Chapter One: An Innocent Question
"To really ask is to open the door to the whirlwind. The answer may annihilate the question and the questioner." –Anne Rice
Elena sat alone in the Boarding House parlor with her diary open in her lap. She lightly gripped a pen between her long thin fingers, but found that she was unable to put anything into words that expressed how she was feeling. Something inside of her felt as if it was missing and yet at the same time she felt so completely overwhelmed she feared she might burst. There was a deadly push and pull inside of her, and with every passing day she feared it would consume her. One thing was for certain however, things had changed and definitely not for the better.
It had only been a month ago that Stefan had returned to her. An entire summer had passed as her and Damon had worked to do anything within their means to bring Stefan home. They had traced Stefan and Klaus all over the United States and every time they had gotten close, Stefan had pushed them away. Every time, he had told them that he didn't want to come home and that even if he wanted to, he never could because it would never be the same. Elena hadn't believed him. She knew that Stefan had been under Klaus' compulsion and that his thoughts were not his own, so she chased him across the country until the bloodbath he had caused became too much. She and Damon had almost given up looking for him once the fall had come, but then just before the leaves had all broken away from the trees, she had opened her bedroom door one night and found him waiting for her.
The story that Stefan had told, was that Klaus had agreed to grant him his freedom because he had kept his word and protected Klaus' life and aided him in his mission to create the master hybrid race. After Stefan had nearly taken a stake for him at his brother's hands, Klaus had released him saying he had finally earned his freedom. It took Stefan a few weeks to make his way back to Mystic Falls from the other side of the states and dry out from all the human blood. He had waited until he was strong enough and then had returned to Elena's loving arms. But something had changed. No matter how much Elena wanted to forget the past few months, she simply could not. She remembered the dismembered bodies of the families he had killed and the cold and distant look he had in his eyes as he had looked at her and told her it was over that night outside of the bar in Chicago. She had tried to let go of him then, and now she was trying to pull him back, but everything just seemed to be falling apart.
The first night that Stefan had returned home, her emotions had over run her. She ran to his arms, kissed his lips and got lost in his embrace. They barely had said one word to each other before they had found their way to her bed and he had made love to her after so long. The night had been special, but it hadn't been the same as before. Thoughts of the summer, the things that Stefan had done, and the change in him had plagued her mind. She found herself having to concentrate on every touch and her mind alone had robbed her of any true pleasure she could have enjoyed. But she rested that night in Stefan's arms and felt like she had won the battle she had fought so long for and she was not giving that up for anything. She prayed that things would return to the way that had been as long as she just gave it time. They had been apart for so long and gone through so much, that there was no way they would be able to just return to the ways things were. She knew she just needed to give it time and everything would be fine, it had to be.
So as Elena sat on the overstuffed sofa and clutched her journal to her chest, she wondered to herself exactly how long it was going to take for things to return to the way they had been. It had been a month since Stefan had returned and every night that she had laid in his bed, something had been different. He didn't seem to need her as much as he once had. His eyes weren't filled with the same lust and need that used to be there when she touched him, and when Elena was under his hands her body didn't respond the same way it once had. It was like a light switch had been turned off and now no one could find it because it was too dark. She wanted to believe it was just an adjustment back to real life, but deep inside she knew something was wrong, and she feared it was something that was wrong with her. She loved Stefan and she had to fix this one way or another and she knew there was only one person she could trust to help her.
"Hey there broody, what's with the Stefan face?" Damon's smooth velvet voice asked as he walked into the parlor. Elena jumped slightly as his voice broke into her thoughts but she tried to collect herself and then she set her journal on the sofa next to her as she looked up at him.
"I guess I was just lost in my thoughts. How is everything?" She asked as she looked at him, but avoided his eyes. Damon had become a very important person to her over the summer, but something about the way he stared into her eyes, still made her feel uncomfortable and nervous all at the same time. So instead, she let her eyes run over him without fixing on the beautiful icy blue orbs that shone brightly in his eyes.
"Well, not a whole hell of a lot, unfortunately. I mean with all the excitement of the summer, now that the fun is over and Stefan is home, I am left with nothing to do. I mean Stefan killed my girlfriend, so my Saturdays freed up quickly, and I fought or killed most of the people I considered friends just to get to him, so I don't exactly have the budding social life I once did. Frankly, I miss the excitement of always wondering who is going to try to drive a stake through my heart next." He said as he raised his eyebrow at her and gave a slight smirk. Elena smiled.
"Well I think sometimes we need to appreciate the quiet because God knows our track record just proves it doesn't last for long." She said as she stood and moved closer to where Damon stood. She smoothed out her purple knit shirt and flipped her long chocolate brown hair behind her shoulder.
"Damon, can I ask you something that's a little…personal?" She asked slowly as she looked over to the bar where Damon had walked to and was pouring himself a glass of Bourbon. He looked up at her and tilted his head to the side.
