Sometimes I think jinx would be a big flight risk. She's too independent to be tied down - and even though Wally is far from the anchor she fears, she still doesn't like the idea that she owes so much to one person.
Inspired by "Clean Break" by Dashboard Confessional.
"You know what? Fuck Jump! Fuck the Teen Titans and being a good guy." The words ripped from my mouth, vicious and acidic. "Forget all of it. I'm not going to just stay here and slave away and do nothing."
"Jinx... you don't mean this. Please, don't mean this."
The look on his face, the crestfallen, heartbroken swirls of emotion in his eyes, the way he just stood and the way his shoulders slumped. Uncomprehending, unfathoming. He just - he just... stared.
"You know what you're doing? You're doing nothing." Spit flew from my mouth, and if it wasn't for the verbal vomit flowing from my mouth, I would have apologized. "You and your little league, you're doing nothing. Nothing you can do will change the world. You're a fucking kid. We are just kids. How much of a difference can you make?"
He had to have been wearing armor. He had to have devised a way to take my words and blow them off, like he'd grown callous and used to the words I was using.
"Stop." Soft, caring, but I wasn't ignorant to the pain in his voice. "Just... you don't even know how much you could change. How much better you could make Jump. If you stayed -"
"Do you know how easy it would be to just leave you behind?"
The look on his face - that gaze, unwavering - it almost broke my resolve. Maybe it was more fuel to the fire, because I knew now that there would be no going back, no apology.
Maybe I was lying when I had told him it would be easy to leave him behind - leave Jump behind - but I couldn't take it back now. I couldn't let my heart win. I couldn't let the look on his face or the way his shoulders slumped - or - or that stare, blank and overflowing at the same time -
It couldn't win. I wasn't going to let it. I'd gone too far by letting him in this far, by trusting him this much. I couldn't.
His words were as soft and as fragile as they had been since I had begun screaming at him, guarded and broken and afraid all at once, and for a moment I realized I'd heard that same tone of voice from him when he'd talk about his father -
"If it were as easy as you said it is, you'd be gone by now," he said.
- I was throwing the same words at him that his father had used. Calling him worthless, useless. As soon as that came to mind I felt my stomach tighten and my eyes sting and that awful feeling.
"If you were that determined to leave... you'd have just done it." A pause, a sigh, brittle and defeated, "if you're going to leave, leave, Jinx. I'm not going to stop you."
That stare that bore into my eyes, I couldn't take that or him or his words and how willing he was to let himself hurt over someone else - I closed the distance between the two of us, covering my face with my hands, and cried.
There was that gentle bit of laughter, and he wrapped his arms around me, whispering, "I knew you were lying."
I knew things wouldn't be the same again.