Chapter 1: Enter the Rider and Author
A tall, thin skeletal man with flames protruding from his skull entered a bar with tight leather strewn across his muscular chest. His jaw bones jutted out and his teeth curled into a grimace. How he hated bars. He seated himself beside a man whose head hung low and thin, black pointy ears sprang from his head. Ghost Rider frowned and ignored the masked vigilante. He hated humans and their emotions.
"What'll it-" The bartender stole a glance at the tall, intimidating flaming skeleton and gulped. "-be?" Ghost Rider smiled at the man's frightened expense and chortled. Then he remembered he was skewered in flames. Alcohol and fire did not equal happiness.
"Damn it- DAMN IT!" Ghost Rider screamed, unleashing hellfire that tore itself from the tiled linoleum. "I'M LEAVING!" He stomped furiously out the door, leaving lacerations and scorch marks on the linoleum. The hell cycle heard his mental anguish and drove up beside his owner and flared into an apparatus of flames. Ghost Rider mounted his trusted steed and drove to the only place he sought comfort. The fanfiction writer's house. He arrived and banged obnoxiously on the door until a woman dressed in all black answered the door. She screamed, and then fainted.
Ghost Rider stepped over the fainted woman and called out his fanfiction writer's name. "SwampFoxLily! Hey, get your butt down here now!" Then, a tumbling of footsteps could be heard from the stairwell and then a gawky 14 year old with an old Batman jacket appeared. She had long black hair and startling brown eyes hidden behind red glasses.
"Yes sir- Holy pickles in an oven cooked over a pot of cabbage! Ghost Rider! How'd you escape hell? I thought-''
"Long story. Anyways, change the plot of the story! It's really losing its interest!" Ghost Rider grabbed the amateur author and slammed her against the wall. "Do it NOW! Or I'll use the penance stare for your sins of being a HORRIBLE author!"
"But-" The author glanced into Ghost Rider's flaming skull and huffed. She might as well, since her life was hanging by threads laced with leather and spikes. "I'll go upstairs and edit the story." She pushed Ghost Rider aside and rushed up the steep stairs.
"She pisses me off..." he muttered as he leaned against the stairwell and awaited the well needed plot development. Suddenly, a cat attached to a poptart bearing a black ribbon appeared with Ninja Stars and a Ross more 236 held in its small paw. "Hah. This will be a piece of cake." A shell of the Ross more 236 flung past his skull and left a gaping hole in the opposing dry wall. "Damn. This'll be more difficult than I imagined." Ghost Rider spoke silently to himself then pulled out his chain of rebuttal. It burst into flames and shot directly at the pink and gray cat.
The cat erupted into a display of rainbows and Ghost Rider felt like he'd took a sniff of cocaine. His world shifted, and then merged into a grayish blob and into a dim lit alley. He glanced around and saw a bag of skittles lying haphazardly. Reaching to retrieve his hand and collect the treat, his hand was punctured by a sharp serrated knife that was glistening in the overhead lights. His hollow eyes drew up in a crinkled expression of hatred and were soon met with those of a smiling, masked man with dark brunette hair.
"Go away, you scum, and leave me be with my skittles." Ghost Rider growled, and with the chain of rebuttal in hand just in case the situation progressed.
"If I do remember so correctly, I dropped those. Please remove them from your grasp," he asked, sincerity lacing his tone. Ghost Rider chuckled and then turned serious. He thrust the man upwards and slammed him against the wall like he did SwampFoxLily. He was hungry and was damn sure he was going to eat those skittles whether this guy like it or not. His eyes flared with that of a thousand fires and burned the man's eyes balls. The masked man screamed the slumped against Ghost Rider's body and the skittles fell from his grasp.
"What can I say? He pissed me off." Ghost Rider muttered to the reader who was observing the story. After tearing off the seal of the skittles he poured the small delectable treats into his mouth and relished the sweet taste of the rainbow. It was delicious; after all, he hadn't had a bag of skittles in 20 years. He threw the wrapping away into a trash bin beside the alley and stepped onto the pavement. His boots hit the concrete and sizzled, leaving scorch marks as he walked along. Ghost Rider then ran into a tall, gawking aging man with a fedora and curled black hair. He had on a long trench coat and grey gloves. Odd.
"My sincerest apologies, my good man. Didn't see where I was going." Inspector Gadget apologized, reaching to pat the man on the shoulder. He placed his gloved digits on Ghost Rider's spikes and his hand exploded into flames. "Wowzers! You're a little hot, ya know? My hand- ah. Must be- ah, what do they call that...?"
"Spontaneous Combustion?" Deadpool added suggestively after shooting Iron Man in the side, leaving an insurmountable hole that leaked bodily fluids.
"Yes! That's it. Thanks random stranger that I've never had association with." Inspector Gadget smiled. "Go Go Gadget Water Pistol," he announced and a small pistol appeared and doused the fire. Ghost Rider gave a look of admiration and disgust at the bionic man- mostly because of his water pistol. "Hey. You look down. Want to go and get a soda?" Gadget asked. Being sure to stay completely G-rated and not introduce alcohol to the flaming skeleton, Gadget led him to a suspiciously dark restaurant with M.A.D written over the top.
They entered the restaurant and seated themselves at the booth in the back with pinstriped décor. A thin, lanky woman with blonde hair smacking gum annoyingly came up to the twosome and removed her order-taking pad from her bra and grabbed a pen from her breast pocket.
