I sat on the stool casually drinking an alcoholic beverage. I put more ice into my drink using my ice magic. This was already my 7th bottle this morning but it still wasn't enough to make me forget about her. She was sitting beside flamehead while Happy was flying above both of them. That's the regular team Natsu, alright. I chugged another glass trying to look away from them. But no matter what I do, I just ended up staring at her. I poured another drink to my glass and watched her from the corner of my eyes. She was laughing her heart out with Natsu and Happy. I could never make her laugh like that… and I knew it.
I knew that I could never make her mine from the very beginning. I had known the minute I saw her enter the guild that she was already wrapped around Natsu's sutpid little finger. I had known… but why is that I couldn't stop falling for her. I couldn't I stop this feeling from taking over me. No matter how hard I try to hate her, I still found myself smiling next to her.
Why is that I want to make her smile? To make her laugh every time she's down? I want to see her eyes sparkling in enjoyment… and her face flushed because she was having a hard time to breathe due to laughter. I want to hear her laughter echoing right through my ears. I want to see her dancing around like a little kid. I want…. to make her happy…. ALWAYS. And I hate myself for it.
I glowered at my drink wishing that I could get drunk sooner; the sooner, the better. I have to meet with Juvia that is. We were to go on another date. And I couldn't go on another date with Juvia and just end up thinking of another girl. I need to forget her right now. Maybe I should hit my head to the counter so I could end up with amnesia. I snickered at the thought. But… wouldn't it repeat all over again? Wouldn't I fall for her again? The heart wants what the heart wants. And my heart is yelling her name not Juvia's.
Glancing at the clock, I noticed that there were still 7 minutes 'til Juvia arrives here for our date. I really need to get drunk. I asked for 3 bottles of my drink to Mirajane. She doubtfully gave them to me. Not bothering to look back at her, I put aside my glass and put the 3 bottles right in front of me. I opened one of them and quickly drunk from it like my life depended on it. But still I could think straight. It was not fair that I was thinking of her when I'm with Juvia.
I knew the pain Juvia's going through. Hurt. Reject. Loneliness. All of those, I felt it too. I felt my heart shattering to pieces. I felt the pain through my chest. I felt alone. I felt uncared for and unwanted. I felt all of those! One thing that I didn't feel was… her love. Her love was the only thing that I wanted all my life. But I didn't get it. And it hurt like hell. It hurt… so much that I couldn't find my own happiness anymore. All that mattered was her. Even though I'm dying on the inside, I still wanted her to smile and laugh. And it was not fair! It was not effing fair! That was why I'm with Juvia. I didn't want to make Juvia feel what I was feeling; she's nakama after all. I like Juvia and all… but love was a whole different level. Well, basically… love was her.
A few more gulps and I was done with the first bottle of three. I was beginning to think that I'm becoming more like Cana. I shrugged the thought off of my mind. I kept drinking until I was done. I slammed the empty bottle on the counter making a loud thud. I was sure that everyone's attention was on me but I didn't care. I quickly grabbed another bottle and grasped it tightly with my hand.
"Gray…" DAMN! She couldn't just leave me alone, could she? Why did she have to say my name with so much care? And to think that I was slowly forgetting about her... This was just too exasperating! I violently bit off the lid of the bottle, spat it out to the counter then, drank the alcoholic beverage without any doubts in mind. But still… her voice was echoing right through my head. Her sweet, addicting voice was engraving in my mind. Bit by bit, I was starting to see all of her. Her hair, her eyes, her nose… every inch of her, I was beginning to see. And I was loving and hating it at the same time. I closed my eyes and got drunk more. She was just so perfect.