"Oh, this sounds bad. What's up?" He asked slowly as he picked up his glass and moved closer to her. Elena looked to the other side of the room and then down to the floor, avoiding the beauty of his eyes.
"Damon, what was Katherine like?" She asked in a slightly weak voice. Damon looked at her and then took a long drink of his bourbon.
"Well, you've met her Elena. She's an evil, manipulative, and completely self-obsessed vampire slut that gets her joys in life from destroying the lives of those around her. So in short, she's a real peach." He said with a slight edge in his humorous tone. Elena took in a deep breath and then shook her head as she began to pace the smooth wooden floor.
"No Damon, I mean what was she like… in bed?" She asked in a slightly quieter voice.
Damon almost spit out his drink as he heard the last words that Elena had spoken. He looked at her in complete astonishment and then moved slightly forward toward where she paced.
"And why exactly do you want to know that?" He asked with a smile. Elena still could not look up to meet his eyes.
"I'm just curious." She said quietly. Damon nodded, his smile was still intact, but he let out a sigh and then took another drink.
"Katherine was vivacious. She was sexy; she was charming and incredibly seductive." He said as he looked off into the distance. Elena nodded and looked away as she could tell he was lost in his own memories. Damon laughed slightly to himself before he continued.
"But, she was also incredibly selfish and cold and used sex to get her the things that she wanted. Men were her play things and the world was her playground. But seriously Elena, why do you ask? I know there is a reason locked up in that pretty little head of yours." Damon asked as he stepped in front of her path so that she was forced to stop pacing. Elena looked up into Damon's eyes and suddenly her expression softened.
"Damon, things haven't been the same since Stefan came back. He doesn't want me like he used to, he doesn't care like he used to, he doesn't respond to me like he used to and he seems like he could just take me or leave me. I don't think I have what he wants anymore and I hate it." Elena said as she dropped her eyes from his gaze and ran her fingers through her long chocolate brown hair. Damon nodded and quickly turned and began moving around the room as he tried to hide the smile that had come over his face.
"So you think you don't have what he wants anymore, and now you want to be more like Katherine?" He asked in a slightly sarcastic tone. Elena let out a sigh.
"It's not that I want to be more like Katherine, it's just that I worry that maybe I am just boring, or bad or something. I mean I definitely have not had the experience that Stefan has and maybe with everything he has gone through he needs more and I am not giving him that. I am afraid that I am going to lose him again if something doesn't change." Elena said with a hint of desperation in her voice. Damon turned and looked at her, his lips curled in a beautiful smile that took Elena's breath away and made her heart beat a little faster in her chest.
"Elena, I highly doubt you bore my brother. I live in this house and these walls happen to be very thin. If I remember correctly, and trust me I do, it definitely sounded like he more than enjoyed your company before. A lot has happened and he probably is just still coming down from being hopped up on all that human blood. Stefan is a moody and broody boy, he doesn't snap back like someone as amazing as me." He said with a smile as he stopped moving and turned to her.
"But let's say, just for argument sake that my baby brother is bored. Is he trying to make it livelier? Is he still working all that Stefan magic and getting that little heart to jump around in there?" Damon asked with smile as he motioned toward Elena's chest. Elena felt her cheeks burn as a blush spread over her skin. She looked down at the floor as she tried to hide her embarrassment.
"Everything is fine. I just have a hard time concentrating." She said slowly. Damon laughed to himself and then set his drink down on the oak coffee table in front of them.
"Trouble concentrating? This is sex Elena, what in the world do you need to concentrate on?" He asked in an almost amused tone. Elena looked up, emotion still consuming her features.
"I just try to concentrate on enjoying myself. But, it's hard because I am afraid I am doing something wrong, so I tend to be more concentrated on that, and then my mind just runs in circles and before I know it it's over. But, I'm not worried about me. This is about Stefan." She said as she started to straighten her body upright again and take hold of herself. Damon looked at her as he tilted his head once again.
"First of all, concentrating during sex, that is your first problem. Sex isn't about concentrating; sex is about surrendering to something that you crave. Sex is about giving in to a need that is so much greater than yourself that you would kill in that moment to feel it. Being totally consumed and taken over, that is what sex it about Elena. Concentration, well that really has no place there." He started. Elena felt her cheeks burn once again as she listened to the passion that filled his voice.
"Secondly, this isn't just about Stefan, Elena. This is also about you. You are the one that is obviously not satisfied, or we wouldn't be having this conversation. You are not going to be able to do anything to excite my broody little brother unless he can feel that he excites you. Men are crazy that way; it gets us off seeing you get off." He said bluntly as he stopped pacing in front of Elena's face. Elena looked down and shook her head.
"Well right now I am just concerned with Stefan and after everything we went through to get him back, I don't want to lose him now. That is kind of why I wanted to talk to you. There is something I want to ask you Damon." Elena said quietly, still not looking up from the floor. Damon didn't move, but he slid his fingers under her chin and lifted her face until her eyes met his. He reached his arm out and leaned against the wall beside her and let a lazy half smile move across his lips.