"Hello. I'm Harley. I'm ya server today. What can I get ya? We got coke, Mountain Dew, Burgers, the like..." Ghost Rider sensed the woman was a criminal and immediately smelled fresh blood emanating from her person. And he also smelled a bacon and cheeseburger. But the glare he gave her could sharpen daggers and cut through steel.
"I'll take a coke and a burger with... eh?" Gadget looked up at the woman and blushed furiously. Obviously he had some sort of genetic mishap and a clear avoidance of women altogether. "Um... fries? Yeah. Thank ya very much, Madame." Harley scribbled incoherently and smiled kindly. Then her gaze turned to Ghost Rider and she cocked her head in confusion.
"Hey... Mista Jay...! Who's the bozo with the flamin' Skull? I haven't seen him around Gotham." An inaudible murmur of the apparent 'Mista Jay is so cute' fled past her black-red lips as he replied.
"Harley- dear, that's Ghost Rider. Batsy said he saw him at a bar in McKinney, Texas." Joker yelled across the diner. "Now do your job, Harley dear, or I'll put a bullet in your pretty head, k?" he added loudly. Harley smiled naively at the unquestionable threat and took down Ghost Rider's order without seeing the grim, pitiful look on Ghost Riders skull.
"Alright. Ya orders will be out soon. Be patient- k, puddin'?" Harley sauntered off and left the duo alone to converse amongst themselves. Gadget sighed and watched the crazed physiatrist-turned-criminal-turned-waitress go off into the kitchen and disappear.
"Wowzers... what a girl. She reminds me that actress Launa Lamoure." Gadget commented and adjusted his fedora accordingly. "She was with M.A.D though, an evil top secret organization led by Dr. Claw. Too bad." Suddenly, after those words were spoken, the author of the fanfiction you're reading right now entered the restaurant and spotted Ghost Rider with... Inspector Gadget at a booth. She dashed over and sat beside Inspector Gadget and shook Ghost Rider violently.
"WHAT DO YOU WANT?" Ghost Rider screeched, retracting a ball of Hellfire and threatened to burn her face into a burnt waffle.
"THE PLOT!" she screamed, and surely if he had eardrums they would have exploded, "MESPHISTO CHANGED THE PLOT WHILE I WAS IN THE SHOWER!" Her voice shattered glass, remnants spewing all over the diner. Ghost Rider stood and grabbed SwampFoxLily9 by the collar of her Batman jacket and brought his flaming skull near to her sweating features.
"What did he do?" He asked, eyes flaring like a crackling fireplace. She gazed away, a blush resonating across her cheeks. "WHAT DID HE DO, INSIGNIFICANT HUMAN?" Ghost Rider yelled, shaking the brunette vigorously.
"He... made it a cross over with... sla- slash!" Ghost Rider let a roar of anger and tossed SwampFoxLily9 down unto the booth and unleashed hellfire that tore across the polished floor and scorched all the booths to ashes. Joker raced from the kitchen to see what the ruckus was about and saw all the booths in a pile of ashes. He smiled, grin elastic and glistening red.
"I like that guy. He's got guts. But as for the damage... HARLEY!"
*back to the conversation with the Author*
"What slash did he cross me over with?" SwampFoxLily9 squeaked at the beckoning of her opinion and squirmed in her seat.
"Um... err... if I remember correctly, it was in an Anime universe... Ah! Supernatural." Ghost Rider hated anime, and there was no was in hell he was going to be a flaming skeleton vigilante anime character flaunting his queerness to the world. He had to find Mesphisto and change the plot development before things got slashy. And as far as he was concerned, SwampFoxLily9 started it, and she was going to help him finish it.
"You're coming with me to end the slash- for good!" Ghost Rider declared, picking the meek and well- associated Author and throwing her over his spiked shoulder. Luckily, she barely evaded the spikes from stabbing her and realized the sudden situation at hand. Ghost Rider was going to end slashy goodness! But what about those poor Yaoi fans? They would suffer withdrawals and have to go to rehab! And she was a slash fan herself, what would she do? Oh, the terrible things she imagined... Yaoi addicts running in the streets, explosions, bombs- an apocalypse was surely bound to follow!
"No! Slashy slash is necessary for survival! All teenage girls need it!" SwampFoxLily9 explained, pounding furiously on the Ghost Riders' leather jacket. She struggled, trying to pry herself from the flaming skeleton's hold but her meekness and sallow strength failed against that of Ghost Rider's. "I've never let you take slash away!" Ghost Rider became tired and strained with the Slash-addict. He showed a picture of two guys hugging and kissing and that was enough to sedate her. He sighed in relief and called his Hell-Cycle to the M.A.D restaurant and mounted the flaming motorcycle.
"This is going to be a long trip... and she still pisses me off." SwampFoxLily9's body slumped against his and he hoped to God she fell off 'accidentally' and broke some ribs. That'll teach her to be obsessed with Slashy slash Yaoi goodness. He still hated bars and Batman and that stupid guy at the convenient store that gave him weird looks. And he hated SwampFoxLily9 who let his enemy write her fanfiction into a slash story. No way was thing going down! He was going to end this.
Hope ya guys liked it. I wrote this as fast as I could... so any errors or mistakes please do tell! Reviews make slashy slash Yaoi goodness go around