Well this took way too long for me to post...

Disclaimer: I don't own this book or any of the characters.

Sangzang's To Be a Monk #5: To refrain from intoxicants which lead to loss of mindfulness

Buddhists must retain a clear mind to follow the teachings of the Buddha. Drinking alcohol, taking drugs or doing anything of that nature will be very harmful to your practice.

- Sanzang

Sha Sen POV

Happy almost new years everyone!

Sun Wukong POV

Ugh, New Years again.

More parties I don't feel like going to.

What makes New Years worse than Christmas is that we're supposed to kiss people when the clock strikes twelve. You would not believe how many times I have been assaulted.

I mean, girls, really, I'm a monk, give up already!

Zhu Bajie POV


New Years!





This is my first New Years not celebrated in the Buddhist Realm. Not that they really celebrate New Years there. I can just imagine all those stoic baldies jumping off their Lotus Pedestals and hugging and kissing each other.

Actually I can't. It would be a scary thought.

Anyway, I guess this is one of those times when I'm kinda glad I have a connection to the stupid monkey. He started getting all sorts of invitations to all sorts of shit in November. I guess they were afraid he'd be taken if they invited him any later.

It's too bad for them though, 'cause he made it clear he wasn't going near any of them. Good news is, since he got all those invitations, I can take them and go to the parties!

Tang Sanzang POV

I had a very disturbing conversation with Bajie. He was explaining the new traditions for the New Years' Eve. Is one really expected to kiss someone at midnight? What a strange notion. In fact, Bajie has explained that some find 'boyfriends or girlfriends' just for the purpose of kissing them.

Zhu Bajie POV

I knew I shouldn't have told Master all that stuff. Because, guess what?

Now he wants to see a New Years party for himself! As in he wants to come with me! And if Master is coming along, guess who's also gonna insist to come?

Sha Sen!

I can't pick up chicks with the equivalent of a father and slow brother clinging on to me the whole night!

Yeah, yeah, I know, I'm not supposed to go near girls anyway. Party poopers.

Sha Sen POV

Today, Second brother finally said I can go with him and Master to a party! He said it's a girl name Roxanne's party, and she's really pretty.

I feel kinda bad though, 'cause Big Brother isn't coming and they were his invitations. I asked him one more time before we left, "Big Brother, are you sure you don't want to come? I'm sure you'll have fun."

He was sitting on the couch watching T.V and he waves dismissively at us without turning around, "Sure, sure, go ahead."

"Yeah," Second Brother walks down the stairs, "he doesn't want to go, his loss." Big Brother glances at second brother's outfit and whistles, "What do you plan to do there, sell real estate?"

Second brother looks down, "What do you mean?"

"Dude, you're wearing a tuxedo."


Big Brother snorts, "You're going to Roxanne's party at her house, not to dinner at a country club, loosen up."

He stands up and unbuttons Second Brother's jacket, pulls of his bow tie, unbuttons a few buttons on the top of his shirt, and ruffles his hair. He looks Second brother up and down again, "If I were you, I'd change the jacket."

Second Brother sneers, "What would you know about dressing for parties?"

"First of all, I've actually been to some. Second, I modeled for a while, remember?" He peers over Second Brother's shoulder at us, "And you two are under- dressed." We are wearing t- shirts and pants.

Master shakes his head, "Appearance should not mean so much to monks."

"That's right." I quickly agree. Big Brother shrugs and goes back to the couch, "Whatever you say, have fun at the party."

Tang Sanzang POV

I feel very repetitive thinking about how much culture has changed. The home the party is being held in is very dark and very loud. Music is coming out of speakers and there are many people are dancing. Bajie seems very comfortable in this kind of situation, he grabs Sha Sen as soon as we arrive and says, "Alright Sha Sen, you're my wingman, let's go."

"Wait! What about Master?" Sha Sen says. Bajie sighs, "Ok, Master do you mind waiting here for a minute?"

I eye him suspiciously, "Bajie, you do know your boundaries, correct? I will wait but do not do anything inappropriate."

"Yeah, yeah." Baije mutters and drags Sha Sen away.

I stand in the corner of the room and try to fit in. A young man staggers up to me, "Heeeyyy!"

"Hello." I say. He shuffles his feet a bit then shoves a cup in my general direction, "Drink?"

I take the cup and study the red liquid, "What is this?"