"Well if there is one thing that a man loves, it's helping his little brother get laid." He said with a laugh. Elena smiled and felt her stomach drop a little from her nervousness.
"So shoot Buffy, what can I do for you?" He asked. Elena looked at him and took in a deep breath.
"I need you to tell me what I am doing wrong and help me fix it." Elena said quickly. Damon cocked his head to the side.
"OK….so what are you going to give me a play by play and then I critique? Frankly, I find that a little creepy. I mean he is my brother and picturing him grunting and sweating on top of you…well that is just unattractive, but I do so love a good dirty story." He said as his eyes glimmered in the sunlight that shone in between the curtains. Elena looked back down and then moved back slightly and felt her back hit the wall. She swallowed hard and tried to find the right words she needed to explain exactly what she was asking.
"Umm..no. Actually Damon, I was wondering…." She stopped. She gathered herself once again and then turned back to him.
"Damon, I want you to sleep with me, tell me what I am doing wrong and then teach me how to fix it." Her words came out in a fast blur as she immediately looked away from him. She hugged her arms tightly to her body and tried to remain composed. She felt way too exposed right now and she needed to seem in control. Damon stared at her for a moment and then laughed low in his chest.
"You are not serious, are you Elena?" He asked. Elena looked at him, but she didn't speak. Damon swallowed roughly and then picked his drink back up from the table and took a long swig of his bourbon. He set the glass back on the table and turned toward her.
"Elena, first of all, apparently you have lost your mind because you hate me. Second of all, you love Stefan so much but yet you want to sleep with me? Don't you teenage humans call that cheating?" He asked as he raised his brow at her. Elena shook her head.
"No. Damon, you know I don't hate you. You have been one of my closest friends since everything happened with Stefan and that is why I am asking you this. And I don't see this as cheating. Stefan has been with countless women…I have been with two men. Obviously I am doing something wrong and I have tried to ask Stefan if I can do anything and he just tells me everything is fine, so I need a second opinion. One that will be honest and one that has the…experience to help me, which would be you." She said sternly. Damon leaned toward her and then the smile faded slightly from his lips.
"Wow, you are really serious." He said as he scanned her features for a sign that this was all just a cruel joke at his expense. Elena looked up into his eyes.
"Yes I am dead serious. Will you help me, please Damon?" Elena asked. Her voice sounded so desperate and how could he say no? He had a beautiful woman standing in front of him begging him to sleep with her and then teach her how to have sex…was he dreaming? But he knew he wasn't because this was absolutely something Elena would do. She loved Stefan with all her heart and she would do anything to make him happy, even if that meant sleeping with someone else to avoid ever disappointing him.
"Elena, things could get…complicated if we do this. I have an off switch, but you are a human…and a woman. You aren't exactly known for your ability to turn off your emotions and that could make things very messy." He said as he now avoided her eyes. He couldn't believe these words that were coming out of his mouth. Was he seriously trying to talk her out of this?
"Damon, I've thought about this. It will be strictly educational. No emotions, no bullshit, just sex. We do it, you tell me what I did wrong and then you teach me how to fix it and I can go back to Stefan and bring him back to me…all of him back to me." She said with pain in her voice. Damon looked at her; he would kill someone to get that pain out of her voice. So he let out a sigh and nodded his head.
"Well, what the hell? Let's do it! So, you want me to get naked now? Or should we go to my room and you can take me slowly and gently?" He asked with a wink. Elena rolled her eyes and let out another labored sigh.
"Be serious Damon. Stefan is upstairs sleeping right now. He will be hunting tonight and I am supposed to be going to a movie with Bonnie. I will come by after the movie and we can do this and get it done." She said in a very matter of fact tone. Damon smiled and nodded.
"Sounds totally romantic. I can't wait! I will light candles and wear my fancy underwear." He said with a smile. Elena moved closer and looked at him.
"Damon please be serious. This is just a friend helping a friend. Are you sure you are up to this?" She asked as she studied his face. Damon's expression changed almost instantly. His eyes darkened, his smile faded and he leaned slightly closer to her face and then tilted his head so his lips were just over the thin soft skin of her ear. Elena closed her eyes as she felt her breath hitch and her mouth become painfully dry.
"Elena, sweetie, I am definitely up for this. The question is, are you up for this?" He breathed against her skin. Elena felt chills go up her spine and goose bumps break out over her body. She moved back slightly and looked into the icy pools that bored into her.
"I will see you tonight." Was all she managed to say and then she quickly ducked under one of Damon's arms and moved at a fast pace out of the room. Damon laughed as he watched her almost sprint up the stairs, but then his smile faded as he ran his hands through his jet black hair. He had a sinking feeling in his stomach he was getting himself into something much more dangerous than even he realized.
Please read and review! So, what do you all think? I am still working on You and I (so don't worry it's not going away), but to prevent writers block I wanted to do something else as well. This one is a little more smutty than angsty. Good idea or should I move along. Please read and review! Thanks! Nikki