason why Sasuke is silently pining after you over there?"

"No not really. Actually I wouldn't mind if you two could hang with me after school, I don't want to run into him in someplace I can't get out of. Like an alleyway or something." Naruto replied.

"Well we'd like to Naruto but – uh – we kinda – uhm…" Kiba stammered. It was truly hilarious to see his friend stammer like a chick when around his boyfriend.

"Date?" Naruto cut in. "Yeah." Shikamaru replied lazily lounging back in his chair, eyelids drooping closed.

"Shika-kun you'll get caught again," Kiba warned. "Kiba, Kakashi-sensei's always late, wake me up when he comes in though." Shikamaru said and said no more.

Kiba sighed. "I guess I'll have to go find a brick to wake him up with." He complained. Naruto chuckled.

"It's ironic, that the very thing that got you two dating, is the very thing that broke Ino and him up." Naruto said.

Kiba sighed dreamily. "Yeah…who'da thought he'd actually date me? Tell you what though, and this might sound totally corny and girlish, but I feel like the luckiest guy in the world, ya know?"

"Yeah, I've had that before." Naruto sighed, remembering the times he'd had with Gaara.

"What happened with the two of you anyways? You seemed like the perfect pair," Kiba dared to ask.

"Well…we were. But his father had other plans, and moved them to America. He tried to run away, actually lived with me for about two weeks before they found him and was forced to say goodbye. He told me to move on, to be happy, but I don't see how I can without him around." Naruto said sadly.

"Man that's rough. Maybe you should give Sasuke a chance," Kiba said, knowing they were on thin ice here.

"Yeah maybe…I dunno. I don't know if I'm ready to open up again." Naruto said.

"Well don't worry, I'm sure you'll be happy again someday. Uh-oh, Shika-kun you better wake up Kakashi's here." Kiba said urgently.

"Oh man what a drag, school is just not for me," Shikamaru complained sitting up properly.

Shooting a glare at the still staring Sasuke, Naruto turned his attention to the front. About five minutes into the lesson, Choji Akimichi came stumbling through the door.

He had several bags of chips strapped to his belt and one that his hands were currently residing in.

"Late again Cho?" Shikamaru grinned. Choji grinned sheepishly as Kakashi-sensei rolled his eyes and told him to take a seat.

"Choji, sit next to me will ya?" Naruto whispered urgently, wanting to block Sasuke's view of him.

Confused but obliging, Choji sat down to the left of Naruto. Naruto could almost hear the death threat in Sasuke's silent glare.

He chuckled under his breath and grinned widely. Now all of his friends had assembled, he felt he could make it through the day.

That was until Kakashi-sensei gave a surprise pop quiz. Everyone groaned, the loudest being Naruto and co.

"Whadda you complaining about Shikamaru? You've got a genius IQ." Naruto grumbled.

"That doesn't mean I like to do things with it. Oh man what a drag. This is all too troublesome for me I'm going back to sleep." Shikamaru replied.

"You can't go to sleep Shika-kun we need the answers and you're the smartest guy in our year!" Kiba whispered furiously.

"Why not look at Ino and Sakura's papers, we can sorta see them from here and they're pretty brainy." Choji suggested. Sakura Haruno was pretty smart but Ino…

"Yeah, if being obsessed with weight and fashion is classed as being brainy, than Ino is smarter than Einstein," Shikamaru said rolling his eyes.

"Okay, but what about Sakura?" Choji said. "Hmm…Sakura-chan's pretty smart." Naruto said hopefully.

"Trust me, you don't want to get caught cheating by her, she's evil and ya know it. Plus she'd probably only give the answers to Sasuke," Kiba said.

Kiba's dog Akamaru barked in agreement from inside Kiba's jacket.

"Why don't we get Akamaru to spy on her answers? She's loves puppies, she won't think anything of it." Naruto suggested.

Akamaru barked. "Hm, Akamaru's up for it but I think she knows I own him, we could get busted if we try it." Kiba said.

"Y-You boys c-can look-k at m-my answers if y-you want t-to," came a shy stutter from behind them. They turned to see Hinata Hyuuga blushing and fiddling with her fingers.

"Oh thanks Hina-chan, you're a lifesaver," Choji said, abandoning his chips for a total of three seconds to turn to her.

"N-no p-problem Choji-kun, m-my p-pleasure." Hinata stammered as she passed the boy her answer sheet.

Hinata and Choji had been dating for two weeks, and Hinata's cousin Neji was still not warming up to him, deeming Choji 'unsuitable' for his cousin.

Naruto wondered just how long their relationship could last with an overprotective cousin like Neji Hyuuga. When they all had the answers they passed the sheet back to the purple-haired girl and thanked her.

They ended up getting pretty good scores, all except Shikamaru, who made the 'tremendous effort' as he called it, to write his own answers and got 100%.

"You always get full marks, why do you have to be a complete genius but so lazy, you could go far Shikamaru," Choji said as they went to lunch.