"Oh, you know, juice." He winks at me. This probably should have been a very strong indication that it was not juice, but I drink it anyway.

"Ohhh, good job!" The boy laughs, shuffles his feet some more and claps his hands like a child. "Come on." He grabs my wrist and pulls me away, "Let's get more!"

Zhu Bajie POV

I storm back to where we left Master. Sha Sen is on my heel, "But Brother! I don't understand what I did wrong!" I spin around and stab a finger at his chest, "You don't just tell the girl, 'Hey! My brother wants to have sex with you'!'"

"Oh." Sha Sen lowers his head, "Well you could've told me."

"YOU-" I look around, "Hey wait, where's Master?"

Sha Sen looks around too, "He was right here..."

Sun Wukong POV

I am watching the news when the phone rings, I pick it up, "Hello?"

"Hey Monkey!" Guess who it is.

I sigh, "What is it Bajie?"

"Um... it's Master..."

I walk into Roxanne's house and I swear to God there are at least a thousand people there. I pick my way through the crowd and arrive at the refreshment table. Bajie looks sheepish, Sha Sen looks ashamed, Master... looks- smells- drunk. He is blabbering about something when I walk up, "What the hell are you doing...? Heeyy, Monkey!" Wow...

"Master." I looks at him, "Are you drunk?"

"Damn straight! Well... maybe..." He giggles, "I've never been drunk before." Yeah, I can see that.

I glare at Bajie, "What happened?" He shrugs, "Me and Sha Sen left him here for a few minutes and when we came back, he was like this!"

"A few minutes?" I glare at him, "Exactly how long is that?"

"Literally about 10 minutes."

"He got this drunk in 10 minutes?" Bajie shrugs again. Sha Sen speaks up, "No really, Big Brother, it probably was only 10 minutes."

"Hey!" Master weakly pushes me, "Don- don't talk about me!" His words are so slurred I can barely understand him. "Sorry." I grab him arm, "Let's go."

"NO!" he snatches his arm back, "Don't wanna! More juice!"


Bajie chuckles, "Happy juice.", he murmurs to himself under his breath and snickers again.

I growl, "Don't be an idiot."

"What!" Master suddenly looks mad, "Who are you calling an idiot? Fucking bitch!"

Sha Sen's mouth drops open, like mine. Bajie manages to stifle a loud burst of laughter.

I manage to control my anger, "I was talking to Bajie."

"Nuh- uh," Master stumbles up to me, "You were talking to me! Bastard!" He tries to punch me, I catch his fist, not that I needed to. It was a foot away from my arm. That doesn't mean he gave up though, because Master decides to punch me again... and again, and again, and again, and- well, you get the idea.

Now for those pacifists out there, let me tell you something, when you're in a fight, there's a natural reflex to dodge attacks and defend yourself. Being me, that instinct has been heightened to the point that it's sinful, so imagine how hard it was to not just knock Master out and drag him away. But I'm a nice person, so somehow that outcome is avoided.

However, I do manage to hold him still enough and eventually he gets tired.

All of us half drag, half carries Master back to my car and we drive home.

Tang Sanzang POV

I wake up, confused, in my bed.I try to sit up but immediately fall back down. My head feels it will split open.

Footsteps that sound more like gunshots get closer to my room. Before I know it, the door is swung open and hits the wall with a loud bang.

"Ugh!" I grab my head, trying to block out the pain, Wukong studies me from the doorway, "You're awake."

"Yes." I rub my temples, "Please do not do so loud Wukong, I have a headache."

"I know." his eyes narrow angrily, "That's called a hangover." He walks over to my bed but not before slamming the door shut behind him. I groan again. "A hangover?"

"Uh huh." Wukong hands me a mug of water and tosses some pills onto my nightstand. Advil.

A hangover... I search my aching head for the definition to the new cultural term, "Isn't that an alcoholic disease?"

Wukong rolls his eyes, "It's not a disease. But it is a drinking thing."

"Then that's impossible, I do not drink, Wukong, You know this." He glares at me, "You don't remember anything from last night?"

"Well, um, no."

"Yeah, that's because you got drunk as a skunk."


I think this rounds up my story pretty well. The all knowing, perfect Master made a huge mistake. :) Guess this goes to show what can happen to people from a long time ago suddenly gets pushed to the present. Just one more chapter to go!