"What are we fighting for?" I screamed and spun around heavily.
I felt my eyes widen involuntary and they glazed over until I was seeing, but I wasn't. Colours, shapes, they were there. But no lines, no boundaries, nothing to stop one colour mixing with another. How did it make the distinction between one and the other? When did the lines become so blurred? My mind reached out and objects moved around me, without me even toughing them. Erratic, dizzying, confusing movements, like the torment inside my head. No more. I couldn't take anymore. Death. Destruction. Violence. Blood. Pain. Please, no more. Rough ragged breaths seared my throat. My chest heaved and the exertion was too much to bear.
"Look at us. We fight for them, against our own kind, we are dying for them. What do we gain? They want to fix us and when there's retaliation, we protect them? They want to stomp us out and here we are, standing between our own and them. Whose side are we on? One day everyone will be like us, they can't stop evolution." Suddenly, my vision sharpened and I saw everything clearly again. Rocks, twisted metal, dirt was all flying around me still. With each word, it moved faster and faster. My body tingled and I've never felt more powerful then I felt right then. My muscles were tensed so tightly, my senses hyper-aware.
"Do you know why they fear us? It's because they're not at the top of the food chain anymore. We are. And look at them. They hurt us because of something we have no control over. Something that make us different. When is that okay? When did they decide that? I don't know what I'm doing anymore," my voice was loud, but quiet, strong but soft. It was magnified across the field of bodies. Death and destruction. A battlefield.
Jubilee, Bobby, Kitty, Rogue, Colossus, Storm, Jean, Scott and Xavier stood in front of me, listening. Their eyes never left me. We stood in unison, we were a team, we acted like it. They were my family and friends. But what were we fighting? I'd lost control and I didn't know how to get it back.
"I don't know who I am anymore," I whispered. "When did this become me?"
Was this what I am? A killer? A destructor? No, no it's not me. But if it isn't, then who am I? When did everything get so indistinct, distorted? When did it change? When did I? I can't take it anymore. No more. No more. It has to stop; this hate, this anger, this fear. It had to stop otherwise it would consume me. And if it did, I don't know if I'll make it back to myself. It was time for me to leave the battleground. To leave the warzone.
The tension in my body grew until it became palpable. All I could think was how I wanted it to stop. Gold energy emanated from me, swirling around my body, churning, covering me like a cocoon. Building. Getting stronger. It was a part of me, who I was, and for a second I wanted to pull it back into my body. But I couldn't. I had to stop this, all of it. And then it burst from me in a rush and I gasped. It rippled out from me, radiating from me. Wave after wave of energy. Pulsating, shimmering, fluid gold, stretching away from me and washing over everything. I reached out a hand and watched it, feather like, wrap and twirl around my fingers. It was my essence.
The last strands snapped away from my body and I felt drained. No longer powerful. No longer anything. I was nothing. I gasped again and swayed, my knees buckling. I fell to the ground, my head slapping the dirt. I breathed heavily and dust blew up in a cloud before settling.
I was no longer anything, but who I was was everywhere.
Black dots coloured my vision and the edges greyed and darkened. My body was dying. My breathing was loud in my ears and my heart worked furiously to keep me alive. But it was no use. My vision faded until I wasn't sure if my eyes were opened or not. My breathing slowed and my heart stopped.
It had to be done.
Okay, so i know this chapter was a little confusing... It's meant to be :)
Anyway, what did you think?