(Though technically Chouji had already eaten about thirty packets of chips during class.) "I want a simple life." Shikamaru replied.

"Yeah, life gets real simple when you date a dog-obsessed weirdo," Naruto joked. Kiba hit him over the head but grinned as he did so.

"Real funny Naruto real funny." He said. "Yeah I thought it was." Naruto replied smirking. "Uh-oh." Shikamaru said stopping dead all of a sudden.

"What is it Shika-kun?" Kiba asked. "Itachi Uchiha. Coming down the hall." Shikamaru replied. Everyone froze.

Sasuke's older brother gave everyone the creeps and no one dared defy him should he ask for something.

Also, he was sort of protective of his little brother, and everyone knew for a fact that Naruto's group usually clashed with Sasuke's quite often, and it more often than not it turned out nasty.

Please don't kill us please don't kill us please don't kill us, Naruto chanted in his head.

For just yesterday Sasuke and Naruto had had another fight, one that rendered Sasuke unconscious and in hospital, and Naruto in the principal's office.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't Naruto Uzumaki." Itachi said smirking. Naruto gulped. "Guys, go on without me." He said through clenched teeth.

"But Naruto he'll –" Kiba started. "Kiba just go, all of you. I'll be along in a minute," Naruto interrupted. After hesitation, his friends did as he bid and left.

"That was either brave or stupid Uzumaki. Now I have something to discuss with you, concerning my little brother." Itachi said getting closer.

He backed Naruto up to a wall, where he gulped again and a tiny squeak came out of this throat. He wanted to close his eyes but they were too wide with fear to do as he commanded.

"Uchiha-sempai I really had no intentions –"

"Yeah right, like I believe that brat." Itachi gripped the front of Naruto's shirt and he stopped breathing. He was going to die.

"Nii-sama!" came a call. Both boys turned to see Sasuke glaring angrily with his arms crossed over his chest at Itachi.

"What are you doing?" he demanded. "Not much little brother." Itachi said gripped Naruto's shirt tighter. He winced.

"Leave him alone nii-sama. Let. Him. Go. Now. I can fight my own battles, I'm not five anymore." Sasuke said in a dangerously low voice.

Naruto was scared even though the anger wasn't being directed at him. Itachi sighed. "Very well. See you 'round blondie." Itachi said and left.

Naruto blinked three times before standing up straight and looked at Sasuke. "You okay?" he asked.

"If by okay you mean terrified completely by your sadistic brother then sure, I'm great." Naruto said shakily.

"Yeah sorry about that. Nii-sama's been like that ever since our parents died, thinks I can't take of myself for some reason." Sasuke said looking in the direction his brother had gone in.

"Your parents are dead?" Naruto asked, they started to walk out of the school slowly. Maybe this Sasuke isn't so bad, Naruto thought.

"Yeah, four years ago. Murdered. I have no other relations still alive; all I've got is Itachi. That's why he gets a bit…protective." Sasuke replied.

"Oh, I'm sorry. If it's any help I never knew my parents," Naruto said. Sasuke looked at him. "Who looks after you?" he asked.

"Used to be my godfather Jiraiya, but he's an author (of some really perverted books) and his 'work' requires him to travel a lot. I got tired of constantly moving around so when I was eight I moved into the apartment I live in now. He still sees me now and then but other than that I don't have much contact with him." Naruto explained. "Iruka-sensei comes to see me sometimes too, so not I'm alone all the time."

"Huh. I thought you looked sad when we met. That would have had to have been about four months after you moved away from your godfather." Sasuke said.

"Yeah, about that. Listen, I'm sorry for always beating on you Sasuke, I'm not even sure why I do it," Naruto said.

"Don't worry about it. There's one good thing about it," Sasuke said smiling, he leaned in as he could whisper the last few words, "I've been able to get your attention. So it's worth it." And turned away and left a shocked Naruto where he stood.

"You pervert!" he shouted after Sasuke. He shook his head as he heard Sasuke's laughter from down the hall.

"Naruto you're alive! How'd you get out in one piece?" Kiba called.

"Sasuke showed up, told Itachi to leave me alone." Naruto answered dully as he walked to the gates with his friends.

"Sasuke eh? Looks like he actually does like you. At least we know he's not just lusting after you now," Kiba said.

"Whadda mean he's not just lusting after me? Of course that's what he's doing, remember in middle school, every time I saw him I had to find a way out before he started to undress me. I'm serious he couldn't keep his hands off me and when he did he kept getting me all annoyed with stupid comments. He's all about lust that guy, all he wants is my body, he doesn't care about me." Naruto raved angrily.

"I dunno Naruto, if he didn't care about you he wouldn't have minded Uchiha-sempai beating you up." Shikamaru pointed out.

"Well of course he couldn't get his playtoy broken by his brother before he had the chance to get at him could he? That's all it is, I swear sex is all he used to think about. Now, I'm not sure what he gets up to but I really don't wanna know," Naruto ranted.

