Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy VII or Saiyuki ReLoad. Nor do I own their characters; but I do own the idea and the story written therein.

Summary: Chocobo baiting gone wrong or what happens when Sanzo meets Shin-Ra cadets who mistake him for a certain yellow-spiked teen.

Shout Out: One of my more hare brained ideas – what would happen if Sanzo ikkou were dropped into Final Fantasy VII universe. Chaos. Utter chaos. But because Sanzo and Cloud could be almost twins in terms of appearance /evil grin/, I couldn't help myself but to write the witnessing little ficlet. Plot dragons were just too persistent, tiny little buggers they were.

Warnings: AU – verse, Saiyuki madness, Sanzo being his grumpy self and cursing. And some poor cadets being mauled.

When Chocobo Gets Teeth... Err, Gun

At the end of the grueling day, there was no better relief for the Shin-Ra cadets than Chocobo-baiting. Or Strife baiting, to be precise.

Said Chocobo was a male – fragile looking, with an almost feminine appearance, big blue eyes, pink pouty lips and hair that resembled the feathers of a golden Chocobo.

This was Cloud Strife, the dead-last of this particular batch of cadets, yet he somehow managed to gain the interest of a rather famous First Class soldier, named Zack Fair. Or Angeal's puppy, depending on who you asked…

Meaning, Cloud deserved to be doubly-stomped into the ground, just for being acknowledged by the rather ADHD inclined, happy-go-lucky Lieutenant Fair.

Strife, despite his… bonds with Fair, was a rather easy target. Small, almost pathetically weak, and too proud for his own good. His swordsmanship was good, but not against bigger, stronger and much more aggressive opponents. His hand-to-hand was pathetic and his marksmanship was just abysmal. How in Shiva's name that country bumpkin even got into the cadet program was a mystery only the Aeons knew.

"Oi, Strife!" One of the cadets called out to their golden – haired victim. The slender back, clad in a black sleeveless skin tight silk T-shirt stiffened. "Going to have your girly season yet?" the cadet, Allis, called out, grinning. The witnesses snickered. "Lookin' mighty good in your skirt, Strifey," another one wolf – whistled mockingly. "Gettin' yer inner girl playin' out?" The tall, brunette cadet with dull gray orbs eyed Strife with a lecherous gaze.

Strife was smaller, yes, but with a slender, almost fragile frame, which was enhanced with a sleeveless black silk shirt and a creamy white skirt that covered those lovely legs quite well. The golden hair was longer somehow and differently styled.

Strife cocked his head on the side and glared at them, making them grin wider, but they didn't notice the warning sign of a vein throbbing under the man's right cheek.

"I thought you looked stupid, but I gave you the benefit of the doubt," Strife spoke out, his usually soft and meek voice now deeper and more stern, and, dare they note it? – commanding.

The cadet grumbled sulkily, much to his compatriot's amusement. "But then you just had to open your fucking mouth and prove to be even dumber than you look." Strife sneered out, his elegant face a mask of utter disdain.

Some laughed at the pissed off cadet, and some bristled at the insult.

"Ooh, he got you there, Gabe," One recruit, tall and gangly, mock – cooed out. "Strife, you know this wasn't a nice thing to say." Allis stepped toward the cadet, crackling his beefy knuckles threateningly. "What do you say, boys – shall we punish the little Chocobo?"

Droopy violet eyes narrowed as their owner's aggressor neared. "Nice, no. True, yes." Strife bit out, as he fished for something in his skirt.

"Aw, is that a pole in your skirt or are just that happy to see me?" Allis jeered, making the witnesses howl with laughter.

The golden haired man stopped. "Che. You're starting to piss me off." He grunted out, resuming his search. "And you wish."

Allis snarled at the frank answer. It seemed that his prey had decided to become … difficult.

"You are nothing but a cock-suckin' whore. I bet ya got Fair with some sob story about ya being a lonely, country bumpkin kid an –"

Frigid violet eyes, so unlike Zack's, stared at Allis' face. It was as if the kid got a total turnaround – from a wimp to badass.

"Whatever floats your fucking boat and helps you jerk off at night. Now, have you seen the three morons or not?"

Allis fumed. Then, he smirked. "Want to suck their cocks so much?" He retorted, strutting forward smugly. "Then we can oblige you, sweet cheeks." He made to grab the pretty cadet, but instead he choked out a gurgled scream as the butt of the gun slammed into his face, breaking his nose with a sickening crack.

The surrounding cadets froze at the sickening sound.

Who could have thought that the meek little Chocobo was capable of being so…brutal?

Scratch that, who could have thought that this little Chocobo got a gun?

"You can oblige me by dying, moron." Strife hissed out poisonously, his eyes a chilling violet, a stark contrast against his golden mane. "Either that, or you tell me where Hakkai, Goku and Gojyo are." The three names drew a blank looks onto the cadet's faces.

Hakkai? Goku? And who the heck was … Gojyo? No. Nope, never heard about them. Or had Strife suddenly became delusional or what?

It was possible… but what drug was he on? 'Cause some of them wanted that weed.

Strife swiftly ducked the oncoming attack from another idiot and casually clobbered the fool with an ease that could only come from long practice.

"If you can win…" One of the dumber cadets sneered out, leering at him, making Strife scowl at him harder."Sweet cheeks."

Oh, was THAT the wrong thing to say…

Those demonic violet eyes narrowed, and then Strife lunged at the offender, his movements strangely elegant and flowing instead of being all chopped up like they normally were.

When the battle was over, there were broken bones, bullet wounds and the bullies learned to fear the holy terror that was one Cloud Strife.

The golden haired man looked at the miserable pile of unconscious idiots frowning. "Why does everyone call me Strife something?" He muttered to himself, scowling. "For Buddha's fucking sake, is it so hard to remember that I am Sanzo, or do you fucking apes have some learning defect I don't know about?" He complained, fishing out a lighter and a cigarette. "S-a-n-z-o." He addressed a couple of fools that was unfortunate enough to be still somewhat conscious. "Learn it, remember it, and leave me the hell alone, unless you want to have your empty skulls ventilated. " he growled out, making the two witnessing offenders squeak out with terror, before he stalked off muttering about something called sake and needing Hakkai and strangling a certain gender confused divine being, named Kanzeon or something.

This was the first contact of foolish Shin-Ra cadets with Genjo Sanzo, the 31st Toa of China.

Sadly for them, it wasn't the last.

Later that evening, Cloud wondered just why his fellow cadets and bunk mates were suddenly so very helpful and nervous toward him.