The moment I saw her, I already felt a connection between us. I was attracted to her… really attracted. Who wouldn't be? She looked like my dream-girl come to life. Her hair was yellow as the sun and soft as silk. I've been wanting to run my hands through her hair and to bury my face in it. And her face was just so angelic! Her eyes were so brown and beautiful. Sparkling ever so lightly, I could get lost in them forever. Her nose was… well, cute as button. Her lips… oh her lips… they made me want to kiss her senselessly. They looked so pink and soft. When those pink, soft lips open, her voice would be compared to beautiful music entering my ears. I could listen to her forever. And her body; dang! I've wanted to lock her in my house all day and make love to her over and over. But… those were just my wants and dreams. I just wanted to hold her in my arms. To at least touch her porcelain skin … To be near her! I just wanted to… feel her body warmth next to mine. Was that too much to ask? Was that TOO much to ask?
Without knowing it, I was already done with the current bottle in my hand. I turned it upside down making sure that nothing would be left. I saw a droplet slowly making its way to the very tip of the bottle. Once it hung out of the bottle, I turned it into ice and nibble it. Casually, I checked for the time. 3 minutes left. I could still have another drink. I put the bottle I was holding aside and grabbed the bottle that was full of content. I began drinking but slower this time. Everyone's eyes were off of me but… hers remained. I could feel her eyes on me watching my every move. At least it was a confirmation that she somewhat cared about me… Who am I kidding? She always cared.
When Deliora suddenly appeared right in front of me, I was so scared and angry. That monster wasn't supposed to be there! I began to panic and shout. I even felt myself shaking in fear and anger. I wasn't able to calm myself. I even punched the freakin' salamander without any right reasons… but she was there for me. She was there caring for me. One touch of her hands made me feel secure. It calmed me down. I could still feel the tingling sensation when she put her hand on my chest... on my shoulders. She made me feel better at that very moment with her touch. She was able to calm me down. She was the first girl to ever make me feel secure. I trusted her enough that I told her about my past. My closest friends didn't even know anything about it but she knew! She was even there when I cried. She was the very first girl who ever saw me cry besides Ur. She knew about me and she cared. She would always ask, 'Are you okay, Gray?' a-and she would say my name with care! She was watching me from the sidelines. I could feel it! Even when I was unconscious, something was telling me that she was watching over me and saying my name with such passion. She was always there for me.
I saw Juvia standing outside the doors of Fairy Tail waiting for me. I quickly chugged down the drink into my throat. I could feel the hotness around my throat but I ignored it. But in no time, I was done. I finished 3 bottles within 7 minutes. That was probably a new record for me. I put the bottle on the bar and lazily stood up from the stool. Stuffing my hands into my pockets, I made my way to the exit of the guild. As I was leaving, I watched her from the corner of my eyes. I've always been watching her… caring for her… loving her. Yet, it wasn't enough. I guess it'll always be like this. I could only love her from afar… from the sidelines… We were not meant to be.
Lucy, I knew you could—cross that- you WERE never mine.
Here's the whole Deliora thing in the manga:
-Lucy's hand on Gray's chest (Manga 27 pg. 21-22)
-Lucy: Are you okay? (Manga 28, pg. 05)
-Lucy: Gray ~she was worried (Manga 31 pg. 08)
I know it's kinda freaky of me to take notes of this kind of stuff. XD
So, this is my first Angst/Drama GrayXLucy fan fic. :) What do you guys think?
I was supposed to be working on LOVE 'Losing Over Vulnerable Emotions', but I read the whole Don't just go taking what's MINE line of Gray(read latest chapter of Fairy Tail if you don't know what the heck I'm talking about) and it made me so frustrated. I just have to write this down! To all Graylu fans, don't worry about it too much! 'Cause from what I read, the translation was wrong. It was supposed to be: "うちのモン勝手につれていくな"="our member of FT" And it actually makes more sense 'cause I find Gray really protective of his comrades. Remember the episode where the Trimens were hitting on Lucy and Erza? He was like: Don't go hitting on our princesses, boy-toy. Or at least something like that. So... yeah! That's about it. We should not lose hope!
Oh, by the way! I was thinking of continuing this story instead of making it a one shot. It all depends if you liked it or not. So, please review! :)