"Well if you're done going on about Sasuke like some love-sick chick in denial, there's the bus so we gotta go." Kiba said interrupting Naruto before he could continue.

While Naruto steamed about Kiba's comment, and verbally abused the hell out of him until he was out of earshot, Shikamaru and Choji looked at each other, thinking Kiba was right about the 'love-sick chick in denial' theory.

"Looks like that Sasuke hits a nerve when it comes to Naruto. Twenty bucks they'll be an item before the end of the school year." Kiba said.

"You're on." Choji said. They shook on it and the bet was made.

********************************************************Naruto's apartment****************************************************

"Hey Kona, I'm home." Naruto said to the tabby cat at his bedroom window.

The cat didn't belong to him, it was a stray from behind his apartment but he named it anyway and it liked to hang around for food.

Naruto put out some cat food on the windowsill and went to his desk to do his homework, only he couldn't concentrate on his work, his mind was on other things.

Things like Sasuke Uchiha. Naruto had to admit, he was pretty good-looking, and bright, and a good fighter, but he could be a real jerk sometimes.

Then again, so could Naruto. Everyone was capable of being an utter jerk sometimes, and as Shikamaru said you always tease the ones you love.

That statement was proven when Kiba started to irritate Shikamaru about four months before he confessed he had a thing for the other guy.

Naruto and Sasuke did butt heads a lot, but he and Gaara had gotten along fine. They were – in a sense – the perfect match.

They never fought, nearly always agreed on things, and knew just what to do to keep the other happy. It was like they were two halves of the same whole.

Whereas Sasuke and Naruto were like twins yet exact opposites. But then, weren't opposites supposed to attract?

Naruto pondered on this for a while, he wasn't sure how much time had passed before the phone rang. He picked it up dismally.

"Hello?" he said.

"Naruto," came a voice that hit him hard with enough force to render him breathless.

"Gaara…" he whispered.

"Yeah, hi. Look I know this is probably the worst thing I could ever do, randomly calling you after almost a year but I had to know if you were doing okay. I just got away from my father and – hold on I think I hear him…" Gaara went quite, and even Naruto slowed his breathing so to not make as much noise.

"Okay he's gone. Listen I haven't got much time, he'll find me soon I know it. So are you doing okay Naruto? Please tell me you're over me, that you've moved on."

"Well…I think I am. I mean, I'm pretty sure I'm interested in Sasuke Uchiha." Naruto said. Wait what was he saying? Why wasn't he telling Gaara that he was the only one for him, that he'd never get over him?

"Sasuke huh? Well tell him if he doesn't treat you right then I'm coming back to Japan to kick his ass. Oh no, look I gotta go, it was good knowing you're alright Naruto." Gaara said hurriedly.

"Wait don't hang up yet! Are you okay Gaara? With your dad and everything?"

"Oh yeah, I'm fine. Started dating a guy named Rock Lee, he's not you but I guess he'll do. (Heh I made a rhyme) I'm urging you to get with this Sasuke yeah? Be happy, 'coz I'm telling you now I don't think I'll ever see Japan again. Just, know that it's okay with me all right? I want you to be happy. Oh crap it's my dad. Gotta go, and this may be something you don't need to hear but, I still love you."

"I still love you too." Was all Naruto could get in before the phone went dead. He put it back in its cradle.

How did he feel about this? Well, surprisingly, it made him feel a whole lot better. And now he knew what to do.

"First, I gotta determine if Sasuke really cares and it's not just lust. And to do that, I'm going to need Neji's help. I can only hope he remembers he owes me one."

Back in their freshman year, when Naruto had just met Gaara and gotten together, Naruto helped Neji out of a difficult relationship problem including a very jealous and touchy Sakura, and a Hyuuga obsessed Tenten.

Naruto needed to call in the favour of a lifetime. And he needed to do it before Sasuke made any sort of move on him. It had to start tomorrow.

"I'll call him now." Naruto decided.

Neji picked up after the first ring. "Woah what do you do sit next to phone all day or something?" Naruto joked.

He heard Neji sigh. "Naruto, you need something I'm guessing? Unless your planning another one of those 'dates' between my cousin and your friend." He said.

"No, no nothing like that. I need a favour." Naruto explained his situation with Sasuke to the Hyuuga boy, and surprisingly he listened and didn't hang up.

"So, I need you to do something for me. Can you pretend that we're together for about two weeks or less? I need to know if Sasuke cares about me and not just my body."

"Hmm…well you did help me with those girls in freshman year. Okay, but only if you pay should we have to go out and make an impression." Neji said.

"No problem. Thanks Neji you are a lifesaver. I'll see you tomorrow when the 'test' begins." Naruto hung up and gave himself a minute to do a victory dance in his kitchen.

Congrats Naruto you're now officially beyond therapy. Hope you like this first chapter guys I'll try to update as soon as I can but I'm sort of doing this in the middle of packing, so don't expect it to happen soon.